Chapter 11: Underwear and Date

Chapter 11:
Underwear and Date

 

“GOOD MORNING… Wait, what are you doing, Gol?”

When I awoke the next morning, I found Gol with her face buried in my old underwear. I’d taken it off before I went to sleep, thinking about washing it in the morning, but now…

Gol continued to press her face against my underwear, making no other movements. She seemed to be in a kind of trance, though possibly that was just my imagination.

Oh, I understood now. My partner was giving my clothes a smell check to assess their filthiness…I think. She was determining whether they needed to be washed. In the few days we had lived in Zairein’s hideout in the basin, Gol had often sniffed my underwear for that very reason. I knew she meant no harm, but I was embarrassed and wanted her to stop.

Can you please maybe not…? I had asked her to stop doing so numerous times, but then Gol would just sniff my underwear in secret.

As you can see, Gol had a sense of smell. Still, this olfactory sense wasn’t particularly advanced. If I had to say, I’d guess it was slightly less acute than that of an average person’s. You see, it always took her a bit of time to determine if something needed to be washed.

On the other hand, her auditory abilities were nigh peerless. At times, she reacted to even the smallest of sounds. In spite of that, she wouldn’t listen to other people at all, except for me. It was a truly crippling case of selective hearing.

But the greatest among Gol’s five senses had to be her sight. Her eyes were extraordinary, especially her kinetic vision, which far exceeded human capabilities. Paired with her mysterious radar, her superior vision allowed her to maintain constant total awareness of her surroundings.

During our conversation the previous night at dinner, Mr. Chotos had explained that a shrine golem’s keen eyesight came from the crystallized “photoreceptors” in their eyes—i.e., the exquisite crimson gems acting as Gol’s irises. Meanwhile, the busty shrine golems had green irises, the emeralds to Gol’s rubies.

However, golems with photoreceptors were actually quite rare. Usually, golems relied on their “Detection Crest”—in other words, that strange pattern on their forehead—as an all-encompassing sensor of sorts. It perceived light, sound, and even smell, depending on the kind of golem, but none of its senses would be as keen as Gol’s.

All in all, I could now see why golems ceased to function once their head was destroyed, since their ability to navigate the world depended entirely on that head.

Be that as it may, Gol usually left her Detection Crest covered by her bangs, as if she were embarrassed and didn’t want me to see it. When her forehead was exposed, she would restlessly shake her head until her bangs hid it again. The only time Gol ever showed her forehead was when she was in a serious fight.

Now I was a bit concerned, though. Were my partner’s sensors functioning properly? Gol fluttered her ears whenever she listened to me, which I had thought indicated eagerness, but…what if she was actually straining to hear? Even now she was desperately shoving her face deeper into my underwear, trying in vain to smell them.

“Hey, Gol,” I called out. “I think that’s enough for a smell test.”

She didn’t move, so I went to check on her and halted, shocked. Gol’s eyes were once again turning that cloudy pink as her face remained lodged in my underwear.

“Oh no, she’s breaking again.” I snatched my underwear away from her. “Are you kidding me? Do my briefs really smell that bad…?”

I couldn’t believe it. Had I secreted an odor strong enough to make Gol malfunction? I worriedly looked over the underwear in my hand.

They were an ordinary pair of boxer briefs. I had brought them with me to this world along with my pajamas. But unlike my pajamas, these weren’t lame…or so I thought. I checked the smell myself and didn’t find them particularly noxious. I wasn’t deeply surprised; I had cleaned them just the day before.

Ah, but… They say you can’t detect your own body odor.

Also, Gol was definitely on the verge of malfunctioning.

I see. So my underwear really does stink…

A dagger sank deep into my heart.

***

 

“What? You want to buy underwear?” Mr. Chotos frowned at me. We were in the shop once more, though I had Gol sitting to rest from her earlier glitch.

I nodded, tears in my eyes. “Yes. Due to my circumstances, I, uh, don’t have a lot of underwear on me. Um…I’m just concerned about…stuff. Like smells and so forth…”

In fact, my greater supply of underwear had been blown away during the fight with the ancient Earth Dragon, so I currently only had two pairs: the ones I was wearing at the moment and the boxer briefs I had protected by storing them in my duffel bag along with my pajamas.

