Chapter 37: Extra One · Qin Nan

Qin Nan recalled his childhood, and what left the deepest impression on him was the kerosene lamp.

This object is rarely seen nowadays, but back then, in the village, it was common, and even in towns, a family’s wealth was often described as “upstairs and downstairs, electric lights and telephones.”

When he was young, he was quite timid. At night, when he needed to urinate, he relied on his brother to light a kerosene lamp and take him outside.

That little bit of dim light seemed to possess an invisible power that could drive away the unspeakable fears lurking in the darkness.

So, he once asked his brother while they were sleeping in the same quilt, “Can we leave the lamp on while we sleep?”

His brother replied, “No, Grandpa will scold us. Grandpa said we should save the light.”

His brother was named Qin Bei, six years older than him.

Qin Bei told him that when he was little, their parents were still at home, and their grandmother was still alive. He said their dad would make grasshoppers for him, and their mom would make pancakes.

Qin Nan had never experienced any of this, because since he could remember, their parents had been working away from home. They might not come back for the entire year, as he heard that train tickets were too expensive.

They would only send money back home periodically through the post office. At that time, their grandfather would take him and his brother to the town to collect the money. Back then, there was a huge gap between the countryside and the town, and he would see stalls selling sugar paintings on the street, where he could stand with his brother for a long time.

But he had never tasted one; he only saw other children happily leaving with their sugar paintings.

It wasn’t until he was five that he saw his parents for the first time. They returned on New Year’s Eve, and it was snowing heavily that day. A man and a woman entered the door carrying things. His brother pulled him to stand at the entrance while their grandfather joyfully went to the yard to welcome this unfamiliar couple home.

The man was quite short and not tall at all, about the same height as the woman beside him. The woman had little expression on her face, but when she saw Qin Bei and Qin Nan, some emotion crossed her face. She asked their grandfather, “Is that Qin Nan? He’s grown so tall!”

Saying this, the woman happily walked over. She first hugged Qin Bei and gave him a kiss, then hugged Qin Nan and kissed him.

She half-squatted in front of Qin Nan, cheerfully calling out, “Nan Nan, call me Mom.”

Qin Nan looked at the woman but didn’t dare to speak. Their grandfather explained, “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other, Nan Nan,” he looked at him, “Quick, call her Mom.”

Qin Nan still didn’t dare to speak. Hesitantly, he glanced at his brother, and Qin Bei said coldly, “What are you looking at me for? Call her.”

Finally, Qin Nan spoke up, softly calling, “Mom.”

“And your dad too.”

Their grandfather reminded him. Qin Nan looked up, and this time it was much easier: “Dad.”

Their parents brought them new clothes. They took the two brothers on a tractor to the town. For the first time, Qin Nan tasted sugar paintings and played a game where they caught dolls with bamboo hoops.

Everything was new and joyful. At night, their parents would sleep with the two brothers, and at that time, he felt that it didn’t matter if they didn’t light the kerosene lamp; he wasn’t afraid at all.

But the holiday ended quickly, and their parents had to take the bus away from home again.

Their grandfather took the two brothers to see their parents off. Qin Bei’s eyes were red as he watched their parents leave without saying a word. Qin Nan glanced at his brother and suddenly seemed to understand something.

He suddenly cried out loudly, shouting at his parents, who had already gotten into the car, “Dad, Mom, don’t go! Please don’t leave!”

His father and mother poked their heads out to look. His grandfather held him back and shouted, “What are you crying for?! Don’t your parents earn money to support you?!”

He didn’t care, struggling and crying, while his parents sat in the bus. He saw his mother turn around from the window; she seemed to be crying too but didn’t want the brothers to see. His father sat by the window, waving goodbye to them with red eyes: “Dad will come back to see you next year. You guys be good and go home, okay?”

The bus started up, taking away his dearest ones.

His brother seemed to have gotten used to it, red-eyed, urging him, “Why are you crying? It’s useless, they’ve left.”

This time, their parents’ return made a huge impact on the village.

His brother once said that their father was the most useless person in the village—short in stature, with a soft temper. During the land distribution, he received the least land, and the land was the worst. Even the cabbages he grew were laughed at for being small.

But this time, their parents brought back many things, vividly describing life in the big city, a rapidly developing city on the coast that the little mountain village had never seen before.

Some people were persuaded by their words, and the next year, the couple next door also left the village, leaving their children behind to be cared for by their grandparents.

