Chapter 23: Killing Two Birds with One Stone

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Chapter 23: Killing Two Birds with One Stone

Of course, even though more than eighty percent of the people present found the scene before them quite hilarious and adorable, for the two main characters involved, the current situation was anything but cute. It was as tense as a decisive battle at the Forbidden City for territory and power!!

When Lin You was very young, dull, and stupid, he had also indulged in the silly fantasy that it would be wonderful if he could understand animals. But when he was ten, he gave up on that fantasy. His eccentric Little Uncle could make animals and spirit beasts obey him even without understanding animal language. After Lin You watched his Little Uncle use incredibly violent methods to force every spirit beast and animal into submission right before his eyes, he had an epiphany.

Actually, when it came to foreign languages, the stronger one was, the more entitled one was not to learn them. He shouldn’t limit himself to understanding animal language. There were so many different kinds of animals, after all. Who knew if some of them had dialects that were even harder to understand? He should learn from his Little Uncle, make himself incomparably powerful, and then have all the animals take the initiative to understand his commands instead.

So… the past was truly too painful to look back on! Such a cute and sweet dream had been ruthlessly smashed to pieces by his Little Uncle. Becoming particularly authoritarian really wasn’t his fault, right? However, Young Master Lin You’s mood was quite complicated right now. Just when he had given up on his cute, sweet, and silly dream and successfully embarked on the path of authoritarian darkness, he had unexpectedly achieved that childhood dream again?!

He definitely hadn’t heard wrong just now. When that ridiculously fat yet strangely agile Garfield had gone, “Meow,” he had actually understood what it meant.

“Meow?!” Translated from animal language, it meant, “You’re actually not afraid of this lord?!”

Lin You almost burst into tears when he heard that. How was he supposed to describe his current, utterly painful mood? However, he could finally confirm something he had been speculating about for a long time without ever reaching a conclusion. So it turned out that the language between animals was actually a universal language rather than something that differed between species!

But thinking about it, it made sense. Animals certainly didn’t have as much free time as humans to constantly fuss over different cultures and languages, and then occasionally engage in cultural disputes. Their world was vast yet simple. Even though their calls were different, the meanings contained within those calls were actually the same.

However!

Now was not the time to marvel at language!!

Now was the time to settle things and fight for the right to be the boss of the territory!!

After venting his frustrations in human language and English, Lin You instantly turned ruthless when he faced the fat cat that had knocked over his blind master’s lunch—most importantly, his own lunch as well—and not only showed no remorse, but even tilted his head and maliciously questioned his courage.

He had long since passed the age of being cute, silly, and adorable. His idol now was his eccentric Little Uncle, and his Little Uncle’s greatest principle was this: when facing anything disobedient, provocative, brainless, or otherwise troublesome, don’t waste even a single word on it. Just beat it until it cried for its parents!

Therefore, even though Lin You the parrot could have simply established a clear territorial boundary with the fat cat in front of him, he still abandoned the principle of peaceful coexistence. Without even a squawk, he flapped his wings, extended his sharp claws, and charged straight at Garfield!!

Thus, the onlookers who had just found the situation incredibly interesting spent the next ten-plus minutes experiencing a level of embarrassment and disarray they hadn’t experienced since becoming “successful people.”

If he had been an ordinary parrot, there was a good chance he would have flapped his wings and fled in a situation like this. However, Young Master Lin You fully demonstrated the intellectual superiority of a human-parrot. After swooping down three times and only managing to grab Garfield’s thick hide without causing him any significant damage, he let out an angry squawk, turned around, and directly used his two little claws to pick up a small vinegar bottle from the restaurant’s buffet table!

Yes, you read that right. A small vinegar bottle!

After Lin You grabbed the small vinegar bottle with his claws, he poured the vinegar straight over the fat cat’s head without the slightest hesitation while Garfield stared up at him with his basin-sized head, completely bewildered…

“Meow~~ AOOOOOO!!!”

“What the hell is this?!?!?! It’s so pungent—!!”

Garfield naturally began jumping around wildly, and everyone nearby suffered for it, getting splashed or rubbed with vinegar to varying degrees. Young Master Lin You was still not satisfied. He turned around and grabbed a small bunch of grapes to continue the attack.

