Episode 4: Spinner

Episode 4: Spinner

Lionel was either unwilling or unable to speak up at once. At any rate, he waited till the hiccupping aftermath of his tears had subsided a little. Then his answer was delivered, muffled but intelligible, into the warmth of Boo Boo’s neck. “It’s one of those things that go up in the air,” he said. “With string you hold.”

This excerpt is from Down at the Dinghy, a short story included in Nine Stories (written by J. D. Salinger)

-1-

It was raining on the moving day. For pilots, rainy days are the birthdays of demons. I am afraid of the one which does not usually make merry deciding to make merry. It makes me hope that this gloomy day is over as soon as possible. It looks as if each raindrop clung to the canopy is being controlled from hell. I am urged to expect them to suddenly form an evil grin on the cowling, as the runway gets closer. Once I reach the sky above the cloud, I will have nothing to do with the climate. Therefore, only by ascending with sheer determination against the instinct of the Earth, I can escape from the gloom. However, since we have failed to become the angels, we have to go back to the Earth in the end. As the altitude decreases, the gloom of the ground recurs. Human beings are such existences that cling to the humid ground and live miserably.

If the rain were a little harder, our flight would have been postponed. When we were taking off from the ground, the rain was still gentle. About 15:00, Senryu, an old type of aircraft, arrived at the base. It was the first time for me to see a two-seat Mark E. Its pilot was a good-natured middle-aged man named Mugiro Yamagiwa. Suito Kusanagi got into the aircraft. Three Sankas, piloted by Tokino, I, and Shinoda, in this order, took off and followed this Senryu. Even though we were feeling the peace of mind thanks to the fact that we had a guiding aircraft, by the time that we were lowering the altitude to land, the sun was setting, the sky was becoming completely dark, and the rain was getting more torrential. The condition would not allow the pilots to check other aircrafts other than lights with naked eye.

I could say it was a miracle that all of the four aircrafts successfully landed on the runway just with a single attempt. I am sure that Kusanagi was proud of the feat. Occasionally, there are times during which pilots feel the urge to return to the ground even if a landing gear happens to be broken. That is more or so the case, when the pilot is close to an unknown airbase at which the pilot cannot easily recognize the aerodynamics involving the winds to aviate the plane.

We were not sure at the night how large the new airbase was. A simple and frugal party was held in the cafeteria, in which the four of us were welcomed. It seemed that Mugiro Yamagiwa was the leader of the squadron stationed in the base, and he seemed to have five subordinate pilots. But, those who attended the welcome party were four. They were all males who had similar impressions. We joked, “If one of them is traded to our team, then the number of pilots for the two teams would become the same.” Although two weeks had already passed since Yudagawa went missing in action, our team had yet to recruit the new member. I heard that the previous base was not going to be used for a while. I am getting worried about Sasakura, and have decided to ask Kusanagi about him in the middle of the party.

“Why do you ask?” She glares at me with a sideway glance. “As of now, I have heard nothing of him.”

In short, does it mean that the mechanics are still staying at the previous base? It is not that such a massive amount of facilities can easily be transferred from one base to another. Besides, this airbase should have its own facilities and engineering personnel.

“I mean, he has helped me with this and that ...” The choice of my expression is as casual as possible. “Also, I’m interested in what he was developing.”

“If it is that much useful, then it would become widespread, sooner or later.” Kusanagi’s tone is even more casual.

“By the way, why have we moved into this airbase?” I place the glass in my hand onto the table and take out a cigarette. Occasionally, someone might have looked at Kusanagi and me, but none of them should be overhearing our conversation. It is because Tokino is speaking loudly to a group of people, gathering at a part of the cafeteria that is slightly far away from us.

“If you are asking me about it, you have got to be insane, you know?” Kusanagi whispers, sniffs, and smiles.

“I am doing so, probably because I’m drunk.” I exhale the cigarette smoke and sigh simultaneously. “For example, is it normal for me to assume on a constant basis that a large-scale combat is about to occur in the near future at any moment?”

“There is always the possibility that it would result in ending up being in a large scale.” She says so, while taking her eyes away from me and observing other people. “At times, many people may be forced to move from place to place, no thanks to the plans and motives that we cannot understand at all. I mean, it might be a short period or a long term. Could it be based on a political reason related to the election, or the managerial strategy of the military company? In short, it is like plants that are shaken when a strong gust of wind blows. Everyone intuitively knows that being shaken along with the wind is the way of the preventive measure not to be snapped.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier just to be snapped and fall off in the early phase?”

“Well, nothing has to be easier than dying.”

Although I do not know who brought a guitar to the cafeteria, someone is playing guitar, and many start singing along in chorus. I am not a big fan of such a noisy environment, so I am stepping outside.

It has already stopped raining. The light from the office is reflected here and there on the asphalt in front of the building. The humidity is high, and the air is stuffy. But, it is not cold. The sticky fog is twining around night-lights like cotton candies, and is muffling the buzzy noises from the light bulbs.

There is a small piloti-based building beside a passage corridor connecting the billet and the office. Two vehicle-shaped stationary rides, which are often seen in amusement parks and shopping malls, are installed. One is in the shape of a fire engine and the other is a helicopter. The boxes to insert coins are standing beside the respective rides. I guess, they are designed to shake back and forth or right and left while making loud noises. Their round and smooth designs like those of eggs are lovely. Still, they are so weathered and dirty. They are probably disposed articles brought in from somewhere. At least, they are not dumped here. This may mean that children come to this airbase occasionally. They do not look broken, and seem to be still functional. However, the reason why they are placed here still remains a mystery.

I get in the fire engine, and take a seat. The surface is slippery and cold. Then, the spacing of the seat is cramped. It is too small for my body size, to say the least. I’m not willing to insert a coin. Instead, I light a cigarette again. I am still drunk a bit.

As I am looking at the huge cotton candies being developed in front of the building, Tokino appears.

“Oh, Kannami. It’s you.” With a cigarette oriented at an angle in his mouth, he is approaching me. “Have you ever dreamed of becoming a firefighter?”

“Is the party over?”

“No, it seems to be on pace to go on forever.” While blasting the smoke from his mouth, Tokino sighs. “We meet similar kind of people wherever we go, in reality. I mean, as of late, I have rarely met guys that are strange enough to shock me to the level that I am forced to say ‘I have never seen anyone like this’.”

“Have there been such shock providers back in the days?”

“I have met them.” Tokino nods. “You know, it may be attributed to the fact that I was young back then. It may just be relative, perhaps.”

“Ah, I see.”

Tokino gets in the helicopter-shaped stationary ride next to the ride that is designed after a fire engine. He is bigger than I am. Moreover, although the fire engine is a roofless convertible, the helicopter has the roof, which makes him look more cramped in the limited space. I could have asked if I should take his place. But, I keep myself silent because I cannot come up with the reason why I have to get into the helicopter.

“How claustrophobic this gets.” Tokino comments merrily. “This is the first time for me to get on a helicopter. I just cannot believe why this baby can fly, despite its having no wings ...”

He tries to shake it by moving his body. It makes the creaking sound.

“You will be reprimanded if you break it.” I advise.

Then, another one appears.

The figure is approaching us straight from the office, which is located beyond the piloti-based building. A thin, short one. Judging from the appearance, I first have thought that the one is a male. But, as I hear the voice, I am finally convinced that the one is a female.

“What are you doing there?” She asks.

“No, nothing in particular.” I reply. “Is there any age limit here?”

“You over there.” The woman is glaring at Tokino. “You were shaking it, weren’t you?”

“No, how can I do such a thing?” Tokino laughs. “I was trying to get off, and I might have been struggling to do so.”

“You are those who have come to this base today, right?”

“Yes.” I nod.

“The one named Kannami ... Is he still in the cafeteria?”

“Oh, no, he isn’t there anymore ...” I reply. “I think so, you know.”

“Then, did he go back to his room?”

“No, not yet ... I guess.”