Those two children were three years older than Qin Nan and three years younger than Qin Bei. Usually, when their grandparents went to work in the fields, they would follow Qin Bei. A group of children would go to school during the day and come home with Qin Bei after class.

Qin Nan didn’t remember exactly what happened, just vaguely recalling that the two children from next door got into a fight, and Qin Bei rushed over when he heard it.

A group of people started fighting, and Qin Bei was hit on the head with a stone.

Qin Bei stayed in the hospital for a week, and their grandfather borrowed a lot of money to bring the children home. After they returned, the family that started the fight brought their children to Qin’s home, where the whole family sat down with Qin Nan’s grandfather to demand an explanation, claiming that Qin Bei had hit their child.

Their grandfather, wanting to keep the peace, paid the family a hundred yuan, and finally, the matter was settled.

While the money was being paid, Qin Nan watched from the side as their grandfather slapped Qin Bei, telling him to apologize to Qin Nan. Qin Bei held his head high, but in the end, he led Qin Nan in a low voice, saying, “I’m sorry.”

A few months later, when their parents returned for the New Year, they heard about this incident. Their mother got furious and took a kitchen knife to that family to demand an explanation. At that moment, when Qin Nan saw his mother holding the knife, he noticed a spark in his brother’s eyes. The two brothers rushed to that family with their mother, and a confrontation broke out. The hostess of the other family started fighting with their mother, and it wasn’t long before their father arrived with uncles. The fight escalated, but the Qin family was outnumbered, and their father was small in stature, so he was pinned down by two men, with another man stepping on him.

Qin Bei shouted and charged in but was slapped away. Qin Nan trembled in fear, watching as his father was beaten and begged for mercy, while their mother was being pulled by her hair and yelled at. Their grandfather shouted at the top of his lungs, “Stop hitting! Please, stop!”

He didn’t quite remember how that day ended.

He only remembered his father lying in a pool of blood, taken to the hospital. His ribs were broken, and when the police came to investigate, his father insisted that nothing had happened.

He heard his parents arguing at night, with his mother scolding his father for being useless, and his father yelling back at her, “If you get them locked up, how many of them are there? What if they come back and beat us again?”

His mother cried, and his father sighed. He looked up and saw his brother under the covers, biting his lip and crying.

After that incident, the children from the two families were even more at odds at school. Qin Nan was young and soft-tempered, so he just went along with whatever.

Qin Bei and the two children from next door often got dragged away after class.

One day, Qin Nan heard Qin Bei complaining to the other two children that life was meaningless.

The other two children sat in front of the fire pit, their faces covered in bruises, with their heads down, crying.

When Qin Nan was eight, their parents and the parents of the two children from next door didn’t return for the New Year. During the Lantern Festival, Qin Bei asked him if he wanted to eat sugar paintings. Qin Nan wanted to say yes.

So, his brother took him and the other two children, stole money from home, and ran to the town to buy sugar paintings. The kids went wild playing in the town; his brother bought a rope and took them to the mountain. Then Qin Bei said to him, “When we go home later, Grandpa will definitely beat us to death. Do you want to go back?”

Qin Nan was a bit scared, but he still said, “I don’t want to go back. Grandpa will worry.”

Qin Bei thought for a moment and said, “Do you want to go back or not?”

He said he wanted to go back, and Qin Bei said, “Then you go back.”

At that moment, Qin Nan had a vague feeling of what was happening. He clutched the big white rabbit milk candy that his brother had bought for him and took a few steps, glancing back.

The other two children didn’t want to go back; they stood with his brother. Qin Bei looked at him and shouted loudly, “Let’s go! Otherwise, I’ll hit you!”

Qin Nan was afraid of being hit by his brother, so he ran back.

When he got home, his grandfather caught him and started hitting him while asking, “Where’s your brother? Why hasn’t he come back?”

Qin Nan cried, “He’s on the mountain; he said he’s not coming back.”

If his brother said he wasn’t coming back, he really didn’t.

And finally, for the first time, his parents returned home, not during the New Year.

From that year on, his parents came back every year, but every time they returned, Qin Nan would hear them arguing.

His father seemed to want another child, and his mother would curse, asking how they would raise it. Would it grow up to be as useless as him?

Qin Nan listened quietly. At first, he didn’t understand, but later he did.

By the time he was a teenager, he also began to feel that his father was useless.

He started hanging around with some older boys at school, which made him feel safer. At least, if someone wanted to hit him, he felt he would never end up being trampled like his father.

He despised his father and hated seeing him berated by his mother every time. He loathed everything about the past, even himself.