In any case, given the morning’s events, I’d be in trouble if I didn’t purchase new underwear as soon as possible. I’d been rotating between my two pairs, but if one day it rained and I wasn’t able to do laundry, I’d be doomed.

“Hmm. In that case, why don’t you visit the clothing shop in town? It should be open by now,” Mr. Chotos said. “You said you wanted to read some books, too, right? You should drop by the bookstore while you’re at it.”

“Right, I’ll do that…”

Clothing shop then bookstore, huh? This might be a good opportunity.

As I later learned, there were a few different types of underwear in this world. The basic and most common ones were shaped like trunks as opposed to, say, loincloths. They had no elastic, so waist size was adjusted with a drawstring. The fabric wasn’t particularly starchy, so I didn’t mind wearing them at all.

Before I left, I asked Mr. Chotos, “Come to think of it, how much do briefs cost?”

“You don’t even know the cost of underwear? You really are a sheltered kid, huh?”

Hey, Mister! You can take your pity and sit on it.

“Your economy is different from my hometown’s,” I said. “Listen! Don’t make that face! It’s just the economy. So how much for briefs?”

“Men’s underwear should be…hm. I believe you can get a decent pair for fifty copper coins.”

“Fifty coppers…”

Then that means, um… How much is that worth again?

The meals at the restaurant had been around ten copper coins…probably. My memory was vague, at best. Then underwear was five times more expensive than a restaurant meal? So clothing was more expensive in this world. Still, from what I’d seen of this world’s culture, I had feared the cost of clothing would make my eyeballs pop, and this wasn’t so bad.

“I see. I shouldn’t have any problems buying them at that price.”

“Hey, Nemaki.” For some reason, just as I grabbed my wallet and headed for the door, Mr. Chotos stopped me. His eyes were those of a guardian watching his young child going on an errand for the first time. “I’ll be busy today with all the preparations for my journey to Zibil, so I can’t go with you. Will you really be fine by yourself?”

“What?! Condescending much? I can buy my own damn underwear, you know!”

Just as my tantrum and I threw open the door, Gol staggered up from her seat to join me.

Oh? Is she coming, too?

I had hoped she’d stay to rest and tend the shop, as she was still unsteady and looked like she was about to collapse at any moment. Oh jeez, was she okay?

 

***

 

A smiling man in his thirties pointed to an old store at the end of the alley. “That bookstore has the best goods in all of Tibar.”

“Thank you very much. Sorry for having you lead me all the way here,” I earnestly expressed my gratitude, forever indebted to this man for politely offering to guide me here.

“Ah ha ha, don’t worry about it. I hope you find the book you’re looking for. Please enjoy yourself in Tibar, Mr. Golem Wielder.”

The man smiled and waved as he left. What a nice guy.

Gol and I headed down the street toward the bookstore. Today, my partner was walking a half-step behind me. Compared to our usual formation, she was closer than she’d ever been. It almost felt like she was walking right next to me. Unusual indeed.

We were carrying bags stuffed with briefs and other articles of clothing. For a guy less competent than a kindergartener, I’d managed shopping just fine.

In fact, the briefs had been wonderfully cheap. I had been ready to spend those fifty coins, but they were actually being sold for twenty. Moreover, the owner of the clothing shop smiled as he handed me socks and a bunch of other freebies. Furthermore, he was the very man who had guided me to the bookstore.

“I’m really glad he was such a friendly person…”

Gol looked particularly elated to heft these bags of underwear. Her ears were continually fluttering. Maybe she just enjoyed shopping? When we were selecting my briefs, she was fairly picky. I thought they were all the same, but it seemed she had strong opinions—maybe even a fixation. Although, since I’d be the one wearing the briefs, I wasn’t sure why she cared so much.

The bookstore’s age was palpable. The building had to be quite old. It was slightly smaller than Chotos’s Mana Tool Shop, but then again, I thought that shop was needlessly large.