“Is he going out somewhere?”

“Well, I don’t think so.”

“No, do not tell me. Are you the one?” The woman asks. She seems to be finally noticing that I am the one she is looking for, because I have been giggling while making replies. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Even though I’m drunk, I’m Kannami.”

“Why haven’t you told me so from the beginning?”

“Because I wasn’t asked to do so.” I shrug deliberately. “Then, what do you want?”

“Oh, well ...” She opens her eyes and examines me. “So, you are the one ... Hmm, this is somewhat of a surprise. You are completely different from what I have expected.”

“Hey, I’m Tokino, by the way. Am I different from what you have expected?” The pilot who was cramped in the helicopter asks.

“I’m Mitsuya. Nice to meet you.” She ignores Tokino, and extends her hand toward me.

“I am yet to wash my hands.” Instead of shaking hands with her, I open both arms and smile back at her.

“Nice to meet you.”

Tokino greets her, but Mitsuya does not turn to him. She is glaring at me, with a face that is about to burst into laughter. “I look forward to tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Are you going to a circus, or something?” I ask.

“Do you like a circus?” She asks back.

“That depends on what kind of circus it is.” I answer.

Mitsuya turns around swiftly, and goes back the way she came. She has her back straight, and each of her steps is showing the confidence within her. It reminds me of a pair of compasses that a navigator uses on a chart, and then, of Kusanagi. Even when she disappears into the door of the office, she does not look back. While seeing her back, I and Tokino show each other’s bitter smirks, and make sure that we share the same sense of defeat as if we have drawn blanks on a lottery. Does she have her room in the office, or does she still have work to do?

“What’s that?” Tokino asks, while curling his back in the helicopter. “Is she your fan?”

“I prefer a propeller to a fan.”

“Right. We prefer a propeller to a rotor.” Tokino smiles. “Anyway, she is not an amiable woman, is she? When I meet such type of woman, I’m urged to insert coins into her mouth. Talk about being very arrogant. I guess she is broken, don’t you think?”

“She might actually have a high position, the right to be arrogant.”

“If that is the case, then she wouldn’t bother shaking hands.”

That’s right, I thought so at the time. In short, it was the first night when I met Midori Mitsuya, and the first place where I met Midori Mitsuya. Such a night and such a place are both valuable because each of them is once in a lifetime, the only ones in the world. So, I can say that I must not throw it into a garbage can immediately. It would be safer for me to pin it onto a part of a partition or a cork board. When someone encounters another one for the first time, no one can predict how important the one will be in the future. We can pin down only the hunch. Only by pinning it, we can feel relieved. By the next morning, I have completely forgotten about her.

-2-

In the next morning, the weather is fine. Now I know that a small hill is standing very close to the airbase. We actually entered the region of the dangerous terrain around the base last night, and the very thought makes me shudder with fear.

I am brushing my teeth while viewing the runway, and Tokino gets up. He is wrapping a towel around his head. I do not understand why he is doing so. Perhaps, he wants me to ask him the reason. His face is indicating so, and I have just decided not to ask him on purpose.

“That was the top class.” He utters, while feeling the glare from outside and sees the view from the window.

“You mean, the runway?”

“You know, that woman ... last night.” While turning on the faucet to let the water pour, Tokino says.

“Who?”

“Well, the woman named Mitsuya.”

“Oh ...” I am recalling her for the first time. “Umm, I am wondering if she has such a name. I don’t remember well ...”

“It seems that she is the ace. I heard it from everyone after that.”

I slept early last night, but Tokino seemed to have gone back to the place where everyone was after that.

“You mean the ace in baseball?”

“Come on.”

I smile. Of course, I know what he means from the beginning. There is nothing surprising about it in particular. Female aces are not unusual. About 20 percent of the pilots in our company are females. In my personal opinion, there are more capable female pilots than male counterparts on average. In short, the chance for females becoming the ace pilots is higher than that for males by that much. I’m not sure at all what vector is working on the trend. Or, I wonder if the females are hired based on the higher standards of recruiting selection processes. Or, (in my personal opinion though) does it have to do with the possibility that females tend to be less daunted than males? That is, according to this analysis, females are more likely to make a step deeper into the final phase of matters. Obviously, this obsession can increase the accuracy of bullets hitting the targets. On the other hand, the chance for the female pilots to lose their lives should go up higher accordingly. But, such data probably do not exit. After thinking about the issue to that extent, I am beginning to think that only my right hand is that of a female.

“There was one before.” Tokino says after washing his face. “Anyway, female aces tend to be beyond our controls.”

“So do male aces, I think.”

“I don’t care about males. You are our ace, actually. Do as you like.”

“I heard that Ms. Kusanagi was terrific.” I say.

“Who said that?”

“Mr. Sasakura.” I cannot pronounce the name accurately because I’m brushing my teeth.

“Oh ...” Tokino nods. “Aren’t you missing him after being allocated in different places?”

“Why?”

“The skillful mechanics like him are very rare these days. I miss him so much, too.” Tokino curves his lips. “Speaking of which, Ms. Kusanagi is beyond our controls as well. Someone has got to do something about that. Anyway, you are free, so I would like you to do anything as you like.”

“What are you talking about?” I break out into laughter.

“Yawn ...” Tokino gapes. “It pains me to recognize again that a morning without a hangover is so realistic like this. Who will help a young man shivering with worries? Ah, I mean, there is a clear reason. There was not enough alcohol last night. Everything just comes down to that. I couldn’t sleep at all. It sucks.”

“I heard your snoring, though.”

“I was pretending to be sleeping. You know, I wanted you not to worry about me. I am gentle, aren’t I? After all, you are our ace pilot. I hope you maintain yourself in the best possible condition. That is the result of my mentality as your friend. Same is true for Ms. Kusanagi. We have to save face, supposedly. We are counting on you, Kannami.”

“So, what is that for?”

Tapping my back, Tokino is walking back toward our room. As for me, I’m still having the toothbrush in my mouth.

The word ‘ace’ probably has been obsolete for a long time. When I belonged to the previous team, I was standing out even more than I do now. I once did twice as much work as the other six pilots could do combined. For that reason, I was treated special, and no one talked to me. My coward boss at the time was too timid to look straight into my eyes. I think that everyone wanted me to die as soon as possible. In short, that is what the ace is about.

Sigh.

Toothpaste foam is overflowing from my mouth.

I can see a flag over the roof of the office building. From the way it is fluttering, I can tell the direction and the strength of the wind. It is now blowing opposite to the direction of that last night.

I think I will return to our room and organize my belongings. I share the room with Tokino in this airbase, too. But, as expected, I am being summoned to the conference.

I and Tokino have yet to take the belongings out of the cardboard boxes. So, I start searching for clothes to wear for going to the conference room.

“Since it is urgent, I think we can wear anything.” Although I am saying so, Tokino shakes his head sideways.

“They say the first time is important, right?”

He possesses a relatively scrupulous aspect like this. I end up putting on a wrinkled jacket (I do not have time to iron it.), and rush to the conference room. We enter the dimly lit room, and take the seats at the edge of a table. It seems that we are the last ones, and the others are already in the room.

“Then, let’s start, shall we?” Mugiro Yamagiwa announces with a smile. As Kusanagi darkens the room light even more, the center of the screen, that is hung with an inclination from the ceiling, is lit in a shape that is rectangular with respect to the orientation of the surface. “In this afternoon, you are going to participate in the largest project we have ever run.”

For an hour after that, we gaze into the screen without words, and develop in our brains what Yamagiwa is speaking of. The large project seems to only mean that we will head for one place in great numbers. As a result, the firepower will be consequently concentrated into one location. What purpose is it for? What meaning will it have? What results will the operation deliver? Such explanations have all been omitted. That is nothing new. We do not want to listen to such talks anyway.

