Part 31: The Princess (Attempts to) Shovel an Angel

Part 31:
The Princess (Attempts to)
Shovel an Angel

On the roof of the World Tree Castle, Catria gazed up at the blue sky.

The legendary floating city of Rahzelfo, huh?

At its most prosperous, the ancient kingdom of magic built Rahzelfo using the most advanced magical technologies and crystals at their disposal. Rahzelfo’s architects dreamed of a paradise where the masters of various schools of magics could live and learn in peace. A land of the gods, so to speak.

However, when those who had been excluded from the floating city revolted against the magic kingdom, they burned everything in sight to the ground using magic weapons known as “Heaven’s Flames.” These terrible fires even changed the shape of the continent.

All of this was, of course, the stuff of ancient myth and legend. But according to Zeleburg, Rahzelfo really did exist, and it was still floating above the clouds…and they were headed there to search for the Golden Orb.

This was the kind of adventure every Holy Knight dreamed of!

“Now then, everyone get on the carriage,” said Alan. “I’m going to send it flying with a Shovel Home Run.”

“Please don’t!” Catria moaned, desperately trying to protect her dreams of swashbuckling adventure.

Meanwhile, Alan prepared to make the hit with his shovel. He let his foot wave a bit, taking a kannushi batting stance. He was a power hitter with a home run average of 1.0. The only disadvantage was he could only play as an SDH (an offshoot of a designated hitter (DH), utilized by the Shovel League). With a single hit, he could send a straight ball flying like an intercontinental shovel missile.

“Hah?!” Catria shook off whatever weird vision had taken over her. Her mind was already off the rails, and she had to do what she could to cling to sweet, sweet common sense. “W-wait, Alan! Don’t ruin the moment!”

“Catria, stop trying to run away from reality, shovel.”

“Just give up. I have,” Alice sniffed.

“I will not bend the knee! And how are we even going to get home?! Are we going to just fall?!”

“Ah, yeah, good point.” Alan fell out of his stance.

“I know! We have to do this the proper way!” In other words, Catria wanted them to use the teleportation magic in the Remote Ruins.

“Then how about this,” said Alan. “I’ll build stairs.”

“Stairs?”

Shoof, shoof, shoof, stairs!

“Perfect. There you go.”

A mere thirty seconds later, Alan had completed a set of stairs stretching from the roof of the World Tree Castle all the way to the end of the sky. It was approximately ten feet wide and seemingly went on for ages.

Miners were great at making stairs; Alan had once built stairs straight to Hell—6,666,666 steps total—so he could more efficiently carry out precious stones. This time around, he built ten million steps.

“Not bad, if I do say so myself.”

He had used transparent mythril silver for this particular stairway. As such, it was effectively invisible from a distance. Zeleburg would have no idea the stairs even existed.

“My word, Sir Miner! Now anyone can go from the World Tree Castle to Rahzelfo and back again!”

“You really expect ‘anyone’ to be able to climb ten million steps?” Alice asked.

“Don’t worry, Alice,” Alan assured her. “I’ve installed a rest area at every ten thousand steps so you can get your proper hydration.”

And if somebody were to get injured, these rest areas were each equipped with a first aid box and even a parachute, just in case. Of course, there were also beds. For miners, safety was paramount.

“You’re shovelly amazing, Sir Miner! Are there also places to replenish our shovelness?”

“I’m pretty sure you can do that naturally all on your own, Lithisia.”

“W-wow, really?” For some reason, Lithisia responded bashfully.

Catria gazed at the set of stairs before her. Their ethereal translucence stretched to the end of the sky. It was like a staircase to heaven.

No, it wasn’t like, it actually was.

It’s finally my time to go on an adventure as a Holy Knight!

And just like that, Catria tricked herself into being excited about the upcoming escapade. She pointed to the sun and, with a refreshed smile on her face, shouted. “Let us take to the skies, Alan, Alice, Your Highness! HA HA HA HA!”

Her tone was largely desperate.

“Catria’s so sad to watch that it’s making me feel bad,” Alice said.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, shovel! Shall I shovel you?”

“NOOO! STAY AWAY!”

“C’mon, folks. We’re climbing these stairs.”

***

The last chunk of stairs connected to the edge of a vast floating land, in the center of which the party found Rahzelfo, the illustrious city of myth, carved straight from the skybound earth.

“Amazing…” said Catria, despite herself. “The legendary floating city really does exist.”

The nearer they drew to the city walls, the more intense the sheer presence of the ancient city became. It was approximately one hundred times larger than the World Tree Castle, but it was also kind of a mess. Ivy grew dense and impenetrable over the crenellations and battlements at the lower tiers.

“It’s a shame Alice passed on before she could see this…” Lithisia murmured.

Alice hadn’t actually ‘passed on,’ but she was currently not meaningfully present. She was an unfortunate sacrifice, let’s say. More specifically, at one of the rest stops, the princess had used the undead girl to replenish her “shovelness.”

“Haaah, that was delicious,” said Lithisia at the recollection.

