CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 3
Asahina, after being recognized as one of the two bunny girls, bravely recovered just one day later and showed up at the club after school.
Not that our club had anything to do. I had brought an old Othello board I’d dug up from home and was currently playing a game with Asahina as we chatted.
It was good that we had a homepage up, but seeing that the access counter wasn’t going up and we weren’t receiving any e-mails, it was pretty much useless. The computer was now used solely for surfing the Internet. This would make those Computer Society guys break down in tears.
Yuki Nagato continued reading silently to the side as Asahina and I began our third round.
“Suzumiya seems to be late,” Asahina murmured as she stared at the board.
Her expression didn’t look overly downcast. That was a relief. All things considered, being in the same room as a cute girl one year my senior was enough to make my heart flutter.
“A transfer student came today. She probably went off to solicit him.”
“Transfer student…?” Asahina tilted her head like a little bird.
“Some guy transferred into 1–9. Haruhi was overjoyed. She must really love transfer students.”
Place one black piece. Flip one white piece.
“Hmm…?”
“In any case, Asahina, I’m amazed that you were willing to come back to the club room.”
“Well… I was a bit hesitant, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my concerns.”
Didn’t you say something similar before?
“What are you concerned about?”
Click. Pitter patter. Her willowy fingers flipped the pieces.
“Umm… It’s nothing.”
I suddenly felt something next to me and turned to find Nagato. Her facial expression resembled that of a china doll, as always, but for the first time, I could see glimmers of light in her eyes behind those glasses.
“…”
The look in her eyes reminded me of a newly born kitten seeing a dog for the first time. Her eyes remained glued to my fingers as I placed and flipped pieces.
“Want to take my place, Nagato?”
My question was met with a robotic blink of her eyes and a nod of her head so subtle that you’d have to be looking really hard to notice it. I exchanged positions with Nagato and sat down next to Asahina.
Nagato picked up an Othello piece between two fingers and stared closely at it. Then, as though startled by its completely unanticipated mass and magnetic adhesion to the board, she drew back her hand.
“Nagato, have you ever played Othello?”
She slowly shook her head from left to right.
“Do you know the rules?”
“Negative.”
“Well, you see. You’re black so you’re placing black pieces while trying to surround white pieces. Surrounded white pieces become black. Whoever has more pieces at the end wins.”
“Affirmative.”
Nagato placed her pieces in an elegant fashion and clumsily began changing her opponent’s pieces to her own.
Asahina, with a new opponent, began acting rather strangely. It looked like her fingers were trembling, and she refused to look up. On top of that, she repeatedly snuck glances at Nagato before quickly looking away. It was like she wasn’t even paying attention to the game. Black quickly took an advantage across the board.
What was going on? Asahina seemed overly conscious of Nagato. I had no idea why.
The match quickly ended in an overwhelming victory for black, and just when they were about to begin the next match, the root of all our troubles appeared with a new sacrifice in tow.
“Hey, sorry for the wait!”
That would be Haruhi’s fundamentally flawed attempt at a greeting as she firmly gripped a male first year’s sleeve.
“This is the transfer student from class 1–9 who arrived today and is already making himself useful! His name is…”
She cut off at that point directing a look behind her suggesting that he should handle the rest. The captive young man smiled thinly and turned to the three of us.
“Itsuki Koizumi. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
A slender guy who had the whole energetic athlete feel to him. A tactful smile. Benign eyes. He was handsome enough that if they took a picture of him in some random pose and stuck it on one of those supermarket flyers, he’d attract a solid group of diehard fans. He’ll probably be pretty popular if he happens to be a nice guy to boot.
“This is the SOS Brigade. I’m the brigade chief, Haruhi Suzumiya. Those three are members number one, number two, and number three. And incidentally, you’re the fourth one. Everyone get along now!”
If that’s your idea of an introduction, I’d rather you not introduce us at all. The only things established were your name and the transfer student’s name.
“I have no problems with joining.”
The transfer student, Itsuki Koizumi, said this while maintaining a composed smile on his face.
“But what does this club do?”
If you put one hundred different people in this situation, all one hundred of them would ask this same question, looking for the answer so many people have sought. The same answer which has consistently eluded me. If you managed to find somebody who could explain Fermat’s last theorem, he still wouldn’t be able to answer this question. If someone out there can explain something he doesn’t know anything about, he’s got some incredible swindling skills. However, Haruhi wasn’t even fazed. In fact, she even had a fearless smile on her face as she looked at us one by one before speaking.