From this base, eight fighter aircrafts are taking off. According to the plan, the number will go up to 20 aircrafts in the middle of the mission, and it will reach approximately 80 at the last point. In addition to that, about 30 medium bombers, and 20 heavy bombers in the higher altitude. Moreover, one step ahead of us, about 40 other fighters and about 50 ground-attack aircrafts are scheduled to assault two bases in the front line that are positioned closer to our side. The combative capabilities of the enemy bases are expected to be decreased by 40 percent, by the time we arrive at the location.

“To begin with, they are no big deals. That is not even an issue.” Yamagiwa comments. It sounds like a joke to make us laugh and relax. At least, I should not believe what he says as it is. Against the enemy capabilities that are not supposed to be worthy of becoming an issue, we would not even bother mobilizing as many as 50 ground-attack aircrafts in the first place.

If possible, we want to intercept the main forces of the enemies as deep into the front line as possible. But we do not know what we can do until we get there. We may assume that we would encounter them above the ocean before we reach the projected point of operation. Our estimate of enemy fighters that may appear within the time of operation is about 100 to 150. Whatever possible reason such data might be based on, it cannot be pessimistic in any case. It is always based on optimistic measures. Actually, at least, what I mean is that the data and the statistical numbers that are told to us are underestimated.

The groups that are scheduled to join the operation afterward are not mentioned. My guess is that they are more likely to constitute the main forces. There is a rule, according to which those who arrive at the war zone later are ranked higher.

About some expected troubles, measures to deal with them are explained. Everyone would think to prefer a quick death in an instantaneous explosion to getting tangled up with messy situations. There is a “questions and answers” session after the briefing, but no one speaks up.

After the moments of silence, Midori Mitsuya, sitting the closest to the screen, raises her hand subtly.

“What is it?” Yamagiwa raises his chin a little.

“I would like to ask a question that is not related to combat. Would it not be a problem?” Mitsuya asks in brisk pronunciation.

“Permission granted.”

“Will the party for tonight be canceled?” She asks.

“A party will be held again?” Tokino, sitting next to me, utters.

“The children in the neighborhood come to play here once in two months.” Mitsuya looks at us and explains with no expression. “Tonight is the night.”

“Pardon me.” Tokino lowers his head. “I didn’t know that.”

“We are not canceling it.” Yamagiwa answers. “The operation is top secret. We don’t have to inform them of the cancellation.”

“Understood.” Mitsuya nods. “We might end up being behind the schedule by the time it starts.”

She is sounding like she is worrying more about making it to the party to be held in the evening. It might be a funny joke. Or, it can be interpreted as heartwarmingly businesslike.

Silence prevails once again.

“Anything else?” For some reason, Yamagiwa is looking straight at me.

I shake my head a little without words.

“Ms. Kusanagi, do you have anything else to add?” Yamagiwa looks back at the vicinity by the wall.

“Probably, it will be above the ocean.” Kusanagi says plainly. “Once the front bases are attacked in the initial phase, the enemy will try to do something about it. If their fighters fly above them all over the place, then they won’t be able to aim at targets that are flying above them. They will try to push forward, even if it is difficult. That is definitely going to be the case.”

“That will help us as well.” Tokino comments in a low voice.

However, our operation is to prevent them from aiming higher above us.

“That is quite a distance.” Kusanagi looks at me. “The Sanka team should hold onto the drop tanks until the last seconds.”

“If possible, we want to drop them onto the enemy fields.” Tokino whispers again.

Kusanagi sees us sideways. It is a gentle face, and she looks as if she is even smiling a little. She has been looking gloomy in the last few days. Compared to that, her current impression is looking much healthier. It is probably because of the luminous contrast that was generated from the vivid light of the projector.

“Then, see you in 20 minutes at the runway.” Yamagiwa says. He makes a big sigh. “More power to all of you ...”

Everyone stands up.

We get out of the room through the door, one by one.

At the corner of the room, Suito Kusanagi is standing with her arms crossed. My gaze meets hers again.

While walking, I consciously clench my right fist. Then, a chill suddenly runs down my spine. It is as usual. Nothing new. I can say that I try this to make sure and enjoy the reaction. Is this chilling feeling the tremor of excitement? Is this intensity giving me the chills? It is always repeated accurately. Even though it seems to be complicated, we only possess very simple circuitries in the end. Sometimes, I feel as if I were a machine.

When getting out to the piloti-based building, I take a look at my right hand. It is as if I am looking at the face of my wristwatch, while I am going out with a girl, without letting her notice it.

-3-

There are two runways, and eight of our aircrafts take off in no time.

The wind is good. The visibility is fine, too. I see the scenery around the airbase for the first time. The sea is closer than expected. The surrounding vicinity is almost entirely covered with wetlands. The images of the blue sky are reflected here and there on the surface. A slightly elevated mountain is standing alone, on top of which an antenna tower is erected. A city is located beyond the mountain. Roads that appear to have been built recently stretch straight toward the downtown area.

We are flying toward the east along the shore for a while.

Our three aircrafts are Sankas, whereas the other five are twin-engined Someakas. Our Sankas are flying below and behind their Someakas.

The harmony of the multiple buzzing is comfortable to me. Additionally, the sound is intermittently heard after being stirred with the wind noise. Although the sky is clear, the one ruling the space around us is a mischievous devil with no shadow. This imp is making the sound discontinuous.

In about 30 minutes, about 10 aircrafts are ascending from below us. We slow down a bit to wait for them. They look like a new type of Sankas. I have never seen such a paint application. The upper side is painted in camouflage of ultramarine blue and light blue. The figure of their cowlings is obviously different from ours. Which means that they carry a new type of engines. Even though I want to observe them carefully, I have decided to do it later.

By the time the bombers appear above the clouds in front of us, the space around us is filled with many aircrafts. It is looking like a multi-level parking lot.

I am shaking my body rapidly, and have been humming a certain musical tune. It has been my favorite rock ‘n’ roll song since my childhood days, but I do not know the title. I do not know the lyric, except for the final phrase.

I am letting only my eyes do the work, and observe the dazzling sky. Not being able to look at many places at the same time is the weakest point of human eyes.

My right hand is on the control stick. My left hand is on the throttle lever. My both feet are on the rudder pedals.

My right hand seems to be waiting for the preys.

Relax. Loosen the strength.

Yet.

It is like a fierce beast hiding while steadying the breathing.

In order to kill.

Holding the breath for now.

Staying still quietly.

No sound. No hope. No light. No purpose.

Just waiting.

My back feels another version of me existing outside me.

I am stealing out of myself.

I am stealing out of this aircraft.

I am stealing out of the society, and the Earth.

I am floating, far and far away.

Such an illusion.

It chills my spine.

Someone’s hand touches my shoulder gently.

The one whispers softly.

“Hey, why don’t you run wild all over the place?”

It is when I feel the breathing right by my ear.

They’re coming.

The upper sky to my right.

Countless dots.

Immediately, I receive the radio contact.

My body is getting colder and colder.

I am ready to shiver.

I release my right hand from the control stick once, and shake it slightly.

And then, I grab the control stick firmly again.

“You will take care of three enemies.” I hear Tokino’s voice with some noise.

I see the belly of Tokino’s aircraft ascending to my right.

Right after that, the battle order is issued.

“You’ve jumped the gun to take a flier.” I say to Tokino.

But, what else can be out there in the sky?

I push up the throttle lever slowly, and check the meters. Nothing wrong with the oil pressure. Check the fuel. I then roughly calculate the remaining amount of fuel in the drop tank. While recalling Kusanagi’s advice, I have decided to wait a little longer until I drop it.

There is no cloud.

This kind of field is rare.

The location of the sun is almost exactly straight behind me.

As the first positioning, this may give me a slight advantage.

Anti-aircraft guns are starting to roar far below me. Are they trying to read the wind, or are they just bluffing? Since their aircrafts have already come too close to them, they cannot continue shooting shells.

The coastline is close. It is the expected position. They will probably try to lure us to the zone above the ocean.