I opened the bookstore’s wooden door with a creak and stepped inside. As I did, I caught a whiff of ink: the signature smell of my beloved bookstores. The interior was surprisingly clean and free of dust. Though the exterior showed its age, the interior was properly maintained.

Various books lined the bookshelves, ranging from encyclopedic collections to picture books to technical manuals. It was just like the clothing shop owner had said—this place definitely felt like it had a wonderful variety of goods. Although, as I expected, it was a bit less well-stocked than the bookstores I was used to.

I perused the fairy tale titles on the shelves. Big Cats in the Dark Forest. The Woodcutter and the Spellcaster. The Adventures of the Hero Tepaolé…

“Oh, there’s the reference section.”

Various reference books lined a shelf to my right. However, my beloved Introduction to Spellcrafting—my copy of which had been blown away by the ancient Earth Dragon—was unfortunately not in evidence.

“If only I could’ve bought a replacement.” I picked up another reference book instead, but it was sealed in transparent film, so I couldn’t actually read it. In fact, it seemed practically every book in the place was sealed in the same way.

I guess browsing culture isn’t a thing in this world.

Because of my problematic translation ability with its unfortunate gorillafication glitch, purchasing a reference book without being able to confirm I could read it was risky.

“It sucks, but I guess I’ll have to buy another one…” I forlornly returned the book to the shelf.

Further inside the store, I saw the old lady who seemed to be tending it. No matter where else I checked, the only person I could find was her. Alas, it didn’t seem like I would get to encounter the proprietor’s granddaughter and fall into sweet young love.

Of course, I knew that had never really been an option. I wasn’t sad or anything. I’d come here with the sole purpose of buying books!

In any case, let’s find a good book about golems or something.

I thought I might as well buy another book, too. Maybe a hobby book about something I personally might enjoy. I was a die-hard bookworm, after all.

After debating with myself, I settled on two books: Illustrated Guide to Golems and Edible Wild Grass.

Illustrated Guide to Golems was, as the title suggested, an illustrated guidebook about golems. I chose it because, according to the grandma in the store, its illustrations made it easy to understand.

The other, Edible Wild Grass, seemed useful in survival situations, and I was moreover interested in the flora of this world. A book most intriguing and beneficial.

It came out to one silver and ten copper coins for the book on golems and two silver for the one on grass. Books were rather expensive.

Then again, I received a considerable discount on both. The initial prices were six and eight silver coins respectively, effectively taking me from a total expenditure of fourteen to three silver coins. Talk about a bargain.

For some reason I couldn’t discern, the people of Tibar treated Gol and me with extreme favor. Just as with the clothing shop owner, everyone smiled and competed to give me directions, and if I debated over whether I should buy something, they lowered the price for me. The uncle at the food cart had even given me baked sweets for free. I’d decided to bring them to Teru as a present.

Everyone was so kind. I didn’t think they had been this friendly on my first day in the town… How peculiar.

This trend became especially obvious with the bookstore grandma. As she calculated my bill, she was overcome with emotion and gripped my hand tightly, tears in her eyes. Once this strange phenomenon reached the point of her weeping, it was beyond my comprehension. They say everyone is popular about three times in their life; perhaps my turn for popularity with old ladies had arrived.

In any case, because of this, I managed to finish my shopping with a heavy purse, even though I’d still bought plenty of stuff. Clothes inclusive, I had spent approximately twenty to twenty-one silver coins. As one silver coin could buy a night in a decent inn, I might accidentally have spent over twenty thousand yen.

I worried at this thought and checked the contents of my wallet: five gold coins and fourteen silver, and a too-annoying-to-count number of jingling coppers. Those last were all change from the silvers I’d spent.

I still had plenty of sorcery cores left, too, but since I had no way of exchanging them, I realized I should probably cut down on spending sprees for a bit.

All right, let’s work hard to start saving up tomorrow.

With that, Gol and I went our merry way back home, Gol holding her bag of briefs with great excitement.

In retrospect, I treated my gains and losses with terrifying complacency.