Bonus Story: From the Notes of a Certain Priest

Bonus Story:
From the Notes of a Certain Priest

 

HELLO, I’M LAPIS. Just your average, everyday demon.

You might say that introducing myself as a demon contradicts my claim to be average, and in fact, a lot of people (humans, that is) think so. But get a large enough group of any people together, and it makes sense that most of them would be average, no?

Putting all that philosophizing aside, you may be wondering why a normal, healthy little demon girl is writing this meaningless spiel. Well, it all started one morning when my parents suddenly kicked me out of the house saying I needed to go see the wider world.

 

Now then, it turned out that the skilled mercenary I’d just met last time I wrote was a complete amateur when it came to adventuring. He was quite a mixed bag, but I successfully got his promise to accompany me.

Considering how this saved me the trouble of having to infiltrate another party, you must understand that Mr. Loren is quite important to me. Of course, I acquired his promise through a bit of debt, but I’m sure that issue will resolve itself with experience and time.

Incidentally, is it really that common for novice adventurers to be picked on by their more experienced seniors? From what I’ve gathered, adventurers who’ve only just registered are frequently shaken down for money, and at other times, the young women are simply snatched away. But if it’s really so common, I have to wonder why the guild hasn’t done anything about it.

In fact, if they’re not doing anything about it, perhaps that means they tacitly authorize these misdeeds. This bullying happened to Mr. Loren, of all people, who’s clearly a skilled swordsman to anyone with eyes. Sure, he might be a beginner in the knowledge department, but his fighting technique at least ranks squarely in the territory of veteran. He swings a sword thicker than my waist! And I mean, it’s not like he’s hiding his strength, and most intelligent life-forms should immediately realize this, but… Suffice to say, it seems there are people out there to whom that designation doesn’t apply. I struggle to understand.

There is one thing worth noting, though. The iron-rank adventurers who picked a fight with Mr. Loren in the bar likened him to a gigolo, and I must admit, that is true in a sense. Of course, I’m the one who devised the situation. And I have no objections to providing for him! However, the truth hits harder than baseless slander. When I told them no women would tolerate their own mooching, they flew into a rage. Yes, the truth sure is cruel.

At times, anger can heighten a person’s strength and resolve, but in this case, those iron-ranks had picked the wrong opponent. After their rest in the hospital, I assume they’ll take a better look at who they’re dealing with before they try something similar. Although, that little tussle allowed me to increase Mr. Loren’s debt, so I might thank them if I remember.

On that note, wanting to repay debt is quite a respectable attitude. The problem is that once Loren pays his off, nothing will bind him to me. That said, if he took advantage of my generosity and started wasting my money, he probably wouldn’t be a suitable companion.

As such, Mr. Loren taking that herb quest was just the sort of thing I was hoping for; though he was the first adventurer I’d ever seen go herb-harvesting unarmed. Additionally, it certainly was naïve of him to think he would be able to pay me off with such meager quests.

He owes me an amount that he wouldn’t match even if he plucked the forest dry. Though it wasn’t a bad start on the path to escaping the way of the mendicant. I went along, thinking I could make some spare change, but I never imagined we would have a run-in with forest wolves. Seeing Mr. Loren fight them off with his bare hands definitely went beyond my expectations.

And get this, the forest wolves were about to attack a girl in the middle of the forest. I don’t know if Mr. Loren has good or bad timing at this point, but his knack for running into strangeness never ceases to amaze me. Although, the girl was lucky too. If another adventurer had found her, well, there are a number of ill-natured folk in the trade who would gladly perpetrate what I hesitate to pen. But Mr. Loren took the girl back to town without any funny business. He is kind, that Mr. Loren.

About the girl—I’d like to note that she had a strange air about her right from the moment we first laid eyes on her. Her clothes weren’t dirty despite her having collapsed in the forest, and while we found her barefoot, her soles were pristine. It was as if she had suddenly appeared there from nowhere at all. I like to avoid any shady business, but as an adventurer, this was a clear chance to make money. Sometimes, concessions must be made.

We took the girl to town, and to be perfectly blunt, it was a tableau I wouldn’t blame anyone for mistaking as criminal in nature. Mr. Loren is a former mercenary after all, and he does look rather intimidating. The sight of him carrying an unconscious barefoot girl in a shift could so easily be construed as a kidnapping. In fact, I’ve heard that people flashing weapons or using drugs to abduct girls is not uncommon in the human world.

In demon territory, anyone who would do something so shameless without proper reason would be promptly exiled to the world of the beyond. But, well, it’s apparently much easier to get away with among humans.

Incidentally, when I say “proper reason,” I mean there is a slight chance of being pardoned—if the kidnapped girl is of another race. If she is a demon, all extenuating circumstances are completely disregarded.

I’ve gotten off track. Right, in this case, I think people realized no one would be foolish enough to abduct someone and boldly walk through the front gate of a town, and given my standing as a priest, we didn’t cause a fuss. Mr. Loren often forgets, but priests lend an incredible degree of credibility to any situation. He could be a little grateful, but I wonder.

