Bonus Short Stories

It’s Cooking Time

On a certain day at the Yakagi residence, Suimei had just emerged from his study. On his way down to the living room on the first floor, he couldn’t help noticing an abnormality in the kitchen as he walked by.

“...Huh? What’re they doing in there?” he mumbled.

“Oh, it seems the two of them are preparing a meal,” answered Felmenia, who was already in the living room.

The “abnormality” in question was that Lefille and Liliana—neither of whom were regular fixtures in the kitchen—seemed to be up to something. Felmenia said they were preparing a meal, but that would be a Yakagi residence first. They’d never cooked anything together before, so hearing that they were suddenly attempting it now for some reason inspired a certain anxiety in Suimei’s gut.

“Uh... is that really alright?”

“There is no need to worry, Suimei-dono. Look, Lefille is with her.”

“Yeah, but... Lefi-san is kinda tiny right now.”

Despite Suimei’s express concern, Felmenia didn’t seem worried. She was normally the one to handle mealtimes for the household, so perhaps she was just happy to be off-duty for once. She was simply enjoying her time lounging in the living room while her friends did the cooking for her.

Menia-san, you’re so pure... So, so pure...

She was perfectly at peace, but Suimei was still concerned. It wasn’t like he didn’t have any faith in them, but this was the first he’d ever heard of either Lefille or Liliana cooking. Moreover, when Lefille shrank, she became proportionally klutzy, which only amplified his anxieties further. In an attempt to put himself at ease, he listened in on what was happening in the kitchen.

“As expected... of Lefille. That cut... was splendid.”

“Wasn’t it? Now it’s time to show these vegetables the sword skills I’ve cultivated. Here we go.”

It sounded like they were in the middle of chopping ingredients. Encouraged, Suimei peeked in through the cracked door... but what he saw confounded him.

“...Huh?”

Lefille was holding a knife in her right hand and a vegetable in her left. But there was no cutting board—or anything close to resembling one—anywhere nearby. Just what was she planning on doing?

“Hiyah!”

Lefille let out a cute cry as she tossed the vegetable into the air and sliced right through it—just like a swordsman performing a street sideshow for tips would. Liliana observed this all with a joyful look.

“Amazing. They all have... the same shape.”

“Right? Severing vegetables is but a trifle to me.”

However...

“Right?” My ass! Use a chopping board, damn it! That’s food! Besides, that’s cutting, not severing!

Suimei had used magicka to slice up potatoes for chips before, but he hadn’t had much of a choice without a mandolin or the like. But this... He didn’t even know where to start.

“Next is... my turn. I will fry up... the cut vegetables.”

Or so Liliana declared, but Suimei didn’t see a frying pan or oil anywhere nearby. Just what was she planning on doing? Before he could fully process that thought, a terrible feeling besieged Suimei.

Wait, she’s not...

“Oh Fire... Dance.”

AAAAAAAAH!

Just as Suimei’s mental alarm bells were sounding, Liliana chucked the vegetables in the air and used magickal fire to scorch them... It was all over in the blink of an eye.

“Mm... Yes, splendid.”

Or so Lefille said. And it did have that appearance—the vegetables looked to be nicely fried. Despite being burned by magickal fire, they were perfectly crisp. However...

The flavor’s dead... That’s it. They killed it.

Quite some time ago, the Society’s resident monster professor had gotten Suimei to drink tepid coffee that had been created in mass quantities several hundred years prior. It had an indescribable tastelessness, and all around just wasn’t good. When Suimei’s father had tried it too...

“There’s a certain romance to such uses of magicka, but nothing romantic can come of it...”

That was his reaction in the moment, but what he said applied to many things. Beautiful, simple results would never come from anything so overwrought. So no matter how thoroughly steeped in magicka a magician was, that didn’t equate to cooking skill. The craft of making things by hand was an entirely different art, and trying to produce something loving like that with magicka was no different than using a machine. And as Suimei pondered such nuance, the girls were moving full steam ahead. It seemed they’d gone from frying vegetables to making soup.

“I-It’s salty! Did we put too much in?!”

Aaah— Actually, that’s a fairly common problem when it comes to seasoning things.

But as that thought crossed Suimei’s mind, in an attempt to correct their mistake, Liliana...

“Honey... Let us add some honey.”

Stoooooooop! That’s the worst thing you can dooooo!

Before Suimei could even raise a word of objection, Liliana lifted up the jar of honey.

Water! You’re supposed to use water! Even I know that! That’s a rookie mistake, you two! And proof neither one of you belongs in the kitchen! Ack, no, don’t do it! Don’t do it, damn it! Aaaaah! NOOOOO!

Suimei’s inner despair was all in vain, and he watched helplessly as most of the honey jar was emptied into the cooking pot. After stirring it in, the girls gave the new soup a taste test.

“Eww...”

“Th-This is...”

It was far more disgusting than they’d expected. The two of them were both squirming in agony. However, Lefille still clung to the prospect of victory.

“No, we’re not finished yet! There’s still hope—a secret ingredient! They say cooking is all about the love you put into it!”

“Then let us... add all the love we can!”

And so the two girls began cheering for the soup and telling it to “get tasty.” It was really and truly an adorable sight, but all Suimei saw was two witches casting a curse over their cauldron.

To Hold That Magnificent Sacrament Once More

One evening, several days after Reiji and the others had retrieved the Sacrament from the self-governed state, Reiji was gazing at it in the courtyard of the inn where they were staying.

“Hrmmm...”

As he let out a troubled groan, Titania appeared behind him.

