Chapter 39: Extra Three: Huang Guifen

Huang Guifen was born in the north. In her memory, winters in the north were filled with heavy snow, with snow piling up to her knees being a common occurrence. She would build snowmen and have snowball fights with friends; these were among the few entertainments of her childhood.

She had a younger sister and a younger brother, and every day she had to go home to take care of them. With her parents working during the day, she was the one responsible for looking after her siblings.

Since she was just a bit taller than the kang (a traditional heated bed), she had already started acting like an adult, leading her sister by the hand and holding her brother’s hand. With the adults absent, she bore the heavy burden of caring for the two younger children.

She had complained before, but every household was like this. When she mentioned it, her parents would say, “Who told you to be the oldest sister?”

Being the eldest sister means responsibility and tolerance, even unconditional sacrifice.

When it was time for school, due to the turbulent times, her parents thought about the chaos outside and, since she had to look after her younger siblings, they kept her at home and didn’t let her go out to study.

At the age of ten, to support the construction of the third tier, she followed her parents and traveled thousands of miles from the north to the southern city.

At that time, the southern city had a huge economic gap compared to her hometown. When they first arrived, her younger siblings cried nonstop, and she found it difficult to adapt as well, but she had to hold it together, comforting her sister and encouraging her brother.

She lied to them, saying, “It’s okay, in a few years, Mom and Dad will take us back.”

But year after year passed, and after a decade of upheaval, China’s reform and opening up came, and the construction of the third tier announced its conclusion, yet they never went back.

These distant guests, along with the local residents, were building up these harsh conditions. She and her sister followed their parents into the mining industry, and the family supported their brother’s education together.

She had thought about going to school for herself, but as a girl, no matter how much she studied, she would eventually marry. After marrying, if her family didn’t support her, her in-laws would look down on her.

She could only take good care of her brother, hoping he could go to university and be assigned a job when he graduated, so that when she married, her in-laws wouldn’t dare bully her.

At that time, she didn’t have high expectations for the future; she just wanted to find a decent family, live a stable life, and most importantly, not be abused.

Her parents frequently fought, and every time she saw her mother getting beaten by her father, she would fear for her future.

What if her husband treated her the same way?

Sometimes she would wonder, if such a thing happened, could she get a divorce?

With the establishment of the new China, it was said that by law, women could choose to divorce. But as soon as she had this thought and mentioned it to her mother, her mother would slap her: “What are you thinking, you little girl? Do you have no shame? A divorced woman has no family to return to. If you die, where will you be buried? People look down on you when you’re alive, and after you die, you won’t have a place to rest.”

“But what if he hits me?”

“Then you have to endure it,” her mother said while washing clothes, and after a moment’s thought, she added, “That’s why I’m teaching you to be good at housework. If you’re lazy and clueless, isn’t getting beaten your own fault? Do you think a good family would hit you?”

“But Dad hits you,” she murmured, and her mother’s eyes widened in an instant as she grabbed a stick and hit her, “Have you lost your mind? What nonsense are you talking about?!”

Women must be smart, hardworking, virtuous, clever, and know how to protect themselves. They must follow the rules and never do anything out of line with men…

Her mother educated her from a young age, often telling her the consequences of girls who “broke the rules.”

For example, there were girls who got pregnant before marriage and were gossiped about, then jumped into the river;

Or a girl who went out alone at night and was ruined by a small-time thug. She reported him to the police, he was caught and killed, but her reputation was ruined, and no one wanted to marry her. In the end, she hanged herself;

Or a girl who was dating someone only to find out he had a fiancée. The fiancée brought people to drag her out, stripped her naked, and paraded her around with her shoes hung around her neck. Her parents were ashamed and didn’t dare to intervene, and after the girl returned, she jumped into a well;

Or a girl who, due to laziness, was not liked by her in-laws after marriage, got divorced, and her family wouldn’t let her return. She had no house and nowhere to stay, and now lives in a cave by the river, rumored to be selling her body to survive…

The stories her mother told were deeply etched in her memory and life.

In her early twenties, she reached the age for marriage, and many people tried to set her up.

As a northern girl, tall and beautiful, many boys liked her. After careful consideration, she finally chose Ye Ling.

Because Ye Ling had received an education, she thought he had a good temperament and wouldn’t hit her.

