CHAPTER 1

My first regret, upon successfully cruising through admission to a local public high school, was that the school was situated atop a rather sizable hill. This meant that I found myself trudging up a winding hill, dripping sweat when it was only spring, feeling like I’d already done enough hiking for a lifetime. The fact that I’d have to embark on this uphill trek every day for the next three years depressed me deeply. Though if I stopped to think for a moment, lying in bed until the last second possible might just be the reason my legs were moving so quickly right then. Which meant that if I were to wake up ten minutes earlier, I’d be able to take a more leisurely pace, and the hike wouldn’t be such a pain. Of course, once I factored in how precious those last ten minutes of sleep were, I realized that waking up earlier was simply out of the question. This meant that I would be required to continue the morning workout, which depressed me even more.

And so for the duration of the school commencement ceremony, held in a gratuitously large gymnasium, I, unlike the other new students whose faces shone with hope and anxiety in anticipation of life at a new school, merely looked gloomy. A good number of people from my old middle school were there, and I’d been on pretty good terms with a few of them so I wasn’t too concerned about making friends.

It seemed like an odd combination to have guys in blazers and girls in sailor uniforms. Maybe Principal Toupee up on the podium putting everyone to sleep with his droning sound waves happened to be a fan of sailor uniforms? While I was thinking about this, the trite, monotonous commencement suddenly ended, and I shuffled into my assigned classroom, 1-5, with the rest of my classmates, whose faces I would be seeing for the upcoming year, whether I liked it or not.

Okabe, our young homeroom teacher, took the podium with a million-dollar smile he had probably spent an hour practicing in front of the mirror. He then proceeded to inform us that he was a gym teacher, that he was the handball team’s advisor, that he played for a handball team back in college which got pretty far in the tournament, that the current school handball team was short on members so you were practically guaranteed a spot as a starter upon joining, and that there was no sport in this world as fun as handball. Having apparently run out of things to say after that long-winded speech, he finished with, “Let’s have everyone introduce themselves.”

Well, this was the same old way of kicking things off, and I’d expected as much, so it didn’t exactly come as a surprise.

Starting from the left side of the seating chart, alternating boy-girl-boy-girl, one by one, people stood up and gave their name, the middle school they went to, and an interesting fact (a hobby, favorite food, etc.) about themselves. Some people just mumbled their way through it. Some people sounded completely relaxed. A few told bad jokes which killed any excitement in the room. And all the while, my turn gradually drew closer. Nerve-racking. You know what I mean, right?

Once I had managed to not stumble over the required autobiography I was practicing in my head, I sat back down in my seat, relishing that liberating feeling you get after taking care of business. In turn, the person behind me stood up—yes, I’ll remember this moment for the rest of my life—and spoke the words people would be talking about for years to come.

“Haruhi Suzumiya. From East Middle School.”

Everything was still normal at this point. Twisting around to look behind me would have been too much of a hassle, which is why I was facing forward as I listened to her energetic voice.

“I have no interest in ordinary humans. If there are any aliens, time travelers, sliders, or espers here, come join me. That is all.”

That made me turn around.

I found a girl with long, straight black hair decorated with a flashy hair band adorning her perfectly proportioned face as she stared back at the gawking students with unusually large, black, determined eyes adorned with long, fringed eyelashes, her soft pink lips tightly pursed.

I was dazzled by Haruhi’s snow-white skin. A striking beauty stood before me.

Haruhi let her gaze sweep across the classroom, looking like she was trying to pick a fight, before finally glaring at me, gaping at her with my jaw on the floor, then sat down without so much as cracking a smile.

Is this some kind of a joke?

There were probably big question marks in the minds of everyone in the room as they wondered how they were supposed to react. Are we supposed to laugh?

In hindsight, it was neither a joke nor a laughing matter. Haruhi, no matter when or where, is never joking. She is always dead serious.

I learned this the hard way later on so there’s no doubt about it.

Fairies of silence flittered around the classroom for thirty seconds before gym teacher Okabe hesitantly gestured to the next student and the frozen atmosphere finally returned to normal.

And so we met.

I deeply hope that it was mere coincidence.

After capturing the hearts of everyone in the class in every way, Haruhi was relatively quiet for the next few days, playing the role of a seemingly harmless high school girl.

I now understand very well just what people mean by the calm before a storm.