The twin-engined Someakas fly around from above. The nimbler Sankas climb up from the lower altitude. At least these basic operational maneuvers have already been planned from the start.

But before that, I need to gain the altitude.

I just keep on ascending.

The enemies are gaining on me, and getting closer and closer.

How many are there? Like the leaves drifting on the surface of a river, the formation is beautiful. As we split into two groups, the enemies start spreading to both sides.

I hear the command to make a lunge for the right side.

We can execute such a team play only during the first phase.

The battle will soon turn into a melee and we will dance with each other.

At least, I want to survive until the dance time comes.

I fasten my belt again.

I straighten up in the seat.

I close my eyes for about two seconds. One, two.

Take a deep breath.

The first group of our aircrafts is descending obliquely. They are describing a large arc to go around to the opposite side.

Then, the next group is making a lunge to the right front side.

I and Tokino belong to the next team.

“Don’t worry about me.” Tokino says. A funny joke.

“I’m released from something.” I say so, and then control the ailerons.

The wings are leaning to one direction. While slipping diagonally, my aircraft starts descending rapidly.

An easy half-rolling.

I descend, while keeping my aircraft upside-down.

Over my head, the sea and the white waves.

The blood does not rush to my head, when I am upside-down.

I check the instrument panel.

After checking the right and left sides, I half-roll the aircraft once.

I look around.

Three enemies ahead of me.

I target the slowest one, and adjust the angle of diving.

I look back to make sure of the safety.

I roll to the opposite direction, and carefully survey the space around me.

My right hand gently unlocks the safety lock.

I close the throttle to control the speed.

Swing the rudder left and right to apply the air brake.

Apparently, the enemies are shooting.

How hasty ... Too soon.

He cannot even direct his nose toward me.

The first one will enter my shooting range in three seconds.

In the meantime, I look around to choose the second target.

Shall I use the flaps to slow down even more? I think about it for a moment, and then I roll over and pull the control stick.

While making a turn right before stalling, I race the engine and let the propeller torque swing the nose sideways.

Good timing.

My right hand pulls the trigger for about two seconds.

In the middle of the process, my left hand is closing the throttle.

I check behind me, look to the right and then the left, and then check the view ahead of me.

The enemy is already spitting fire. First, one down.

I make a turn.

I am slowly rolling and ascending.

The second enemy is turning around far below me.

Another one is trying to lunge at me from behind, deviated at a certain degree from the longitudinal axis. It cannot catch up on me, I figure.

While maintaining the middle throttle, I let it dive.

I roll once again just in case, survey the surroundings, and then pull the elevator input.

I see the ocean to my side.

A bit far away from me, the coastline is white. What appears to be a blackish sandbreak forest stretches long and far.

Anti-air shells explode close to me. I am afraid that it is closer to their allies than me. They are getting reckless.

I hold my breath.

My body is being pressed against the seat.

As expected, the enemy is right in front of me.

My right hand shoots the machine gun.

That one is not good.

After going too far, I turn to the left immediately.

I might have lowered the altitude a little too much.

Both above and below me, there are numerous dots.

But what I can hear is only my engine sound.

Occasionally, I can see tiny flames.

Besides, streaks of black smokes are wriggling like snakes and are causing obstructions.

I want to move smoothly. That is all that I think.

One enemy is coming from the higher altitude to the left.

I turn to the opposite side ahead of time.

I gradually ascend.

“Are you still alive?” Tokino’s voice.

“I might be dead.” I reply.

Once again, bullets are shot from a distance. I ignore the attack.

While gaining the altitude even more, I observe the maneuvers of the enemy that I missed earlier.

I guess that it will soon execute the turning maneuver. I have decided to test it again after reading its course. After pretending to advance toward a different direction for a short while, I cut my way straight toward the target with my aircraft inverted upside-down.

The aircraft has just started to think about chasing another target.

I push up the throttle lever.

The engine starts racing with the splendid breathing.

I am reminded of Sasakura for a moment.

I am rolling over by 180 degrees.

With a slight angle of diving, I make a lunge.

I instantly reach the maximum speed, and the warning sound is issued.

There is no one else around me anymore.

I see three aircrafts in the higher altitude behind me, but they are distant.

I see what is ahead of me again, and adjust the direction with the rudders.

I half-roll to let the wings stay erect, and then I start turning sharply.

Since the enemy notices it and turns to the left, I make the nose of my aircraft turn smoothly to the same direction. This is mine. I never miss from this distance.

After counting three, I shoot the gun only for a second.

I break away immediately.

I check the instrument panel.

I find no abnormality.

I shake my aircraft to right and left with the ailerons to check the situation around me.

I ascend.

I see the enemy aircraft that I have just shot emitting black smoke and going down. Two down.

Around the upper-front direction diagonally to the right, approximately a few hundred meters away, an anti-air shell has exploded. With a delay, I hear something hitting the canopy. It might been getting scratches.

There seems to be no one close to me. That is the reason why I am being targeted from below.

Everyone else is flying closer to the sea.

Have our bombers already passed the danger zone?

I look at the direction, but I cannot discern the situation because smokes are floating here and there.

I read the watch.

While ascending, I release the drop tank.

My aircraft is now even lighter. Now, it is time to show my real stuff.

I ascend, while looking for the preys.

Finally, I see the bombers and medium-sized aircrafts. They seem to have already penetrated deep into the enemy territory. They are probably ready to start bombing at any moment.

Do not head for the land. That is the command being issued.

It seems likely that another group of ally aircrafts are planning to attack from a different angle. Of course, the enemies are getting prepared and waiting for the maneuver.

I am sweating. It is a proof that my body is getting warm.

The main event starts now. I have just been getting warmed up.

I am breathing slowly.

I am calming myself down.

I am holding back my nerve that is getting racked like a clock with a broken pendulum.

Do not make haste.

Slowly.

Yes. Calm down. Steady yourself ...

I find an area in which about 20 aircrafts are jumbled up and flying all over the place. The air is getting murky with smokes around the area. Two aircrafts are now obliquely descending while emitting black smokes. I look around, and then let the nose of the aircraft point to the direction.

Those which are flying while remaining intact are down to nearly half of the original number when the battle was initiated. They have either been shot down or have retreated due to having run out of ammunition. Incapable of waiting for one extra second. Shooting bullets for one second too much. Shooting wastefully. They can become fatal.

“Are you the one coming over here?” That is Tokino’s voice.

“Here? Where?”

Before confirming the location of Tokino’s aircraft, I am transversally descending while slipping.

Luckily, the enemy enters the attack range in front of me. It looks as if it were motionless like a balloon. I shoot the machine gun for two seconds.

Before colliding with it, I break away upward.

An ally plane lunges and shoots at the same target. The tail unit is torn apart, blown away, and it starts spinning around.

“Hey, it’s you!” Tokino’s excited voice.

“Oh, it’s me. Me.” I laugh.

But, I notice another one coming from the upper sky behind me at an oblique angle, and I am trying to decide which direction to take to break away.

“Hey, it’s coming.” Tokino gives me the information. Although he is flying far below me, he is watching what others are doing very well.

I turn to the right, and the enemy turns to the right as well.

I daringly turn to the left, and push down the control stick all the way to control the elevators for the descent. I feel my head being pulled upward, so I hold the helmet with my left hand. At the moment right before I experience the redout, I roll over, and then this time I immediately pull the control stick toward me fully to align the elevators for the ascent. If I repeat such maneuvers, I get high faster than taking drugs.

I look for the enemy, but I cannot find it.

Then, it is regaining its balance behind me to the left.

It is quite agile.

I strengthen the grip of my right hand.

This pilot has got a serious stuff.

I start turning around and describe a big arc around it.

In this case, a direct, fair-and-square attack method is the best.

As the enemy is thinking the same, it starts circling with almost the same radius.

I see its canopy.

The enemy pilot appears to be seeing me, too.

A black logo is on the cowling. A cat’s face? Its ears are pointy. That is the shape it is resembling.