This time, Garfield was prepared, so all the grapes Lin You threw ended up accidentally hitting Zheng Yuhu instead.

When Lin You turned around once again and, under everyone’s stunned gazes, laboriously lifted a small Royal Durian with his claws, Grandpa Albert, the owner of the fat cat Garfield, finally couldn’t sit still any longer.

“Oh, dear Mu, it’s been a long time since we last saw each other in Italy. It’s such a pleasant surprise to see you at this luncheon… Hmm, of course, your pet is quite a surprise too.”

Although Mu Yanxiao couldn’t see the “terrible tragedy” unfolding before him, the waves of startled cries and shrieks, rising and falling in all kinds of tones, were enough for him to imagine how chaotic the scene was.

Actually, Mu Yanxiao had initially been worried that his parrot would be at a disadvantage. But after hearing that particularly classic English, he knew that as a parrot spirit, even when he encountered his natural enemy, he would only ever be the one bullying other people and animals. He would absolutely never let anyone or anything bully him!

See? The result was exactly as expected. In the end, it was the fat cat’s owner who was the first to back down~

Thinking of this, Mu Yanxiao’s expression remained unchanged, but he was secretly feeling quite pleased with himself. He nodded slightly in Albert’s direction to show his friendliness, along with a certain indescribable “pet owner’s superiority,” before speaking.

“Linlin, stop playing and come back.”

Lin You happened to be feeling rather depressed over the heavy durian he had impulsively picked up. On one hand, he absolutely couldn’t afford to miss his target again and embarrass himself, but on the other hand… this thing was simply too heavy!

Caught in this dilemma, Lin You suddenly heard his master’s voice and felt as though he had heard heavenly music. He immediately gave the durian a little toss in Chen Yuhe’s direction, then flapped his wings and flew back in the manner of a victorious warrior.

“Your Majesty! Yes, Your Majesty!!”

King Mu Yanxiao, “…” His sense of superiority as an owner instantly diminished considerably, because he had forgotten that his parrot was intermittently insane… In this regard, even if Garfield was a little fatter, a little stupider, and a little sillier, he was still far better behaved than his parrot!

However, Grandpa Albert didn’t share Mu Yanxiao’s particular sense of misery. Instead, he looked at the parrot that had flown straight back to Mu Yanxiao’s shoulder with great interest. The more he looked at him, the brighter his eyes became.

“Oh, Mu! I really can’t believe you have such a clever and intelligent parrot! My daughter used to have one too, but not only did it have an unpleasant voice, it also did nothing at home but eat and cause trouble. It was nothing like this one. Hmm, how do you people in the East put it? Oh, right, he’s spiritually intelligent!”

Mu Yanxiao’s lips curved upward when he heard this, and his cold, slightly fierce-looking handsome face revealed a captivating smile. “You flatter me. I only have him because I happened to be lucky. On the contrary, I heard that your Garfield is a direct descendant of that big star, several generations removed? I also heard that he won a major competition. Now that is what I call both obedient and clever.”

Even KFC Grandpa, with all his composure, couldn’t help laughing at Mu Yanxiao’s words. “Haha, Mu, you really know how to talk! But it’s certainly something to be happy about that our family members are all so intelligent, isn’t it?”

Mu Yanxiao paused slightly when he heard the word “family.” His expression then softened completely, and he nodded. “You’re right. Linlin is indeed an important member of my family. Thank you for respecting him so much.”

“Oh, no, no! I should be the one to be glad that you don’t find it strange that I treat an animal as family! You know, many of my friends may not say anything about it on the surface, but privately, they always disapprove.” Grandpa Albert spoke with a meaningful smile. “But in my opinion, if a person can treat animals with sincerity and care, then his nature can’t be too bad.”

“Mu, about this… you really have changed a lot.” Old Albert gazed at Lin You the parrot. “Five years ago, I probably wouldn’t have dreamed that you would have such a gentle aura, let alone raise a little animal. He’s really cute and impressive, isn’t he?”