Well, everyone who came to this particular high school was a student with average grades from one of the four city middle schools, which included East Middle School. This meant that some of these students had gone to middle school with Haruhi, so they realized that her decision to stay in the background was probably an omen of some kind. Unfortunately, I didn’t know anyone from East Middle, and nobody in the class ever bothered to enlighten me. This led to what happened right after morning homeroom started, a few days after her crazy introduction. This was a moment I’ll never forget. I broke the world record for stupidity and spoke to Haruhi Suzumiya.

My domino reaction of misfortune had begun, and I was the one who had knocked the first one down.

But come on. As long as Haruhi Suzumiya sat still with her mouth shut, anyone looking at her would be convinced that she was just a beautiful high school girl. Who’s going to blame me for losing my mind for a moment and assuming that I could use the fact that my seat was right in front of hers to approach her?

Naturally, there was only one topic to talk about.

“Hey,” I said, as I nonchalantly turned around with a casual smile on my face. “About the stuff in your introduction earlier. How much of it was serious?”

With her arms crossed and her mouth forming an upside-down V, Haruhi stared into my eyes unflinchingly.

“What stuff earlier?”

“Well, you know. The stuff about aliens and whatever.”

“Are you an alien?” She asked this with a dead serious look on her face.

“No, but….”

“No, but what?”

“… Just forget it.”

“Don’t talk to me then. You’re wasting my time.”

The tone of her voice and the look she gave me were frigid enough to almost make me apologize out of reflex. Haruhi Suzumiya then stopped staring at me the way one would stare at Brussels sprouts, and with a “hmph,” turned to glare in the direction of the blackboard.

Frozen out of a quick response, I was saved by the timely entrance of our homeroom teacher, Okabe.

As I dejectedly turned to face the front of the room, I noticed a number of people looking curiously towards me. When our eyes met, each person would half-smile in a knowing way, as if to say, “Thought so.” And then nod as if to offer their condolences.

That kind of left me feeling uncomfortable. It was only later that I learned they had all gone to East Middle.

So yeah. Given that my first contact with Haruhi would probably fall into the “worst ever” category, I had begun wondering if it would be better not to get involved with her. A week went by without anything happening to prove that idea wrong.

However, there were other people in the class who hadn’t grasped the situation or were just plain blind to their surroundings. Those classmates would approach Haruhi, who was always in a foul mood, brow wrinkled and mouth looking like an upside-down V, and attempt to start a conversation about one thing or another.

They were just some nosy girls who saw this girl who had isolated herself from day one and wanted to bring her into their circle of friends. I’m sure they were well-intentioned, but you have to take into account who they were dealing with.

“Did you watch that TV show last night? The one that starts at nine.”

“No.”

“What—? Why not—?”

“Don’t care.”

“You should try watching an episode. Oh, but you won’t know what’s going on if you start now. That’s right. In that case, I can fill you in on what’s happened so far.”

“Shut up.”

That’s how it went.

It’d be one thing if her response had been devoid of emotion, but Haruhi’s facial expression and tone of voice were clearly broadcasting irritation, leaving the other person feeling like she’d done something wrong. In the end, all the girl could say was, “Um… Well, you know…” before slinking away with drooping shoulders. “Did I say something strange?”

Rest assured, you didn’t. The only thing strange here is Haruhi’s mind.

I don’t particularly have a problem with eating alone, but picking at your lunch by yourself while everyone else is chattering at their tables might make people wonder. I’m not saying that’s the reason, but when it came time for lunch, I would move my desk next to the tables of Kunikida, someone I’d been relatively close to in middle school, and Taniguchi, a guy from East Middle who happened to sit near me.

That’s when the subject of Haruhi Suzumiya came up.

“Hey. You talked to Suzumiya the other day, right?” Taniguchi suddenly asked. “She probably drove you away with some random nonsense.”

You got that right.

Taniguchi placed a boiled egg in his mouth and chewed.

“If you’re interested in her, I won’t mince words. Just let it go. You should be well aware that Suzumiya’s a freak.”

He mentioned by way of introduction that he’d been in the same class as her for three years in middle school, so he knew what he was talking about.

“She’s the strangest girl you’ll ever meet. I thought she might calm down after becoming a high school student, but she hasn’t changed one bit. You heard her introduction, right?”

“The thing about aliens or whatever?” That was Kunikida, busily picking bones from his grilled fish, cutting in.

“Yep. She said and did a bunch of strange things back in middle school, too. The most famous one would be the graffiti incident on school grounds.”