Sometimes I dream about my older brother. He sits by the fire, its light casting shadows on his face, showing an uncertainty beyond his years. He whispers softly, “This life is meaningless.”

He rebels along with other students, getting into fights, smoking, drinking, and playing games. The teachers call home, and each time, his father would call back from a distance, cursing under his breath, yet he never comes home.

More and more people in the village go to the big cities for work, and more children like him gather to play cards. Occasionally, they talk about the future, and everyone seems to share a common understanding.

“Just go work, in the factories along the coast, you can earn over 3,000 a month. Or learn a skill, like applying plaster, laying tiles, fixing pipes. If you do well, you can be a small contractor and earn over 10,000 a month. What’s there to be worried about?”

Friends say this, uncles say this, and sometimes even teachers say, “If you don’t want to study, that’s fine, but at least finish your nine years of compulsory education. Once you finish, no one will force you anymore.”

Actually, he thinks this way too. But sometimes, when he sees the students in the front row studying hard, and their parents earnestly picking them up and dropping them off, he wonders what is different between those who have studied and their lives compared to his.

He finally asked his dad this question when he graduated from middle school.

At that time, he wanted to go work, but his father disagreed. So he asked, “Everyone else is going to work. I didn’t pass the exams, so what’s wrong with me going?”

His father was silent on the phone for a long time before suddenly saying, “I’ll buy you a train ticket; you come to Shanghai to find me.”

He was taken aback; at that moment, he felt a tiny bit of pride. He was going to Shanghai, to see the big city.

He took a train for a day and night, arriving in this city that had only appeared on television.

His father worked as a construction worker here, living in a makeshift shelter, and he moved in with his father.

During the day, he watched his father work, hunched over and carrying heavy loads. He would help when he could. At noon, they sat on the construction site, eating boxed lunches, and his father pointed at the tall buildings in the distance, telling him, “Look, those who sit in there must be college students.”

Qin Nan turned to look at him. His father’s weathered, dark face was full of longing. “You need to be an official, a teacher, a doctor—those who get paid by the country each month must be college graduates. Your dad has been working his whole life and knows how hard it is. You don’t know anything. What kind of work are you going to do?”

“That’s because you’re useless.”

“I’ll f*** your mother…”

Young as he was, he blamed his father, but as he looked at the tall buildings, and heard his father curse in front of outsiders, he noticed that his boxed lunch didn’t even have a piece of meat.

When he returned from Shanghai, his father saw him off at the train station, reminding him, “I’ve paid 20,000 for you at the second middle school. You go to high school, study hard, and make sure to get into college, okay?”

He didn’t respond, glancing up at the towering buildings in Shanghai. In the end, he just said, “You can’t control me.”

Then he returned and never mentioned going to work again. Many of the friends he had played with before had gone to work in factories.

He went to school in the town. On the first day of school, he saw many cars parked at the school gate. One by one, students got out, followed by their parents, who helped carry their backpacks and reminded them to study well, do their homework, and practice the piano on weekends…

This was an utterly unfamiliar world to him.

He entered the school, and not long after the semester began, he realized that his father had been deceived.

In this school, only about twenty students a year went to college. Most were just passing time, and all the students’ greatest hope was to get into a third-rate university, or a technical school at best.

Students loved skipping classes; those who studied were laughed at. They dated and fought, and it seemed that there was not much difference from his previous school. If there was a change, it was that he more keenly realized how difficult it would be for him to get into college if he wanted to change his life.

Some people are born in Rome, with cars and houses in town.

While he was still lighting his kerosene lamp, their parents already owned mobile phones.

When he thought smoking was cool, they already knew what a cigar tasted like.

What frightened him more was that these children were not living in the tall buildings of big cities.

He sometimes wondered what kind of life the children in those big cities were living.

But then he would tell himself it had nothing to do with him.

He began to accept what others said. If someone asked him about his future plans, he would smoke and play cards, saying, “After graduation, I’ll work.”

But in the back of his mind, his brother’s words echoed, asking if this kind of life had any meaning.

He thought it would be better to…

He didn’t dare think too much. Each day, he pretended to live like everyone else. His father called him, angry that he was living the same way as before.

To keep in touch, his father bought him a small phone, which led to more frequent scoldings.

The more he was scolded, the angrier he felt. He often argued with his father, and after arguing, he would go to an internet café, spending his saved money to play games until he lost track of time.

One time, after skipping school to play games for two days, his father called, scolding him that if he didn’t go back to school, he would come to find him.

Feeling annoyed, he decided to return for the afternoon classes.

