The Reincarnated Princess’s Introspection

One afternoon, about two weeks after the encounter with my father, I was heading to Lord Julius’s home in a carriage.

“So, has he shown them to you?” Sir Leonhart asked from his seat opposite me.

“Not, uhh...quite yet,” I replied, downcast.

Dropping by on my father during the day was out of the question, given how busy he was, but I couldn’t seem to pin him down at night either. I’d contemplated barging in before he went to bed, but I couldn’t quite work up the courage. If he’d pointed that absolute-zero glare at me and said “have some common sense,” I’d have been reduced to tears. Well, not really, but I probably would have flipped out.

“He’s busy all day long, and I can’t summon the courage to interrupt his work. But the sooner the better, I know. I’ll try to arrange a time with him within the next few days.”

I found myself making excuses. Fearing that I’d exasperated him, I lifted up my eyes to peek at Sir Leonhart, and for some reason he looked troubled. Though, judging by his expression, he was actually worried, not exasperated.

“What’s wrong?” I asked timidly.

When I spoke, he pointed his narrowed, jet-black eyes at me, and he seemed to hesitate for a moment.

“Have you informed Prince Christoph of your meeting with His Majesty?”

“I haven’t,” I replied definitively.

Sir Leonhart’s expression grew even more troubled.

Is that a problem? I thought, thrown into worry after seeing the deep knitting of his brows. Should I have to go out of my way to report every time I meet my real dad? Am I wrong?

Sir Leonhart had gone quiet, but after noticing that I was starting to grow flustered, he relaxed his expression to ease my unrest.

“U-Ummm...”

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I wasn’t criticizing you. Please don’t be so upset.”

My face must’ve looked rather miserable. Sir Leonhart stared into my eyes and smiled, as though comforting a child. I wasn’t overjoyed at receiving the child treatment, but at that moment, relief was the dominant emotion.

Thank goodness. I haven’t annoyed him.

“Your Highness.”

“Yes?”

“Do you have any plans to tell Prince Christoph the story that you confided to me?”

“Huh?” I hadn’t anticipated that, and my jaw dropped. My brain struggled to process his words, and I blinked several times.

What I confided to Sir Leonhart... That had to be the fact that I know the future. Tell that? To Chris? That’s, uhh...

“Absolutely not.” The words slipped out without resistance. “I can’t tell Chris about that. I’d even be more comfortable telling my father.”

Taking in my resolute assertion, Sir Leonhart’s piercing eyes grew wide.

When his gaze was that open and his mouth was slightly ajar, Sir Leonhart looked a little younger than his actual age. I would’ve liked to spend some time admiring that incredibly rare sight, but unfortunately, now wasn’t the time.

I cleared my throat to disguise the fact that I’d been captivated by the look on his face for a second, then resumed the conversation. “I’m sure that Chris will believe me, as far-fetched as my story may be. And I also think that telling him would benefit us when we take action from here on.”

“Then, why won’t you?”

“Chris is my brother, but at the same time he’s the heir to the throne. He can’t afford to have his actions controlled by information that might not even come true,” I explained. “The future that I saw is already beginning to change, and nothing that I know is certain.”

“Your Highness...”

“And that’s my excuse,” I added, wearing the same serious expression as when I’d come out with my seemingly sound reasoning.

Sir Leonhart’s eyes have been working hard over the last few minutes—narrowing to a squint and then growing as wide as saucers. I guess I’m the one to blame for that whiplash though.

“Assuming that the future I saw does come true, then that will one day put Chris in a position where he’ll have to make use of me for the sake of the kingdom. He’ll need to respond, not as my brother, but as a prince.”

Sir Leonhart offered no refutation. He stayed silent, face stern. It was just like him to refrain from meaningless platitudes; he’d never try to hide harsh reality with a white lie. That sincerity was what I loved about him.

My face mellowed in step with my feelings.

“It’s definitely not because he’s a cold person though. Anything but. I’m sure that my kind brother would fret and anguish before making that decision, because Johan and I are so very important to him.”

I expected that Chris could’ve chosen to make use of me on the night when the palace had been attacked. He could’ve reasoned that he wasn’t manipulating his little sister, merely ensuring that a princess fulfilled her proper role. I’d wanted to be helpful too, so he wouldn’t have needed to feel guilty.

Despite that, Chris had protected me as my brother. He’d hugged me and told me that I should let him indulge me.

Even though there’d never been anyone around to indulge him either. How could I tell someone like that to use me for whatever ends he wanted?

“So my real reasoning is very simple. It’s nothing more than my own selfish wish.”

I’ll stay as just a child for now; I’ll remain his spoiled little sister. That is, until the day when he doesn’t have to use me, when he can trust and rely on me.

“I don’t want Chris to use me, and I don’t want to force him to have to.”

Sir Leonhart gazed at me quietly. The carriage fell silent. Only the clattering of the wheels could be heard, but the muted quiet was not at all unpleasant.

I wonder how much time has passed?

Sir Leonhart breathed a little sigh and smiled. He didn’t seem annoyed at my incredibly self-centered reasoning, and he just narrowed his eyes kindly. “I understand. If that’s what you want, then let’s put an end to that topic.”

“Thank you, Sir Leon.”

“Not at all.” He smiled. “There’s no need to thank me.” Then the graveness returned to his face, and he bowed his head. “I have spoken to you in a manner most unbefitting a servant. I beg your forgiveness.”

This was an apology for having spoken his mind clearly instead of blindly agreeing with me.

I love this aspect of him so much too...I do, but it makes me feel lonely, like he’s pushing me away. Could I have gotten him to interact with me more casually if I weren’t a princess? But if I weren’t a princess, then he wouldn’t be guarding me like he is now.

I felt like crying, because the closer I grew to him, the more I felt a gulf between us.

“Your Highness?”

I hung my head and fell silent, not responding to Sir Leonhart’s call.

I seem to remember that there was a scene in Hidden World where the shrine maiden confides her worries to the royal guard captain.

The shrine maiden’s personal guard, Klaus, suffered an injury while protecting her. In low spirits, she went to the captain for advice. She wailed that she couldn’t stand how powerless she was, and he patiently comforted her by patting her head. He scolded her weakheartedness, and then cheered her on.

Looking back on it, he gave her that treatment precisely because she was the shrine maiden.

The realization sent sharp throngs of pain through my heart.

He did more than just indulge her. According to their stations, he was allowed to scold her, and sometimes to uplift her. He was able to call her name in that lovely low voice of his. She even got to experience having his big hands pat her head.

How wonderful was that? It’s not fair. I want to feel his big hands patting my head too. I want him to joke and say, “Aren’t you silly?” I want him to poke my forehead and ask, “What am I gonna do with you?” and then take up my selfish request anyway.

“Is anything the matter?” Sir Leonhart looked at me in concern. His courteous manner, and the vast sense of distance that it caused, made me feel even more depressed and dispelled my delusions.

“Sorry, it’s nothing.”

It was something, but it was nothing that I could do anything about. Just a prayer that would never be answered as long as I was a princess, and a selfish craving for something out of my reach.

As sad as it is, that’s reality, I thought. I mustn’t keep troubling Sir Leonhart with my unsolvable problems.

So I put on a smile to hide my feelings.

But...

“Your Highness.”

“Huh? Y-Yes?”

“It doesn’t look at all like nothing to me.”

Sir Leonhart refused to let me hide my feelings.

More than that... Am I just imagining things, or does he look a bit angry?