After marrying Ye Ling, things went as she had expected; he had a good temper and never got angry with her. Occasionally, if they had a quarrel, she would call her brother over, and when Ye Ling saw his brother-in-law being tough, he wouldn’t dare say much.

She worked at the mining company, and Ye Ling was a primary school teacher. When Ye Ling’s school raised funds to build housing, they pooled their resources and bought a small apartment together.

Life was going smoothly until they had their first child, Ye Sibai.

Ye Sibai was born in winter, and as it was her first child, Huang Guifen had a tough time giving birth. Ye Ling’s entire family rushed to the hospital, waiting at the door for the doctor to come out. Huang Guifen clearly heard someone outside ask, “Is it a boy or a girl?”

Then the doctor seemed a bit regretful: “It’s a girl; that’s fine too.”

That “that’s fine too” sounded very forced.

After confirming it was a girl, Ye Sibai was sent back to Huang Guifen, and then the Ye family discussed all night. Finally, Ye Ling came to Huang Guifen’s side, lowering his head, seemingly a bit ashamed.

“Guifen,” his voice was soft, “My mom said she wants to take the baby back to raise.”

This wasn’t new; Huang Guifen immediately understood what Ye Ling meant.

Over the years, family planning had been strict, and for people like them working in state units, they could only have one child. But not every family could accept having just one girl.

So in some families, once a girl was born, they would send her back to their hometown, secretly hiding her away, and look for someone who had never had a child to adopt her.

Huang Guifen held the baby; though the child was still ugly, she was very obedient. She had just been fed and lay in Huang Guifen’s arms, as if her mother was her everything.

Huang Guifen’s eyes turned red. Ye Ling became a bit flustered and quickly said, “Guifen, I’m the only child in our family; I can’t let the lineage die…”

Huang Guifen understood this too. Moreover, this child, a girl, had no brothers; if something happened in the future, who could help her?

“Take her away.”

She spoke in a hoarse voice, unwilling to hold the child any longer, fearing that if she held her a moment longer, she wouldn’t be able to bear to part with her.

She handed the child to Ye Ling and said, “Tell your mom…”

She paused for a moment, then softly muttered, “Forget it.”

Not everyone is born lucky, and even if they walk the wrong path, it doesn’t necessarily mean misfortune.

She didn’t say much, and Ye Ling, holding the child, felt a bit sad. After a moment, he forced a smile and said, “Why don’t you name the child?”

Huang Guifen turned to look out the window, where heavy snow was falling.

But the snow in South City would never be like that in the north, sweeping across endless plains.

As she watched the snowflakes outside, she remembered her youth, a time when she understood nothing and didn’t feel that life was hard.

“Sibei.”

She hoarsely uttered, “Let’s call her Sibei.”

That was the only thing she had done for the child.

Then the child was taken away. It was also that year when she faced the wave of layoffs; she was forced to leave her job and had no choice but to start selling breakfast at the school gate.

From that point on, having a son became an obsession for her and Ye Ling.

She had already sacrificed one child and had to have a son.

This time, with experience, she inquired everywhere, searching for medicines to conceive a boy.

She had heard that there were machines that could determine the baby’s gender, so she and Ye Ling spent a lot of money and pulled strings to find out whether the child she was carrying was a boy or a girl.

Fortunately, this time, it was a boy.

When the news of having a boy reached her hometown, Ye Ling’s mother took an overnight bus to the county to take care of her.

She had never experienced such treatment before. Her mother-in-law was kind to her, and Ye Ling was obedient, not even letting her carry her bag when they went out.

Having a son drastically improved her status.

She was extremely grateful to this child; during her pregnancy, she had already decided to ensure he received a good education, just like her brother.

Her life, her luck, were all supported by having a good brother. Now, she wanted to have a good son too.

Unfortunately, the good times didn’t last long. Not long after the child was born, Ye Ling was reported and lost his job.

With him out of work and the family already struggling, Ye Sibei didn’t find anyone to adopt her and simply returned to her parents.

With Ye Ling losing his job, the family’s difficulties increased, and Ye Sibei’s return added another mouth to feed. Huang Guifen found it hard to suppress her dislike for Ye Sibei; compared to her, Ye Nianwen brought her only good fortune, and she had to believe in fate.