That day it rained heavily, and without an umbrella, he walked to school as if punishing himself. Halfway there, he suddenly heard a bright voice calling, “Classmate, did you forget your umbrella?”

He turned around indifferently and saw a pretty girl standing behind him, holding a slightly oversized black umbrella, the tip of which was frayed and looked tattered.

Qin Nan stared at her blankly. The girl stepped forward, sharing the umbrella with him. “You’re a student at our school, right? Let’s go together.”

He wanted to refuse, but for some reason, in that moment, he chose to accept the umbrella.

“Hmm.”

He looked down, thought for a moment, and added, “Thank you.”

The two of them walked under the umbrella together; it was the first time he had been so close to a girl.

She should be a city girl, having lunch at home in the afternoon. He looked at her fair neck, wondering about her background.

When they reached the school, they didn’t even ask each other’s names before parting ways. He felt a bit regretful, and when he sat down, he turned around to see the girl sitting in the class opposite him.

In that moment, he felt a bit fortunate to think, oh, so she’s over there.

From that day on, he found himself unconsciously gazing in the direction where that girl sat.

He saw her attending class earnestly every day, studying hard. Occasionally, during breaks, he would hear others jokingly ask her, “Ye Sibei, are you aiming for Tsinghua or Peking University?”

The girl would smile and not say much more.

Qin Nan stood not far away, quietly watching. He didn’t know why, but he felt a sense of indescribable envy.

He envied those who could be so straightforward, who didn’t have to struggle, who didn’t have to fight against the world and themselves.

Just by looking at her from a distance, he felt as though he had gained some kind of unexplainable strength.

By the end of the first year of high school, she was chosen as the class representative to give a speech at the flag-raising ceremony.

Her voice trembled as she spoke, and he looked up at her, while the students beside him whispered mockingly, “So pretentious.”

However, he thought, she spoke beautifully.

That day, he deliberately bumped into her while getting lunch, and when she apologized, it was finally his first chance to speak with her.

“Can a person’s destiny really change?”

She replied, “Yes.”

“Yes.”

That was the first time he felt a response to the voice within him that had been quietly shouting.

At that time, he didn’t understand what it was.

He just started to frequently observe her, and as he watched, he began to imitate her.

But it was easier to learn bad habits than good ones; giving up was simpler than trying hard.

He could barely understand the lessons, couldn’t comprehend the books, and whenever someone asked him, “Qin Nan, are you aiming for Tsinghua or Peking University?” he would feel ashamed and fall into despair after trying hard for a while.

Yet every time he saw Ye Sibei studying, he couldn’t help but feel motivated. He remembered seeing her mother scold her at the door, saying she should go out to work sooner.

He suddenly realized that, compared to her, they were equally poor, but at least his identity as a boy allowed his parents to spare no effort to keep him in school.

That day, he thought for a long time before finally seeking out his homeroom teacher, Yang Qiyu. He quietly asked, “Teacher, is there still hope for me to study?”

Yang Qiyu was taken aback by this sudden question from a student and excitedly nodded, “Of course! If you don’t understand something, just come ask me.”

Studying well was a battle.

A struggle against oneself and the environment.

He failed time and again, only to stand up again.

He didn’t want to fight anymore, skip classes, or go out to play, but when he didn’t help, his friends would say he was being unfaithful and would end up bullying him.

He wanted to study hard, but he couldn’t resist the urge to play games, finding the questions too difficult and wanting to give up.

But fortunately, this time he reached out for help from the outside world. Every time he felt he couldn’t hold on anymore, Yang Qiyu would ask him, “Qin Nan, do you have any problems lately?”

He suddenly felt comforted and realized that sometimes, people really need someone to give them a push.

By the end of the second year, his grades improved significantly. He held up his paper and asked the teacher, “Teacher Yang, can I go to college?”

Yang Qiyu smiled, “Keep working hard, and you have hope.”

He joyfully returned home, wanting to share the news with his father, but felt a bit awkward about it. He pondered for a while and decided to wait for his father to ask him.

But as he waited and waited, his father didn’t call; he only received a notification from his mother.

The whole family hurried to Shanghai. By the time he arrived, his father had already passed away.

It happened at the construction site; a heavy board fell, and since he wasn’t wearing a safety helmet, he was rushed to the hospital but couldn’t be saved.

“Is the construction site going to pay for it?” his uncles asked first, “A person can’t die for nothing!”

His mother cried uncontrollably, shaking her head, saying, “He wasn’t wearing a helmet; they said they’d only pay 20,000.”

