Chapter 47 — It arrives in Chicago

“It grants Clarity.”

Amy: “Whoa, the church is way bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside. Like. Way bigger. Like. Thirty times bigger.”

“It confirms.”

Amy: “Are we even in Chicago any more?”

🖤███ : “Honoured guests, you are, of course, in the Saint Morningstar Luciferan Church, located at the crossroads of Chicago’s Old Town and the coast: a gateway to the Divine and the many realms below it.”

Amy: “You meant ‘Lutheran’, right?”

🖤███ : "Surely."

Amy: “Thia, is this your priest? He's the shadiest person I've ever seen.”

“It confirms.”

🖤███ : “A wounding confession from both brides, but I suppose such things cannot be helped.”

Amy: “Hah... okay, what should I call you?—Actually, nevermind. Thia, what should I call him?”

“It recommends ‘Lulu’.”

Amy: “No way. Is that your real name?”

🖤███ : “As real as any name is, dear wife-to-be. My True Name would be... problematic. It's quite hard to pronounce, in any case. I think you'll find ‘Lulu’ to be the far more preferable option. In fact, with time I’ve come to find the name quite endearing, even.”

Amy: “Lulu... Lulu... sounds familiar. Are you an old friend of Thia's?”

🖤███ : “Oh yes. Quite. We have been friends for a great many years.”

Amy: “Oh! I remember your name. Thia mentioned you in highschool. I thought she was joking.”

“It was not.”

Amy: “Seriously? Gross. You were online friends with Thia when was still in school? Super gross. Thia, I think this guy might be a pedophile. Is it really okay to have our wedding here?”

🖤███ : “I can assure you that, unlike most priests of the holy order, I harbour no such deviant inclinations towards the innocence of youth.”

Amy: “Ew. Disgusting. I hate that you put it that way, but—oh god. Gross. I actually believe you, though? For some reason? Still, let me just clearly underline for the record: completely disgusting.”

🖤███ : “I am flattered by your trust, bride-to-be. I, too, find the church to be an affront to God.”

Amy: "...Thia, this priest is wild. And he's also kind of a ladykiller. Be careful. I'm worried that you might get pregnant if he smiles in your direction.”

“It will not get pregnant. Lulu, do not smile at It's Wife.”

🖤███ : “I wouldn't dare. This is a holy place, after all, and a revered ceremony is soon to occur under the eyes of God and all other Divinity.”

Amy: “Did you just catch on fire?”

🖤███ : “A trick of the Light, I assure you.”

Amy: “I've never seen a priest with a black collar before.”

🖤███ : “I admit, this particular collar has seen better days.”

Amy: “Your cross is upside down. Actually, all of the crosses in this church are upside down.”

🖤███ : “Are they? How strange. I could have sworn I turned them the right way around before you arrived.”

Amy: “Jesus. That’s like ‘cleaning the toilet before your friends show up’, satanic church edition. So you mean you just flipped the crosses the right way up, just now, just for show?”

🖤███ : “Indeed! A show of devotion, dedication, and deference to the sanctity of the church and the ceremony to follow. Although, it is puzzling that they’ve inverted again so quickly.”

Amy: “You're on fire again.”

🖤███ : “I'll have somebody look at the air conditioner before the ceremony begins. Worry not, dear bride, I assure you that the wedding will proceed without incident.”

Amy: “Thia, I think the priest you found might be the literal devil.”

“It is amused.”