Two Paths

 TWO PATHS

“…… Sorry ‘bout that.”

Not three steps in the door and Keika pokes her head out of the kitchen.

“You should be apologizing to Yaichi and Ginko, not me. They went out looking for you, so they deserve a thank you. Oh, and Ai covered for you in the classroom. Make sure she gets paid, okay?”

“…………… Water.”

“Already on the table.”

Keika disappears back into the kitchen. Holdin’ my head to keep the room from dancin’, I stagger in after her.

She ain’t keepin’ her distance ’cause she’s angry. Just the opposite, it’s ’cause she was worryin’ about me.

Bein’ nice to a competitor comin’ home after a defeat only rubs salt on the wounds.

There it is, a big pitcher of ice water sittin’ on the table. She must’ve gotten it ready when she heard me come in. That’s just like her, knowin’ I’d want ice water when I got home.

My body’s cravin’ it …… But I still pause before takin’ a gulp.

–––Drinkin’ this’ll bring back all yesterday’s memories once the buzz wears off ……

Gettin’ offed by a mistake I can’t believe I made, the demotion warnin’ light flashin’ red, fightin’ with my apprentice …… They’ll all catch up to me at once.

“………… It didn’t used to be like this in the Shogi world ……”

I plop down in a kitchen chair and groan between gulps of the buzz-killin’ water.

“What’s this? So, it was better in the good ol’ days?”

“Nah. It was horrible.”

“Huh?”

“Nobody knew the meanin’ of manners. All the vets would be yakkin’ about investin’ or the horse races at the top of their lungs from the crack of dawn. They’d change the rules about the Sub League or how matches were set up all the time just to make things easier for ‘em. Try sayin’ somethin’ and they’d shoot ya down: Rank up or shut up!”

Kansai bein’ so much weaker than Kanto only made it worse.

They treated us like a bunch of thugs …… Well, playin’ Shogi was pretty much the same as gamblin’ back then.

“Compared to those days, the Shogi world is heaven now. Chairman Tsukimitsu treats everyone fair and square. All the newbies know how to act. No one gets chatty durin’ matches. It’s set up perfectly to focus on Shogi.”

“Then, isn’t that good?”

“For me, right now, it’s hell. So much worse than back in the day.”

“Pardon? It’s heaven but it’s also hell?”

“Now that I’m the same age as those vets were …… watchin’ newbies pass ’em up one by one like they did, I understand how they felt. So much so, it hurts.”

“…… How do you mean?”

“The anxiety.”

I open the floodgates and let everythin’ I’ve been feelin’ come pourin’ out.

“Anxious that even stronger newbies are gonna show up, that kiddos will pass ’em by, that time is catchin’ up to ’em …… The anxiety never stops. The only way to deal with it was talkin’ with other players their age durin’ matches. Otherwise, the anxiousness got so bad they couldn’t take it ……”

They’d bark at everyone and anyone just to seem that much bigger. Couldn’t win at Shogi no more, so they went to the only weapon they had left, seniority, and swung it around harder than they needed to.

Now, I get it. I get their anxiousness, their fear.

“…… But, doin’ that all day won’t help against the strong youngens. They’ll pass ya sooner or later.”

What happened to the vets who held out to the bitter end back then?

They got pushed out of the Shogi world’s spotlight bit by bit …… Until their retirement got announced in a little article on the association’s home page …… And they fell off the map completely.

Then, lastly, their obituary showed up in the back corner of some Shogi magazine.

People forgot who they were and the last proof they existed showed up somewhere no one would bother lookin’.

“Shogi ain’t all that fun when ya ain’t winnin’. If it ain’t fun, ya don’t want to do research and ya can’t get psyched up for matches ……”

“………”

“But the competitor in ya never dies, so most go for gamblin’ or playin’ the stock market …… I went for gamin’ on my phone.”

I pull out my phone and admit the truth.

That rush that Shogi doesn’t give me anymore, now I’m tryin’ to get it from this screen any spare moment I got. I used to go to pachinko parlors, but nothin’ beats casually pullin’ out my phone and feelin’ that rush anywhere I want. Could be addicted, I don’t know.

With this much fun at yar fingertips, who would ever bother playin’ Shogi when ya can’t win?

These fingertips that have been used only for Shogi for decades …… Fingers that suffered through trainin’ intense enough to break fingernails and bleed now serve a high-rankin’ player that uses ’em for a quick fix.

All I got for workin’ my way up to 9-dan …… is constant fear and smartphone games to distract me from it.

Thinkin’ about it logically, it’s all too pitiful.

Even feels like sacrilege against Shogi itself.

“……… Players feelin’ their skills slip away can choose one of two paths ……”

“Two?”

“The first, do nothin’.”

“Do …… Nothing at all?”

“Yep. Not a thing.”

Rather than workin’ with others or joinin’ practice sessions, just cloak yarself in mystery.

“Ya can hide that ya’re losin’ a step if ya don’t do anythin’ about it. It makes yar opponent extra cautious, and they judge ya on what ya used to be …… They’ll see through ya eventually, sure, but until then.”

Keika didn’t ask what happened once the jig was up. ’Cause she didn’t have to.

“…… And, the other path?”

“Bow yar head to the youngens and ask for help.”

Easier sayin’ it than doin’ it.

“There are worse things than learnin’ from one of the risin’ stars. But, there ain’t that many of ’em, and they won’t see any point in workin’ with an old guy like me. I’d get turned down right away.”

“…… You’re probably right.”

“The only option I’ve got is to lower my head to Sub League members young enough to be my own kids or grandkids and ask for practice matches. They’re the only ones that’ll consider workin’ with me. Once rumors get out that I can’t even beat ‘em, word’ll spread overnight. Playin’ ’em in secret won’t make a lick ’a difference. Once that happens, my trust as a pro is as good as gone, I become the butt of everyone’s jokes …… Pretty much get tormented to death. I’d have a better chance prolongin’ my career by doin’ nothin’.”

“…………”

Looks like Keika is lost for words.

Players back in the old days chose to retire before havin’ to make a choice.

It was normal for former Meijin and Meijin Challengers, and players who spent a decent amount of time in the A rank to retire the day they got knocked out of it.

They knew the torment was comin’ and took their own lives before it started.

Except, I still felt up to fightin’ when I dropped to B-1, and that didn’t change until very recently …… Now? Of course, I don’t.

After a while, Keika started talkin’ like she’d been broodin’ over it a while.

“But …… Things can’t stay as they are, right? In that case, wouldn’t it be better to find someone, anyone, in the Sub League and ask for help? Aren’t we Kansai Shogi players known for our stubborn grit?”

“That we are. I think that’s the right path.”

“Well, then–––.”

“I can’t.”

I’ve asked myself the same thing many, probably hundreds of times.

“I ……… I just can’t do that. I can’t ……”

“……… Father ……”

“As a Meijin Challenger, that’s the one thing I ……”

The only thing I have left now is my former A rankin’. That, and the pride that comes with challengin’ the Meijin twice.

If I lose ’em …… then what’ve I got left to show for my life?