It turns sharply, and has its nose point straight toward me.

I also direct the nose of my aircraft toward it.

Closing in.

I shoot for one second.

Rolling over, and breaking away.

The enemy shoots as well.

We pass each other, separated by only a few meters.

Make a sharp turning, with flaps fully deployed.

The enemy is turning already.

That’s fast.

Tokino’s aircraft speeds across from the side. I cannot tell if he has shot.

When I redirect the nose of the aircraft toward it again, it nimbly reverses to the opposite direction.

At the time, a Someaka on my side is lunging and shooting.

“Hey, hey, do not meddle with this.” Tokino complains.

“Can’t you fly silently?” A woman’s voice. It must be Mitsuya.

The aircraft with a black cat logo is rolling and descending like a leaf. Outstanding control. In order to dodge Mitsuya’s attack, it lowers the altitude by quite a bit, and escapes to the land. A decision that is based on a cool, calm, and collected judgment, I think. Mitsuya’s Someaka is on pursuit for a while, but cannot catch up on it. We cannot just chase it too deep toward the direction.

Other enemies are beginning to retreat.

In the end, our dance party has not lasted even for 20 minutes. Too many participants can spoil a party and cause a confusion. It is like the party is over in the middle. I am not sure at all, about which side has been depleted by how much. But, it just happens exactly in an instant. Time always flies before we know it. I can even say that the fuel level indicators are far more trustworthy than clocks.

Soon after that, we hear the radio command to gather at the higher altitude.

-4-

On our way back to the airbase, we are flying toward the setting sun. The sky is dyed pink, then purple, deep blue, and finally gray.

We have already entered the area where we cannot use the radio. So, when we approach the base, I take the position between Tokino’s aircraft and Shinoda’s so that our Sankas are descending in a longitudinal single-file formation. Landing in the same order as that for taking off the ground is the unwritten rule. It is probably because we want to savor the miracle of being able to form the line in the same order again.

At the time, I notice for the first time the fact that only three Someakas have been flying along with us. I wonder why I have not been able to realize that. Probably I have gotten so high that my nerves have been paralyzed.

After the landing, we taxi to the front of the hangar. When I got out of the cockpit and put my feet on the steps, Tokino, who has already gotten out, is walking toward me.

“The numbers are equalized.” He tuts with a scowling face. He means that two of Yamagiwa’s team have gone down.

I jump off from the steps. As I put my hand into a pocket to try to take a cigarette, Tokino holds out a box in front of my nose.

“Thank you.” I take one of his cigarettes. “Did you see them going down?”

“No.” He lights a cigarette, too. While exhaling the smoke, Tokino is viewing the opposite side of the runway. “But I saw several of Someakas being encased in flames. Twin-engined aircrafts look miserable, just by losing only one of the engines.”

Uroyuki Shinoda also gets off his aircraft and is moving toward us. He too is paying attention to the hangar on the opposite side, and looks back at them several times. Three twin-engined Someakas are now reaching the front of the hangar.

“Mr. Shinoda, did you witness what transpired?” I ask.

“That one, who ran away at the end of the fight.” Shinoda answers in a low voice.

“Oh, you mean the one with the black cat?” I am reminded of the logo on the cowling.

“Black cat?” Tokino asks.

“I saw the logo.”

“Oh, really?”

Two mechanics on the maintenance support vehicles are approaching, and ask if there is anything to check on our aircrafts. The three of us make orders of which parts to check, and have decided to leave the location.

We are walking to the piloti-based building by the office, where Suito Kusanagi is waiting for us while smoking.

“Two of theirs were shot down.” Tokino looks at her face, and speaks.

“It seems that way.” Kusanagi nods, while looking at the runway. “If the loss is one-fourth, that is just too bad.” She sighs. “For my team, it has been one-fourth from the start.”

We hear high-pitched voices from somewhere. Children’s voices.

I look at the direction of the billet, and notice them.

“Oh, the party is being held ...” I utter. Mitsuya was talking about it this morning. “So, children are here.”

“Yeah, I was struggling with them a little until now.” Kusanagi widens her eyes, and shows an unusual expression.

“What? Of all people, Ms. Kusanagi?”

“You know, due to the labor shortage. But I don’t have problems with kids, but with parents. I have finally managed to escape from the mess, and am now smoking here.”

I check the stationary rides that are designed after a fire engine and a helicopter at the piloti-based building. Of course, no one is riding on them.

Mugiro Yamagiwa seems to be visiting the hangar to pick up the pilots. While we are waiting at the lobby of the office, Yamagiwa comes back with three pilots. Then, I learn of who the three survivors are. One of them is Midori Mitsuya. The other two are the brothers named Koime.

I cannot instantly recall the faces of the two who did not come back. One is the man who was playing the guitar at last night’s party, and the other is ... Although I am trying to recall the memory of him by browsing the film footage in my brain, I give up before long. It is a waste of time and none of my business. I am not willing to ask their names. Clearly, I have got too much to lose by trying to remember them. I do not care if I am considered heartless. I just do not want to corner myself into such a sentimental state.

So, during the reporting session following that, I try thinking about other things as much as possible. I hear the names of the two pilots who might be dead several times, but I ignore them on purpose.

I repeatedly recall today’s dance steps over and over again. The black cat, whom I encountered last, was especially fast. It is not that it possessed the exceptional speed. Its control responses were 0.5 seconds faster than normal. In other words, the judgment speed was fast. Its movement was free of waste, graceful, and smooth. I cannot ask for a worthier dance partner.

“The black panther, Skyly J2, was ascending from below Kishinuma’s aircraft.” Mitsuya is explaining while showing the aircrafts’ positions with her both hands. “When it almost reached the tail of Kishinuma’s, it suddenly rolled 180 degrees. Just like this, it was pointing upward, so I thought it was suffering from an unintended trouble. But, it made a stall turn and let Kumatake’s aircraft, which was trying to provide the support, pass it by. It made a snap roll-like downward pitch maneuver, and it shot at close range as if it was trying to cover the targets with bullets from above transversally.

The black panther, I thought.

To be sure, it sounds better as a lucky charm than a cat, and appears to be appropriate.

Mitsuya looks at me. I notice that I have been looking at her, and take my eyes off her. My right hand seems to be looking for the control stick under the table.

Both of the two aircrafts seemed to be shot down by the black panther. Mitsuya is in a very calm tone. But it is obvious that she is burning with rage. At the time, she was trying to chase the black panther. It was a wise decision not to do so.

Next, Kusanagi speaks. Although I hardly hear it, she seems to know the black panther. She says the pilot used to aviate another aircraft before, and the cowling of the aircraft also had a logo of the black panther drawn on it. The purpose of painting the cowling in black has the effect of preventing the glare caused by the reflection of the sunlight. Any aircrafts do that. But, to let it assume a shape of a black panther’s face is a rarely seen trend. Even though I cannot be completely certain about it, it probably was the same pilot, Kusanagi says.

I am not sure if such data have any value. If we know in advance the opponents that we go against, like the way it is in sports, then that is a different story. However, we are dealing with a game, in which the experiences of losses cannot be fully used for learning, because the losers are bound to become too silent to tell the tales.

I shot down two enemies. Tokino got one. (I was the first one to shoot at it, though.) Then, Mitsuya brought down one. In other words, we attained a lopsided victory by the score of 4-2. However, no one can even say a joke related to it.

The only benefit in a case like this is that the meeting is over soon.

The silence continues. Yamagiwa announces, “If I get something else, I will let you know soon.” Everyone stands up silently.

Mitsuya passes by me at the door and is climbing down the stairs. She is wearing the cap even in the meeting. I look at her back for a while.

“I think she should say at least a word or two.” Tokino, who has been behind me without making me notice, whispers.

“What? Who?”

“Ms. Mitsuya. Umm, I do not understand how she can be so impudent.”

I did not feel that she was being impudent. Two of her colleagues have failed to come back. It is natural for her to act like that, I think.