“What’s that?”

“There’s this machine that uses chalk to draw white lines, right? What was it called again? Whatever. Anyway, someone used that to draw some huge, bizarre pictograph on the school grounds. And whoever it was snuck in at night to do it.”

Taniguchi grinned. Maybe he was remembering what had happened?

“You’d be amazed. I arrived at school in the morning to find giant circles and triangles scribbled all over the ground. I couldn’t tell what it was supposed to be from up close, so I tried looking at it from the fourth floor. I still couldn’t tell what it was supposed to be.”

“Oh, I remember seeing that. Wasn’t that in the local section of the newspaper? They had an aerial photo. It looked like a failed attempt at a Nazca geoglyph.” That was Kunikida. I didn’t remember any of this.

“It was. It was. Headlined Mysterious Graffiti Found on Middle School Grounds. So it came time to figure out who the culprit behind this ridiculous stunt was.”

“And she was the one who did it?”

“She admitted to it, so it had to be her. ’Course, they wanted to know why she did it. They even called her to the principal’s office. Seems like all the teachers got together to question her.”

“Why’d she do it?”

“Dunno.”

With that offhand response, Taniguchi began gulping down his white rice.

“Seems like she never ’fessed up. You try dealing with Suzumiya when she refuses to say a word and gives you that killer glare. Can’t do a thing about it. According to one account, the drawing was to invite UFOs. Another said it was a summoning circle for evil demons. Yet another said it was to open a gate to another world. A bunch of rumors popped up, but since she never gave a reason, no one can really say. It’s still a mystery.”

In my mind, I could picture Haruhi Suzumiya drawing white lines in the pitch-black darkness of the school grounds with an earnest expression on her face. The clattering line marker she’s dragging around and the heap of bags of lime were probably taken from the gym storeroom beforehand. She might have at least brought a flashlight. I couldn’t help but think that in the flickering light, Haruhi Suzumiya’s expression seemed filled with an overwhelming sense of tragic heroism. Only in my imagination, though.

Haruhi Suzumiya was probably genuinely trying to invite UFOs or summon demons or open up a gate to another world. She might have spent the whole night toiling away on the middle school grounds. And then finally, after nothing showed up, she must have been really demoralized.

Just some baseless speculation on my part.

“She also did a bunch of other stuff.”

Taniguchi was in the process of finishing off the remaining bits of his lunch.

“One morning, we showed up at the classroom to find all the desks out in the hall. She drew stars on the roof in paint. She even took a bunch of weird talismans, like the ones they stick on a corpse’s head to reanimate it, and stuck them all around school. I really don’t get her.”

By the way, Haruhi Suzumiya wasn’t in the classroom right then. We wouldn’t have been able to have this conversation otherwise. Though I got the feeling she wouldn’t care, even if she had been there. Speaking of Haruhi Suzumiya, she made a habit of leaving the room the moment fourth period ended and not coming back until right before fifth period started. I’d never seen her bring a lunch so she probably ate in the cafeteria. Still, it can’t take an hour to eat lunch. Come to think of it, I could safely say that she was never in the room between classes. I wondered where she wandered off to.

“Even so, she’s pretty popular…” Taniguchi was still talking. “It’s because she has the looks. Plus she’s great at sports and probably gets better grades than most. You can’t tell she’s a freak when she just stands there and keeps her mouth shut.”

“Are there any stories about her love life?” That was Kunikida, who hadn’t eaten even half as much as Taniguchi.

“For a while, she kept switching from one guy to another. As far as I know, the longest lasted a week, and apparently the shortest was five minutes after she agreed to go out with him. It was always Suzumiya doing the dumping, without exception. She always used the same line. ‘I don’t have time to deal with ordinary humans!’ Then don’t agree to go out in the first place!”

Taniguchi was probably speaking from experience. I guess he noticed me looking at him since he hurriedly went on.

“It’s just a story I heard. Really. I don’t know why, but apparently, she doesn’t turn anyone down. Everyone had it figured out by the third year so there wasn’t anybody left trying to ask her out. But I get the feeling that the same thing’s going to happen in high school. That’s why I’m warning you before you get any weird ideas. Give it up. Consider it a friendly warning from a classmate.”

There’s nothing to give up on. I’m not even interested.

Taniguchi placed his empty lunch box in his bag and smirked.

“If you ask me, then yeah, that’s the best one in the class over there. Ryoko Asakura.”