“I’ll tell you just what activities the SOS Brigade engages in. Those would be…”
She took a deep breath. Was she trying to be dramatic or had she just been waiting to say these words? Whatever the case, Haruhi proceeded to speak the shocking truth.
“To find aliens, time travelers, and espers and to have fun with them!”
I could feel the entire world grinding to a halt.
Just kidding. My reaction was more along the lines of “thought so.” But the same couldn’t be said for the remaining three people in the room.
Asahina was completely petrified. Her eyes and mouth formed three perfect circles as she stood frozen, staring at Haruhi’s blossoming smile. Yuki Nagato wasn’t moving either. She stayed motionless with her head tilted towards Haruhi, looking like her batteries had died. I got the impression that her eyes had widened, just a little bit, which was unexpected. I guess even I-have-no-emotions girl was surprised.
Last was Itsuki Koizumi. He was standing with an expression that could be interpreted as a smile either out of bitter mocking or plain surprise. Koizumi was the first to recover.
“Ah, I see.”
He sounded like he had just reached some form of enlightenment. After exchanging glances with Asahina and Yuki Nagato, he nodded with an expression of understanding, then voiced an incomprehensible sentiment.
“Just as one would expect from Suzumiya. Very well. I shall join. I hope to have a good time with everyone.”
He smiled, showing his white teeth.
Hello? You’re going accept that explanation? Were you even listening?
As I stood pondering, he walked over and extended his hand to me.
“I’m Koizumi. Seeing as how I just transferred here, I’m sure I have a lot to learn from you. I hope you’ll show me the ropes.”
I shook Koizumi’s hand.
“Yeah, I’m…”
“That’s Kyon.”
Haruhi dismissively introduced me and moved on. “The cute one over there is Mikuru and four-eyes here is Yuki.” After pointing to those two, she looked quite satisfied with herself.
Thud.
There was a dull sound. That was the sound of Asahina hitting her forehead against the Othello board after trying to stand up in a hurry and tripping over her chair.
“Are you OK?”
Asahina responded to Koizumi by shaking her head like a bobblehead doll and looking up at the transfer student with dazzling eyes. Meh. I didn’t really like the expression on her face.
“… Yes,” Asahina answered in a voice soft enough to be mistaken for a mosquito speaking, while looking shyly at Koizumi.
“There you have it. We have five members now so the school can’t complain about anything!”
I realized Haruhi was saying something.
“All right, SOS Brigade! It’s finally time to unveil ourselves to the world! Everyone! Let’s join together as one and give it our all!”
What do you mean by unveil?
When I turned to look, I found that Nagato had returned to her customary position and was taking another crack at her hardcover.
You’ve been arbitrarily included as a member, you know. Are you OK with that?
Haruhi left with Koizumi in tow, saying something about giving him a tour of the school, and Asahina left because she had other things to do, so the only people left in the club room were Yuki Nagato and myself.
I wasn’t in the mood for Othello at that point, and there was nothing fun about watching Nagato read, so I opted to go home pronto. I slung my bookbag over my shoulder. Then I spoke to Nagato.
“See ya.”
“Did you read the book?”
My legs came to a halt. Yuki Nagato’s dark eyes shot straight through me.
“Book. Do you mean that strangely thick hardcover?”
“Yes.”
“No, not yet…. Should I return it?”
“Not necessary.”
Nagato never minces words. One sentence is all she needs.
“Read it today.”
She sounded like she didn’t actually care.
“As soon as you get home.”
Except she sounded rather commanding for someone who didn’t care.
Lately, I hadn’t read any stories that weren’t out of our Japanese textbook, but I figured if she was that serious about it, it must be good enough to recommend to other people.
“I understand.”
Once I responded, Nagato returned to her reading.
I furiously pedaled away on my bicycle in the twilight.
After leaving Nagato and returning to my home, I ate dinner and lounged around before returning to my room to peruse the sci-fi novel that had been loaned to me. Or rather, forced on me. The dense ocean of text was making me dizzy. As I flipped through the book wondering if I could possibly finish this monster, a bookmark fell down onto the carpet about halfway through.
A fancy bookmark with floral printing. I casually flipped it over and discovered there was writing on the back.
7 PM. I’ll be waiting in the park in front of Kouyou Park Station.
It was written in beautiful handwriting, almost like it was typed. The laconic handwriting did indeed look like it could belong to Nagato. But that would raise a few questions.
