CHAPTER 4

An Otherworlder Too Busy for the Dungeon

Now commencing the first-ever briefing session on explorations in the Other Dimension. Requesting cooperation from project participant.”

“Okay.”

Isolla’s voice echoed through the night. I sat all alone in my tent. Lady Mythlanica had gone over to the sisters’ tent, mentioning she had something to discuss among ladies.

“Please provide your report on project progress.”

“At this stage, I have managed to explore up to the fifth level, though I did use an unofficial emergency portal to access the tenth floor. However, no record of this descent exists. Due to a bunch of different circumstances, I had to sever ties with members of my first party. In exchange, I have teamed up with a mage, an elven princess.

“She bequeathed to me an item of mysterious power that gave me the skills to wield a bow and arrow. It’s insane. I’ve shot straight through an empty bottle behind me without looking—from fifty meters away! And it felt so natural, like I’ve had this ability for decades. Perhaps as a side effect of this same power, I can now also understand the official writing system here.

“As for supporters, I have Ghett of Maudubaffle on my side. I’ve also established neutral relationships with the Adventurers Guild, the Zavah Night Owl Trade Group, and the Ellomere Western Peng Traders. I have an adversarial conflict with the Kingdom of Remlia’s crown prince, Kero……something.” I’d completely forgotten his name.

“After compiling relevant data and recalculating this project’s probability of success, I have determined it has increased to two percent.”

“It went up! By a crap ton! We made it out of the decimals!” It felt amazing.

“Yes, indeed! This number represents an incredibly dismal evaluation of humanity, but for you, personally, it is a great accomplishment! Squad Member Souya……you have grown quite strong.”

“It’s all thanks to you two for helping me out.” My chest swelled with pride from Isolla’s uncharacteristically enthusiastic praise.

“Now then, dropping that ridiculous farce…” Aaand she ruined it. “…How about you try considering this figure as a ninety-eight percent chance of failure? How does that feel?”

“It makes me want to die.” Even the most famous doctor in the world would throw in the towel at those odds.

“Exactly. The first vital step in setting yourself up for success is accurately understanding your current situation. After conferring with Machina, I have decided to respect your wishes to the best of my ability. Or, more like, I’ve given up on trying anything else. You throw your guns away without a second thought, do what I forbid you from doing, extend your hand to others even though you admit it will cause you all sorts of trouble, expend far too many resources on cooking meals, fly into a rage whenever anyone wastes food, leer at all your female companions with lustful eyes, and—”

“I get the picture.” She seemed ready to go on for a while, so I cut her short.

“Nevertheless, you also acquired a power to replace your guns. It is conceivable that no other squad member could have accomplished such a feat. For that, I commend you. However?! ……At the same time, you have gotten yourself involved in a preposterous situation. I would like to explain exactly how outrageous it is, but due to the lock Machina has placed on my vocabulary, I do not have the authority to express its scale, as my words might unintentionally inflict you with a severe mental illness. But I do not have the authority to tell youuu. HA-HA-HA!!”

I wondered if she’d broken down, but maybe this was her true personality.

“My final question for today: Squad Member Souya, do you wish to abandon this project?”

“That’s a hard no. I’ve still got so much left to do. I can think about giving up after I try every possibility.”

“I had assumed you would say as much. We have a saying in my country that goes, ‘The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything.’ And with that, I bid you good night. The wind will blow strong this evening. Please wear sufficient layers to keep yourself warm.”

It had been quite a tempestuous day—I’d acquired a new power, fought to the death, gained new friends, and lost old ones. Almost as if in reaction to that, the night passed quietly and left a chill on my skin. Lady Mythlanica did not return to my tent. I guess I’ll sleep all alone tonight.

[11TH DAY]

A new day dawned.

“Good morning.” Lana’s dazzling smile almost purified my soul. Just a little more rot in there, and it would’ve erased me entirely.

“Morning.”

In return, I started preparing breakfast. After a little of this and that, I had a pretty tasty meal ready. Ghett also showed up, and we had our meal in what had become familiar company for me here. I broke bread with a merman, a goddess in her feline form, and an elven princess. Even for this world, this probably didn’t count as normal. We made an odd group.