People around them cursed and complained, all talking about money.

He stood before the hospital bed for a long time, yelling, “Stop talking about money!”

“You still have the face to say that?” he opened his mouth, and everyone turned to look at him, cursing him.

They said he was ungrateful, that he hadn’t allowed his father to rest easy for a single day while he was alive, that his father had worked the hardest and most exhausting jobs just to send him to school, that he was unfilial, rebellious, and at fault.

He knew he was at fault.

He couldn’t say a word, keeping his head down and crying silently.

After scolding him, everyone decided to seek justice, calling the villagers together. By this time, most villagers were already working along the coast, but they gathered to make a scene.

They carried his father’s body, placed it in a coffin, and set it at the construction site entrance, hanging up banners, causing a ruckus.

After causing a scene for more than ten days, the body began to emit a foul smell, and when a heavy rain poured down, Qin Nan finally lost his mind. He rushed out, attempting to lift the coffin himself.

“Carry my dad back! You can keep making noise, but my dad needs to be buried!”

“Brat, what do you know?” his uncle rushed over, “If we bury your dad, who’s going to pay the money?!”

“My dad needs to be buried!” Qin Nan stared at his uncle. At that age, he was far less robust than he would later become. With red eyes, he stood in front of his uncle, repeating every word slowly, “He can only find peace in the ground. Money can be earned again, but my dad…”

Before he could finish, his mother rushed up and slapped him hard across the face.

“You never showed this kind of filial piety when he was alive. What are you pretending to be now? What do you know? You’re seventeen or eighteen; have you ever earned a single penny? Your dad’s dead; what do you want to use to support you? Support your grandfather? Rely on that little piece of land or your mother? Get back home!”

He stood there in a daze, looking at the woman in front of him, her face twisted with rage, unable to remember that she was the mother who had once sat on the school bus, secretly wiping away tears.

“Bind him up,” she commanded, “drag him away! What does a child know?”

After she finished speaking, the people around her surged forward. He struggled and screamed, just like his father had back then, being firmly pinned down, bound, and locked away in a temporary dwelling.

The room was very cramped and was said to belong to a fellow worker. Two days later, his mother finally came to see him.

The construction site was willing to compensate, offering five hundred thousand. His mother beamed with joy, showing no sign of sadness whatsoever.

He looked at her and couldn’t help but ask, “Aren’t you sad?”

At his words, his mother fell silent for a moment. Then she sighed, “Life must go on. And as for your dad… forget it, no need to say more.”

Forget it.

He thought the same way.

Finally, he could take his father back home.

According to the customs of his hometown, a person should be buried completely.

But when he saw his father, he had already been prepared according to the big city’s practices, turned into a tablet. He held the tablet, boarded the train, and returned to his hometown.

After arriving home, the village held a meeting to distribute the five hundred thousand, leaving only a hundred thousand for him and his mother.

During that time, he spoke little and often thought of his father. One day, he looked back at the papers in his backpack and saw the score of 60. For some reason, he ended up crying under the covers.

A couple of days later, his mother was about to leave again. Before she went, she came to see him, bringing with her rare tenderness, sitting at the head of his bed and saying, “I remember you liked eating White Rabbit candy when you were little. It was too expensive back then, and I never bought it for you. I saw it at the supermarket yesterday and got you a pack.”

Qin Nan lowered his head, sensing something but remaining silent.

His mother sat for a while, then sighed: “I know you have no feelings for me, and I won’t force you. Back then, I married your dad to help your brother get married. I came here to take care of your grandma. After she passed, I went out with your dad to make a living. I’ve lived my whole life for others.”

As she spoke, his mother looked up at the beam above: “How many years has it been since your brother left?”

Qin Nan was stunned and raised his eyes to look at her. He saw tears in her eyes: “When your brother left, I almost wanted to go too. I felt that your dad and I were so useless. If we had any prospects, could your brother have left? But then I thought, never mind, people have to live. Forget it, let’s not talk so much.”

His mother looked at him as he stood up. She walked in front of him and raised her hand to touch his face: “I’m leaving today. You need to take good care of yourself from now on, do you hear me?”

Qin Nan didn’t respond. He looked at his mother, and in that moment, he felt as if he had returned to when he was five, watching his parents leave.

But he couldn’t cry out like he did when he was five. He looked at his mother, anticipating what she was about to do. He wanted to keep her there but couldn’t speak it out. After a long time, he choked out, “Mom, I ranked third in the finals. The teacher said if I work a bit harder, I can get into university.”