“What is the matter, Reiji-sama?”

“Oh, er, it’s nothing. I was just wondering how to turn this into a weapon again.”

“As I suspected... Does this mean you are unable to turn it into a weapon freely?”

Reiji solemnly nodded in response to Titania’s refined voice. Ever since the Sacrament had returned to accessory form, he’d been contemplating how he might coax it into transforming into a sword again. But whether he focused his mana, concentrated, or prayed, it showed no signs of listening whatsoever. And that was the predicament he was still left in now.

Titania said nothing. They stood there in silence for a moment before another voice came calling from behind them.

“Then why don’t we just recreate the situation?”

“Princess Graziella?”

“You wore that same long face all through dinner, so I figured you must be dwelling on it.”

“Ummm... Are you maybe worried about me?”

“Yes, w-well, something like that,” Graziella said, turning away awkwardly.

Ignoring her reaction, Titania brought the conversation back on track.

“Just now, Your Imperial Highness, you spoke of ‘recreating the situation.’ What did you mean by that?”

“O-Oh, that? That’s... I meant when Reiji p-protected me... If we create another situation where I’m in danger and he...”

“No. Denied.”

Graziella was blushing for some reason, but Titania rejected her proposal without batting an eye.

“Why not?”

“Must you ask?! That is absolutely out of the question!”

“If you’re jealous Reiji came to my rescue, then just honestly...”

“I-I am not particularly jealous! M-M-Make no mistake!”

And while Titania and Graziella were squawking at each other...

“I have a brilliant plan.”

“Io Kuzami-san?”

The next to appear in the courtyard was indeed Io Kuzami. And, of course, the first thing that came out of her mouth was something about a supposedly brilliant plan, but...

“What specifically would you have us do?” Titania inquired.

“Is that not already obvious? We must simply practice. Practice, I say.”

“I hear you emphasizing practice, but I do not understand what specifically you intend for us to do.”

“Then you would do nothing? Nothing begets nothing, you know. Nothing will come of spending an eternity brooding over it.”

“That is certainly true, but...”

Without the slightest hint to go on, they didn’t even know what they should be working towards. Nevertheless, Io Kuzami continued.

“In any event, this is my fiancé’s wish. Shall I offer my advice?”

“What should I do?”

“Hold that and scream. Yes, scream to the heavens.”

“S-Scream...?”

“Unleash the cry of your heart. Here, allow me to offer you an example.” Io Kuzami then turned to the night sky in high spirits and screamed, “Oh Last Excalibur! The sacred sword that swoops down to my hand to save this world! Answer my call and display thy pure radiance right here and now! Manifest as my blade...! Well, something like that.”

“That was just a flurry of flowery language and weird names... Are you saying that’s what I should do?”

“Of course. As I said, unleash the cry of your heart. Stretch properly, take a deep breath, and go!”

“What, this is practical now? Why is this sounding like sports club training all of a sudden?”

Reiji was sorely mistaken. This wasn’t anything other than full-on chuunibyou.

“Then, if you would prefer, shall we say... Fill your words with your overflowing pathos?”

“No, I’m fine, thanks...”

As Reiji let out a groan, Graziella offered her opinion.

“Everything else aside, I do believe it’s true that words are required to activate it. Think back on what that elf told us in the temple.”

“Now that you mention it, she did talk about reciting something, huh...”

That much was true, but it wasn’t like they could figure out the magic combination just by shouting arbitrary words. That being said, trying was really the only option they had right now.

“Gaaah, to hell with it! Oh Sacrament! Answer my wish and become a weapon!”

Silence.

“Ugh...”

All that answered Reiji as he screamed into the night was a piercing pain in his chest. It would have been fine if it had defied their expectations and transformed after all that, but the emotional damage from it doing nothing at all was a heavy toll.

“That’s no good. The darkness of your wording is insufficient. Try adding in some foreign words too.”

“Foreign words?!”

“But of course. Does not the stylishness of foreign words stir the very depths of your soul?”

“That only applies to the souls of a very small fraction of people...”

“Oh, my fiancé... When you first heard the name of the Lachesis Meter, did you not think it was incredibly cool?”

“Huh? Well, now that you mention it... Yeah, I did.”

“This is no different.”

“You think?”

Reiji muttered to himself in resignation as he looked up to the night sky once more. And then...

“Oh Sacrament! Devour my soul and awaken! Sing your requiem éternel! Crystallize in my hands and manifeeeeest!”

Silence.

“Ugggh...”

As expected, the Sacrament still didn’t transform. The pain in Reiji’s chest only increased proportionally to the embarrassment of what he’d just dared to shout. When it was all said and done, he dropped to his knees on the spot and turned bright red.

“Um, Reiji-sama...? Shall we leave it at that for tonight?”

“Tia, please, I’m begging you. Don’t look at me like that. It hurts my heart.”

“Well... How do I put it, Reiji? There’s no need to hurry.”

“Ugh... Graziella-san, I’m sorry to say it, but your sympathy is like being stabbed with a cold knife...”

Reiji was reduced to bitter moaning in a tearful voice. As for Io Kuzami, who brought this all on...

“Good grief. That level of passion is simply inadequate. If you truly wish to attain power, you must cast aside all your shame and self-respect.”

“But... my pride...”

Titania and Graziella helped the distraught Reiji back to the inn. Once they were gone...

“Oh hero, I’m afraid there is no way to obtain what you seek other than to be in a fight for your life. That object surpasses the realm that I am able to assist you in, after all,” Io Kuzami muttered in an unusually meek tone as she looked up to the moon.