Before long, Ghett returned to the river, Lady Mythlanica went back to bed, and Lana and I started cleaning up. For the record, I did tell her that she didn’t have to help, but she wouldn’t hear it. We stood shoulder to shoulder washing dirty dishes. If something this simple sent my heart soaring, what chance did I stand going forward? It made me nervous. Come on, rational brain. I’m counting on you.

Then, “……Is Éa doing any better?” In trying to get my mind to switch gears, I wound up asking a pretty heavy question. She hadn’t gotten up from bed since the night before and hadn’t shown up for breakfast this morning, either.

“No.”

Lana kept smiling, completely void of emotion. She started giving off a slightly cold aura, a darkness unbecoming of her lovely nature. I debated whether to dig any deeper, but then a horse’s neighing cut that debate short. A carriage approached us, driven by a middle-aged man, someone we had no need to fear.

“Lana, go in the tent,” I told her. She nodded and hid from sight. I held my bow at my side, ready so I could shoot at any moment, and hid an arrow behind my back.

“Sorry to disturb you so early,” greeted Pops, stepping out of the carriage cabin. “The king has summoned you and the princess. You’ll oblige him, right?”

“And if I refuse?”

“More people will come every day to ask until you agree.”

Kind of a low-key way to mess with someone. Now then, will the father of all adventurers side with one of his own?

“On one condition. On the way, I’d like to stop and tell everyone I know that you are taking us to see the king.” I could mess with him, too. If anything bad happened to me and Lana, it would tarnish his image, even if just by a speck.

“Sure. And let me tell you one thing right now. If the king condemns you to imprisonment or execution, I’ll risk my life to help you escape. I’ll even contract a ship to take you all the way to the Left Continent. But the man I know would not do something that foolish.”

“I can’t trust you.” After all, random strangers had granted him the title “father of adventurers.” Gossip always came with exaggeration. Lies found their way even into the poems written about great legends. I could only trust the people I judged for myself.

“Fine by me.”

Lana, who had been closely listening, emerged from the tent. We locked eyes for a second, and then I helped her board the carriage first. My bow in hand, I ducked into the tent. I tied Isolla and the quiver around my waist and filled the latter with as many arrows as I could carry. Then I put on all my usual gear and ordered Machina to evacuate Éa.

To my goddess asleep in a corner of the tent, I said, “Lady Mythlanica, the king has summoned me. I’ll be back.”

“Mm-hmm. Return before lunch,” she ordered, then let out a gaping yawn and went back to sleep.

I hopped into the carriage, whose cabin turned out to be simpler and bigger than I’d imagined, then sat down next to Lana as if I belonged there.

“Oh, Pops, are we dressed all right for the occasion?” I mean, I’d basically geared up for war. At the same time, I had no intention of removing any of it, even if he said I should.

“Adventurer manners dictate you should appear in full gear. You’re fine.”

Lana looked down at her own outfit. She had her staff, her robe, a small pouch around her waist, and other adventurer essentials. The problem was her white robe. Stains we couldn’t remove in the wash subtly stood out. It had once been a high-quality piece of clothing, but the fabric had ripped and pulled in several places. An indescribable expression briefly flickered over her face, but not too quickly for me to miss.

The carriage raced over the meadow, then slowed its pace once we entered the city. People crammed the main street as usual. We first dropped by the Zavah shop and got Lana some new clothing. Pops bought it for her. “Don’t sweat it,” he’d said. “I’ll have the king pay me back and then some.” It would’ve been rude to refuse his kindness, so I also got clothes for Éa, daily necessities for the ladies, and a whole load of underwear. Whatever we couldn’t carry, I asked to be delivered to the campsite.

Next, we dropped by the Ellomere Traders’ shop. After enduring the owner’s overly enthusiastic welcome, I bought three rather expensive bottles of booze. One of these I took to the constable at his post. “Is this a bribe?” he asked, to which I replied, “It sure is,” and handed it over. Then we headed to the Wild Ox and Silver Fox House, where I gave another bottle to the boss, who said, “If you were going to get liquor, you should’ve gotten it here.”

Afterward, we stopped by Tutu’s restaurant. Pops and I dragged Lord Baafre, who had once again been floating in the river, onto dry ground. He drank his whole bottle in one gulp to wake up. I realized then that I should’ve bought a barrel of cheap liquor for him, not one expensive bottle. I decided to pass the Adventurers Guild without calling on anyone. I trusted Evetta, but officially, she couldn’t take my side. It would be unfair to expect her to be neutral.