Taniguchi stuck his chin toward a cluster of chatting girls with their desks close together. In the center of the cluster with a cheerful smile on her face was Ryoko Asakura.

“As far as I’m concerned, she’s gotta be in the top three for our year.”

“Did you check out all the freshman girls already or something?”

“Oh, yeah! I assigned them ranks from A to D, and I learned the full names of the ones who ranked A. You only get to live the high school life once. Might as well have fun doing it.”

“And Asakura is an A?” Kunikida asked.

“An A+, for sure. Once you’ve reached my level of expertise, you can tell just by looking at their face. She’s definitely a nice person too.”

Well, even if you assume that half of Taniguchi’s opinionated rambling was a load of bull, Ryoko Asakura was, in fact, a girl who stood out in a different way from Haruhi Suzumiya.

First off, she was a hottie. It was also really sweet how she gave you the feeling she was always smiling. Second, Taniguchi was probably correct in judging that Ryoko was a nice person. By this point, there pretty much wasn’t anybody left foolish enough to try to talk to Haruhi Suzumiya. The only human undeterred by the constant rude reception was Ryoko Asakura. She had the temperament of a class president. Third, judging by her responses in class, she seemed to be pretty smart, too. Every question directed toward her was guaranteed to be answered correctly. She was a student any teacher would love to have. Fourth, she was also popular among girls. It had only been a week since school started, and she’d already succeeded in becoming the ringleader of the girls in the class. She definitely had enough charisma to attract the masses.

If you pit her against Haruhi Suzumiya, with her perpetually furrowed brow and incomprehensible thinking pattern, everyone’s going to take the former. Myself included, I guess. Either way, they were both way out of Taniguchi’s league.

It was still April. At this point, Haruhi Suzumiya had yet to act up. Which meant that for me, it was a month of relaxation. It’d be almost another month before Haruhi started rampaging.

However, I should mention that I was able to gradually observe Haruhi’s eccentric behavior during this period.

And so, peculiarity number one.

Her hairstyle changed every day. I noticed a sort of pattern after looking at her for a while. It basically went like this: On Monday, Haruhi would show up with her long, straight hair flowing down her back in a normal fashion. The next day, she would walk in with a ponytail, looking flawless from every angle. The way it looks so perfect on her is almost more than I can bear. But then on the next day, she would come to school with her hair tied into two pigtails. The day after that, it would be three. And on Friday, she would have four random spots tied off by ribbons. It was quite an odd sight.

Monday = 0, Tuesday = 1, Wednesday = 2…

In other words, she tied off another part of her hair for every day that passed. After resetting on Monday, she added one per day until Friday. I had no idea what it was supposed to signify. Based on the pattern, she’d eventually end up with six tied-off spots. I wondered what her head looked like on Sunday. I would have liked to see it.

Peculiarity number two. Boys and girls are split up for gym class so classes 5 and 6 are combined. Girls change in odd-numbered rooms and boys move to even-numbered rooms. Once the class before gym ends, the boys grab their gym clothes and prepare to move to class 6.

As that was happening, Haruhi Suzumiya completely ignored the fact that boys were still present in the classroom and began taking off her uniform.

She would then toss her uniform on her desk and pick up her gym clothes with an indifferent look on her face, as though she viewed the gallery of guys on the same level as pumpkins or potatoes.

At that point, the completely dumbstruck guys, myself included, were kicked out of the room by Ryoko Asakura.

It seems that afterwards, Ryoko led the other girls in lecturing Haruhi, but yeah, it didn’t accomplish anything. Haruhi continued to change without giving a damn about her male audience. Which is why when the bell for the break before gym rang, the guys were obligated—per Ryoko’s orders—to immediately sprint out of the room.

But damn, she was hot… I mean, let’s move on.

Peculiarity number three. Haruhi would invariably be absent from the classroom during breaks. And you could count on her to be out the door carrying her bag the second school was out. At first, I thought she went straight home, but apparently not. To my amazement, she had been temporarily joining a wide range of school clubs. You’d see her dribbling around with the basketball team one day only to find her sewing a pillowcase in the handicrafts club the next day and swinging a stick on the lacrosse team the next. She even joined the baseball team, so it didn’t look like she was leaving anything out. Every sports club, without exception, fervently pursued her membership. Turning their requests down, she would arbitrarily join a different club every day. In the end, she didn’t stick with a single one of them.

