Chapter 71 – It visits the afterlife (III)

“Is there anything It would like to ask Thia?”

“It wonders what would be a good gift for Amy?”

“A sword.”

“It is impressed by the lack of any pre-thought or hesitation.”

“The answer was obvious.”

“It seeks Clarity. Does Amy like swords?”

“Everybody loves swords.”

“It has never heard Amy express interest in swords.”

“I reiterate.”

“Understood.”

“Does It have any cool Godswords or legendary artifacts?”

“It does.”

“I request that we play with them.”

“What Price will Thia pay?”

“I will clean and polish the swords after we’re done playing.”

“The Price and Ask are Just. It will obey.”

“It is the best.”

“It will return after retrieving swords. Does Thia have a preference of Mythos?”

“Does It have any weird alien stuff?”

“It does.”

“Understood. That, please.”

“Understood. It will return shortly.”

“It is the absolute best sister in the universe.”

“It accepts the premise. Continue.”

“After we play with cool alien swords.”

---

 

Chapter 72 – It gives Amy a sword

“Thia… What the heck did you put in here? It’s so heavy I can’t even move it.”

“Swords.”

“…”

“. . .”

“O’ dearest Thia, O’ apple of my heart, O’ wife of my eye… Please explain yourself.”

“Everybody loves swords.”

“…”

“. . .”

“Meow.”

“…That’s it?”

“It clarifies: It wanted to give Amy a present.”

“Aww, that’s really sweet… but what makes you think I would like swords?”

“Everybody loves swords.”

“Meow.”

“…Okay, but what am I even going to do with these? Hang them on the wall? Conversation piece? Threaten the neighbours?”

“It invites Amy to play swords.”

“Hah…?”

“. . .”

“…”

“It reiterates.”

“Okay, fine. But only because you’re cute. And not in the house.”

“Understood.”

“…”

“. . .”

“Jesus, Thia. These things are so heavy. Are they made of adamantium or something? I can’t even lift it out of the box. How are we going to play swords like this?”

“It recommends that Amy pushes the button.”

“…”

“. . .”

“Hah… You know what? Nevermind. I’m not even going to question it.”

“It explains: the Mythos—”

“No explanations.”

“Understood.”

“I’ll just accept your shiny, magic, anti-gravity alien swords at face value, just like everything else. No questions asked. Let’s just go play swords.”

“Understood. It wonders if the yard is an acceptable distance from Home?”

“Do the swords explode or shoot lasers or anything?”

“They do not.”

“No super megaton nuclear sci-fi bomb settings?”

“Correct.”

“Okay… should be fine then. I hope.”

“Understood.”

“So how do we even play swords? What are the rules?”

“It will attack Amy, and Amy will attack It.”

“…So it’s just sword fighting?”

“Correct.”

“…Are you sure that’s safe?”

“It will restore Amy if any accidents occur.”

“Hah…?”

“It reiterates.”

“Hah…”

“Is Amy ready to play swords?”

“No. Not at all. But let’s go for it anyway.”

“Understood. It will attack now.”

♢♢♢

“Hah… You know what? That was actually pretty fun. Playing swords might be the ultimate stress relief. Super cathartic. 10/10 would do again. But maybe with less danger-sinkholes next time.”

“It agrees.”

“Sir Thia, m’lady, I humbly thank you for this fine present. I really did end up liking the swords a lot more than I would’ve thought. Thank you. Love you.”

“Understood. It is glad that It’s Wife is happy.”

“Super dangerous, though. These things need to go back into the safety box forever.”

“Understood. It will give safer swords to Amy next time.”

“Hah… love you. But yes. No more danger-sinkhole sabers.”

“It accepts the premise. Continue.”

“After we fix up the yard.”