“That cannot be helped.” I utter.

When climbing down the stairs, I see Mitsuya running through the piloti structure. She is running into the cafeteria.

“The party is being held.” I say. “Shall we go there?”

“A party without alcohol is like a birthday party for zombies.” Tokino snorts. “Do you know this? What I dislike most are human children.”

“Do you dislike them more than zombies?”

“More than zombies’ children.”

I might be similar to him, I think.

I am reminded of Mizuki Kusanagi. Even though someone might still be a child, there should not be a problem as long as the one is big enough as she is and has as much discretion as she does. I wonder about how old the children gathering around in the party are. My mind is split between the curiosity of wanting to take a peek at the party and the will to avoid getting involved with it.

“Why don’t we go out?” Tokino suggests at the piloti. “Let’s go to the city that we do not know yet.”

After confirming that the fire engine and the helicopter are not being used, I nod to Tokino.

-5-

It seems that Tokino has invited Shinoda, too. But he is not coming with us.

Since we do not have any means of transportation, I and Tokino have waited at the bus stop in front of the base for about 20 minutes, and get on a small bus. The children’s party seems to have already been over, and several pairs of mothers and children are getting on the bus. Almost all others must have come to the base by their own private vehicles. I saw the cars like those in the parking lot. The children who are led by their mothers are curiously looking at us, who are sitting on the backmost seats. It probably has a lot to do with our wearing flight jackets.

The engine of the bus does not seem to be working well. It is slowly and painfully climbing up the slope while shaking and rocking rapidly, and stops after going down the slope a little. Most of the children are getting off at the location. I guess there are many residences in the vicinity. It is at the middle of the mountain, and it is on the opposite side from the viewpoint of the airbase. Still, it is close to the base. The distance is so short from the base that it is not deemed safe enough. To begin with, only the families related to our company might be living here. Probably, that is the case.

At the next bus stop, more people get off. At that point, there are only five passengers other than us. It is a little past 19:00. Is the bus getting empty because this bus heading for the city is going to the direction opposite of many commuters? However, even when we are getting closer to the city, we can find no bustling place. I just see the tracks for trolleys at the center of the main street. It is a slightly rare sight for me. After a while, we see a tram running with just one light on its nose.

Tokino stands up and walks to the driver. He is hearing something from him.

“He said we should get off at the next stop.” He comes back and tells me the tip he got from the driver, while sitting down next to me.

The place we get off as advised to do so is in front of a bowling alley. Judging from the surroundings around it, we do not see a place to eat at. The stores alongside the street are already shuttered. We hardly see people walking.

“They close very early.”

“Exemplary conduct.”

“We should have brought someone who knows the vicinity.” Tokino whispers. The problem is that those who are in the base are not likely to be of any service tonight.

“I guess that whatever is in this building is most likely to be what we want.” I tell him so, because I am thinking that it may be fun to bowl for the first time in a long while.

Only the retro-styled marquee is lit up, and the spacious parking lot is as dark as those in gang movies. The building itself has few windows and its silhouette looks desolate like a factory. No matter how favorably we see it, the place does not show any sign of bustle or popularity. But, we do not have anywhere else to go. We can do nothing but move to the entrance. Then, we hear from the road the sound of a car slamming on the brake to halt suddenly. After going back, the car is moving onto the parking lot. It is a black sedan. It comes close to us and stops.

The one getting out of the driver’s seat is Suito Kusanagi. Even though she is wearing a jacket, she is still wearing a uniform underneath.

“Well, well. What a coincidence, ma’am.” Tokino says jokingly. He is also looking surprised.

“Are you bowling?” Kusanagi asks.

“I am thinking we might get a chance to drink beer, at least.” I reply, even though I myself am not interested in drinking beer all that much.

“But you can drink beer even without coming this far, right?” Walking toward the entrance, Kusanagi says. After I and Tokino look at each other, we decide to follow her.

There are about 30 lanes. At the closest corner, the red neon of a hamburger shop is glittering. Before that, six billiard tables are lined up, and no one is playing there. In the bowling lanes, about five groups are playing. In short, it is deserted.

“Poor turnout, isn’t it.” Tokino murmurs, while lighting a cigarette.

“Would you like to play billiard? Or, bowling?” Kusanagi asks.

“Bowling.”

“I prefer beer.”

Vending machines are lined up on the far end to the right. As he is holding a can of cold beer, Tokino smiles happily. In a situation like this, a vending machine is as appreciated as God. However, no one seems to care about how many beer cans are in the box. That remains a mysterious tendency. I mean, even the bullets of a machine gun run out very quickly.

In the end, we start playing bowling as I want to do so. Kusanagi gives us the commands, and we are collecting drinks and snacks as we are assigned to do so. After I pay the fee for a lane, I buy two colas with crushed ice. Kusanagi is coming back from the hamburger shop with a large paper bag in her arms. Tokino has placed six cans of beer on the table, has already finished his first throw, and is practicing his rolling motion with his head leaning sideways.

As I and Kusanagi sit on fiberglass seats, Tokino comes back after he has failed to knock down the pins in the split formation.

“It’s been a while.” Tokino says while sitting down.

“For me, this is the first time.” Kusanagi says, and is picking up the ball. “Like this?”

“Anything goes. Please do as you like, commander.” Tokino says, while opening the pull-top can of the beer.

With an awkward motion, Kusanagi rolls the ball. It manages to roll to the end without dropping into a gutter. While looking at it, I take a bite of the hamburger. A worn-out taste of mustard makes me feel the nostalgia. Cola becomes volatile in my throat, and it tastes good.

“Hey, what does she want to do?” Tokino gets his face close to me, and whispers. That is when Kusanagi steps forward to make the second roll.

“I think she is in a good mood.” I speak of my observation.

“Is she? Even with that?” Tokino frowns.

Kusanagi is coming back, clapping her hands. But her face is showing almost no smile. I stand up and move to pick up my ball. While taking a deep breath and gazing at the pins on the lane, I slowly step forward and deliver the ball. At the moment the ball is released from my hand, I find myself looking the other way. Another ball on another lane. I look back. Tokino and Kusanagi are looking at me. Billiard tables in the distance. The red neon of the hamburger shop. While making sure of various things, I walk back to my seat. By the time the ball is expected to reach the pins, I look back. The ball is just scattering the pins. Three pins remain standing.

I take the cola from the table and drink it. I feel the tingly irritation on my tongue. Kusanagi is looking up at me, while sipping beer. Tokino is waving to a girl on the next lane. In the meantime, my ball is coming back without saying “I’m back.” I pick it up, take a deep breath again, recall the rolling form, and make my body trace it. The ball starts rolling. And then, in the same way, I find myself taking my eyes away from it. Is it my habit? I wonder.

My fingers that are pulled out of the finger holes on the ball.

In this afternoon.

The same fingers snuffed out lives of two human beings.

With these fingers.

I eat hamburgers.

Also, I hold a paper cup filled up with cola.

Probably, there are some of those who can never forgive this kind of coincidences.

However.

On the other hand, I do not understand why they come up with such logic.

Fiberglass, the same material as the one used for seats in the bowling alley, is used for the wings of rocket bombs. Firework displays and bombings are based on almost the same physical phenomena. Even if you do not handle money directly, it circulates in the society and will be used for weapon deals somewhere. Products or parts to kill people are not necessarily made by those who wish others’ deaths.

Even though there is no awareness.

Anyone, somewhere, kills others.

While playing push and shove, who will be squeezed out ...? Even if you aren’t making any contact with the victim directly, the fact that everyone is responsible for squeezing out the one does not change.

I didn’t see it. I didn’t touch the one.

I just stood firm on my feet, so that I would not be pushed out.

Can it work as an excuse?

I think that is not the case.

That’s all.

Anyway, that’s nothing to worry about.

It is natural for anyone to try to stand firm.

I can’t help it.

