Part 46: The Lady Knight Has Her Ears Shoveled

Part 46:
The Lady Knight Has Her Ears Shoveled

 

UPON RETURNING to the surface, Alan, Lithisia, and Catria arrived at a special concert being held in an open field: the “Founding of the Light Nation Live Concert.”

The Dark Nation, once ruled by the demons, had become the Light Nation. As for why, well, the dark clouds that had covered the land had been blown away by a Wave Motion Shovel Blast. The darkness had literally been wiped away. Extremely literally.

“Everyone! It’s shoveling time!”

Behind Kuronono stood a sweat-covered Odessa. The two of them had formed something of a duo.

“Let’s shing our shonational anthem together!”

“Y-yeah…!”

Although, the whole thing obviously embarrassed Odessa. Shonational anthem? Seriously?

“Shovel, shovel, shovel! We are Shovelia!”

“Sh-Shovelia…”

“Gosh, c’mon, Odessa! Hold your head up high and sing!”

“B-but my bathing suit is going to fall off!”

“Just hide yourself with your shovel! It’ll be okay!”

Nothing about this was okay, but Catria couldn’t find it in herself to interject. She just wasn’t in that state of mind at the moment.

“Gah… Wh-what’s with this song?!” Though Catria plugged her ears, the music found its way deep into her brain. Every time Kuronono said “shovel,” it felt like someone tickled the insides of her ears. This was bad. This song was bad, and Catria could feel that truth in her bones.

Catria dashed out from backstage at full speed and fled into the fields beyond.

“Catria?!”

Alan and Lithisia called out to her, but she ignored them and kept going, running and running.

Eventually, Catria found her way to a meadow where the sun shone up above. At last, she could no longer hear the song. She collapsed onto the grass.

“Haaaah, hah, hah. Wh-what the hell just happened?!”

Her ears still tingled, almost like a busted toothpick was having a party in there. While the sensation was not entirely unpleasant, that only made it seem more dangerous. How odd. Catria had never sensed this level of danger, even from the princess’s prayers.

Did Kuronono’s song carry some kind of magical power?

“Catria, you okay?” Alan asked when he finally caught up to the lady knight.

“Th-there’s something wrong with that song, Alan.”

“Dance notwithstanding, it seemed perfectly normal to me.”

“There’s no way that’s true! It was worse than the princess! It felt like it was hitting my eardrums directly!”

“Hrm, I see. In that case, show(vel) me your ears for a sec—”

As he said that—SHIIIIING!

“AAAAAAAHHHH!” It felt like an electric shock ran from Catria’s ears through her entire body. It left her covered in sweat. “Wh-what’s happening to me?!”

Something was extremely off. Why was she sweating so much?

Meanwhile, Alan took his time inspecting her ears.

“I see now… Catria. It’s not the song that’s weird. It’s your body,” Alan declared, a serious expression on his face.

“Pardon?”

Alan went on to explain that after Catria passed out, Asmodeus had told Alan how the Sacred Scabbard Arcadia worked. According to Asmodeus, if on a given day the scabbard did not receive a certain amount of Anti-Shovel Power, it automatically went into Charging Mode.

“Once in said mode, the scabbard raises the shovel sensitivity of its bearer to increase its charging efficacy.”

In other words, Catria’s body was at present extremely sensitive to shovels. That was why Kuronono’s song and Alan’s use of the word “show(vel)” had such an effect on her.

“Hold on, hold on, hold oooooonnnn!” Tears formed in Catria’s eyes. Nobody had told her anything about this! Wasn’t it all over? She had managed to withstand Alan’s shovel confession in Hell. Wasn’t all this shovel nonsense done with? She wanted to cry.

Of course, in reality, she was already in tears. They fell to the ground in a stream.

“Y-you have to do something, Alan! I can’t take this!” Catria weakly beat on Alan’s chest like a child throwing a tantrum.

But all he could do in response was sadly lower his head. “I’m sorry… I tried a few things, but even I can’t do anything against that scabbard.”

“What?!”