I received this book a number of days ago. This 7 PM would mean 7 PM that night, right? Or would 7 PM tonight work? She couldn’t possibly have been waiting every night in the park on the off chance that I might see this message, could she? Did she insist that I read it today because she wanted me to finally find the bookmark? But if that was the case, she could have just told me directly in the club room. And I don’t see the point in calling me to the park at night.
I checked my watch. Just past 6:45 PM. Kouyou Park is the closest station to our school, but it takes me at least twenty minutes by bike to get there from my house.
I spent no more than ten seconds mulling it over.
I put the bookmark in my jeans pocket, shot out of room and leapt down the stairs like the March Hare. I ran into my sister walking out of the kitchen eating ice cream, answering her “Where are you going, Kyon?” with “The station.” I unchained my crappy one-speed bicycle by the entrance, hopped on, and set off, using my foot to flip on the light. Pedaling furiously, I reminded myself to put some air in the tires when I got back.
I’d laugh if Nagato wasn’t even there.
Looked like I wouldn’t be laughing.
Since I was abiding by traffic safety regulations, it was around 7:10 when I reached the park. It’s removed from any major roads so there weren’t many people around at that time of night.
With the rush of cars and trains behind me, I pushed my bicycle along as I walked into the park. I barely spotted, next to one of the wooden benches underneath the uniformly placed lamp posts, the faint silhouette of Yuki Nagato.
She seriously had no presence. A stranger casually passing by might take her for a ghost or something.
Nagato noticed me approaching and stood up like a puppet whose strings had been yanked.
She was wearing her uniform.
“Was today OK?” I asked.
Nod.
“Could it be that you’ve been waiting here every night?”
Nod.
“… Is it something you can’t talk about at school?”
Nod. Nagato stood before me.
“This way.”
She walked off. I couldn’t hear her footsteps. She moved like a ninja. Seeing as how Nagato was rapidly melting into the darkness the further she got, I had no choice but to quickly follow.
After a few minutes of walking along while I watched her short hair sway in the gentle breeze, we reached a condominium not too far from the station.
“Here.”
She input the password into the number pad at the entrance to open the glass door. I parked my bike nearby and followed Nagato to the elevator. Once inside the elevator, Nagato stood silently with an unreadable expression on her face. She just stared at the buttons. We reached the seventh floor.
“So, where are we going?”
Yuki responded as we walked down the corridor of doors. “My home.”
I froze in my tracks. Wait a sec. Why was I being invited to Nagato’s home?
“Because no one’s here.”
Holy—wait a sec. What was that supposed to mean?
Nagato opened the door to apartment 708 and stared at me.
“Enter.”
For real?
Trying my best not to show the consternation I felt, I warily stepped in. I removed my shoes and had taken one step in when the door closed behind me.
It felt like I’d just crossed the point of no return. When I turned around after hearing that ominous sound, I was met by Nagato’s stare.
“Go in.”
And with that said, Nagato took off her shoes in one swift motion. If it had been completely dark inside the room, I would have dropped everything and run for it, but the large room was filled with the hollow shine of bright light.
Her place had three bedrooms, a kitchen, and a dining room. Factoring in its proximity to the station, it was probably an expensive place.
But still, the room looked utterly devoid of life.
We passed through the living room, which had a tiny table and nothing else. Amazingly enough, there weren’t even any curtains up. There wasn’t any carpeting on the fifteen square meters or so of light brown wood tiling.
“Sit.”
She said this before disappearing into the kitchen. I sat down cross-legged near the table with my back slouched.
As I ran through the possible reasons a teenage girl would bring a teenage boy to her home when her family’s out, Nagato placed a tray holding a teapot and teacups on the table, moving like a marionette, before sitting down across from me, still wearing her uniform.
Silence.
She didn’t pour the tea. She stared expressionlessly through her glasses, which only served to increase my discomfort.
I figured I needed to say something.
“Ah… Where’s your family?”
“They aren’t here.”
“Well, I can see that. Are they out?”
“I am the only one who is ever here.”
That was the longest sentence I’ve heard from Nagato yet.
“You’re living alone?”
“Yes.”
Aha. A girl who was barely in high school living all alone in such an expensive apartment. Probably some special circumstances there. But yeah, I was relieved I didn’t have to meet her parents so soon. Or it was too early to be relieved, wasn’t it?
“So what did you want?”