“All ready. Let’s go,” I told Pops.

“Aye.”

As planned, I’d told everyone I’d met that we were on our way to the king’s castle.

Back up—tell me this doesn’t feel like a round of final farewells. Wait, wait, wait. I’ve only gotten down to the tenth level, and that doesn’t even count because I went there unofficially, so I’ve really only made it to the fifth floor—only the fifth. My adventure’s just getting started, so why does it feel like everything’s about to end?

“Souya, are you okay?” asked Lana. “You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine, just disgusted at my own incompetence.”

“You should be more confident in yourself. You’re doing a good job. And regardless of what kinds of people or gods decide to criticize you, I am grateful to you and will always be on your side, no matter what.”

Her kindness hung heavy on my heart. Could I ever repay her? And could I do so while still pursuing my original goal? Ah, was this why my rate of success was only 2 percent?

“Did you two cross that line already?”

“Huh?!”

A weird sound came out of my mouth at Pops’s casual question. I would’ve loved to go there if possible, but one urgent emergency after another had left no room to think about that.

“No we have not,” Lana firmly responded. That doesn’t hurt. Definitely, not shocked, I kept telling myself.

“Good to hear,” Pops acknowledged, a deeply meaningful look on his face. I figured he wouldn’t tell me why, even if I asked.

My thoughts spun round and round on the topic, and before I knew it, we arrived at the royal castle. The small, moss-covered palace stood in the shadow of the dungeon in the northeastern part of town.

“Pretty dingy, right? Elite adventurers live in classier places than this. Our king couldn’t care less about that sort of thing, though,” Pops explained. “He also uses a fortress built almost six hundred years ago. As he says, it’s all good as long as it can keep the wind and the rain out.”

It certainly was dingy. Parts of its walls had crumbled away, only to be repaired with pathetic wooden boards. And it got almost no light, so even though it was still morning, the sun seemed far away. One of the chains holding the drawbridge up had rusted and snapped off. Maybe the only beautiful thing about it was the flag it had hoisted. Its design had a bull and a fox facing each other. I’d seen something similar at the boss’s bar, too. Guards did theoretically protect the entrance, but one look at Pops and they let him through without a word. We followed after and entered the castle.

Emiluminite stones lit up the castle’s interior, which had more elegance than I’d expected. Maids of various races welcomed us in rows. They all bowed their heads in unison, and I almost followed suit. Three of them led us to the second floor. That’s when—

“Lord Medîm, I’d like to have a word with your guests.”

—a maid it pained me to look at came around the corner. Bandages were wrapped around her beautiful face, and her left eye had swollen shut. She had long silver hair and black-tipped, pointed ears, and a fluffy tail peeked out beneath her skirt. I hadn’t recognized her without her armor.

“Fine, but hurry it up. We’ve kept the king and his guest waiting for quite a while. I’ll go on ahead.” Pops turned to us and said, “She has better sense than to start any bloodshed here. Don’t worry.” He could say that all he wanted, but I still wouldn’t trust her.

“Thank you. This way.” She showed us into an empty drawing room with a long table and chairs, dilapidated lights, relatively lavish curtains, and iron-barred windows. I stayed alert, ready to fire my bow at any moment.

The maid got down on one knee and bowed her head. “First and foremost, I’d like to offer my sincere apologies for the rudeness we have shown you.”

“Please do not concern yourself. It’s in the past,” Lana replied, but the maid spat back, “Elf, I did not mean that for you. I was speaking to Lord Souya of Japan.”

That pissed me off. She’d saved me the trouble of deciding what attitude to take with her. I responded in an icily cutting tone, “Apologize all you like; I’m not gonna let a single thing you’ve done slide. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Not at all. However, allow me to apologize once more. Regardless of the strategies you may have employed, you had the technique, the wisdom, and the tools to defeat all three of us on your own, yet I ineptly accused you of cowardice, thus besmirching your feat. For this, I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. If my body can serve to repay you, please do with it as you wish.” Her straightforward gaze stared at a very inappropriate place. I considered making a complete mess of her and leaving her in shreds, but I didn’t have time for that now.

“Is that all?”

“No. What I’m about to tell you is the real reason I pulled you aside.”

There’s more?