Mu Yanxiao fell silent when he heard those words and subconsciously thought about the person he had been five years ago. What had he been like back then? Even without looking in a mirror, he was certain that if he had been the same person he was then, he might have thrown Linlin out on the very first day he saw him.

“That’s why I said that it’s my greatest blessing to have him.” Mu Yanxiao spoke calmly as he bent his arm and stroked Lin You’s head. “If possible, I hope he can always stay by my side.”

Albert laughed twice when he heard this. “Oh, in that regard, Mu, you’re luckier than I am. My Garfield has a lifespan of at most twenty years, while your parrot has almost enough years to spend his entire life with you. Thinking about that really makes me jealous. Let me see… my Garfield seems to like your Linlin quite a lot too, doesn’t he? Look at how badly Linlin bullied him, yet Garfield has continued watching Linlin this whole time without getting angry or attacking.”

At this moment, the fat cat Garfield had already been thoroughly cleaned by Albert’s butler and placed in Albert’s arms. Garfield was just as well-behaved in Albert’s arms as Lin You was on Mu Yanxiao’s shoulder. However, his eyes never once left Lin You the parrot, following his every move.

“Ha, Mu, what do you think of this? How about I trade two food factories in Italy and the UK for custody of Linlin? Those two are factories I value very highly.”

The moment Old Albert said this, the onlookers nearby, especially the businessmen hoping to curry favor with this tycoon, nearly cursed out loud!!

What kind of outrageous and bizarre situation was this?! A Congo Grey worth at most tens of thousands of yuan could actually be exchanged for two factories belonging to a leading European businessman?!

Damn it, that was worth tens of thousands of times more, wasn’t it?! Could it be that the most profitable business these days wasn’t doing business at all, but raising a parrot capable of challenging a cat?!

The businessmen watching immediately turned red-eyed, their breathing growing noticeably heavier. They looked at Mu Yanxiao with overwhelming envy, jealousy, and resentment while staring fixedly at Lin You the parrot, wishing that the parrot belonged to them. Among them, Zheng Yuhu and Chen Yuhe had the ugliest expressions of all. After all, the two factories Old Albert had offered in exchange were precisely part of what they had hoped to obtain through their cooperation!

It was just that today was destined to become a lesson from “pet owners who unconditionally dote on their pets” for all those foolish mortals.

Just when everyone thought Mu Yanxiao would agree to such an outrageously generous deal without hesitation, the smile on Young Master Mu’s face suddenly disappeared. His back straightened, and a sharp, ruthless expression immediately appeared.

“Are you joking? I just said that Linlin is my family. Do you really think I would sell out my family?”

Old Albert laughed twice when he heard this and was about to speak, but Mu Yanxiao ruthlessly interrupted him.

“Even if it was a joke, I have to say that I’m still unhappy about it. In my eyes, Linlin is priceless. If you continue making jokes like this, perhaps I’ll think of a way to bring Garfield over to be Linlin’s playmate. You said it yourself. They like each other very much, don’t they?”

After Mu Yanxiao finished speaking, he stood up and prepared to leave.

Grandpa Albert finally realized that he had stepped squarely on the landmine of someone he still regarded as a chuunibyou youngster. He gave a wry smile and wanted to say something, but found that there was really nothing to say… He really had… misspoken for a moment.

However, Garfield the fat cat was worthy of being Grandpa’s ultimate adorable pet. With his intelligence, he had no idea why the two people who had been perfectly fine just moments ago had suddenly fallen out. But he could tell that his master didn’t want that man and the parrot to leave.

Hmm. Although he felt that the parrot might steal some of his benefits in one way or another, his master had raised him for seven or eight years. As a successful pampered pet, he had to help shoulder his master’s worries!

Therefore…

Mu Yanxiao was just about to take Lin You and leave when the two of them heard a meow from behind. Mu Yanxiao was completely bewildered, but he could clearly feel that the parrot on his shoulder was getting a little excited. What was going on?

“Meow!”

“ Stay! Meow Lord will take you to eat premium tuna!!”

Young Master Lin You the parrot felt that he really wasn’t staying because he was drooling over the premium tuna. He was staying because his blind master had also said they could cooperate with KFC Grandpa!

Squawk squawk! This was killing two birds with one stone!!

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