She poured the contents of the teapot into a teacup and placed it before me, almost like an afterthought.
“Drink.”
Okay, I guess. I drank the roasted green tea as Nagato watched me the way you would watch a giraffe in the zoo. She wasn’t even touching her cup.
Crap, it’s poison!… Yeah, right.
“Is it good?”
I think that was the first time she’d asked a question.
“Yeah…”
The moment I set the empty cup down on the table, Nagato refilled it with more yellowish-brown liquid. Having no real choice, I drank it. Once I finished that, it was instantly refilled a third time. Soon, the teapot was empty, and Nagato stood to go refill it when I stopped her.
“Forget the tea. Could you tell me why you brought me here?”
Nagato, frozen in a half-risen state, returned to her original position in a rewinding fashion. She still didn’t open her mouth.
“What is it that you couldn’t tell me at school?”
I tried to get her to speak. She finally spread her thin lips.
“About Haruhi Suzumiya.”
She gracefully knelt on the floor with her back straight.
“And also, about myself.”
She shut her mouth for a moment.
“That is what I need to talk about.”
And with that, she fell silent again.
Can’t you speed it up or something?
“What about you and Suzumiya?”
That was the first time I’d seen Nagato show emotion on her face. Almost like she was troubled or hesitating. Either way, you’d have to look really closely to notice it. Her expressive face only differed by a few millimeters from her expressionless face.
“It is difficult to convey in words. Discrepancies may arise during the transmission of data. Regardless, listen.”
And Nagato began talking.
“Haruhi Suzumiya and I are not ordinary humans.”
She was already saying weird stuff.
“I kind of knew that already.”
“That isn’t what I mean.”
Nagato stared at her fingertips crossed on her lap.
“I am not referring to the absence of universally accepted personality traits. I mean what I said. She and I are different from the vast majority of humans like yourself.”
“I don’t get it.”
“A humanoid interface created to make contact with organic life forms by the supervisor of this galaxy, the Data Overmind. That would be me.”
“…”
“My job is to observe Haruhi Suzumiya and report all obtained data to the Overmind.”
“…”
“That is the task I have performed since I was born three years ago. During the past three years, no uncertain elements appeared. The situation was extremely stable. However, recently, an irregular factor which cannot go unheeded has appeared near Haruhi Suzumiya.”
“…”
“That would be you.”
“The Data Overmind.
“A data life form possessing no physical body with a high level of intelligence, born from the sea of data which covers the galaxy. Make that the entire universe.
“Initially born as data before congregating with other data and becoming sentient. Evolved by gathering data.
“Possesses no tangible mass, exists only as data, and is impossible to observe through any form of optical measures.
“Has existed since the creation of the universe, magnified in accordance with the expansion of the universe, broadened its database, and developed while growing to enormous proportions.
“Held knowledge of the whole universe since the birth of Earth and this solar system long ago. From the Data Overmind’s perspective, this solar system on the edge of the Milky Way held no significant merit. For there were a large number of other planets on which organic life forms occurred.
“However, the third planet in that system was home to the evolution of bipedal organic life forms who developed cognitive ability, which could be considered intelligence, and consequently, Earth, as this oxidized planet is called by its present inhabitant life forms, grew in significance.
“For it was previously believed that organic life forms, possessing unconditionally limited data accumulation and transmission capabilities, could never develop intelligence.”
Yuki Nagato said all this with a deathly serious expression on her face.
“The Data Overmind held interest in the life forms categorized as humans that occur on Earth. Perhaps they possessed the potential to break free of the cul-de-sac of autoevolution into which data life forms have fallen.
“Unlike data life forms, which were complete from the genesis stage, humans began as imperfect organic life forms that achieved a rapid rate of autoevolution. They increased their capacity for data retention while creating, processing, and storing new data.
“The emergence of self-awareness among the universe’s maldistributed organic life forms was a common phenomenon; however, terrestrial humans were the first instance of evolution to a higher order of intelligence. The Overmind carefully continued thorough observation.
“And three years ago, we observed a data flare unlike any other witnessed on this planet. An explosion of data erupting from the region of a bow-shaped archipelago instantly shrouded the planet and diffused into outer space. At its center was Haruhi Suzumiya.
“Neither cause nor effect is known. The Data Overmind found it impossible to analyze the data. It could only be read as meaningless junk data.
“What’s critical is that humans should only be able to handle a limited amount of information, yet only one of those terrestrial humans, Haruhi Suzumiya, was able to trigger a torrent of data.