“It’s the source of Anti-Shovel Power. If I took a great deal of time and really dug into it, I might be able to mitigate it a bit, but…”

Even Alan couldn’t fight the scabbard? A wave of despair washed over Catria. How could something defy Alan? The man who made possible everything impossible? If he couldn’t meet this task, no living creature on the planet could hope to do so either.

Then, in the corner of her eye, Catria noticed something long stretching out of the scabbard. Its tip was shovel-shaped, and it glowed: a tentacle.

“No!” She was going to be Shovel-Tickled! Catria quivered with fear and despair as she clung to Alan’s chest. “N-no! Please! Anything but that!”

“Catria…”

Alan began to think. He was indeed powerless against the scabbard, but Catria had sought his aid. In other words, a helpless young woman needed him—the same woman he had promised to mine for all she was worth. He could never abandon her in her time of need; there had to be something he could do.

And so he thought. He thought about how to save Catria with greater and more earnest focus than he had thought about anything during this entire journey.

Her ears were currently extremely sensitive to shovels… Her ears…

“That’s it!” Alan grasped his shovel.

This made Catria tremble in fear. “Hey, Alan… Don’t tell me you’re going to…”

Was he going to shovel her before the tentacle did? Was he going to do as he had declared in Hell? With a shovel that big? No way. This was no good. Catria’s heart let out a warning siren wail. If he digs into me with that, I’m not gonna be me anymore!

Even so, she could not turn away from Alan’s shovel. She could not deny that her body sought the shovel. Yet her mind didn’t want this, even if the alternative meant death.

Catria grit her teeth in an attempt to resist her body’s impulses. “UGH!”

She heard the sound of a shovel cutting through the air, but her eyes remained closed. This was it. Just like all the other women in Alan’s life, she would be shoveled. She would become the Shovel Knight Catrishovel. Or perhaps Shovtria rolled off the tongue better? Not that it really mattered; both were awkward.

Hah, ha ha ha… Maybe that’s fitting for someone like me who lost to the shovel—

“Huh…?”

But the shovel never came.

Confused, Catria opened her eyes to find Alan with a piece of bamboo in his hand. Apparently, this was what she had heard being cut. Even now, Alan moved his shovel at ultra-high speed. Once finished, he tossed the shovel away. In its place he held an extremely small bamboo stick.

To be honest, it was just an earpick.

“Huh…?”

“Catria, I’m going to clean your ears,” Alan declared with an air of stone-cold solemnity.

 

***

 

Catria lay on her side in the open field as the wind blew.

“Ah… Oooh…”

The act of ear cleaning: the act of using a small stick to shovel up the stuff in one’s ears. This shovel-act could be performed by any human.

Catria’s current state of being required her to be shoveled, even though she absolutely didn’t want it. This ear cleaning perfectly threaded the needle between her need and desire.

The tentacle headed for Catria seemed to agree with this compromise and retreated into the scabbard.

Catria, meanwhile, told herself again and again that cleaning one’s ears was both the act of shoveling and also something entirely different! A completely normal thing! Nothing to be embarrassed about!

Consequently, Catria’s tears of gratitude wouldn’t stop flowing as she rested her head on Alan’s lap.

“Ah…” she sniffled.

“Stay still, Catria.” Alan held her head in place with one hand.

Catria’s sensitive ear loved the feeling of being cleaned out with the earpick. Beneath the warm sun, Catria simply let her head rest on Alan’s thighs.

Shoof, shoof.

“Ungh… Ah…”

He’s just cleaning my ears. That’s all, Catria repeated to herself over and over again. While technically shoveling, this was comparatively normal. She had nothing to be ashamed of. It was completely fine and totally not embarrassing at all—

What am I talking about?! Of course this is embarrassing! Catria screamed in her heart of hearts. There were limits to her self-deception.

The warm sun. The cool breeze running across the open field. The two of them alone with her head on his lap. And depending on the angle, a person might even see her skirt flutter upward just so.

I’m such an idiot, Catria thought. How could she be all grateful at a time like this? It was mortifying! It almost looked like the two of them had just started going out and were still in the honeymoon phase of their lovey-dovey relationship!