What exactly was she trying to accomplish?

Naturally, the rumor that “there’s a strange girl in this year’s freshman class” spread like wildfire throughout school. It only took about a month before every single person involved with our school knew of Haruhi Suzumiya. By the beginning of May, it reached the point where some people still didn’t know the name of the principal, but everybody knew the name Haruhi Suzumiya.

As all of this was going on—well, Haruhi was the only one actually involved—we reached the month of May.

I’m more willing to believe in the chance of someone discovering a plesiosaurus in Lake Biwa than in fate. But if fate does in fact affect the lives of humans from some unknown place, I’m guessing that this was when my wheel of destiny began to turn. I’m positive that someone up there had rewritten my future without my consent.

It was the first day after the Golden Week holidays. I discovered that I had lost track of what day of the week it was as I trudged up the winding hill, dripping sweat in the scorching, abnormal May weather. What was the earth trying to do here? Did it catch yellow fever or something?

“Yo, Kyon.”

Someone behind me tapped me on the shoulder. It was Taniguchi.

He had his blazer slung nonchalantly over his shoulder, necktie half-loose, and a grin plastered on his face.

“Did you go somewhere for Golden Week?”

“I took my sister to see our grandmother.”

“That’s lame.”

“What about you?”

“Worked the whole time.”

“How is that any better?”

“Kyon, a high school student shouldn’t be babysitting his little sister on a merry little trip to visit grandparents. You’ve gotta act more like a high schooler.”

Incidentally, the nickname “Kyon” belongs to me. From what I recall, one of my aunts was the first to call me that. It was a few years back when I hadn’t seen her for a while. When she saw me, she went, “Oh, Kyon. You’ve grown so big,” which was an unwelcome twist on my name. Upon hearing that, my sister thought it was hilarious and started calling me “Kyon.” Some friends who came to my house happened to overhear her calling me that, and ever since, my nickname’s been Kyon. Damn.

“It’s an annual family tradition for us cousins to get together during Golden Week.”

And with that indifferent response, I continued trudging up the hill. The feeling of sweat dripping from my hair was extremely unpleasant.

Taniguchi was cheerfully going on about stuff like some cute girl he met at work and how he’d been saving up money so he had plenty to spend for a date. This could be considered some of the most boring information ever told, along with telling people about your dreams, or bragging about your pet.

As I listened to Taniguchi describe three different date scenarios with his nonexistent companion, we finally made it to the school front gate.

When I entered the classroom, I found that Haruhi Suzumiya was already in the seat behind mine, coolly looking out the window. Today, her hair was arranged in two buns sticking out like doorknobs, which made me think, Ah, two spots would make today Wednesday, and with that affirmation, I took my seat. That was when I probably became possessed by some demon. I can think of no other explanation. The next thing I knew, I was talking to Haruhi Suzumiya.

“Do you change your hair every day for the aliens?”

Haruhi turned her head towards me in a robotic motion and stared at me with her perpetually serious face. Kinda scary.

“When did you notice?” she asked in a tone like she was talking to a rock on the side of the road.

Come to think of it, when did I notice?

“Hmm… just recently.”

“I see.”

Haruhi rested her chin on her hand, looking like she was already sick of this.

“I think that each day of the week gives off a different image.”

This would be the first time we actually reached a conversation.

“Just look at the Chinese characters used for the names of the days of the week. Color-wise, Monday (Moon) would be yellow. Tuesday (Fire) is red. Wednesday (Water) is blue. Thursday (Wood) is green. Friday (Gold) would be gold. Saturday (Earth) would be light brown. Sunday (Sun) would be white.”

I guess I can see where she’s coming from.

“So with numbers, Monday would be zero and Sunday would be six?”

“Yes.”

“Monday feels more like one to me.”

“Nobody asked for your opinion.”

“Oh, really?”

Haruhi continued to stare as though she found something wrong with my muttering face. This lasted long enough for me to start feeling quite uneasy.

She asked, “Have I met you before? A long time ago?”

“Nope,” I replied. And with homeroom teacher Okabe’s entrance, the conversation came to an end.

That was the beginning. Nothing particularly significant, but it was indeed the catalyst.

Besides, Haruhi was only in the classroom during class so the only time I could talk to her was right before homeroom. And I can’t deny the fact that being seated right in front of her provided the perfect position for casually striking up a conversation with her.

