Chapter 51 – 🖤███

Oh my! To what do I owe the honour, dear Observers? Not that those of your particular persuasion are wont to reply... but nonetheless, let it be known that I am both humbled and made eager by your presence. I fully trust that the reasons for your focus will be made apparent in due time.

And what a time it is! The Eternal Union of Retribution and a Divine young mortal. May their Great Dream last Forever.

Honoured guests from across the myriad realms—and a handful from the mortal plane—are all sitting together in congregation. Oh, how bountiful the harvest this Officiation has been. Favour upon favour, Price upon Price. Truly, investment into dear Retribution’s happiness is one that always pays grand dividends to one’s own. How Divine. How ‘Overall Beneficial’. How Just. How Retributive.

Now, let us officially Officiate.

“Welcome, honoured guests,” I addressed the various beings of Divinity gathered within the church, and the innumerable spectators gathered in the Domain outside. “You have come from far and wide, crossing the myriad realms and putting aside differences of Mythos to witness a very special Ceremony of Marriage—one that might take place perhaps once an epoch, if that.

“The Great Dream. Eternal Union. The Pinnacle of Divinity. There are a great many ways to call the exchange of Everything Forever, but oh so very few who are willing to try.

“For many of you, this will be the first time you witness such a momentous occasion. For others, knowing the history of the ‘Term which brings naught but Ruin’ may dampen the spirits. But I am certain that all in attendance—no matter your age or alignment—are aware of how beautiful this event is. How beautiful the promise that is about to take place. How beautiful a dream such a Forever could be. And so I thank you all for being here, and for coming together to witness something truly Divine.

“And perhaps one day, you too will aspire for an Eternity of Divinity. Perhaps one day, you too will have the Trust, Certainty, Constance, Conviction, Responsibility, and Divinity required to bear the weight of The Great Dream as our brides do. If that day comes to be, remember who you should call upon for Officiation. My Prices are always Just.”

A smattering of laughter.

I continued: “I'm pleased to see so many familiar faces in attendance. As well as the many new faces,” I winked at the group of plastic-horned mortals, “who have brought fresh life into an ancient Ceremony. To all those who have taken the time to gather, I once again thank you for being here to witness this once-in-an-epoch Union.

“Now onto formalities.”

I beckoned the brides closer and brought their hands together before the altar.

“We are gathered here today, in this church of True Divinity, to honour the Eternal Union of our two brides: Thia, whom I have known since time immemorial; and Amy, a partner Divine who has shown herself to be the perfect, delightfully amusing companion to my reticent friend. In mere decades, Amy has brought more change to Thia than in all epochs past, and I'm sure that the same has been true in reverse as well, for their love is True, and their Divinity is undeniable.

“The Great Dream is The Great Magnifier. All that there is between the two will be amplified Forever, for better or for worse. Seeing what I have seen of the threads of Divinity that bind these two—the love and selflessness; the sole Want to elevate the other and nothing more—I have faith that their tower of Overall Benefit, built on nothing but the foundation of each other, will ascend to Infinity.

“But before the Ceremony of Marriage can officially proceed, I have the great displeasure of opening the floor to the rabble.”

I stared down the hall with as much Sin as I could muster—sparing the precious mortals of the brides, of course—and dared any to come forward to face Retribution.

“I'm sure that many of you are unhappy with the prospect of another achieving Eternal happiness, so I open the floor to you:”

Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace.

“If any guests have objections to this Eternal Union, make your objections known now. For if there are any unsanctioned interruptions after this moment, I will personally see to your Damnation. Begin.”

“It grants Clarity.”

🖤███ : “Thank you, Thia.”

████████████ : (( This lowly one feels the need to question: is the Right to Objection not usually given before the Vows? ))

🖤███ : “Yes, you nescient plonker. And as the couple has yet to exchange their vows, this does, in fact, seem to be before the vows. Any further objections?”

████████████ : (( No. ))

🖤███ : “Then, may the next ignorant fool speak out. And if another being of Divinity dares to speak with Power in my Domain, they will find themselves forcibly excised from it. Continue.”

🧰██████████ : “I object. The Ceremony of Marriage cannot be between two brides. It was not written in the scripture.”

🖤███ : “You dare to speak of scripture when 🌟███ sits in the front row, unoffended? You are as blind as you are ignorant. Leave the floor before you shame yourself further. Next.”

🥀███████████ : “The gap in Divinity between the two is far too large. Such a Union cannot last Forever.”

🖤███ : “That is not for you to decide.”

🥀███████████ : “It isn't Just that The Petals of Fairness will fall into mortal hands.”

🖤███ : That Is Not For You To Decide.

🥀███████████ : “I have no further objections.”

🖤███ : “Then we shall continue. But might I remind all of our honoured guests to consider—before trying to ruin this occasion for our lovely brides-to-be—the great consequences of who you might offend in the process.”

🐌█████ : “This goes against tradition. Are you planning to intimidate all the petitioners into silence?”

🖤███ : “Why, yes I am. If you find it Unjust, feel free to challenge my Authority.”

🐌█████ : "..."

🖤███ : “Well?”

🐌█████ : “I have no objections.”

🖤███ : “Next.”

...

..

.

🦴███████ : “A mortal cannot even speak the Words of Power. Can they even truly understand what Everything Forever entails?”

🖤███ : “The current body of Retribution is also mortal. Do you think Retribution to be lesser?”

🦴███████ : “The lowly 🦴███████ would not dare.”

🖤███ : “Then do you think Retribution a fool?”

🦴███████ : “No. But how can a mortal be worth such a Term? How can they be deserving?”

🖤███ : “That is not for you to decide. You forget yourself and, in your age, prove yourself a decrepit relic of a bygone past. Mortal, God, or Other, only a fool would not recognize such overflowing Divinity. Do you have more to say?”

🦴███████ : “No.”

🖤███ : “Then, at long, utterly annoying last, the floor is clear and we may continue with the Ceremony of Marriage. Once more, I am woefully obligated to reiterate: are there any final objections? Speak now or Forever hold your peace.”

█████████████ : “This lowly one has something to say.”

🖤███ : “Know your place, baatezu.”

█████████████ : “This lowly one has been granted the right to speak by the Terms of the Ceremony.”

🖤███ : “Then proceed. But know that Consequence is borne of one's own actions.”

█████████████ : “Thank you, Officiator. This lowly one objects because this Eternal Union will cause Overall Harm to a great many. It cannot be allowed to continue.”

🖤███ : “On what basis do you stake your claim?”

█████████████ : “On the basis that Terms which enforce Good necessarily cause Overall Harm to Evil. If The Great Dream is a Term of Overall Benefit Forever, then all the more reason that it cannot be allowed. Such a thing would cause irreparable Harm to all Evil in the myriad realms. It is Unjust, and it cannot be.”

🖤███ : “Do you think yourself clever for attaining the beginnings of Power? Do you think an Elder like Retribution is weak to its Nature being used against it? Whelp who does not even know of the Divine, how dare you speak of what is Just or Unjust to the very Concept which Arbitrates it.”

“Thank you, Lulu. It will speak in It's own defense.”

🖤███ : “Very well. When Retribution speaks, who dares not listen? Little baatezu, be mindful of yourself or you will come begging to me to accept your Eternal Damnation, and I will refuse, for that fate would be far too lenient.”

█████████████ : “This lowly one thanks the Officiator and thanks The Ultimate Truth—Retribution—for the opportunity.”

🖤███ : “You will regret speaking that name.”

“It will now hear the petitioner’s argument in full. Present your claim.”