Chapter 36: It’s Because I Care About You

Chapter 36: That's Because I Feel Sorry for You

Wen Xi had not yet recovered from the shock of Yan Fengan's tears when he suddenly heard him say such a thing. He froze in Yan Fengan's arms, completely stunned, unable to collect himself for a long while.

It was a simple sentence, yet Wen Xi felt he could not understand its meaning. The same identity, the same face—how could it not be him?

He might not be the brightest, but Yan Fengan couldn't just treat him like a fool.

His mouth opened and closed several times before Wen Xi finally managed to say, "I don't understand. What do you mean, 'that person wasn't you'?"

Yan Fengan tilted his head back, composed himself, and slowly began to reveal the secret buried deep in his heart: "When I was sixteen, I passed the imperial examination at the county level. On the day I went home to share the good news with my parents, I somehow caught a chill and developed a high fever that raged all night. I thought it was just an ordinary cold, but then a wandering ghost took advantage of my weakened state, seized my body, and pushed my soul out..."

Wen Xi suddenly sat up straight in bed. In the darkness, Yan Fengan could not see his expression, but he could imagine the look on Wen Xi's face.

The cold wind seized the opportunity to blow in around them. Yan Fengan tucked him back under the covers, making sure he was fully wrapped, and said slowly, "You must be shocked and think this is unbelievable. If I hadn't experienced it myself, I wouldn't believe such a bizarre and supernatural thing could happen either."

Wen Xi's head was spinning. He felt Yan Fengan's words sounded like pure fantasy, and he shook his head, murmuring, "Impossible... How could such an absurd thing happen in this world..."

As for Yan Fengan's inconsistent behavior, Wen Xi had once wondered if Yan Fengan might be possessed, but that had just been nonsense he used to comfort himself. He had never truly believed such a thing could be real.

Yet deep down, he knew Yan Fengan had no reason to tell such an enormous lie to deceive him. This kind of story was so far-fetched that even a three-year-old wouldn't buy it. If Yan Fengan truly wanted to excuse his past actions, with his intelligence, he could surely have found a better reason.

Wen Xi's reaction made Yan Fengan's heart ached slightly. He had known all along that no one would believe such a tale, and he had thought about keeping this secret buried forever. But if he didn't explain clearly, how could he fully dispel the grudge Wen Xi held?

He gently patted Wen Xi's back and gently coaxed him, "Before, we didn't spend much time together, but after we married, we've been together every day. With your intelligence, you should have been able to see the difference between me and that person. A person's personality changing so drastically—didn't you ever suspect anything?"

"Of course I did!" Wen Xi momentarily forgot whether this was real or not, sobbing as he shrugged with agitation. "I came to find you on my own once, don't you remember?"

In Wen Xi's heart, Yan Fengan had always been the most special person. If his personality had changed so drastically, how could Wen Xi not have been suspicious?

Back then, news of Yan Fengan passing the county exam spread through the whole village within a day. When Wen Xi heard the news, he was genuinely happy for him. Many villagers went to the Yan household to offer congratulations, and taking advantage of Wen Shishan and the others not being around, he secretly went to take a look as well.

At that time, a beaming Yan Fengan was surrounded by people offering congratulations, accepting everyone's praise and compliments. Some said he had a limitless future and would surely become a high official; others said he was talented and handsome, and would surely catch the eye of some rich young lady or gentleman from the city.

Yan Fengan kept a humble, courteous smile the whole time, responding to everyone whether they were sincere or just flattering.

Wen Xi's heart also leaped with joy. There weren't many things in the world that could make him happy, but seeing Yan Fengan's smiling face lifted his spirits too.

He had snuck out and couldn't stay long, nor did he want to bring Yan Fengan any bad luck on such a wonderful day. He kept looking back several times before running home.

Days passed one after another. Later, Wen Xi ran into Yan Fengan a few more times in the village. Before he knew it, the man seemed to have become much more mature, no longer smiling like he used to, and the gentle temperament he once had was gone.

A few times, Wen Xi passed by him, thinking the man would greet him like he always had. He felt nervous yet expectant, wondering how he should respond, but the man didn't even give him a glance. He was cold and aloof, as if he didn't know Wen Xi at all.

Wen Xi was deeply disappointed, yet he felt it was only natural. Li Qiaozhen's words had been so hurtful—how could Yan Fengan not be bothered? There was no benefit to being around him, and he would only get dragged through the mud for nothing. Now that Yan Fengan had become a scholar, he naturally couldn't afford to have his reputation stained. If Wen Xi was truly grateful to him, he shouldn't go parading around in front of him anymore.