Shoof, shoof.

“Aaah. Eee…”

It just felt so goooood.

Generally speaking, the act of having one’s ears cleaned felt good, and Alan demonstrated exceptional skill at it to boot. Extremely exceptional. He immediately addressed any itchy bits. Alan could be called nothing less than a digging specialist—

Wait, what am I thinking?!

“Ah… Ah… Alan, that’s enough…”

“Nope. Not yet. I’ve still got a ways to go.”

“Aaaaahhh…”

Alan had taken Catria’s ear hostage. She was at his mercy. The tears wouldn’t stop flowing, but it felt so unbelievably amazing.

He’s just cleaning my ears!

Shoof, shoof. Shoof, shoof.

Alan silently dug away at all the wonderful-feeling parts of Catria’s ear.

“Ah, Alan… Don’t just get all quiet on me… Say something.”

“Hrm?”

If Alan stayed quiet, Catria feared they would end up looking like a happily married couple that trusted each other implicitly.

“Let’s see… Well, it looks like our journey’s about to come to an end.”

Shoof, shoof.

“Y-yeah, you’re…right.”

“Where do you think I should go next, Catria?”

“Huh…?” This inquiry puzzled Catria. “What do you mean? Alan, you’re getting married to the princess, right?”

“What?”

“In Hell, you said you were taking responsibility for her.”

Catria wasn’t exactly savvy with romantic talk, but she couldn’t imagine anyone but Alan getting together with Princess Lithisia. It was impossible. For the future of Rostir, for the sake of the human race, Alan had to take Lithisia as his wife.

But Alan shook his head. “Catria, that’s never going to happen.”

Shoof, shoof.

“Haaaaah, mmm. Wh-why?”

“I’m far too old for her. Plus, she’s a princess and I’m a miner. We live in different worlds.”

“No, wait. Hold on.”

“And anyway, Lithisia has no such interest in me.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait.”

Coming from anyone else, that logic made sense, but when it came to the Shovel Princess and this Shovel Beast, logic went out the window.

“Perhaps more importantly, I don’t intend to become a king.” Alan blew lightly into Catria’s ear.

“Eeeeeeee… But the princess…”

The princess definitely wanted to be with Alan, but Catria couldn’t get the words out. The waves of warmth coming from her ear overwhelmed her.

Alan continued without pause. “That’s why you also need to think about where you’re going to go next.”

“Wh-where?”

“If you’re going to become the greatest Holy Knight in the land, you need more training, no?”

Swoosh, swoosh.

“Eeeeeeee!”

“I pledged to mine everything you have, so I’ll be going with you,” Alan said as he did one final pass on her ear.

Catria’s breath froze.

“…”

A calm breeze blew across the field. Against the backdrop of the shining sun, Alan’s all-encompassing smile and his intimate words made Catria feel a new kind of warmth in her ear. She might even call herself comfortable.

He’s going to mine everything there is to mine out of me. A journey where he mines everything from me… What a shoveltastic idea…

The last of Catria’s strength drained from her body, like she was melting. She wanted to give even more of herself over to the shovel.

“Alan… I… You…”

Just as Catria let her body follow its desires—

Click!

Her elbow accidentally pressed the Anti-Shovel Power activation button on the Sacred Scabbard Arcadia.

“Aaaaahhhhh!”

Anti-Shovel Power, full burst. Catria exploded to her feet and flew back five meters. That was too close! I almost succumbed to the darkness! To Alan’s shovel!

“Haaah, haaah, haaah, haaah…”

“Hrm, looks like your scabbard’s fully charged.”

“A-Alan!” Catria directed her Holy Knight Blade straight at the miner. “I-I was just caught a little off guard! I will never lose to the shovel!”

“That’s what I like to hear. That’s who you are.”

“Augh?! H-how dare you say something so embarrassing!” Catria gently pounded on Alan’s chest.

Little did the two of them know that someone watched them from deep within the forest. She remained silent for a time, but eventually she whispered to herself. “Shovel…”

A mysterious princess indeed.