“Haruhi Suzumiya continues to transmit intermittent torrents of data at completely random intervals. Furthermore, Haruhi Suzumiya herself is unaware of this.
“Over the past three years, a number of inquiries have been performed examining the entity known as Haruhi Suzumiya from all perspectives. However, her true identity remains unknown. Regardless, a sector of the Overmind believes that for humanity and, furthermore, all data life forms, Haruhi Suzumiya is the key to their autoevolution and thus, has commenced analysis accordingly.
“They, as data life forms, are unable to directly communicate with organic life forms, for they possess no language. Humans lack the means to transmit ideas without words. That is why human-purpose interfaces such as myself were created. The Overmind is able to come in contact with humans through me.”
Nagato finally lifted her teacup to her lips. Her throat might have been parched after speaking a year’s worth of words.
“…”
I had nothing to say.
“Haruhi Suzumiya holds hidden potential for autoevolution. It is likely that she possesses the ability to control data in her surrounding environment as she wishes. That is why I am here. Why you are here.”
“Hold on.” I said this with my mind all a jumble.
“I’ll be frank. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Believe me.”
I had never seen such an earnest expression on Nagato’s face before.
“The amount of data transmittable through verbal means is limited. I am merely a terminal, an organic interface for contact with humans. My processing facilities are unable to fully convey the Data Overmind’s thought process. Please understand.”
Easier said than done.
“Why me? Assuming that I believe you’re an interface for that Overmind or whatever, then why are you revealing your identity to me?”
“You have been chosen by Haruhi Suzumiya. Whether or not Haruhi Suzumiya is aware of it, her consciousness has an effect on the environment in the form of unconditional data. There must be a reason why you were chosen.”
“There isn’t.”
“There is. You are probably the key to Haruhi Suzumiya. You and Haruhi Suzumiya hold all potential within your grasp.”
“Are you serious?”
“Naturally.”
I looked extremely hard at Yuki Nagato’s face for the first time. Here I was, marveling at how the tight-lipped wonder had finally opened her mouth, and out came this winding freakish spiel. I knew she was odd, but I never would have imagined she was out of her mind.
Data Overmind? Humanoid interface?
My ass.
“Now look here. If you go tell Haruhi this story, she’ll be overjoyed. Quite frankly, I don’t understand any of this stuff. Sorry.”
“A large sector of the Data Overmind has recognized that if Haruhi Suzumiya becomes aware of her own value and ability, there is the potential for indeterminable risks. We must observe the situation for now.”
“Isn’t it possible that I’ll tell Haruhi everything I just heard?”
“Even if you do, she won’t take the data you feed her seriously.”
She had a point.
“I am not the only interface placed on Earth by the Data Overmind. A sector of the Data Overmind intends on initiating proactive activity and observing the resulting fluctuations in data. You are the key to Haruhi Suzumiya. When crisis approaches, you will be first.”
I can’t take any more of this.
I prepared to make my leave. “The tea was good. Thanks.”
Nagato didn’t stop me.
She was staring at the teacup with her customary expression devoid of emotion. She looked a bit lonely, but I was probably just hallucinating.
After answering my mom’s inquiry as to where I had gone with some vague reply, I returned to my room. I lay down on my bed and mulled over Nagato’s long speech.
If I believed everything Nagato said, that would mean she isn’t human. Not even of this world. Long story short, an alien.
A mysterious existence. What Haruhi had been passionately searching for.
And it was right next to her all this time. I guess that’s what they mean by “Can’t see the forest for the trees.”
… Ha. Ha. Ha. Retarded.
My eyes fell upon the thick novel I had dropped. I picked it and the bookmark up and stared at its colorful cover before placing it near the head of my bed.
Nagato probably got those bizarre delusions running through her head because she sits alone in her apartment reading these sci-fi books all the time. She probably doesn’t talk to anyone in her class either. Just stays in her little shell. Forget your books. Try to make some friends, even if they’re superficial. Just enjoy normal school life. The poker face has to go. She’s probably pretty cute when she smiles.
I suppose I’ll return the book tomorrow…. Well, I might as well read it.
After school the next day.
Since I was on cleaning duty, I was late to the club room and found Haruhi playing with Asahina.
“Stay still! Stop struggling!”
Haruhi had again half-stripped a resisting Asahina.
“Kyaa!”
Asahina screamed upon seeing me enter the room.