In any case, it’s common practice to deliver any stranded folk of unknown origin to the adventurers’ guild. Any problematic things should be swiftly handed off to the proper officials—ah, I mean, it’s dangerous to drag around an unknown factor for too long—ah… To the point, city officials are occasionally corrupt, and to avoid any politicking, anyone registered as an adventurer would probably rather deal with the guild staff.

Then what do you do if the guild is corrupt? Well, the guild has a few measures instated to penalize depravity and falsehood. To be honest, the adventurers’ guild is so stringent with itself about these things that if they are corrupt, it wouldn’t be melodramatic to say the whole world is much the same.

Excluding demons, of course. Rotten demons don’t live long. They’re weeded out—disappearing without a trace before you realize what’s happened. Thus, they can never get away with their nonsense.

Returning to the main subject.

We entrusted the girl we saved to the guild only for them to place a restriction on our movements. They had to investigate the incident to make sure there was no criminality on our parts. But as we had nothing to hide, what an enticing restriction it was! Food, drink, and housing for free.

I haven’t reached a conclusion on the matter, but I’ve begun to think there is nothing better than getting things for free. Some say that which is free is bought for the highest price—I disagree. It isn’t, so long as you exercise proper judgment. Though I admit there are times when this adage might turn out to be true, so you really do have to look out for yourself.

I hoped I would be able to enjoy myself for a bit, but the adventurers’ guild was as prompt as I expected, and unfortunately, their investigation was over in no time. However, I was a bit put out that they wouldn’t tell us what they learned.

I might have been a bit forceful, but Mr. Loren worked his wiles for once, so I had to go along with his plan. I also have to say thanks to Mr. Chuck for arranging it so we could loop ourselves back in to the matter. Yes, I’ll definitely have to remember to offer my thanks in some form one of these days.

I’m also thankful that Mr. Loren finally decided to splurge. His debt continues to increase, and I didn’t even have to work for it that time—but even more importantly, I finally had an excuse to replace the gear he’d broken last time around.

There are a number of considerably nice pieces back at my base, so I could have just picked a few out and tossed them at him, but Mr. Loren wouldn’t be able to exercise his true strength without a weapon close to the one he was most used to wielding. I wasn’t just going to find one of those overly large swords lying around—or so I thought until I suddenly recalled that blade I’d “borrowed” from the warehouse back home. I was sure its size and performance would suffice; I hurried to my base and rushed back to Kaffa once I had everything I needed.

My next issue was how I’d get Loren to buy the coat and sword. I considered selling them to some random shop and buying them back later—but that method was unreliable. After mulling over what to do, I decided to be honest. I said, “I want to get some equipment to my partner, but I don’t want him to know it’s from me,” and a certain old man who ran a weapon shop agreed to help me out.

Honesty is the best policy. With certain humans, at least. What would be the point if I put together some needlessly convoluted scheme and my gifts never reached Mr. Loren’s hands?

Anyway, I took Mr. Loren to the shop, but that was where he met a most disagreeable man. By my first appraisal, the idiot wasn’t all talk, but he definitely had an attitude problem. I was sure I’d need to educate him a bit, but Mr. Loren said it was nothing, so I retreated at his discretion.

Despite the slight hiccup, I managed to outfit Mr. Loren. All that was left was to infiltrate the quest to return the girl we saved—Scena Lombardia—to her home state of Hansa. That meant working with the idiot we met at the shop, but I decided ignoring him would be our best bet. However, I couldn’t shake the strange feeling that we were going to be stuck with him for a while.

It would be hard to say the journey to deliver Miss Scena went smoothly. The guild invested quite a bit of money into the operation—enough for three wagons. However, all of a sudden, the driver of Scena’s wagon—as well as the female adventurers riding with her—grew ill or worse. Two of them died for unknown reasons.

Their ominous deaths weirded out the others and caused them to isolate Miss Scena. To be fair, the task at hand was to take her to her country; no one was under any obligation not to shun and alienate her. However, Mr. Loren suggested we keep her close. He is rather kind, that Mr. Loren.

Of note, he is especially kind to little girls, a matter that I do have some thoughts on, but I figured, well, granting his wish would do a whole lot more for my image, and… No, it’s nothing. You heard nothing. I am, fundamentally, a servant of god. One must always be kind to little girls. Those that misconstrue these virtues and take kindness as brownnosing must be physically corrected, and not in front of impressionable young eyes. In any case, I knew that was the right time to contain myself. Even I know how to bottle up.

The next day, the women refused to ride in Miss Scena’s wagon, and we ended up joining her. Honestly, I had a faint idea of what was going on by then, but I wasn’t going to open my mouth without proof. It definitely wasn’t that keeping my mouth closed would be more interesting. Make no mistake.

During the ride, I tried to call Mr. Loren the Cleaving Gale, but he denied his claim to the moniker. There’s a chance that the Cleaving Gale really is someone else, but it’s hard to imagine anyone else fitting Mr. Loren’s exact description. I think it’s more likely that Mr. Loren is rather dense. That might be a problem.