Yan Fengan didn't stay in the village much anyway, and with Wen Xi deliberately avoiding him, the two never ran into each other again after that.

In the following two years, Wen Xi occasionally heard Yan Fengan's name mentioned by others, though the comments were never good. The villagers said that after passing the exam, Yan Fengan had gotten too big for his britches, ignoring everyone.

Every time he heard such talk, Wen Xi would space out. He simply figured those people were jealous of Yan Fengan's success and were nitpicking out of spite.

What really made Wen Xi realize Yan Fengan had changed was when he started hanging out with Wen Liu.

Wen Liu never bothered to hide his talk about his lover in front of Wen Xi. At first, Wen Xi thought he was lying, until he saw Yan Fengan walking Wen Liu home with his own eyes. Only then did he know the two were really together.

How could he describe how he felt at that moment? He had always known that Yan Fengan would one day marry and spend his life with someone else. Wen Xi had silently prayed for him, wishing that he would one day come in first on the imperial exams and marry a beautiful, virtuous, gentle, and capable girl or young man.

But why did it have to be Wen Liu, of all people?

Apart from being pretty, Wen Xi could hardly find any other virtue in Wen Liu. How could Yan Fengan have fallen for him? He didn't seem like such a shallow person.

Moreover, Yan Fengan knew perfectly well how badly Wen Xi's family treated him. The man who had once been so indignant about it—how could he now turn a blind eye to all of that?

Wen Xi simply couldn't accept it. He knew he had no standing to question the matter, but he still blocked Yan Fengan's path on his way home.

"How could you be with Wen Liu? Did he deceive you?"

Yan Fengan looked him up and down and said coldly, "What business is it of yours who I'm with?"

Wen Xi didn't understand why he had become so harsh, and said plaintively, "How is it none of my business? You know he's always bullied me, you know he's not a good person."

Yan Fengan found it amusing: "Why does he only bully you and no one else? Maybe you should look for the reason in yourself? Liu Geer has never said a bad word about you in front of me, yet here you are, coming to me behind his back to say these things. Comparing the two of you, you don't seem so great yourself."

Wen Xi never expected to hear such words from his mouth. His heart ached beyond words, and at that moment, he finally believed what the villagers had said. Through tear-blurred eyes, he pointed at Yan Fengan and said, "You've changed. The old you would never have said such things. You're not the Yan Fengan I knew."

This conversation had been too painful for Wen Xi. Even now, recalling it, that person's expression and demeanor were still so vivid.

Yan Fengan said with a pained heart, "It was because of that sentence that he began to bully you together with Wen Liu. He was afraid you would notice his abnormality and see through his identity. The only way was to bully you even more, to make you doubt yourself and fall apart, so you wouldn't be able to think clearly about those inconsistencies."

What had started as a reproach spoken in disappointment had inadvertently hit upon a certain truth. Now, thinking back, all that bullying had indeed been done for a reason.

"Although I didn't do those things, you were still hurt because of me. For everything you went through, I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry, Xiao Xi."

Wen Xi's body trembled as he sobbed. He raised a shaking hand and traced from Yan Fengan's brow down to his cheek, his fingers coming away wet. Wen Xi's heart ached dully, and his tense body suddenly collapsed. He buried his face in Yan Fengan's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably, "You keep saying sorry to me, but... who will say sorry to you?"

Wen Xi had always thought he was the unluckiest person in the world—unloved by his parents since childhood, never blessed even once by the merciful Bodhisattva.

Only now did he realize that there was someone in this world whose suffering was even greater and more bitter than his own.

Watching the self that everyone had once praised become a loathsome, disgusting scoundrel—what must Yan Fengan have felt inside?

If he hadn't regained his body, would he have simply vanished into the void without anyone knowing? And everyone around him—his parents, his elder brother and sister-in-law, and Wen Xi himself, who had received his kindness—would all have continued to treat that impostor as the real Yan Fengan. No one would have grieved for the real Yan Fengan, and no one would have mourned his loss.

The howling wind outside seemed to turn into a blade, slicing Wen Xi's heart into pieces. His teeth chattered with pain, and his whole body trembled.

His throat felt blocked, and apart from sobs, he could no longer make any sound.

Before surprise and doubt could set in, the pain of heartache swept through Wen Xi's entire being first.

Heaven was truly unfair. Why did someone as good as Yan Fengan have to suffer such a thing?

Yan Fengan hadn't expected Wen Xi to react this way. The inexpressible pain in his heart seemed to find an outlet and poured out all at once. His eyes stung with tears as he patted Wen Xi's back to comfort him while kissing the corner of his mouth, coaxing him to unclench his gritted teeth.