Tokino gets a strike with a dynamic fast ball. Kusanagi is clapping, which makes me notice what just transpired. Four girls are playing on the third lane from ours, and one of them is clapping while looking at Tokino. He shows his palm to the girl and moves his fingers.

“Bowling ain’t too bad after all, is it?” He sits down and tilts the beer can.

Probably, nothing can be too bad.

Humans’ lives.

Even the pins lined up in a formation to be scattered.

They cannot be underestimated.

“Kannami?”

“Huh?”

“Your turn.” Kusanagi’s face is in front of me.

I stand up and walk, to take my ball. Tokino is nowhere close. As I look around, I find him sitting on a seat three lanes away from ours, while smoking there.

I lift the ball to the level of my chest, and observe the pins in the distance.

My right hand is now staying calm.

This might be gentle in reality.

I guess it prefers bowling to dogfights.

-6-

The three of us do not care about who wins or who loses. In short, no one keeps track of the score. The machine automatically prints out the results, though. By that time, six beer cans have already been emptied. Tokino tells us that he is going out for dinner with the girls, and salutes to Kusanagi.

“Will you grant me the permission, ma’am?” He asks.

“Permission granted. The condition is that you will be alive in your own bed tomorrow morning.”

“Roger.” Tokino brings his arms down swiftly, glances at me with a hint of meaning, turns around, and walks away. When he catches up with the girls at the billiard tables, he waves to me once again. The high-pitched laughter is fading away.

“One more game?” Kusanagi asks, while still sitting.

“Umm, let’s see.” I light a cigarette absent-mindedly.

In the paper bag of the hamburger shop, a lot of food is still left inside. French fries and fried fish. The paper cup for the cola looks shriveled as if it has lost its religious faith. The ice has dissolved into water, and the diluted liquid is just not drinkable anymore.

“How about eating out?” I ask.

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“I’m ..., err, I might want to drink more.”

“Then, I can come with you.”

“Okay, I’ll go and ask about a place to go out to.” Kusanagi stands up and walks to a counter, at which a clerk is working. I sit back in the seat and have decided to observe the surroundings. I stretch my arm and tap the cigarette on the ashtray. Although I have not been aware of it, the music with the low specific gravity is playing. It is 20:00.

In the first place, why has Kusanagi come here? I think. I do not have anything else to think about. Then, I am suddenly conscious that Kusanagi and I are now alone because Tokino has left. I have not felt anything until now. Come to think of it, that face of Tokino was ... I recall his grin with his hand raised, and tut. I make a short sigh, cross my legs, and have my cheek rest on my hand.

I see ..., now I get it.

I was teased by Tokino. I did not notice it at all.

“Good luck.” He might have said.

Since there were three girls, I could have been invited to join them, generally speaking.

What is this ...?

“What a bummer.” I find myself exhaling the statement.

“What’s that?” Kusanagi is right next to me.

“Oh, err ...” As I am taken by surprise, I sit up straight in the seat.

“I got the information about a good restaurant.” Kusanagi says. “You are ready to eat, right?”

“That’s right.” I nod. “If it is more delicious than that hamburger.”

“Probably ...” She sees the paper bag, and leans her head sideways. “I think that would not be a problem.”

We step out of the bowling alley. We have decided to leave Kusanagi’s car parked in the parking lot, and take a walk. As we get into the alley, we see small shops with their signs, here and there. There are not too many pedestrians.

“What food can we eat there?”

“Well, I didn’t ask about it.” Kusanagi answers. “But, he said it is delicious.”

“Abstract, isn’t it?”

“Kannami, about the black panther whom I told you about a little while ago ...”

“It is not ‘a little while ago’. But a long time ago.”

“That pilot is, in fact, my acquaintance.”

“What type of acquaintance?” I look up at Kusanagi at the moment, although I am walking while looking downward.

“Umm, I mean, he used to be a person in our company.”

“Person?” I smile. “It sounds like a polite expression.”

“Because he was my boss.”

“Ah, I get it.”

“When our company had decided to cease manufacturing aircrafts with tractor configurations, he rebelled against the policy and quit the company.”

“What? Only for that reason?”

Tractor configuration describes one type of aircraft designs, which means that the engine and the propeller are mounted on the front side. Current Sankas and Someakas are both categorized as pushers, whose propellers are mounted on the rear part. In short, pusher engines are located behind the cockpits. It is said that the pusher configuration has the obvious advantages in maximizing the propulsion powers effectively.

“What is the reason for his sticking to tractors?” I ask.

“What do you think?”

“The pilot wouldn’t be shredded by the propeller blades when trying to eject.” I speak, while thinking about it. However, because the current egress systems are designed to propel out the pilots by gunpowder explosions, the risk of being ground by the propeller blades can be avoided even for pusher aircrafts.

As expected, Kusanagi shakes her head sideways.

I say, “Okay, then. The pilot can let the spiral slipstream of the propeller act on the wings when stalling.”

It is an extremely rare method of operation. Being able to forcefully change the direction when stalling is one of the few merits that the tractor aircrafts have.

“Correct.” Kusanagi nods while walking.

“Well ..., that might be a proper reason.” I nod, too. “That is what every pilot familiar with the tractors says. But, there are not so many opportunities to use the technique. Besides, the risk of stalling the aircraft during dogfights is ...”

Oh, but, Midori Mitsuya was speaking about it.

I remember that. The black panther did the stall turn. In short, it stalled, at the same time, rapidly turned around to let the chasing aircraft pass it by, and shot at it. I was half-listening to her report absent-mindedly during the meeting, but I can say that it is a feat that can be done only by tractor aircrafts.

It is natural that a pilot wants to get on an aircraft that is conveniently fit for his specialty. Still, I wonder if there is a pilot who switches over to the enemy side just for that reason. Even if that is what actually happened, I cannot just believe it easily.

“When I used to fly, I encountered him just once.”

“Did you encounter the black panther?”

“We called it Black Cat.” She says, sounding amused. “It seems to have grown up to be and promoted to a panther before I know it.”

“I thought it was a cat during the first encounter.”

“If it goes across your path in front of you, that signals a bad omen.”

“Such a thing that you say.”

“Although it’s a long time ago, I used to feed a black cat.” Kusanagi says. “It walked across the path in front of me every day.”

“Did something bad happen?”

“I failed to commit suicide over and over.” Kusanagi utters, and then chuckles. Is she trying to say a joke? “Really, to the level that I hate to live.”

She stops suddenly and looks up at the sign.

Is there a cat? I wonder. I feel the presence of two glittering eyes glaring at us from somewhere.

“Here.” She tilts her head.

“What?”

“Here is the restaurant I was told about.”

“Restaurant? Where?”

“Well ...” Kusanagi shrugs. “Isn’t there a stairway?”

“Yes, there is.”

“Go upstairs.”

“Me?”

“You wouldn’t like the notion of letting a lady go first, would you?”

“No ... I don’t care about that sort of thing in particular.” I laugh, and then climb up the stairs.

The paint on the wall has almost come off. The stairs are made of wood, and their corners are worn out and round. Although it is too dark to see it at first, I notice that there is a door on the right side on top of the stairway. Faint light penetrates through the frosted glass. The letters lined along the circular arc indicate the restaurant’s name.

I open the door without any hesitation, for I do not want to see Kusanagi’s cynical smile by looking back at her. I have that much of pride in myself. Even a fur seal can do this.

Unexpectedly, the place inside has a chic interior. In long and thin glass tubes, real flames are burning. A clerk with a bow tie welcomes us. We are shown to a table at a corner. For the first time in quite a while, I am getting to experience an ancient ritual, in which I take a seat after my chair is pulled out by somebody else.

When we are handed menus and left alone, I let my chest touch the edge of the table and have my face close to Kusanagi.

“Ms. Kusanagi, do you have money?”

“Yes.” She nods with a straight face. “What do you mean?”

“Two reasons.”

“Two?”

“One is that this place seems expensive. The other is that I don’t have money.”