“It concerns my lord, the prince. He is irrefutably timid and simplistic, a demonic little bully, a skirt-chaser with twisted proclivities; he shows no decency befitting of the royal family and personifies not a shred of what it means to be king. We shoulder some of the blame for this, as we have not had the heart to admonish him since his elder brother’s tragic death,” she admitted, shitting all over him. “However, he is cunningly intelligent if nothing else. Rather, he believes himself cunning and has a half-baked understanding of debased matters, which he is now exploiting to proceed down a troubling path. My lord prince summoned King Remlia and the king of the elves. He intends to reveal everything that happened in the dungeon and formally apologize to the princess. Can you infer what this means?”

……Wait, so he’s going to apologize in front of members of both royal families? Which means Lana’s father will be there, too, right? So the prince is gonna apologize to an elf and fess up to what he did. I don’t know what Lana’s father is like, but most would generally lose their minds in outrage.

“Sorry, I’m not familiar with your customs here. But does that mean……he could start a fight?”

“If it goes poorly, it could devolve into war.” I felt the blood drain from my face. “Some among the elves still refuse to admit they have lost to the heims. They are a proud and arrogant race. They would not simply stand by silently if they learned that the prince of heims had trampled over and attempted to rape their princess. Additionally, this last defeat has cost Heuress a considerable degree of the power he had to unify his people. If he responds carelessly to this incitement, other members of his tribe will plot to unseat him. In the worst case, this could spark a civil war among the elves before anything else.”

The timid torment others for only one reason: They have no imagination. I should’ve made that damn prince into monster meat. But it’s not Lana’s fault; it’s my fault for listening to her.

“Should his actions spark a military conflict, the prince will most certainly fall under criticism. However, he can wash away any stains on his honor or sins with his authority. The heims have followed this evil practice since the days of old. Furthermore, some adventurers would gladly raise their arms in warfare.”

No matter the age or the world, there had always been those who love war, and some who couldn’t live without it. And as the merchant’s goddess said, “War is a profitable enterprise.”

“Elf Princess, do you wish to burn your people to death once more?”

“Absolutely not.” Lana squeezed my poncho hard. I would’ve done anything to ease her pain. The curse had ingrained that desire in me, along with the skill of the bow.

No, let’s be real. My own feelings are responsible for more than half of that, aren’t they?

“I’ve got a question for you.” One thing I couldn’t wrap my head around: the implications behind her apology. It didn’t make sense.

“My name is Lanceil. I pray you remember it.”

“Lanceil, why do you want to stop this war?” It would surely benefit the prince and this country.

“I fear for the king’s well-being. He is advanced in age, and his health has recently taken a worrying turn.” Why would a lowly maid, and the prince’s subordinate to boot, worry about that? There’s definitely something else going on here. She sucks at lying.

“Lord Souya, I have heard you are a wise and knowledgeable man who detests war. Unworthy as I am to serve you, please feel free to use me and my body however you wish. I beg of you, please stop the prince’s scheme.”

Damn, she’s just begging me to use her. It sounds almost sexual. I mean, she does have an amazing body, muscular and sexy, kind of like what you’d get if you gave Evetta a little more muscle and plumped up her chest a bit. Hmm? Their faces look kind of similar, too.

However: “I don’t know how to respond to that,” I replied. I had absolutely no ideas.

“Lanceil, everyone awaits our guests. Hurry— Ah!” A dark brown feline beastmaid walked in without knocking and with no sense of decorum. She looked at me and pointed. “You! How dare you tie me up!”

“Caroro, we have no time for that now,” scolded Lanceil.

“Nooo! The prince got angry with mee-ow because of you! He fired me as his guard! Now you must marry mee-ow!”

“Huh?” What was I supposed to do with this? She jumped and latched on to me, hugged me tight, and hit me with a surprise proposal.

“You little! There you go again!”

“Nooo! I’m gonna marry him right meow! I want a stable life!”

“No honest adventurer seeks a stable life!” Lanceil grabbed the feline beastmaid by the scruff of her neck and tossed her into the air. She made a perfect landing. This time, Lanceil approached me, took both my hands in hers, and looked at me pleadingly. “In any event, Lord Souya, I’m begging you! All our fates rest in your hands. I will do anything to assist you, even if it means offering you my body to—”

The feline beastmaid jumped on Lanceil’s back and started to strangle her. “There you go again! Not that ‘offer you my body’ spiel! How many times do you think you’ve used that meow?”

