Chapter 309

Fu Tingjun was taken aback. Thinking of the intricate and tangled relations in the Yu family's rear courtyard, she suspected that Concubine Wu had likely done some things that could not bear the light of day. But those were matters of the past. Now that she had left the Yu household, she was no longer a member of the Yu family. Fu Tingjun only hoped that from now on, the woman would not stray from the right path again and would conduct herself with dignity. Seeing her weep so heartbrokenly, Fu Tingjun's heart softened. She let out a faint sigh and gently advised her, "As the Buddha's saying goes, 'Lay down the butcher's knife, and become a Buddha on the spot.' As long as you are willing to turn toward goodness and accumulate virtue from this day forward, the Bodhisattva will surely protect you." Then she bent down to help her up.

But Miss Wu clung tightly to her hand, refusing to let go. Still kneeling there, her tears fell even harder: "Madam Zhao... you don't know... that day when I encountered you at Tanzhe Temple, I wanted to tell you... I did not wish to be a concubine, yet I could not bear to watch my elderly father and young sister be driven to desperation... When I arrived at the Yu household, Yu Xiujing would not even deign to look at me. Every gesture of his was tinged with coldness and indifference. Madam Wu only kept urging me to curry favor with Madam Yu and Yu Xiujing... I had so many thoughts bottled up inside with no one to confide in... I thought to myself, this is fine—I'll just treat it as if I were cultivating myself in a nunnery... But then, unexpectedly, I became pregnant..." As she spoke, the color drained from her face. "At the time, I was overjoyed. I thought that if I could bear a child, I would have something to look forward to in the days ahead. Although Yu Xiujing looked down on me, the child would still be his own flesh and blood. For the child's sake, he might show me some respect, treat me courteously in front of others—and I would be content with that... But I never expected that he would show not the slightest joy. Instead, he found fault with me at every turn, gave me cold looks, and treated me even worse than before... It was only then that I understood my true situation... Even if the child were born, it would be just like me—forever subject to his moods, and even to the moods of the legitimate son... So I thought, why did I have to become pregnant? If only I didn't have this child, how wonderful that would be!"

Fu Tingjun's heart gave a sudden lurch. She vaguely sensed that something had happened that made her shiver with dread, and her heart tightened involuntarily.

"...That year on the Ghost Festival, Madam Yu and the young mistress were going to Tanzhe Temple to offer incense," Miss Wu said, her gaze vacant, staring blankly into the air as she murmured. "I went to see them off, waiting early at the ornamental screen gate... Madam Yu had not yet arrived. Before long, the young mistress came walking over with a crowd of attendants... I hurried forward to pay my respects... But the young mistress did not even glance at me. She gave a snort through her nose and swept past me... Those maidservants and matrons all jostled to keep close behind the young mistress. I don't know who it was, but as they passed me, someone bumped my shoulder... I knew someone was deliberately tripping me up to curry favor with the young mistress. Fearing they might pull the same trick again, I stepped back a few paces... I didn't notice there was a step behind me, and I fell flat on my back down the stairs..."

Fu Tingjun let out an "Aiyo!" and widened her eyes: "So it wasn't Lady Fan who pushed you, then?"

"No!" A flush of red flashed across Miss Wu's pale face. She avoided Fu Tingjun's gaze, lowering her head in shame and embarrassment. "It was my own carelessness..." she said in a small voice. "Lianxin was so frightened she went stiff, and it took her a moment to react. She grabbed my hand and kept asking, 'Elder Aunt, what happened to you?' Her lips were white... But the young mistress only frowned and glanced at me, then scolded the maidservants beside her: 'What are you all standing there gawking for? Why don't you help the concubine back to her room and send for a doctor to examine her?' The maidservant and Lianxin helped me toward the back... Just then Madam Yu came over. Seeing two maidservants supporting me, she asked what had happened. The young mistress said lightly with a smile: 'Nothing! I saw that Concubine Wu is far along in her pregnancy, so I told her she needn't see me off. I sent a young maidservant to help her back'... At the time, my waist felt as if it were about to break, and I could barely walk steadily. Madam Yu glanced at me, gave only a faint 'Mm,' and without looking back, boarded the carriage with the young mistress."

"Only then did I fully understand."

"No matter how kind Madam Yu usually treated me, when it came to family interests and disputes over heirs, she would never stand on my side. Only I, foolishly, still remembered the words she had once spoken—'As long as you give birth to the child, it will be raised by my side. As long as I have a mouthful of rice to eat, I will never let him drink thin gruel'..."

As she spoke, the tears that had just stopped began to fall once more.

"When I returned to my room, I felt something was wrong."

"But whenever I thought of the casual, dismissive tone the young mistress used when speaking to Madam Yu, and the hint of lofty indifference in Madam Yu's voice, my heart felt as if it were being pricked by needles... Since none of you wanted this child, why should I care! I had long since lost any desire to live anyway. At worst, I would pay with my own life..."

Fu Tingjun couldn't help but tightly grip Miss Wu's hand.

Concubine Wu's lips trembled. "I kept quiet the whole time. In the afternoon, when Madam Yu and the eldest young mistress were about to return from the temple, Lianxin came to ask if I wanted to wait at the hanging flower gate, and only then did she notice something was wrong with me..." Her voice grew softer and softer. "Later, the imperial physician came... I quietly poured the medicine away..." At this point, she burst into loud sobs.

Fu Tingjun felt an indescribable sadness in her heart.

She didn't know whether it was for Miss Wu, or for the child who had been abandoned by its mother because it was unwanted.