“Oh?” Kusanagi is looking down at the menu. “Then, do you want to know my two opinions?”

“What are they?”

“I dislike a man who is worried about the price, and I find a man who is not worried about the price to be even more despicable.”

We order various dishes, and start with wine. When we tinkle the glasses, she says, “Congratulations.” I ask her what the congratulations are for. She answers, “For the fact that we are alive every day.” I do not think that it is necessarily a good thing. However, to show my appreciation for the wine she is treating me to, I nod silently and smile.

Hors d’oeuvres, soup, and then fish for the main dish. By that time, we are drinking the second bottle of wine. Although I have not drunk even half as much as Kusanagi, I am completely drunk. My thought is hazy, and I want to close my eyes. My eyelids are as heavy as sandbags, and it is beginning to develop into the battle against the gravity.

The next dish is chicken sauté. Terrifically wonderful. If possible, I wish I could eat it first.

“When do you think you will die?” Kusanagi asks suddenly.

I am too absent-minded to understand what she has just asked in an instant.

“Sorry. Am I being a little rude?” She smiles. “Well, but, it is quite a serious question. Unbelievably serious, and severe.”

I nod.

“I mean ... When are you scheduled to die?” Saying so, Kusanagi bites her lips and shakes her head a bit. “No, err ...” She turns her eyes upward and sighs. “Not that. What should I say? About when you will die, haven’t you tried to decide when to do that? I mean, without doing so, we will continue this way forever ...”

The waiter is walking toward us, and that part of our conversation stops. She orders the third bottle of wine.

“I can’t drink anymore.”

“I will drink.”

“I knew it.”

“Let us resume.” Kusanagi is resting her cheek on her hand, with the elbow planted on the table. She has eaten almost no food. She has been drinking too much, without any doubt. “Have you been listening?”

“I have, but I don’t understand what you mean.”

“I do not think you do not get it.” She puts the dishes and the glass aside, has her both elbows placed on the table, and leans her head toward me. She might be appealing the gesture to start a secret talk. Since I must not ignore it, I straighten up and have my face get a bit closer to her.

“Do you want to live forever?” She whispers. “Forevermore, and ever more ...”

“I’m not sure yet.” I shake my head. “I haven’t lived for so long yet.”

“Do you intend to continue killing your mates forever?”

“Mates?”

“Same humans as you are, right?”

“I don’t like that expression.” I object immediately. While closing my eyes, I sit back in the chair. The distance between us becomes a little greater.

“Getting angry?” She is smiling.

“Getting drunk?” I talk back, looking at Kusanagi.

Not good. I can’t think.

My brain is giving up on thinking anything.

I am the one who is getting drunk.

But ...

I do not think I said anything wrong.

“In my case.” Kusanagi shows a gentle expression. I have never seen such a mien on her face before. It might be a hallucination. “I have lived longer than you. So, I have come to know at least a little. I can simulate the distant future. I have brains for thinking about such things. For example, feeling lonely, sad, or empty ...” She shakes her head slowly. “I don’t have such feelings at all. Not even a fraction of it. Very cool and calm. It has gotten very cold.” She looks straight at me and smiles gently. “This feeling is neither impulsive, and umm, nor desperate. But still ...” She puts her hand on her cheek and has her chin on it. “I want to interfere at least a little with my life or my fate. This is typical, though. That is, being humanly ordinary. Get it? It’s about being humanly ordinary. What are we? Humans, aren’t we? Isn’t it right? Considering the way of my dying is humanly ordinary. Don’t you think so?”

“I’m not sure.” I shake my head. “What is fate?”

“There is a natural flow, in which people age and die. It is the rule no one can change. That’s fate.” She squints.

“Is there such a thing?” I snort.

“We don’t have them, though.”

“We don’t?”

“No, we don’t have fates.”

“So?”

“At times, don’t you feel the urge to die?”

“Whether I want to die or not, I will die someday in the future anyway.”

“It is the reason why you pilot the aircrafts, correct?”

“Whether I get on the aircraft or not, I will die when I die.”

“You want to die, don’t you?”

“Um ...” I thrust my hand into a pocket. I am looking for a cigarette. My head becomes numb as if it were getting electrically charged. I want to lie down immediately. I have a little trouble in breathing and my entire body is getting hot. But, I am not sweating. Some parts in my body are losing the balance.

The waiter is coming. Is everything to your liking, sir? he asks.

“About what?” I find myself asking back. Naturally, he is asking about the dishes. Not about our lives or fates.

Everything tastes good, but we are full, Kusanagi makes an excuse. I ask him to clear my plates, too. We are asked about the dessert. Both of us order coffee only.

I am gazing at Kusanagi. She is holding the glass, in which the rest of the wine remains, and drinks it at one gulp. Then, she looks back at me and whispers.

“I want to die. Even tonight is okay for me. Hey, if I beg you, could you please kill me?”

-7-

In the end, we spent about one hour and a half at the restaurant. It was still a little before 22:00. But the city is as quiet as the dead of the night. I and Kusanagi are walking in a dark alley. At a place that was close to the bowling alley facing the main street, three men were crouching by the side of the street. I am sensing the tense air of danger. I think they are saying something to us.

Although I ignore it, Kusanagi starts laughing. She thrusts her hand into the interior of her jacket. I notice the move, hold her arm in haste, and pull it toward me.

It appears that stones are being thrown to us, for I hear something hitting the asphalt surface and the fence nearby. I drag Kusanagi by her hand, and run into the parking lot. As I turn around, I notice that the three men are standing up and looking at us. There is no sign of trying to follow us. Thank goodness, I think.

“What is up with that?” Kusanagi shakes off my hand and groans in a low voice.

“What do you have in your inside pocket?” I ask.

“Why don’t you check it out?” As she taunts, she starts chuckling again.

I do not check it. There is no need to do so. I see a gun holster in the pocket. However, I cannot tell if she has actually tried to pull out the gun. She might have just tried to smoke a cigarette. Even she herself might have not understood what she was trying to do.

And, then ...

Why do I have to save her?

That question makes me wonder even more.

As if a gigantic obstacle is suddenly appearing in front of us, I feel my sight is being blocked. I feel unbelievably sick. I am feeling the anxiety like I am flying into the clouds without seeing the scenery around me.

I am getting intoxicated.

After talking about which one of us is less drunk, I get into the driver’s seat. Kusanagi sits in the passenger seat a little after that. As she pulls the door, it does not shut smoothly.

“Shut the door.” I warn her, as I start the engine.

Kusanagi opens the door again and closes it, by exerting more force this time. Although she needs not to do so with that much strength, she seems to have done it with her full might. Of course, the door has to be shut tightly as it should. The momentum of the shutting door knocks her down into the driver’s seat, and her head collides with my shoulder. Her hand is at the back of my head, and the other arm of hers reaches for my shoulder, which she anchors herself on and pulls her own body toward, to get closer to me.

I keep myself silent.

She applies her lips on my mouth.

Two seconds.

I lose my strength a little, and retreat until I can see her entire face within my sight. She squints, pouts like a spinner, and laughs.

“What are you going to do? Could you please kill me?” That mouth speaks.

I put the car in gear without words.

“If you do not do anything, we will remain this way forever.”

That’s right, I think.

“This way forever.”

However ...

At least, yesterday and today are different.

Probably, today and tomorrow are different as well.

Even on the same path that we walk every day, we can step on different parts of it.

Just because it is the same path we walk every day, that does not mean that the scenery is the same.

Is that much not enough?

Not satisfied with that much?

Or.

Is there any problem with its being only that much?

Only that much.

It is only that much ...

Since I do not come up with proper words, I keep silent.

Kusanagi sits back in the seat and closes her eyes.

I hold the steering wheel and recall the hymn.

I turn on the headlight.

Moths are flying in front of the hood.

Two moths.

The car brings the two of us out of the parking lot.

From anywhere will do.

To anywhere will do.

Probably.

We are the two who want to be brought out.