Their class was the worst, and their school was the worst. Only the top twenty in the grade had a chance to go to university. His third place felt like an insurmountable gap to university.

He didn’t know if his mother understood. She was momentarily stunned and then appeared flustered. Her eyes reddened as she suppressed her emotions and nodded: “Good, very good.”

“It’s time,” she hurriedly turned away, “I have to go.”

As she said this, she rushed out the door, and he saw her getting on another man’s motorcycle, leaving their home.

He turned back and sat on the bed, then noticed that the spot where his mother had sat had been disturbed. He reached in and felt a stack of money.

Thirty thousand.

From that moment on, he never saw his mother again, learning from others that she had long since started a relationship with another man in another city. His father knew but pretended not to.

After their parents left in different ways, his grandfather aged overnight. On the day Qin Nan went to school, his grandfather coughed as he sent him off, saying, “Aren’t you going?”

His grandfather waved him off, coughing and urging him to leave.

He hesitated for a long time before finally stepping out of the house.

On the first day of school, he subconsciously searched for Ye Sibei’s figure but found that her spot was empty.

He felt uneasy. A few days later, he couldn’t help but ask Yang Qiyu, stammering as he inquired, “Teacher, um… that…”

“What is it?”

“Um, in Class 7, Grade 1, Ye Sibei,” he summoned his courage to ask, “it seems she hasn’t been to class for a long time.”

“Ah, her family had some trouble. They don’t allow her to come anymore and want her to go work. We’re still trying to talk to her parents.”

Qin Nan was taken aback. Yang Qiyu suddenly remembered: “Why do you ask this?”

As he spoke, Yang Qiyu smiled: “Do you like her?”

“No.” Qin Nan immediately denied it. Yang Qiyu didn’t press further, only advising: “Don’t let it interfere with your studies; there’s only a year left.”

Just one year left.

As Qin Nan left the office, he couldn’t help but think that there was only a year left, and Ye Sibei couldn’t hold on any longer. He knew that Ye Sibei was different from him. He had gained admission thanks to his father paying the tuition, while Ye Sibei had made her way up by herself.

His father fully supported his studies, while Ye Sibei persevered through her parents’ setbacks and worries to keep going.

For the past two years, she had woken up early and studied late. He had seen her under the streetlight while yawning, already reading her book in the glow of the lamp.

One last year.

Just hold on a little longer, Ye Sibei, and she would reach a world they were never meant to enter.

That night, he didn’t sleep at all. He thought for a long time, recalling his brother, his father, and his grandfather.

In his life, he had never seen anyone escape their destined fate.

He wanted to see it just once.

Even if just once.

After all, he wouldn’t be able to get into a good university and didn’t want to burden his grandfather. Working could also lead to a promising future. A few years ago, an uncle opened a store and started his own business, which was not worse than those of university graduates.

He struggled all night. The next day, he walked to the academic affairs office.

He processed his withdrawal from school and then found Yang Qiyu. He handed over twenty thousand yuan and said, “Teacher, could you please go to Ye Sibai’s house and tell her someone is donating to her?”

Yang Qiyu was taken aback and instinctively asked, “Where did you get this money?”

“Teacher,” Qin Nan looked at him seriously, “I’ve withdrawn from school. Thank you for your care.” Qin Nan bowed. “If I ever succeed, I will come back to visit you.”

With that, he left without hesitation.

Yang Qiyu stood in shock and ran after Qin Nan.

“Qin Nan!” he called from behind, “You’re going to regret this, Qin Nan!”

He didn’t turn back; he didn’t dare.

Because he also didn’t know if Yang Qiyu’s words were true.

Later, he took ten thousand yuan and went to the coast to learn auto repair.

Before he left, he visited the school one last time. He didn’t go inside but stood at the entrance for a long time, finally catching a glimpse of Ye Sibai.

She looked just as she always had—her gaze clear and resolute, focused on her aspirations.

He watched from the shadows for a long time, slowly smiling.

Then he boarded a train, swaying as it took him to a new place.

Entering the adult world, he realized how gentle this world had been during his student days.

At first, he thought about working hard, saving money, and eventually opening a shop.

But as he began working more than twelve hours a day for meager wages, sleeping on a narrow bed surrounded by the smell of smoke and instant noodles, he didn’t think about anything else—just wanted a good night’s sleep.

Slowly, he began to live one day at a time.

If he could slack off, he would, because he was just too tired.