"It's alright, Xiao Xi. It's all over now. Nothing like that will ever happen again."

Wen Xi sobbed and said in fits and starts, "I know you're not that kind of person, but I don't understand what happened... During that time, I was so sad, so sad..."

The thing he had never been able to figure out finally had an answer. Even though their bodies were already pressed together, Wen Xi still felt it wasn't enough. He clutched tightly at Yan Fengan's clothes, as if afraid he would disappear the next second.

Yan Fengan held him even more tightly. He knew how devastated Wen Xi's emotions were right now, and he knew the unease in his heart, so he kept soothing him gently: "I know, I know all of it. I've come back now. No one can bully you anymore."

"Get a good night's sleep. When you wake up tomorrow, everything will be fine. I'll always be here with you."

Having just learned something so shocking and bizarre, how could Wen Xi possibly sleep? His heart was filled with worry and fear—he was afraid that when he woke up, Yan Fengan would suddenly have changed into someone else again.

Yan Fengan stroked his hair and coaxed softly, "I've already driven that wandering ghost away. I saw with my own eyes his soul scatter and vanish before my eyes. No one will ever try to take my body again. Don't you remember what the old immortal said?"

Wen Xi didn't believe in gods or Buddhas, but at this moment, he prayed silently in his heart, hoping that heaven would show mercy and protect Yan Fengan so that everything would go smoothly for him from now on.

Tears flowed down Yan Fengan's neck into his collar, leaving him both happy and heartbroken.

What delighted him was that there was still someone in this world who would share his worries and feel his pain, who would help him bear the heavy burden of the past. With Wen Xi, he could have no secrets, no need for any pretense, and no longer had to bear sins that were never his to carry.

He had always felt deep affection for Wen Xi, and seeing him cry so bitterly over what he had been through made his heart ache unbearably. Watching Wen Xi, who seemed impossible to console, Yan Fengan had no choice but to press his lips against Wen Xi's soft, tear-damp lips.

His wet tongue traced a circle around Wen Xi's lips before slipping through his slightly parted mouth. Wen Xi, still hiccuping from crying, paused, a faint blush spreading over his tear-streaked face.

A moment later, Wen Xi extended his own tongue to entwine with his, the two chasing each other's lips and tongues in the dimness under the covers, kissing like they couldn't get enough of each other.

Yan Fengan's hand had slipped into Wen Xi's robe at some point, and the skin beneath the fabric was soft as fresh tofu—tender and smooth. His slender fingers swept across Wen Xi's body like playing a zither, sending shivers through him.

That strange sensation slowly stirred again. Wen Xi, shy and bewildered, called out softly, "Husband..."

That soft call made Yan Fengan's bones go weak. He pulled Wen Xi into his arms and held him close for a good while before murmuring, "Are you still going to cry?"

Remembering how he had lost control of his emotions just now, Wen Xi's cheeks flushed even deeper. The one who had suffered was Yan Fengan, yet he was the one getting comforted. But he couldn't help it—how could he not be grieved when the person he loved had gone through something like this?

Wen Xi lay limp against Yan Fengan's chest, listening to his rapid, powerful heartbeat, and said, sounding hurt and clingy, "I just feel sorry for you."

Yan Fengan's fingers lingered on his slender waist as he bent down to kiss his forehead, his voice husky. "I know. Be good—your husband loves you too. How about we sleep now?"

After such an emotional upheaval, Wen Xi's body was left with nothing but exhaustion. Soothingly coaxed by Yan Fengan for a while, he drifted off to sleep lying on top of him.

The aftermath of his crying fit hadn't fully faded—Wen Xi's body twitched a few times as he first fell asleep, only settling down in the latter half of the night.

With a knot of restless feelings churning in his heart, Wen Xi woke very early the next morning.

Borrowing the faint light filtering in from outside, Wen Xi propped his head up and traced every line of Yan Fengan's face with his eyes.

An impostor was, after all, an impostor—even wearing Yan Fengan's face, that villain's bearing couldn't hold a candle to even a fraction of his true grace.

That such a thing could happen in this world—his husband was truly pitiable.

Wen Xi cupped Yan Fengan's face in his hands and gently pecked his lips.

Yan Fengan's eyes weren't even open yet, but a smile had already curved at the corners of his mouth. He instinctively reached out to pull Wen Xi into his arms and murmured softly, "Wen Xi."

Wen Xi rested his head on his chest. "Sleep a little more—I won't bother you."

When the time came to get up, Yan Fengan found he couldn't sleep any longer either. His fingertip traced Wen Xi's reddened eye corners, and he let out a soft sigh at his swollen eyes.

Such obvious traces of tears—he had no idea how they were going to explain this to the family later.