But looking at Miss Wu, who was crying so hard she couldn't speak, she felt as though she could quite understand Miss Wu's choice.

Take herself, for example—every time she saw her children and thought of their father, her heart would feel as sweet as if she had drunk honey water.

"Stop crying!" Fu Tingjun urged Miss Wu, her voice carrying more sincere gentleness and less perfunctory politeness than before. Even she herself hadn't expected this, and felt slightly surprised. "What's past is past. People must look forward; only then can life get better and better. Look at those village women—they're still working in the fields when they're about to give birth. Clearly, whether a child survives isn't entirely about being careful. It's just that you and that child weren't meant to be..."

Miss Wu looked up in surprise, her eyes, washed clean by tears, dark and bright. "You... you forgive me..." she said cautiously, her expression filled with anxious hope.

Fu Tingjun was taken aback, then understood.

Miss Wu was someone who had read the Admonitions for Women and the Biographies of Exemplary Women . From an ethical standpoint, as a mother, she had essentially killed her own child with her own hands—a grave sin, one for which even descending to the eighteenth level of hell after death would not be punishment enough. But from an emotional standpoint, she felt that she had spared the child the pain of facing the distinction between legitimate and concubine-born status, spared the child the lifelong humiliation of being forever inferior as a concubine's son. She believed she had done the right thing. Torn by this contradiction, she urgently needed someone to judge her actions...

Perhaps because she couldn't speak of this matter to anyone, or perhaps for some other reason, Miss Wu had made Fu Tingjun the one to pass judgment on her.

Was it because of this that Miss Wu felt such an inexplicable fondness and closeness toward her?

Fu Tingjun couldn't say for certain.

She hoped her words and actions could comfort Miss Wu's frightened heart, and she sincerely hoped Miss Wu could cast aside all that had come before and begin a new life.

In a sense, she and Miss Wu were both victims of Yu Xiujing.

"What right do I have to speak of forgiveness?" she said with a smile. "It's just that I think, in this life, no one can avoid making mistakes. What matters is that we don't repeat the same mistakes over and over."

Miss Wu quickly said, "I'll never do such a thing again!" Then, feeling the words were somewhat inappropriate, she added hurriedly, "There's a Lotus Nunnery near where we live that takes in elderly people who are alone and helpless, and children abandoned by their parents. I've already discussed it with my father, brother-in-law, and sister. After I return, I'll become a lay devotee at the Lotus Nunnery nearby, helping the nuns there care for the elderly and the children."

Fu Tingjun was somewhat surprised by the open-mindedness of Miss Wu's family. On reflection, she thought it was for the best. Caring for others and gaining recognition would help her slowly forget the pain of the past.

She called for Yuwei to bring in a hundred-tael banknote.

"This is my donation for incense money to the Lotus Nunnery," Fu Tingjun said, pressing the banknote into Miss Wu's hand. "If the nunnery ever encounters difficulties in the future, just send me word. I can't promise much, but donating some incense money is well within my means."

Seeing the sincerity in Fu Tingjun's words, Miss Wu thought for a moment, and not wanting to be overly modest, accepted the banknote. "I'll tell the head nun about this, and I'll also burn a stick of incense before the Bodhisattva every day on your behalf, praying that the Bodhisattva protects your entire household with peace and that all your affairs go smoothly!"

Fu Tingjun thanked her, and the two chatted for a while longer. When noon approached, Fu Tingjun invited Miss Wu to stay for lunch, but Miss Wu politely declined, saying she still needed to take her leave of Madam Wu. Fu Tingjun didn't press her further and escorted her to the main gate.

On the day Miss Wu departed, Fu Tingjun sent Yuwei with travel expenses to see her off. When Yuwei returned, Madam Wu had come along with her, and her words were full of gratitude toward Fu Tingjun for seeing off Miss Wu. Fu Tingjun brushed her off with a few perfunctory remarks and turned the conversation to the spring banquet on the second day of the second month. Madam Wu enthusiastically talked about whom she had invited and how the banquet was arranged, letting the matter drop.

Before they knew it, it was already the third month. The officials who had come to the capital to report on their duties had all gradually left the capital, but Zhao Ling was nowhere to be seen.

Fu Tingjun couldn't help feeling anxious and sent A Sen to make inquiries.

A Sen had not yet sent word when Manager Ye suddenly came to visit. He explained that the restaurant she had invested in had been doing very brisk business over the past few years, and the original location was becoming somewhat inadequate. He wanted to do two things: first, acquire the neighboring shop as well, and second, open branch locations on both East Street and West Street. This meant their capital was running short, so he had come to discuss with Fu Tingjun whether she might be willing to put this year's dividend of ten thousand taels back into the business to fund the expansion.

When Fu Tingjun had originally invested in the restaurant, she had merely wanted to cover her household expenses. Now that it not only covered those expenses with room to spare but also allowed her to save, she was already quite pleased. She asked about Manager Ye's plans, and hearing how methodically everything was arranged, she knew they weren't acting on a whim just because business was good. She readily handed over a ten-thousand-tael bank draft to Manager Ye.

Manager Ye left with a beaming smile.

The next day, he returned with several potential locations for her to consider.

The two of them deliberated back and forth, and another half a day passed.

Then came the shop's interior decor, the selection of dishes... Fu Tingjun was kept busy every day, rushing about in a whirlwind, yet the doubt in her heart grew larger and larger.

She was only a shareholder—these matters of daily operations didn't seem to fall within her purview...