Until one day, when the roads were blocked, and covered in grease, he asked what was happening. A colleague, rolling a tire, casually replied, “Looks like it’s the college entrance exam.”

He paused, the long-lost clarity suddenly filling his mind. That night, he called Yang Qiyu and asked, “Teacher, did Ye Sibai take the college entrance exam?”

Yang Qiyu seemed a bit sad and replied, “Ah, she took it.”

“How did she do?”

“She should be able to stay within the first-tier range.”

“That’s good.”

He repeated in the darkness, “That’s good.”

The next day, he woke up early, served tea and water to the master worker, worked actively, and asked questions whenever he didn’t understand. His mind was filled with the thought of mastering his skills so he could become a boss one day.

Many years later, he continued this way.

As time passed, he forgot what he initially wanted to do, but sometimes, when he saw students laughing on the road, towering buildings in the distance, and well-dressed women getting out of luxury cars, he suddenly remembered that girl from his youth.

He would secretly call her, listening to her distant voice, saying anything, summoning great courage.

Look, there’s someone far away experiencing the same hardships you are, but she has never given up. How could you give up?

She could have the life she wanted; you could too, Qin Nan.

But such comfort became increasingly useless as the years went by.

He began to realize that some gaps seemed impossible to bridge for a lifetime—some were in deep ditches, and some were in high towers.

He started to forget Ye Sibai’s appearance, but he didn’t know what instinct drove him to sporadically make an effort and lift his spirits.

Eventually, he finally saved enough money, returned to Nan City, and opened a car repair shop.

The shop had a stable business, and his life was neither good nor bad. His grandfather’s health was deteriorating, and he began to urge him to get married.

Thus, he started attending blind dates one after another in Nan City, thinking that this was his life.

He was indeed doing a bit better than his expected fate, but this “little bit” still made him feel as if nothing had changed.

It seemed he had always been powerless against this world since his youth.

He followed the rules of the world, went on blind dates, and then during a heavy rain, he turned back through a glass window and saw Ye Sibai.

The girl’s gaze was gentle with a hint of a smile, but she had long lost that sharpness from years ago.

They looked at each other through the glass window for a long time. He suddenly wanted to know how she had been all these years.

So, he stepped inside, prepared a lot to say, but after a long pause, he didn’t know how to start. Instead, she smiled and took the initiative to greet him: “Hello, nice to meet you.”

That was their re-acquaintance.

He had always thought that Ye Sibai, having gotten into university, would leave here for a big city and have a better life.

However, the person across from him told him that she had stayed at home, without a job. She stuttered and spoke cautiously, often stealing glances at him as if afraid to upset him.

She was completely different from the girl he remembered.

He couldn’t articulate how he felt. He told himself this was the reality.

Youth was an extravagant wish for him. Who would change their fate because of a mere twist of chance?

When stuck in the mud, no one could escape.

But for some reason that day, he still felt uncomfortable. He found Yang Qiyu and choked as he told her.

“Teacher, I regret it.”

He regretted it.

Not for giving that chance to change fate to Ye Sibai.

He regretted that people shouldn’t have hope, and even more, shouldn’t entrust that hope to another person.

After a night of drunkenness, he woke up the next day, feeling clear-headed.

In fact, Ye Sibai hadn’t done anything wrong; he had just aimed too high. Ye Sibai was the best match among all the blind dates he had encountered, so he asked her out again.

They went through a polite courtship, following the steps in Nan City: arranged meetings, proposal, and, before his grandfather passed away, they smoothly got married.

Not long after the wedding, his grandfather passed away.

On the day he left, he sat on the doorstep of his old home crying. Ye Sibei hesitated for a moment before sitting beside him. She raised her hand and hugged him, saying, “It’s okay, I’m here for you.”

At that moment, he suddenly felt a strange attachment.

However, this feeling didn’t last long. He soon realized that Ye Sibei always went home. Every time they had dinner at the Ye family’s house, Ye Nianwen sat in the living room like a lord, while Ye Sibei had to do all sorts of housework. When the family gathered for a meal, if Ye Nianwen got up to get more rice, Huang Guifen would have to say, “Give the bowl to your sister.”

Their family seemed to have grown accustomed to this pattern. One time, he couldn’t help but lose his temper, which made Ye Sibei feel awkward. On the way home, she kept her head down, and he couldn’t help but say, “If they make you do things again, don’t go back!”

She remained silent, and this attitude inexplicably irritated him. He didn’t know what he was expecting; he just felt tortured.

He shouted at her, “Say something!”

She lowered her head and replied, “I’m sorry.”