Putting that aside, I thought our troubles were over, but we were soon beset by another undead attack. Undead attacks are rare in the daytime, not that it mattered. More importantly, that nasty idiot—that iron-rank adventurer called Claes—he finally proved he wasn’t just talk. His personality was one thing, but his skills were considerable.

What’s more, with the rare gift he possessed, he was a talent no nation would leave alone. One of his companions looked like a knight, so it seemed likely a country had already reached out to him.

I wanted to be cautious with her. Stay out of sight, out of mind.

Of course, right as I was thinking that, the bone dragon appeared. Everyone and their mother could tell something was up at that point. Of course, knowing something is wrong doesn’t make one capable of resolving the matter. Before we knew it, the bone dragon grabbed one of Mr. Claes’s comrades—the magician.

Abandoning her would have been the safest bet, but right away Mr. Loren leveraged his incredible might to rescue the magician as the dragon’s stance crumbled. Once again, I was reminded of his tremendous skills.

To make sure his hard work didn’t go to waste, I made Mr. Claes use plenty of his valuable gift to get us away. We all got out safe and managed to arrive at Miss Scena’s home of Hansa.

Okay, fine, I’ll admit that apart from us, and Mr. Claes’s party, and Mr. Brosse, who we had gotten to know pretty well, everyone else was killed.

Anyway, Hansa was quite wonderfully built, though its residents were missing. A bizarre situation, certainly, but it happens now and then.

In the middle of their search, Mr. Loren and Miss Scena found a survivor named Ms. Stehr in town, but really, wasn’t she a bit too obviously suspicious? Is it really so common to coincidently find a sole survivor in a completely vacant city? Perhaps it’s not impossible. But I must say, it was far too convenient to believe.

Putting her aside—Mr. Loren always said he did nothing but fight when he was a mercenary, but he’s so multitalented I have to wonder if that was really the case. I was surprised when he turned to smithing in preparation for the zombie attack, but come to think of it, who’s to say he went to a blacksmith every time he had to maintain his own weapon? Perhaps it was more convenient to be able to do a bit on his own. I find myself interested in the mercenary company that instilled these skills in him.

Perhaps I’ll meet their remnants, someday, someplace.

In any case, I thought it was high time to compare notes with him, but that was the moment the undead picked to attack. Legions of them, and all of the sort I was getting sick and tired of seeing. My only takeaway was that Mr. Claes was the perfect bait for the undead when he was under the effects of Boost.

They gathered surprisingly fast. I was just thinking we might want to leave Mr. Claes and go hunt down the source—clean them up on our own, you know—when something happened that I had, unfortunately, predicted.

Ms. Stehr abducted Miss Scena. Loren and I were compelled to leave the clinic to Mr. Claes and gave chase through the city.

Even though Mr. Claes faced a horde of weak undead, given that they came in such numbers, I was sure he’d be overwhelmed and forced to join their ranks soon enough. That he survived in those circumstances suggests he might actually be rather clever. Talent has nothing to do with personality, I suppose. Though Mr. Claes had been acting quite a bit humbler ever since Mr. Loren saved his magician.

When it comes to Ms. Stehr, I have nothing of note to write. I do feel a little drawn to her mention of “the master,” but I have far too little information to discern the nature of this individual. Perhaps we’ll meet someday, if fate wills it. And I’m sure I can ponder the matter if and when we do. If we never meet, then I won’t have wasted time thinking about nothing.

More importantly, Miss Scena. Of all things, the effects of some enchanted item turned her into a Lifeless King: the highest rank of undead, with whom it is said every encounter proves fatal.

I was in awe of the technology that made this transformation possible but deplored the person using it. Right, I fail to understand the logic behind creating something beyond your control. Is that some roundabout way of suicide?

In any case, those incomprehensible actions pitted us against the Lifeless King, and I was left wondering if Stehr and her unknown master really had to make things so difficult.

Also, is it just me, or was Mr. Loren thinking something incredibly rude when he looked at me in the middle of that battle? I do feel the urge to interrogate him, yet a part of me fears the answer. Perhaps I should just leave him be.

But you know, Mr. Loren really is an incredible swordsman. It was hard to call that unstable device that turned Miss Scena into a Lifeless King perfect and therefore difficult to call Miss Scena a true Lifeless King. Yet there is no doubt she was a fearsome entity.

It took an unbelievable warrior to challenge her head-on, taking full advantage of her lack of combat experience to crack the Orb of Undeath sustaining her. It was thanks to Mr. Loren that we defeated a Lifeless King…but he’s still far too kind. He grasped its—or rather, Scena’s—hand as she crumbled away.

I suspect it was more pity than carelessness, but I really think he needs to look out for himself. Though I do also think that’s one of his good points.

For now, my examination has failed to find anything wrong with Mr. Loren’s body, so I guess that’s a load off my mind. The fact that he ended up in another hospital is part of the fun.

Now let’s work hard raising those debts! All’s well that ends well.

 

I think I’ll end my notes here for now.

It’s always nice to have more things to talk about with Mother when I get home. I get the feeling something outrageous will happen if I show this to Father, but I’m sure Mr. Loren will be fine. I can see it all being a load of trouble, though.

Anyway, I guess I’ll set my pen down until our next adventure.