“Silence! This is but the third time!”

The two started bickering. I finally kind of understood the beastfolk of this world.

The door opened once more and—

“You’re taking too long!” Pops stormed in, furious. This wasn’t my fault. He dragged us out into the hall. The two maids caught up to us and went on ahead.

I tapped Isolla Pot on the top of her head three times. We’d settled on that as our SOS signal a little while back. Her message appeared on my glasses.

Squad Member Souya, I understand what you seek. You’d like a strategy to avoid instigating a war, correct? Machina and I have spent the past few days considering this question, having foreseen that something of this nature might occur. We ran five thousand simulations and determined……there is no conceivable way to escape this. I sincerely apologize for being unable to provide assistance. I am currently devising an escape plan; please stand by.

It was all over. This had ballooned into something too big for me to handle on my own.

“Souya.” Lana tugged my poncho. I could only imagine how awful I looked at that moment. “Would you allow me to handle this?”

“You have a plan?”

“Yes I do.” My savior goddess stood right next to me all along. “But I need to ask you something first.”

“Ask me anything.”

“Do you have a fiancée or person you love in your homeland?”

“No, just a younger sister.”

“I see. That’s a great help.” How? I tried to ask, but Pops came to a halt before a room and opened its doors.

It looked almost exactly like the last one. All the rooms in the castle had been built to look alike as a defensive measure against invasions. One elf sat to my left at the table in this room; two heims, to my right. The two maids we’d just spoken to stood in the corner of the room, along with another two people I didn’t recognize.

I assumed the elf was Lana’s father. He was the spitting image of Éa and looked no older than me. Leaving him aside, I turned to my real problem—the two heims. One was the smirking, idiotic prince. The other wore a crown over his bald head. He looked around sixty, but his chiseled face showed signs of great exhaustion. I could tell he and the boss were related. Perfectly tailored attire and a mantle clothed his flawless physique, and an unadorned sword hung from his hip. This, without question, was King Remlia.

“I imagine the sudden summons caught you by surprise. Forgive me; my incorrigible son insisted on having you come.” His voice sounded lower, and more pained, than necessary. Was he ill?

Maids pulled our chairs out for us and encouraged us to sit. Lanceil helped me with mine. She emitted a very strong I’m begging you aura from her every pore.

“That said, Medîm, why is it you are here? You are not a man rich in time to waste.”

“Lanceil told me she’d been injured, so I came to give her a hand with some of her duties. Don’t worry yourself about it.” Pops spoke frankly, and very casually, to the king. Only the real deals could get away with that kind of attitude.

The king looked at Lana. “Princess Laualliuna, are you well? I suspect it must be taxing to adjust to this unfamiliar occupation as an adventurer. Please do rely on me for anything you may require to make the transition easier.”

“No, Your Highness. I have no……difficulties to report.” I sensed a hint of murderous intent in Lana’s words.

“You do seem to have lost some weight,” the king of the elves said to her.

“You imagine things, Father.” Her tone took on an even more terrifying tenor.

Then King Remlia turned to me. “I understand you came from another world?”

“It is a distinguished honor to meet you, King Remlia. My name is Souya, and I hail from a foreign land called Japan. I am currently employed as an adventurer.” My voice shook a bit toward the end.

“What fascinating features you have. Young man, should we have another opportunity and more time in the future, I would gladly hear your stories of this foreign land.” That did nothing to calm my nerves. “Now then, Georg. Our guests have all arrived, as you requested.”

“In such case, Father, Your Majesty, the reason I requested you summon everyone here today was—”

“Wait,” the king interrupted. “First, we discuss Lanceil.”

“……I will explain that matter at a later time.” The prince shrank on the spot.

A terrifying glint in his eye, the king demanded, “No. I have summoned the king of the elves and their princess here at your behest. You swore you would explain how Lanceil came to sustain her injuries if I satisfied this condition. Lanceil is as stubborn as her mother. Once she decides she will not speak of something, a dragon could trample her and still she would not relent.”

Something’s weird. Why would the king concern himself so much over a single maid’s injuries?

“You realize you are disparaging my wishes, do you not? Every day you look upon our family crest: an ox and a silver fox. The ox is drawn in the likeness of the oxen Dark Crowned monster I defeated, and the silver fox represents Lanceil’s mother, who in that battle threw down her life to protect me. Can you comprehend the enormous significance behind defiling our country’s crest? Do you feel nothing for having hurt the person who would be your elder sister if the laws were any different?!”