In any case, a serious response from Haruhi was a surprise. “Shut up!” “Moron!” “Be quiet!” “Who cares about that?!” were the replies I was expecting. The fact that I still talked to her anyway probably means there’s something wrong with me.

Which is why when Haruhi showed up the next day without her hair tied off in three spots according to pattern, but with her long, beautiful black hair cut instead, I was rather disturbed. Anyway, wasn’t cutting it the day after I pointed it out a bit hasty? What gives?

Upon asking, Haruhi replied, “None of your business.”

As usual, she merely sounded pissed without actually revealing what she was thinking. There was no way she was going to tell me why she cut her hair.

Well, I expected as much.

“Did you really try joining all the clubs?”

Afterward, conversing with Haruhi in the short period before homeroom became a daily event. Not only did I have to initiate the conversation every time, I had to be careful in choosing subject matter since talking about what was on TV yesterday or the weather would elicit a “that’s dead boring” reaction from Haruhi.

“Let me know if you find one that’s fun. It’d be useful to know.”

“There aren’t any.”

An immediate response.

“There totally aren’t any at all.”

After repeating herself, Haruhi exhaled like butterfly wings fluttering. Was that supposed to be a sigh?

“I was expecting something better after entering high school, but this is no different than back in grammar and middle school. Maybe I chose the wrong place.”

“What criteria did you use to choose a school?”

“The athletic and arts clubs are all so normal. With so many clubs, you’d think there’d be at least one weird one.”

“How exactly do you decide if it’s normal or weird?”

“Any club I like is weird. Everything else is totally normal. Isn’t that obvious?”

“Really? Obvious, is it? First I’ve heard about it.”

“Hmph.”

She looked away, and the day’s conversation came to an end.

Another day came.

“I heard this rumor.”

“Probably something worthless, right?”

“Is it true that you’ve dumped every guy you went out with?”

“What gives you the right to ask me that?”

Haruhi brushed her hair off her shoulder and glared at me with her dark black eyes. Man, the only time her face showed any emotion was when she was pissed off.

“You heard that from Taniguchi? I can’t believe I’m still in the same class with him in high school. Maybe he’s a stalker.”

“I doubt it.” I think.

“I don’t know what you’ve heard, but fine. It’s probably all true.”

“There seriously wasn’t a single guy you wanted to go out with?”

“Totally not.”

It appeared she had a habit of using the word “totally.”

“Every single one of them was ridiculously lame. Meet in front of the station on Sunday and do something obvious like watch a movie, go to the amusement park, or watch a sporting event. Then have lunch at a fast food place. Wander around and get a drink. Bye, see you tomorrow. What, that’s it?”

---

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I was wondering what she found wrong with that, but I kept my mouth shut. If Haruhi thinks there’s a problem, then by all means, a problem there must be.

“And what’s up with most of them asking me out over the phone? Important matters like that should be done in person!”

As I channeled the psyche of a guy who probably found it hard to make such an important—at least for him—confession while being glared at like an insect, I decided to play along for now.

“Well, I guess so. I’d probably just ask her in person.”

“That’s not important!”

Make up your mind.

“The problem is that every man on this planet is worthless. Honestly, I was irritated for most of middle school.”

You still are.

“Then what kind of a guy did you want? I’m guessing an alien?”

“An alien. Or something along those lines. In any case, as long as they aren’t an ordinary human, it doesn’t matter if they’re male or female.”

“Why are you so particular about non-humans?” As soon as I asked, Haruhi looked at me like I was retarded.

“Isn’t that more fun?!”

I suppose… she might be right.

I won’t argue with Haruhi’s opinion. I wouldn’t mind if a mysterious, beautiful transfer student was actually half-alien, half-human. And if that moron Taniguchi, sitting nearby trying to spy on Haruhi and me, had actually been an investigator from the future, that would have been pretty cool. And if Ryoko Asakura, who was smiling in my direction for some reason, had actually been an esper, life at school would have been a bit more fun.

But it’s all impossible. Aliens, time travelers, and espers couldn’t possibly exist. Even if they did, they wouldn’t just pop up in front of us. Besides, there’s no way someone would walk up to me and say, “Hey. Guess what? I’m actually an alien,” by way of introduction for no reason at all.

“And that’s why!” Haruhi yelled out, knocking her chair down in the process. Everyone in the class turned around.

“And that’s why I’m working so hard!”