She couldn’t help but complain about Ye Sibei frequently. Although Ye Sibei was young, she was very clever. Every time Huang Guifen complained, the child would retort, and sometimes, when she couldn’t win an argument, she would resort to hitting her.

She was busy all day, and when she returned home, there was chaos. After Ye Ling’s departure, he came home for her meals, which made her even more irritated.

But the only one she could complain about was Ye Sibei.

She questioned Ye Sibei about why she didn’t take care of Ye Nianwen well, to which Ye Sibei retorted, asking why she didn’t take care of her properly.

Huang Guifen couldn’t understand why an older sister couldn’t take care of her younger brother, giving way to him and sacrificing for him.

That was how she had grown up; how could Ye Sibei be so selfish?

Yet, she had hit and scolded her, and when she tried to impose her mother’s teachings on Ye Sibei, the girl didn’t believe her or accept it.

With the state promoting nine years of compulsory education, Ye Sibei had to go to school. She was clever and performed well in her studies. Each time she returned home joyfully with her test papers, Huang Guifen found herself inexplicably annoyed at Ye Sibei’s proud demeanor.

She couldn’t help but scold her a few times, but at night, when Ye Sibei was asleep, she would sit by the bed and glance at the certificates for “Three Good Student” awards on the table, unable to resist looking again and again.

She felt that this child was truly successful, much better than her mother.

Since the reform and opening up, the country had developed rapidly, and life had changed dramatically.

Especially after 2001, when China joined the WTO, people began to use mobile phones, and every household had televisions and DVD players, installed running water, and some even had toilets and bathrooms.

Along with the economy, people’s mindsets also underwent a transformation.

More and more families were splitting up and divorcing. At first, divorced women were scorned, but gradually, people got used to it.

The investment in only-child families allowed many girls to see different lifestyles, making more people aware of life’s injustices.

Ye Sibei entered high school at the age of sixteen.

In Huang Guifen’s old mindset, she would have sent Ye Sibei to work by now. After all, no matter how much education a girl received, she would eventually marry, take care of the household, and raise children.

But seeing Ye Sibei’s happy demeanor, she couldn’t articulate these thoughts.

That night, she tentatively asked Ye Ling, “Sibei has grown up. It’s useless to keep her in school; it would be a waste of money, don’t you think?”

Leaning against the headboard, Ye Ling read the newspaper in the dim light, “If she can study now, let her study. It’s good to read more.”

Upon hearing this, Huang Guifen felt a strange sense of guilt lift from her heart. It was Ye Ling who wanted Ye Sibei to continue her studies, not her. Girls shouldn’t be educated, just like she hadn’t; they should come out early to contribute to the family. It was Ye Ling who indulged Ye Sibei; she was not at fault.

Once Ye Sibei started high school, she was cheerful every day. But to cover the extra living expenses each month, Huang Guifen pinched pennies, and when the child wasn’t around, she and Ye Ling would never eat meat.

They saved water, and for years, they didn’t buy new clothes. When she saw a scarf she liked, she would look at it repeatedly but never bought it.

Such a life made Huang Guifen anxious and irritable, and seeing Ye Sibei carefree only made her want to scold her more.

In Ye Sibei’s senior year of high school, Ye Nianwen failed his entrance exam for high school.

Ye Ling discussed with her all night and decided that, no matter what, they had to get Ye Nianwen into a good high school. They borrowed money from various sources, gathering fifty thousand, and paid the so-called “campus construction sponsorship fee” to send him to South City’s best high school.

They were afraid of putting pressure on Ye Nianwen, so they didn’t dare to say much. But this money was ultimately a huge burden.

The couple discussed it and finally told Ye Sibei the night before school started, “Why don’t you go get a job?”

Going through high school and then college costs money. If Ye Sibei worked, it would help the family pay off debts.

When Ye Sibei heard this, she was stunned and a little confused. “I’m already in my senior year; why do I have to get a job?”

Later, she cried and begged them, saying her grades were excellent and she could definitely get into college.

Her cries finally pushed Huang Guifen over the edge.

Who doesn’t deserve a bright future? Why should she, as the eldest sister, have to sacrifice while Ye Sibei does not?