“No, no more… No more shovels…” Catria mumbled. Just remembering what she had witnessed had Catria on the edge of madness, so she retreated with all haste.

Anyhow, the party had finally arrived at Rahzelfo. The ruins of an ancient magical civilization of days long past lay before them. Enormous human-shaped statues and fantastical, if overgrown, buildings stood in magnificent decay. If any court mage were to lay eyes upon this wonder of history, their eyes would shine with abject delight. However, the team’s objective right now was the Golden Orb.

“Alan, do you know where the orb is?” asked Catria.

“According to my Shovel Search, it’s in the center of this city.”

In fact, a large tower as tall as a mountain stood in that very location.

I see, that should’ve been obvious, thought Catria. Psh, I’m not gonna let myself get impressed by the likes of a Shovel Search or whatever.

At that moment, a shining golden brilliance descended from the skies.

“What the…? Are those…wings?” Catria instinctively looked up and swallowed her breath. Is that an angel…?

“FEAR THE JUDGMENT OF THE HEAVEEEENS!”

A beautiful, holy voice rang in the party’s ears. The origin was the angel floating before them, her pink hair flowing in the wind.

She looked to be about the same age as Catria, but luminous wings sprouted from her back. A halo floated above her head and she wore a gauzy white dress. The party was looking up at her from below, but the censor-worthy area beneath her skirt was thoroughly obscured by the light of the sun.

The angel flared with a holy aura as her shining hair drifted about her like a halo. Before her were three monsters with black wings. They wore vicious smiles as they said some tremendously troubling things.

“Female angel! Kill! Kill, violate, bury!”

“Order wrong! Violate then bury then kill!”

“No way! I like this order!”

“I’m gonna kill and bury YOU!”

“Of what horrors do you speak?! Take thiiiis!”

The angel’s sword collided with a demon’s claws. They appeared to be about equal in strength, but in light of numbers, the angel was at a disadvantage.

“Alan! Is that a real angel?!” demanded Catria.

A messenger of the gods in Heaven. A being of fairy tales and legends. One who was fighting before Catria’s own two eyes.

“A Rank 8 Angel Knight, eh? It’s rare for them to be alone. Did they get separated from their allies?”

“You SHKNOW about them?! (You know about them, shovel?!)” gasped Lithisia.

“Oh yeah, sure. I’ve seen my fair share of angels who had been captured by Hell, tortured, and become fallen.”

Lest you forget, this crazy guy had actually mined for stuff in Hell.

But that wasn’t important.

Just then, the angel’s sword was deflected. Her clothes were being torn to pieces, and her divine bosom was on the verge of being revealed to all.

This is bad! Now’s not the time to chat with Alan! Catria thought.

“Argh, let me, go!” cried the angel.

“Khhhh! Kill! Kill! Kill the angel!”

“But first, violate! How many times I say, idiot?!”

“Gonna keeeel yooouuu!”

The demons seemed to be scuffling over their disturbing kinks.

This was Catria’s chance! She drew her Holy Knight Blade. “Lady Angel, I shall lend you my sword!”

“Huh?! A human?! How could a mortal come this far?!” The angel looked puzzled, but she soon shook her head. “No, that matters not! You must run! You cannot hope to defeat these foul beasts!”

“I’ll be okay! More importantly, close your eyes, Lady Angel!”

“Huh?”

Catria gathered holy energy at the tip of her sword. No matter what anyone told her, it was holy energy. Not shovel energy. As proof, the white energy she summoned was in the shape of a cross.

Defeat the demons! That was what this holy aura was telling Catria. Or at least, it sure felt like it to her. (In reality, the aura was actually making digging sounds, but hey. It was what it was.)

The important thing here was to power through. Catria had to trick herself into believing this had nothing to do with shovels.

“GOOOOO! JUSTICE STREAM!!!”

KA-CHOOOOOOOOM!

Catria’s Justice Stream (she named it herself) enveloped and incinerated the demons. All that remained when the light dissipated was the totally unharmed angel.

I did it! I fired it again! My Justice Stream killed the demons!

“Yaaaay! Catria, that was an amazing Wave Motion Shovel Blast!”

“No it wasn’t! It was my Holy Wave Blade’s Justice Stream!”

“But your sword changed into a shovel.”

“Huh?”

Catria looked down to find her Holy Knight Blade was now a Holy Knight Shovel. She gazed at it in complete silence, then threw it to the ground with all the power she had.

CLANK!

On impact, it changed form back into a sword. Destruction of incriminating evidence complete.

“Your Highness, what are you talking about? This is a Holy Knight Blade.”

“You buried the truth with your shovel… You’ve truly become shovependable.”

“It’s a Holy Knight Blade!” Catria said with a smile, her tone of voice desperate as hell.

“You, your name is Catria, no? More importantly, your sword!” The angel descended before them. She grabbed Catria’s hands, her eyes alight with hope. “My word! This is truly a Holy Blade! Proof that you are a real hero!”

“Huh? O-oh, yes, of course! This is a bona fide Holy Knight Blade!”