“Sorry I’m late!” Our homeroom teacher, Okabe, looking bright, cheerful and out of breath, rushed in, took a look at Haruhi, standing with her fist in the air and glaring at the ceiling, and at everybody else in the classroom looking at Haruhi in unison, and froze in bewilderment.

“Ah… homeroom’s starting.”

Haruhi plopped back into her chair and began fervently staring at a corner of her desk. Whew.

I turned back toward the front of the room, the rest of the class did the same, and teacher Okabe staggered over to his podium and cleared his throat.

“Sorry I’m late. Ah… homeroom’s starting.”

And with that reiteration of his opening remarks, we returned to our daily mundane routine. This daily mundane routine is probably what Haruhi detested most.

But isn’t that how life goes?

Still. I couldn’t ignore this crazy feeling in the dark corner of my heart that envied Haruhi’s way of life.

She was still eagerly waiting for a chance encounter with the extraordinary, something I had given up on long ago. And you can’t deny that she was going all out for it. It’s not like aliens are going to fall out of the sky if you wait long enough. Haruhi’s point was that in that case, we should reach out to them. Thus, the markings on the grounds, the painting on the roof, and the talismans around school.

Geez Louise. (Do people even say that anymore?)

I don’t know when Haruhi began doing things to make spectators think she’s some sort of mental patient. But I guess that if she had already spent a long time waiting before running out of patience, and attempting bizarre rituals with no results, it would make perfect sense for her to end up always looking like she hated the whole world, right? Or I guess not.

“Hey, Kyon.”

During break, Taniguchi came over with a moody expression plastered on his face. “That expression really makes you look like a moron, Taniguchi.”

“Screw you. Forget about that. Anyway, what kind of magic did you use, Kyon?”

“What do you mean by magic?” I responded, as I recalled the saying that sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Sticking his thumb at Haruhi’s seat, which Haruhi, true to form, had vacated the instant class ended, Taniguchi said, “I’ve never seen Suzumiya talk that long before. What did you say to her?”

“Dunno. What did I say? I get the feeling I just asked whatever was on my mind.”

Taniguchi had this overly exaggerated look of shock on this face. “It’s the end of the world.” Kunikida popped out from behind him.

“Kyon’s always liked weird girls.”

“Don’t say things that can be misconstrued,” I replied.

“I don’t give a damn about whether or not Kyon likes weird girls,” said Taniguchi. “What I want to understand is how Suzumiya and Kyon managed to hold an actual conversation. I can’t accept it.”

“If I had to guess, wouldn’t it be because Kyon would also be categorized as a weirdo?”

“Well, yeah. A guy with a nickname like Kyon can’t be normal. But still.”

Stop going “Kyon, Kyon.” Hell, I’d rather have you call me by my actual name. I would at least like my little sister to call me “Big Brother.”

“I’d also like to know.”

A girl’s voice suddenly descended upon us. A clear soprano. I looked up to find Ryoko Asakura with a sincere smile on her face.

“Suzumiya never responds no matter how hard I try. How did you get her to talk to you? Is there a trick to it?”

I gave it a little consideration. Or I should say, pretended to give it consideration before shaking my head. The answer was obvious, after all.

“I don’t know.”

Asakura laughed.

“Hmm. But I’m relieved now. I’d be worried if Suzumiya kept isolating herself from the rest of the class. It’s a good thing that she’s managed to make a friend.”

If you’re wondering why Ryoko Asakura was acting concerned as though she were class president, that’s because she was the class president. It had been decided in the long homeroom period earlier.

“Friend, huh….”

I tilted my head. You think so? I get the feeling I’ve only ever seen her with a sullen expression on her face.

“Keep up whatever you’re doing to make Suzumiya open up to the class. We were fortunate enough to be put into the same class, so we should all be friends, right? I’m counting on you.”

Counting on me, huh? Easy for you to say.

“If I need to tell her anything from now on, I’ll ask you to pass on the message for me.”

Wait, hold on. I’m not her spokesperson or anything.

“Pretty please?”

She even clasped her hands together. I could only stammer grunts in the form of “ah” and “uh” which she apparently took to mean my consent. And with a smile like a yellow tulip in our direction, she returned to the cluster of girls. The fact that every girl in that cluster was turning their attention this way was enough to sink my mood another two notches.

“Kyon, we’re buddies, right?”

Taniguchi said this with a suspicious glint in his eyes. What was he talking about? Even Kunikida was standing there with his eyes closed and arms crossed while nodding his head for no reason.