I took one look at Asahina standing in just her underwear before taking one step back through the mostly opened door and shutting it.
“Excuse me.”
I waited ten minutes. The duet of Asahina’s lovely shrieks and Haruhi’s shouts of enjoyment came to an end. In its wake, Haruhi spoke. “You can come in now!”
I entered the room and was promptly struck dumb.
A maid stood before me.
Clothed in dress and apron, Asahina, on the verge of tears, sat in a chair and quickly turned to give me a forlorn look.
A white apron and wide-hem flared skirt with blouse. The pristine white stockings had a very fine luster.
A flawless maid.
“Well? Isn’t she cute?” Haruhi said proudly, as though she had something to do with it, while patting Asahina’s hair.
I can agree with that. I feel sorry for Asahina, sitting dejectedly with a pitiable look on her face, but she looks ridiculously cute.
“Anyway, that’s a job well done.”
Ignoring the whispered “No, it isn’t,” from Asahina, I turned to Haruhi.
“What’s the point in dressing her up as a maid?”
“When it comes to turn-ons, you can’t forget about maids.”
Again, I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“I thought hard on this matter.”
You only think about things that are better left alone.
“Stories set in a school always have an alluring character present. In other words, stories begin wherever an alluring character is present. You could say it’s inevitable. Understand? Mikuru is a Lolita and a timid person and also possesses an important element of turn-ons, being well-endowed. If you put her into a maid outfit on top of all that, her turn-on factor will jump up like crazy. Anyone can see that she’ll set records for turning on people. It’s like we’ve already won.”
What are you trying to win?
While I was basically struck speechless, Haruhi had gotten her hands on a digital camera and was saying something about taking pictures to commemorate.
Asahina, face flaming red, shook her head.
“Don’t take pictures….”
You can get on your knees and pray or whatever. If Haruhi says it will be so, then it must be so.
Haruhi forced the entreating Asahina into a number of poses as the flash went off over and over.
“Ahh…”
“Look this way. Tilt the chin a bit. Clutch the apron. That’s it. Bigger smile!”
Haruhi relentlessly took pictures as she rattled out commands. When I asked her where she got the digital camera from, she said that she borrowed it from the photography club. Isn’t it almost certain that she swiped it?
During this photo shoot, Yuki Nagato sat in her usual spot, engaged in her usual activity of reading. She said a lot of crazy stuff yesterday, but she was as tight-lipped as ever today. I was somehow relieved.
“Kyon, take over as cameraman.”
Haruhi handed me the digital camera and turned towards Asahina. She grabbed Asahina’s little shoulders the way an alligator would creep up on water fowl.
“Haha….”
Haruhi smiled kindly at the scrunched-up Asahina.
“Mikuru. Let’s make you a little sexier.”
The moment she said that, Haruhi removed the ribbon from the bodice of the maid outfit. She then quickly unbuttoned three buttons to reveal cleavage.
“Hey! No… What are you…”
“It’s fine! It’s fine!”
How is this fine?
Asahina was then forced to place her hands on her knees and lean forward. I had to avert my eyes from the ample valley of her chest, a mismatch with her petite body and baby face. Except that if I averted my eyes, I couldn’t take pictures, so I was forced to look through the finder.
I repeatedly pressed the shutter per Haruhi’s orders.
Cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she was forced into poses accentuating her chest, Asahina awkwardly smiled at the camera, her eyes watering close to tears. She was oozing incomparable charm.
Crap. I think I’m in love.
“Yuki, lend me your glasses.”
Nagato slowly looked up from her book, slowly removed her glasses, handed them to Haruhi, and slowly went back to reading. She could read without glasses?
Haruhi placed the glasses on Asahina’s face.
“It looks good when they’re slightly slipping off. Yeah, it’s perfect! A Lolita with shapely breasts in a maid outfit wearing glasses! It’s magnificent! Kyon, keep taking pictures!”
I wasn’t refusing to take pictures, but what were all these pictures of Asahina dressed as a maid going to be used for?
“Mikuru, from now on, wear these clothes when in the club room.”
“You can’t be serious….”
Asahina did her best to voice her objection, but Haruhi continued.
“ ’Cause it’s so cute! Man, even a girl like me can’t help herself!”
She grabbed Asahina and rubbed her face against hers. Asahina cried out while struggling to escape before finally succumbing to Haruhi’s will.
Hey, now. I’m getting pretty envious here, Haruhi. Or, like, yeah, I should be stopping her.
