Chapter 69 — It is imprisoned

“Thia, what do you think about getting a pet?”

“It does not like touching living beings.”

“Really? Animals love you, though. You’re like Cinderella, or Snow White, or that Greek lady from the wedding.”

“It posits: 🏹████████?”

“Yeah! She was super sweet. And all her little friends were so cuddly with you.”

“It relents.”

“And all the cats, too. You’re like the cat whisperer. Or maybe it’s ‘cause you were talking to those octopus guys earlier.”

“It does not smell.”

“Hmm. Okay.”

“. . .”

“Aww, you’re such a cutie. Come here, don’t pout.”

“It expresses no such affect.”

“Okay, okay. My wife is the best. She never smells inky, or fishy, or all kinds of funny when she starts playing with random new hobbies.”

“It does not smell all kinds of funny.”

“Yes, dear.”

“It is being bullied.”

“Anyways, want to get a cat?”

“It has no Want for a cat, but it Wants Amy to be happy.”

“Hmm… okay. Want to go to the shelter on Thursday?”

“It accepts.”

“We won’t get a cat unless you want to, okay?”

“Understood.”

♢♢♢

“It is being held hostage by a belligerent being.”

“So cute… Thia in cat prison. Straight to the Collection Log.”

“It requests assistance from Amy. It cannot move the cat without experiencing great guilt.”

“…Whoever moves the cat is a sinner. It’s a great cosmic offense… a huge overall negative. Sorry, Thia… you’ll just have to live in cat prison until Floofles releases you.

“Understood.”

♢♢♢

“Aww, you’re still stuck? So cute.”

“It confirms.”

“Here, kitty kitty.”

“. . .”

“Look! What’s this? A cat toy? Psshew. Psshew. Psshew. Pss pss pss pss.”

“. . .”

“Want some snackies? Snackies? It’s tasty~”

“. . .”

“Ok. How about drugs? There’s a baggie of catnip with your name on it.”

“. . .”

“…Sorry, Thia. You might just be stuck there forever. I’ve tried everything. Nothing can be done. It’s cat prison from now on.”

“Understood. It accepts It’s fate.”

“…”

“. . .”

“…”

“It wonders what It’s captor is thinking.”

“Meow.”

“It finds such thoughts perplexing.”

♢♢♢

“How do you feel about Mr. Kittykins?”

“It wonders who Mr. Kittykins is.”

“The kitty. The Great Warden of the West who has captured Thia the Immovable, First of her Name, Queen of the Amys and the Strawbies.”

“It thought It’s captor’s name was Floofles.”

“…Honestly, I’ve just been calling the orange fluff monster whatever comes to mind.”

“Understood.”

“So how do you feel about the kitty? Isn’t it cute? Isn’t it sweet? You two have been so cuddly since minute one.”

“It is imprisoned, but unbothered by the lack of freedom.”

“That’s cat prison for you… it’s one of the great unifying forces of the universe.”

“Understood.”

“How about trying to pet the little guy since he’s already there?”

“. . .”

“Meow.”

“It’s captor has escaped.”

“…Sad. He ran away as soon as I tried to pet him.”

“It’s captor does not like touch. It understands cats more.”

“Meow.”

“Wanna bring him home? I think you guys really bonded. Look at his widdle face. Imagine how sad he’ll be if we leave him here. ‘Thia, look how fluffy I am. Look how adorable I am. Please don’t leave me.’”

“Meow.”

“Understood. It will adopt It’s captor and imprison It’s captor at Home.”

“Meow.”