Everyone goes through hardships; each person has a painful life. How could she be so ungrateful, thinking she can fight against this?

That night, there was a huge commotion at home. Ye Nianwen hid in his room, plugging his ears with headphones and blasting cheerful music from his MP3: “Shout out to the sky and say I love you; say I miss you to the most beautiful star…”

Outside, Ye Sibei was crying, Huang Guifen was crying, and Ye Nianwen was crying.

Some cried for the past, while others cried for the future.

In the end, Ye Sibei was forced to decide to drop out. However, on the eve of her decision, a teacher from her school came to persuade her, saying Ye Sibei had excellent grades and someone was willing to sponsor her, allowing her to continue her studies.

Ye Sibei was so happy she cried, and she immediately followed the teacher back to school.

After Ye Sibei left, Ye Nianwen sat in his room and heard his mother softly sobbing in the living room.

Perhaps it was only when the difficulties were lifted that parents were willing to face their own mistakes and inadequacies.

Since then, there seemed to be a barrier between Ye Sibei and her family.

She desperately tried to escape from this home, this city, while Huang Guifen grew more and more afraid as the years went by.

She feared Ye Sibei would leave. She didn’t know why—maybe it was out of worry, maybe it was a resistance to her daughter’s dislike of her, or perhaps it was a little bit of selfishness deep down in her heart.

As she grew older, she began to fear what would happen to her when she was old.

Her mother was eventually taken care of by her and her younger sister; her brother, though earning money, didn’t understand how to care for people. She couldn’t imagine how they would manage without Ye Sibei, given Ye Nianwen’s temperament.

Ye Nianwen had gotten used to his parents’ sacrifices and had never thought about repaying them.

Thus, she and Ye Sibei fought fiercely against each other. Her temper grew increasingly volatile, and Ye Nianwen said she was annoying and didn’t understand how to adapt to the times; Ye Ling said she was stingy and ignorant; Ye Sibei said she never cared about her and didn’t love her.

Everyone hated her and looked down on her.

Yet, she had indeed devoted her entire life to them all.

Only she gave a bit more to Ye Nianwen and Ye Ling, and a bit less to Ye Sibei.

Later, when Ye Sibei had her incident, the moment she received the call, all her youthful memories flashed through her mind.

That girl who jumped into the river after calling the police, those girls who were pointed at and gossiped about.

Sex wasn’t really a big deal as long as it wasn’t known; what was the difference between that and being beaten or bitten by a dog?

In her life, she had seen the warmth and coldness of human relationships, the ten years of turmoil during the Cultural Revolution, and the upheaval following the layoffs in the 1990s. In the long span of life, amid life and death, poverty, and hardships, sex wasn’t significant.

What was frightening was being an outlier.

Ye Sibei’s generation, born in the 1990s, was hailed as a new generation crossing the century. Their memories began with Hong Kong’s return and China’s entry into the WTO, with national strength rising and economic, social, and cultural development flourishing.

This generation pursued individuality and independence, taking pride in their uniqueness, and could never understand how terrifying it was for Huang Guifen’s generation to be considered an outlier.

The completely different worldviews of the two generations, honed by time, finally erupted sharply in this disaster.

She tried to protect her daughter in her own way, but in the end, her daughter told her that her protection was the greatest oppression.

When her daughter told her, “You’re getting old,” she felt a little lost.

That night, she opened the internet and saw so many people cursing Ye Sibei, but among those who criticized her, there were also many who supported her.

That night, it felt as if she had returned to her hometown in her dreams. In the heavy snow, her younger self trudged through the storm, packing snowballs, having snowball fights, building snowmen. Back then, she never knew how she differed from men.

Her daughter had no way out; she had to stand up. If she didn’t support Ye Sibei, what would happen to her?

She accompanied Ye Sibei in the legal battle, going through it to the end. For a moment, she felt she wasn’t accompanying Ye Sibei.

When Ye Sibei decided to leave the southern city and she saw her sitting in the car, leaving home behind.

She saw the light shining on Ye Sibei’s car and vaguely saw her younger self.

Ye Sibei, go ahead.

Perhaps in this life, I will never learn to love you purely, but I hope you can live better than I did, that you can learn to love yourself openly and purely love your child.

Do not disappoint the times, do not disappoint yourself.