This was crazy! Catria and her weapon had been recognized by a real angel. This here was incontrovertible proof she wielded a genuine Holy Knight Blade. Her chest burned hot. The princess was the one in the wrong! She was a hero! A holy hero! HA HA!

“Oh, Great Hero Catria. What god graced you with this Holy Blade?!”

Time stopped. Catria wanted to answer that her sword had been entrusted to her by the greatest deity of them all, the high Sun God, but she couldn’t. She was a Holy Knight. She could lie to herself, but not to an angel. That would be unforgivable.

“Well, er…”

“Please tell me! Depending on your answer, I have a sworn duty to serve you!”

An Angel Knight, serving Catria? Catria couldn’t help but tremble with excitement. But the Holy Knight nonetheless swallowed her words. She couldn’t lie. She couldn’t betray her enduring sense of justice.

“This sword was crafted by the miner over there, Lady Angel.”

“Excuse me?” The angel glanced at Alan’s back and the shovel strapped across it. She laughed. “Ah ha ha ha ha! Not a bad joke for a human!”

“I spent many days wishing it was a joke, but it’s the truth.”

“Great Hero Catria, I ask that you take this seriously. The magic embedded in that sword could not have been handled by a human. That much is certain. It must have been enchanted by the Mining God Areus, or…”

“No.” Lithisia interrupted the angel. “It was the God of Shovels, Lady Angel.”

Lithisia had been biting her lip, her expression somewhat frustrated. She had wanted to hold herself back, but once her beloved miner was brushed off, all bets were off.

“Sir Miner is the God of Shovels. How could you possibly call yourself an angel without knowing that?”

“Pardon?! Wh-who is this woman and what is wrong with her, Great Hero Catria?”

“As much as I agree something is deeply wrong with her, she’s my master.”

The angel’s face faulted into sympathy. “Great Hero Catria, your struggles must have been long and hard.”

“They…have,” Catria replied with a straight face.

The angel placed her hand on her forehead and sighed. “Human princess, let me teach you the ways of this world. A shovel is naught but a simple mining tool. Gods do not preside over such trite objects. They govern the great, entities such as the vast ocean, the stars, the sun. These are the objects worth the attention of the gods. Do you understand?”

The angel’s patient lecture was powerfully convincing. However, Lithisia’s smile remained unchanged.

“Wonderful summary, Lady Angel. As thanks, allow me to explain as well.” Lithisia’s eyes shone with a suspicious light. “Allow me to explain the ways of this universe to you.”

“Wha?”

This angel’s done for, Catria thought to herself.

They were interrupted by the whoosh of distant wings. Far away in the sky, a pulsing mass of black shadows approached. It was an aerial unit of demons numbering in the hundreds, perhaps more. The angel gasped in panic.

“This is terrible, truly awful! An army of demons! Great Hero Catria, gather your allies and flee into one of the nearby buildings!”

“Lady Angel, there’s no need to flee,” Catria assured her.

“Please, listen to me! As powerful as you might be, even you stand no chance against a horde like that!”

“Well, no, but I’m not the one who’s going to fight them.”

“Excuse me?”

Catria looked to Alan. Until a moment ago, he had been directing his attention to the skies. Now he was holding his shovel above his head as it collected a shining aura of blue energy. Catria’s own abilities paled in comparison to the violence with which his shovel gathered more and more power. It was like a storm. A tempest.

Catria recalled the words of the angel—how only someone nonhuman could fire off something like a Holy Knight Blade.

I think she wasn’t wrong.

“DIG!”

Alan fired his Wave Motion Shovel Blast.

KA-CHOOOOOOOOM!

Its diameter was at least ten thousand times that of Catria’s beam, its destructive force one million times more powerful, and its impact a trillion times greater. Alan’s Wave Motion Shovel Blast blew the demon army to pieces and sent them flying in all directions.

Bleh. This guy ain’t human.

“Uh, um, er, wha?” The angel’s mouth was agape. Catria didn’t know if angels had pupils or what, but they were probably dilated.

Lithisia offered her words of gratitude to Alan, as always. She then turned to the Angel and smiled. “Lady Angel, do you understand now how the universe works?”

The angel was breathless and the color of her eyes was…wrong. Perhaps as a side effect of the Wave Motion Shovel Blast, they were now purple. All of her basic knowledge of the universe had been rewritten in an instant, or at least that was what it seemed like.

When Lithisia saw this, she offered her red shovel to the sky like she was trying to scoop up the sun itself. In an inviting voice, she whispered, “Greater than the great ocean! Greater than the sun itself. The shovel is the greatest of them all, shovel! …Ow!”

Alan bopped Lithisia on the head. “Cut it out. Stop trying to Shovel Brainwash the angel while she’s still stunned by my beam.”

“Owie…I’m sorry. I just wanted a guardian angel for our Holy Shovel Faith…”

“I don’t need one of those.”

Catria let out a deep sigh. She’d seen more than enough. Alan had blasted the angel’s common sense to smithereens, and now Lithisia was trying to mind control her. She was done with it all.

But Catria was most fed up with herself for feeling like Lithisia’s words had any sort of weight or truth.