Chapter 39

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 39

EVERYTHING was spinning and swaying like when she had a fever and found it too annoying to wake up. On those days, she would always curl into a ball under her blankets. Nobuko would constantly come into her room to wake her up, each time getting more annoying. She started by pinching Yuki, smacking her, poking her, tickling her, and occasionally end by singing some made up song at the top of her lungs. Yuki was saved by her mother’s cheeriness when she was sick.

Yuki tried curling into a ball now, but couldn’t do it for some reason. In a daze she tried to figure out why as her ears gradually began to pick up sound.

“Kill ‘er!”

Yuki’s eyes snapped open at the man’s shout.

What is this place?

A public square filled her line of vision as far as she could see. Ocher colored dirt was spread evenly across the entire square. A fence of gray stone separated the area Yuki was from the rest of the square. On the other side of the fence was a massive crowd of people ranging from the poor to travelers, rich merchants, and what could only be nobles with their own guards keeping the others at a distance. Some people even had chairs set up, as if they were waiting for a concert to start.

Yuki couldn’t move either her hands or feet. She turned her neck—the only limb she could freely move—to see she was tied to a cross-shaped wooden pillar. A pile of wood sat at her feet, the kind best used for kindling and bonfires. The wood was piled up crosswise to burn better.

Could it be…I’m going to be burned here? Yuki’s hair stood up on her arms and legs at the thought. A chill crawled down her spine and sat like a rock in the pit of her stomach. People clad from head to toe in black clothing were moving about in the middle of the square.

I’m going to be burned at the stake.

“No…” the word of denial slipped from her trembling, icy lips.

Yuki had been calm for the days leading up to this moment, but now fear consumed every fiber of her body. Her hands shook and her teeth gnashed painfully even though she wasn’t cold. The execution she couldn’t begin to imagine was now painfully thrust on her. A violent sense of dread rushed through Yuki who never thought of doing anything else but running away.

“Yuki!”

The sound of her name brought Yuki to her senses. The person who called her was a slight distance away from her in the public square.

“Ain!”

“Yuki! I am so sorry! I-I—” he cried out, the gag removed from his mouth. His arms must have been tied behind his back, because Yuki couldn’t see his hands. Ain’s face twisted with unimaginable pain and guilt.

Yuki slowly shook her head. “No, don’t be. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Yuki repeated over and over in her heart. I’m sorry for causing you to be tied and beaten up. I’m sorry for being why you’re forced to sit in a place like this.

This is my punishment. Had I known it would come to this, I would have never wished for anything. I wish I had never naively hoped for someone to come save me.

Ain was covered in bruises and his clothes were ripped. Regret swelled within Yuki, knowing she was the reason he suffered.

***

IN front of Yuki stood the now nostalgic seeming young man with glass marble eyes—Padimate. He was expressionlessly addressing the crowd in monotone in front of a hopelessly dazed Yuki. She saw Ain crying out of the corner of her eye. His tied hands prevented him from wiping his tears as they messily rolled down his cheeks staining his dirtied shirt.

The young man with ultramarine hair and eyes stood behind Padimate. His features were stern and serious now, despite the casual smile he flashed her just this morning.

What on Earth is going on? Yuki tried to think, but her dazed mind couldn’t process anything. She wasn’t sure whether her brain wouldn’t work because she had given up or she was trying to escape reality by not thinking about what was going to happen.

Either way, the echoed chants of “kill her” from the crowd gnawed at her very being. Were they referring to her? The death chant came from all different corners of the crowd. Every person who uttered those words longed for her death. They desired her execution to take place. Their words slowly but surely invited death to come and take her.

“If my dying means someone else will be saved, then I’ll die with pleasure,” Yuki had once said.

Would everyone in this large square staring at Yuki from the other side of the stone fence rejoice at her death? Were they worth saving?

There are so many people.

A quick glance showed even the elderly and young children were present. Did every single one of them desire her death?

“Yuki,” Padimate was looking at Yuki. His eyes were as void as space and spoke nothing of what he was thinking. “Do you have something to say? Do you or don’t you?”

Is he asking what my last words are before death?

“…Hey, Padi?” Padimate silently stood unmoving. “Do you think everyone here will rejoice at my death?”

How could people rejoice at someone’s death?

“Will they become happy from my death?”

Can someone build happiness from someone else’s death? Is that the reality of this world? Yuki didn’t know.

Padimate listened to her question without a minute change in expression. After a short pause he opened his mouth, “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know,” his lifeless voice echoed in her ears.

“You don’t know? Why not? Aren’t you one of the people who think it’s best for me to die too!”

Padimate blinked several times. His reaction startled Yuki. She knew that was the gesture Padimate made whenever he was surprised.

What? He’s never thought about it before? Did Padi think it was okay for me not to die? Then why? Why didn’t he save me? Why is he letting me die in front of him? Why must I die?

Anger with nowhere to go seethed inside her. The rage that had been searching for somewhere to vent itself gushed from her mouth. “Then…then why! Why won’t you save me? You didn’t do anything because you thought it’s best if I die, right! What do you mean you don’t know!”

Yuki’s mind went blank. She wanted to know what this absentminded man who cared for her for days was thinking. What did he want to do? Why didn’t he tell her to die as his brother had? As Orga had?

“How can you not know? …I don’t care if it’s a lie, so tell me everyone will become happy when I die!”

I might have been able to accept it if you did.

“What was the meaning of my coming here? What was the meaning of my life? Tell me, Padi. Answer me. Hey, answer me! Answer me now, Padi!”

I don’t want this. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.

“I don’t want to die! Hey, save me, Padi! Padiii!”

The young man with ultramarine hair led Padimate away from the square. Padimate looked over his shoulder at Yuki, then turned his back on her and departed without a second glance.

The burns on Yuki’s chest ached. She thought they didn’t hurt anymore, but they ached as if they were being rebranded into her flesh all over again. Her face contorted with the pain. A man with his head covered in a black cloth bag appeared with a torch.

No way. Don’t tell me he’s going to light the wood on fire beneath me with that.

“Don’t.” Yuki’s cry was erased by the jeering and cheering of the crowd. Yuki couldn’t tell what expression the man with his face covered in a black mask had as he held the torch that spelled her demise.

He’s smiling, Yuki thought with certainty. Everyone—every single one of them—is smiling.

For some reason, she could tell. Everyone present wished for her death. Everyone present longed for her death. Before long, several masked men appeared and surrounded Yuki. They each held a torch, its flame burning hot and bright.

“What are you so happy about?”

As though her words were the cue, the masked men brought their torches to the base of the kindling at the bottom of the cross she was affixed to. Flames spread across the pile of carefully crisscrossed logs.

“Eeek,” she gasped. The flames hadn’t reached her yet, but the intense heat billowed into her face. The heat from the flames was hot enough to cause burns.

Aaah, I’ve come this far without escaping.

Yuki may have been screaming half-hysterically moments ago, but an eerie calm settled over her now.

Even the jeers and calls for her death sounded differently to her. She watched the masked men leave. She saw Ain screaming something. For some reason, she could clearly see the faces of everyone in the distant crowd.

They’re smiling.

Everyone appeared to be smiling—smiling with ultimate joy and utmost satisfaction. Yuki couldn’t help it—she found herself smiling along with them. She felt that if she smiled, she could forget about everything.