“That’s enough now, Haruhi.”
I grabbed the back of Haruhi’s neck as she continued her open sexual harassment of Asahina. I was having a hard time pulling her away.
“Hey. Cut it out already!”
“What’s wrong? You can do perverted things to Mikuru, too.”
A fine idea. But seeing as how Asahina was rapidly turning pale, I could not offer my consent.
“Whoa. What is this?”
That would be Itsuki Koizumi, standing in the doorway, his bag in hand, watching us struggling.
He looked curiously at Haruhi, trying to thrust her hand down Asahina’s open dress, me, holding back that hand, Asahina, trembling in her maid outfit, and Nagato, calmly reading without her glasses.
“Is this some kind of game?”
“Koizumi. Great timing. Let’s all have fun with Mikuru!”
What the hell are you saying?
The corners of Koizumi’s mouth turned upwards. If he expressed assent, I’d have to treat him as an enemy.
“I’ll pass. I’m scared of what will happen afterward.”
He set his bag on the table and took one of the chairs propped against the wall and unfolded it.
“May I sit in and observe?”
He sat down and crossed his legs, looking at me with an amused face.
“Don’t mind me. Please continue.”
You’ve got it wrong. I’m helping her, not assaulting her.
Confusion over with, I managed to get between Haruhi and Asahina. As Asahina weakly collapsed backward, I hurried over to support her. I was surprised by how light she was as I guided her to a chair. The sight of Asahina exhausted in her disheveled maid outfit was, quite honestly, extremely hot.
“Oh, well. We already took a bunch of pictures.”
Haruhi removed the glasses from the beautiful face of Asahina, her body slouched back with her eyes closed, and returned them to Nagato.
Nagato took the glasses and placed them back on her face wordlessly. As though her long speech yesterday was some kind of lie. Maybe it was just a lie. Some kind of elaborate joke.
“Now, let’s commence the first SOS Brigade meeting!”
Haruhi loudly proclaimed that out of the blue while standing atop the brigade chief chair. Where’d that come from?
“We’ve done a lot to make it this far. We passed out flyers, and we even made a homepage. The celebrity of the SOS Brigade in this school has skyrocketed. The first stage can be considered a huge success.”
How can you call emotionally scarring Asahina a huge success?
“However, not a single tale of mysterious happenings has reached our brigade’s e-mail inbox, and not a single student has come in for consultation regarding bizarre troubles.”
That’s ’cause fame isn’t enough to do it. Nobody has a clue as to what this club does yet. Most importantly, the school doesn’t even recognize us as a club.
“Someone once said, ‘Good things come to those who wait.’ However, we live in the modern world now. You have to find good things for yourself, even if it means digging them out of the ground. That’s why we’re going to go search!”
Nobody else was interjecting, so I did. “… For what?”
“The mysteries of this world! If we search every corner of the city, at least one mysterious phenomenon is bound to pop out!”
I would say that your mind is the far bigger mystery.
Completely ignoring the disbelief on my face, the enigmatic smile suggesting little consideration on Koizumi’s face, the absence of emotion on Nagato’s face, and the helpless look of resignation to what fate might bring on Asahina’s face, Haruhi waved her arms around and shouted.
“This Saturday! In other words, tomorrow! Meet at 9 am in front of Kitaguchi Station. Don’t be late. If you don’t show, heads will roll!”
Heads will roll, huh?
If you’re wondering what Haruhi planned on doing with the pictures of Asahina in a maid outfit, it was revealed that the damn girl was going to put the pictures in that digital camera on my half-assed Web site.
I noticed this after Haruhi had finished placing a dozen of those pictures in a row on the top page, all set to greet visitors, mere seconds before she was going to upload them into cyberspace.
This would jump the dead access counter up to five digits in a flash.
Are you an idiot?
I had to draw the line here as I desperately stopped Haruhi and deleted the pictures. If Asahina found out that those unbecoming pictures of her in the maid costume in knockout poses had been spread around the world, she’d definitely faint on the spot.
Oddly enough, Haruhi quietly looked at me as I fervently lectured her, but I can’t be sure if she understood what I meant by the dangers of putting personal information that may reveal your identity on the Internet.
“I get it,” she said sullenly before consenting to delete them. In this case, I probably should have deleted all the pictures, but that would be a waste. I created a hidden folder on the hard drive, stored the pictures there, and set a password instead.
I’ll save them for my private viewing pleasure.