Intermission: Catria’s Sea Log

Intermission:
Catria’s Sea Log

Catria decided to keep a log aboard the Ultimate Shovel as it sailed across the ocean. A sea log, if you would. Normally, this was a captain’s responsibility; all nations required a ship’s record of travel prior to entry. However, upon reviewing the captain’s log, Catria discovered only the following words: “Day One. The shovel shoveled.”

Given that Lithisia was the captain, what else could the lady knight expect?

“I…I have to do something!” And so Catria took the responsibility on herself. “You can do it, Catria! You’ve got this! You must be the keeper of common sense!”

Filled with gusto, Catria took up her quill pen so that she might hold down the proverbial fort. She proceeded to document the last three days of travel.

MONTH X, DAY X. WEATHER: SUNNY

First day on the open ocean.

In search of information regarding the legendary orbs, we left the Lactia Republic. We’re headed east, moving at three times normal speed using the ship’s Shovel Sails. We were beset by a fierce storm, but with crewman Alan’s Wave Motion Shovel Blast, we were able to blow it away. Thanks to him, the weather today is bright and sunny.

“I can’t do this,” Catria muttered.

But she knew she had to be honest about what had transpired. Putting lies to paper went against her chivalric code as a knight. Thus, Catria continued to write the log that had already been defiled by the wicked shovel.

MONTH X, DAY X. WEATHER: SUNNY

Second day on the open ocean.

The new sails are tremendously effective, and our cruising speed is astonishing. The ship has begun to sail above the surface of the water. According to crewman Alan, this is a result of the “Shovel Skipping Effect.” This effect enabled us to break through the difficult shallows known as the “Radical Lacteal Seas.” As such, we’ve managed to cut our total travel time in half.

“I can’t. I just can’t.”

Regardless, Catria could not pen falsehoods. A knight could not lie. Despite feeling like she was regressing in age and brain power, she continued to write.

MONTH X, DAY X. WEATHER: SUNNY

Third day on the open ocean.

We ran across a fleet of seven galleons, which opened fire on us. Crewman Alan shielded the ship with his Shovel Barrier, then with his Shovel Vaulting (you get the idea), single-handedly boarded and captured the enemy galleons.

Per order of Captain Lithisia, we tied up their crews for Shovel Interrogation, whereupon we discovered they were a private fleet from neighboring Elessaria. Captain Lithisia ordered us to engage Elessaria and their Invincible Fleet of 718 Ships in battle at sea.

To bolster our forces, crewman Alan assembled a fleet of Wave Motion Shovel Blast Ships (718 of them). Needless to say, they were Shovel Ships. Following a massive shot comprised of every Shovel Ship’s Wave Motion Shovel Blast, the opposing fleet was sunk. We even captured Princess Elias, who was leading Elessaria’s fleet. Lithisia interrogated her personally.

This battle was officially christened the “Great Shovel Sea Battle,” and a grand “Shovel Feast” was held aboard our ship, bringing us to the present.

“…”

Catria placed down her quill and raised her head. “I wonder if they’re still going at it up there…”

“Sho-vel! Sho-vel! Sho-vel!”

Rough voices chanted on the deck of the Ultimate Shovel, audible even in the captain’s quarters. The crew was still enjoying their little Shovel Feast. At the center of it all, Captain Lithisia was shoveling Princess Elias (something one ought never do to an enemy princess).

Alan, on the other hand, had gone out of his way to save the crews of the ships he had sunk into the ocean.

“Hi, everyone! Here’s the evil princess who caused you all so much pain and suffering! Scoopy doopy scoop time!!!”

While Alan saved his fellow humans, Princess Lithisia was having her way with the enemy princess on the deck of their ship. In fact, Catria had dedicated herself to writing in the captain’s log in order to flee from this very scene.

“P-please! Have mercy! N-no more shoveliiiiiiing!!!” Princess Elias was a sixteen-year-old blonde beauty. The once domineering princess was now crying for mercy in a pathetic wail.

“Scoopy doopy, shovely wobley!”

“EEEEEEK!!! WHY ME?! I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!!” Alice had unfortunately also been dragged into this little debacle.

“Perfect.” Meanwhile, back in the captain’s quarters, Catria laid down on the bed. It was no good. She could no longer hold out. “I’m just…gonna sleep now.”

Catria gave up on the world and decided to hunker down and wait for Alan. From the very beginning, this journey had been a problem, a disaster, just no good. No good at all.