Their conflicts spanned many areas.

He was always trying to control his emotions, but for some reason, he felt an indescribable restlessness whenever he faced Ye Sibei.

He seemed to allow everyone else in the world to be weak, except for Ye Sibei.

Every time he heard Ye Sibei say “I’m sorry,” he wanted to explode, but he was afraid of scaring her, so he would run out of the door to smoke and calm down.

And she seemed used to all of it. Sometimes, he even felt an illusion that she didn’t care at all.

When she said “I’m sorry,” it felt like she just wanted to diffuse the situation, to brush it off and make it go away.

He didn’t understand why she had become this way, but he also felt it was natural for her to be like this.

Wasn’t he the same?

He had been enduring it. Ye Sibei always worked late, constantly subsidizing her family. They would argue and fight. On nights when he was furious, he would turn his back to her and remain silent, but she would reach out and gently hug him from behind, and he would feel inexplicably guilty.

Day after day, his patience wore thin until one day he discovered Ye Sibei had taken out a credit loan.

In that moment, he suddenly felt hopeless about life. He could close his eyes and see the future: it would be Ye Sibei continually supporting Ye Nianwen, their family a chaotic mess, and they would argue until they were unrecognizable. In the end, Ye Sibei might become her mother, while he would turn into his father or his uncles.

Realizing such a future, he finally made a decision.

He found a lawyer, wrote a divorce agreement, and handed it to Ye Sibei.

He moved back to the store, sleepless night after night.

But he knew he couldn’t turn back; he couldn’t let his life become more like his father’s.

Then he helped Zhang Yong investigate a case, listening to Zhao Chuchu recount memories of Ye Sibei.

As he listened to stories of the past, he desperately wanted Zhao Chuchu to stop talking.

He understood better than anyone what Ye Sibei used to be like, so how could she have changed into this?

But when he saw the recordings of Ye Sibei and heard her words, he realized that Ye Sibei was not a goddess.

She was just like his brother, his father, and himself—mortal and overwhelmed. Back then, there had been Yang Qiyu, Ye Sibei, his parents, and his grandfather helping him along the way.

Why should he demand that Ye Sibei go on alone?

He was her husband; he was supposed to help her, just like Yang Qiyu, his teacher, had once helped him.

At that time, he didn’t understand the reasons behind it, nor did he think deeply.

Later, when he reflected on it, he realized that from the moment he acknowledged that Ye Sibei could be weak, she finally transformed from a goddess to a human in his heart.

He accompanied Ye Sibei to report the crime, to bear everything together, to file a lawsuit together.

He taught her again what Ye Sibei had taught him back in the day.

Ye Sibei was on the verge of collapse, and he was already under tremendous pressure.

But just as Ye Sibei hadn’t fallen back then, he wouldn’t allow himself to fall now.

Ye Sibei was bearing even more hardship; how could he allow himself to break?

Yet, in the end, they still lost in the first trial. Seeing Ye Sibei kneeling in the rain, crying, he clearly recognized that he was still in that same place as before.

He watched his father being pressed to the ground and realized that he would never, ever escape.

But what if he couldn’t escape?

Just as his mother said, people must live. He accepted his fate.

But when he saw Ye Sibei’s determination, and realized what she was about to do, he felt as if he saw that shining girl from back then.

He discovered that Ye Sibei was always Ye Sibei, her spirit forever unyielding.

She did not accept her fate; she relentlessly pursued the rules of the world she wanted, clear as black and white.

It felt like he returned to that night when he learned Ye Sibei wanted to drop out of school. He thought for a long time, and in the end, he arrived at the same conclusion.

He would go in her place. He watched as Fan Jiancheng knelt down, feeling as if his soul was merging with Ye Sibei’s—or rather, the self he had longed for all these years.

He could resist; he could.

But he didn’t strike that blow; Ye Sibei reached out her hand to him.

He looked at Ye Sibei, listening to her nonchalance. It seemed he returned to when he was seventeen, thinking that if Ye Sibei could do it, so could he.

And when he thought about spending his life with Ye Sibei, about having a home, he suddenly realized that he seemed to have already obtained the life he wanted.

He walked towards Ye Sibei, stepping out of that youthful nightmare.

His brother said by the fire, “Is there any point to this life?”

He could finally turn back and look at his brother: “There is.”

Persisting forward, ten years, twenty years, one day you will reach the life you desire.

The persistence of the weak is the strongest resistance in this world.

On this road, he and Ye Sibei walked for twenty-eight years and finally reached the end.