All at once, sweat drenched my brow.

Shit. This is bad—especially for me. At this rate, I’ll get executed before any war breaks out.

I glanced behind us and saw Lanceil beaming at me with a stunning smile. I returned it with a look no words could describe.

“No, Your Majesty. I assure you I intend no such thing. I simply wish to proceed in order of—”

“What is the point of changing the order of business here? Do you mean to deceive the king?”

“N-no!” The prince comically panicked, but I had no mental space to enjoy the scene.

Lana took my hand. I wanted to ask her why, but she began to speak before I had the chance.

“Souya is the one who defeated Lanceil.” What the—?!

“Ohhh.” The king’s eyes shook me to my core.

“The other day, the prince’s party and the two of us engaged in a duel within the dungeon. We are fully aware that this is prohibited. However, a very important matter compelled us to proceed nonetheless.”

“Then let us hear it. However, Princess, understand that depending on how you answer, I may have to dispose of you both.”

Lana didn’t even flinch at the king’s threat, far from her usual, sheepish self. She sat ramrod straight, and I could feel the strength of her resolve, the kind you might need when deciding one of the most important decisions in your life or—

“We dueled so that the prince would grant Souya and I the permission to wed.”

Hmm?

Hmmm?!?!

Hmmmm?!?!?!

My mind went blank at the most unexpected sentence I’d ever heard in my life.

“Heims and elves are forbidden from wedding in the Heuress Forest. However, I am now but a common adventurer, so it is only logical that I defer to the king of the adventurers’ will. And yet, I did not wish to trouble you, Your Majesty, with the trivial concerns of a princess turned commoner.

“The prince learned of our quandary and bestowed upon us these words: ‘I challenge you to a duel. Should you have the strength to succeed, I shall plead your case before my lord, His Majesty, the king.’”

The prince’s face said, Huh? I never said that. Mine said, Yeah, I know.

“We fought with everything we had,” Lana continued. “However, we stood no chance against him. It was bound to be so. We could not hope to stand on equal ground with Georg ole Remlia, son of King Remlia, and his retainer Lady Lanceil, renowned for her bravery. The prince outwitted all my magic, and Lady Lanceil deflected every arrow Souya unleashed at her. However—”

The king ate up her every word.

“—our great hero Heuress imbued our last arrow with grace. Its power destroyed Lady Lanceil’s shield and shattered her helmet. We cannot credit our own strengths for this miracle. And yet, the prince magnanimously accepted defeat and provided us the opportunity to speak with you here today.”

This was probably how the history books got written. They didn’t actually mean much, in the end.

“Lanceil, is this the truth?”

In response to the king’s question, Lanceil responded, “Verily, it is so. In the last arrow they released, undoubtedly the very same arrow that vanquished Rhora the Great Spider, I caught a glimpse of the legendary Heuress.”

The prince flapped his mouth open and shut like a complete idiot. Serves you right, I thought but also realized I risked replicating that same expression and did all that I could to keep it together.

“Georg, you did well.”

“Huh? Your Majesty?” The prince regained his senses as the king slapped him on the back.

“You risked your life to honor the wishes of your people. That is exactly how a king should behave. I thought you hateful for acting out of nothing but self-indulgence, but evidently your children can mature before you know it.”

“Your Majesty.” Tears choked the prince’s eyes. What a truly lovely story—all of it bullshit, of course.

“You called me for this?” said the elven king, who had carefully watched the proceedings. His voice sounded horribly icy.

“Mellum, I assure you I—”

“Excuse me. I will take my leave.” The king of elves did not even wait for King Remlia to finish speaking before he stood from his chair. He spat one last parting shot on his way out. “My daughter is dead. I see only an adventurer before me. King Remlia, I entrust her entirely to your will.” A maid accompanied the elven king out of the room, and a heaviness clung to the air after the door closed behind them.

The king cleared his throat and in a cheery voice announced, “I, the first monarch of the Kingdom of Remlia, Remila ole Armaguest Rhasvah, hereby grant my blessing upon your betrothal. Would you prefer to use elven wedding vows?”

“Yes, if it would please you, Your Majesty,” Lana answered, completely ignoring my dumbfounded ass.