Guys are all idiots.

Apparently, it was decided at some point that the seating order was to be changed every month. Class president Ryoko Asakura went around with a cookie tin of quadruple-folded pieces of paper to be drawn. I drew a quite excellent seat next to the window facing the courtyard, second from the back of the room. And as for the person in the seat behind me, I don’t know how it happened, but Haruhi Suzumiya sat behind me looking like she was suffering a cavity.

“I wonder if students will start disappearing one by one. Or maybe a teacher will be found murdered inside a locked class-room.”

“That’s some dangerous stuff.”

“There was a Mystery Research Society.”

“Heh. How was it?”

“A joke. They haven’t encountered anything remotely resembling a case. All the members are just mystery novel fanatics. None of them look like detective material.”

“Well, duh.”

“I was expecting more from the Supernatural Phenomena Research Society.”

“Really.”

“But it was just a bunch of occult freaks. What do you think of that?”

“Not much.”

“Oh, man. It’s boring! Why doesn’t this school have a single decent club?”

“You can’t do anything about what doesn’t exist.”

“I expected high school to have more radical clubs. I feel like a stupid baseball player aiming for the national championships who just discovered that this high school doesn’t even have a baseball team.”

Haruhi glared at the sky with crocodile eyes like those of an enchantress ready to begin a one-hundred-prayer ritual and sighed like a breeze.

Was I supposed to feel sorry for her?

All else aside, Haruhi hadn’t even specified what kind of a club would satisfy her. Did she even know? She was just vaguely thinking, “I want to do something fun.” What would the “something fun” be? Solving a homicide? Looking for aliens? Exorcising demons? I got the feeling she hadn’t even decided yet.

I offered my opinion: “In the end, humans have to settle for what’s in front of them. If you think about it, the only humans who couldn’t were the ones who made discoveries or inventions and advanced civilization. Planes were invented because people wanted to fly. Cars and trains came to be because people wanted easier means to move around. But this all came from a limited number of people who had innovative plans and concepts. In other words, geniuses made it all possible. Average people like us are best off living ordinary lives.”

“Shut up.”

Haruhi cut me off and turned away, just as I was getting into a groove. She looked like she was in a really bad mood. Well, nothing new about that.

That girl probably didn’t care what it was as long as it was a phenomenon that defied the tedium of reality. But such a phenomenon wasn’t going to readily appear in this world. Or rather, it wasn’t going to appear, period.

Long live the laws of physics! They’re what allow us to live life in peace and quiet. Too bad for Haruhi.

At least that’s what I thought.

That’s normal, right?

What was the catalyst here?

Maybe our last conversation gave her the idea.

It happened so fast.

Bright rays of sunlight were putting me to sleep as my head perilously swayed back and forth, to and fro. I felt something grab my collar and pull with frightful vigor. Exhausted, I felt the back of my head meet the edge of the desk behind me with a fierce crash. I could feel fresh tears in my eyes.

“What are you doing?!”

When I turned around in rage and indignation, I found Haruhi standing and grabbing my collar with—for the first time ever—a smile reminiscent of a blazing sun in an equatorial sky. If you could take the temperature of a smile, hers would have matched the climate in the middle of a rain forest.

“I figured it out!”

Don’t spit on me.

“Why didn’t I realize such a simple thing sooner?!”

Haruhi looked at me with her eyes shining as brightly as Alpha Cygni. I had no choice but to ask.

“Realize what?”

“If there aren’t any, I just have to make one myself!”

“Make what?”

“A club!”

It appears that being pressed up against the desk wasn’t the only reason my head was hurting.

“I see. That’s great. By the way, you can let go now.”

“What’s with your reaction? You should be a little happier about this discovery!”

“You can tell me all about your discovery later. Depending on the circumstances, I may even share your joy. But for now, just calm down.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re in class right now.”

Haruhi finally released her grip on my collar. As I turned my ringing head back toward the front of the room, I could see my fellow classmates with their mouths half-open and the female teacher, fresh out of college, with a piece of chalk in one hand, on the verge of tears.

I gestured behind me for Haruhi to hurry up and sit down. Then I turned my hand palm-up and held it out toward the poor English teacher.

Please continue with class.

As she muttered something under her breath, Haruhi finally took her seat, and the female teacher went back to writing on the board.

Make a new club?

Hmm.

She couldn’t possibly be including me as a member, right?

The throbbing in the back of my head boded of ill things to come.