Chapter 3: Idiot Brigade, Begone

Chapter 3:
Idiot Brigade, Begone

 

WHILE LEON was on his temporary return to the kingdom, Marie remained at her mansion in the Alzer Republic, where she was, at present, trembling with rage.

“Aw, you poor thing,” Cleare cooed, enjoying the show from the sidelines. “You sure don’t learn your lesson, do you?” She cackled.

Marie’s shoulders rose and fell with every breath, her eyes bloodshot. Kyle and Carla stood on either side of her, doing their best to pacify her.

“M-Mistress, it’s all right! We hid half the money this time, so they weren’t able to find that!” Kyle tried to soothe her, but his words had no effect.

Marie’s eyes were glued to the top of her desk. Someone had used her accounting ledger as a memo pad, writing a message that read:

We have reflected on our prior mistakes and decided this time to prepare a gift for you instead, in hopes that we might lift your spirits. To supplement our budget, we have borrowed a bit from the funds you use for our daily needs. We hope you’ll eagerly anticipate our gift!

It was all nonsense as far as Marie was concerned. Veins protruded from her forehead. She clenched her hands so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

Carla was on the verge of tears. “I promise it will be fine, Lady Marie! We made sure to purchase all of our groceries before they could make off with the money!”

In other words, they could make do with the provisions they had, at least until Leon returned.

That, however, was not enough for Marie.

“I told them,” she hissed.

Kyle and Carla averted their eyes.

The last time this had happened—when the five morons swiped their funds, split it between themselves, and proceeded to blow it all—Marie had, of course, torn them a new one when they got back. She hadn’t minced words; she specifically told them that they were not to use money she’d budgeted for their living expenses. Alas, they hadn’t comprehended a word.

Marie wasn’t stupid either. She’d stowed half the additional finances her brother had provided in a secret location. The other half, naturally, had also been tucked away somewhere those idiots wouldn’t just stumble across it.

For whatever reason, her harem of fools had gotten it into their heads that Marie was upset with them for leaving her behind while they went out and had fun.

“I explained it very clearly. ‘This money is specifically for our daily necessities here in Alzer, so you mustn’t use it without asking.’ You two remember me saying that, don’t you?!” Marie whipped around to face Carla and Kyle. They stiffened, standing a little straighter.

“You definitely did say that!”

“Y-yes, I remember you did too!”

They trembled before the fury in Marie’s face.

Cleare, uninvolved and uninvested in any of this, merely enjoyed the spectacle. She was interested to see how Marie handled the matter.

Whether their timing was fortuitous or otherwise, Julius and his comrades suddenly returned. Excited voices echoed from the entrance to the mansion.

“Marie will most certainly be delighted by this,” said Julius.

“I do happen to think we could have done something better for her though,” said Jilk.

Marie donned a poker face as she marched out of the room. Kyle and Carla traded glances and shook their heads before they silently followed her.

When Marie arrived in the foyer, Brad waved at her.

“Oh, you’re all here together. Look, this is what we got for you, Marie!”

The five boys had brought a veritable mountain of bouquets. The fragrance filled the foyer. By all rights, it should have been a pleasant smell, but the sheer number of flowers was so overwhelming that their scent had the opposite effect. Worse, had the boys brought a single bouquet, Marie might have been a bit irked, but she would have blushed and forgiven the boys soon enough. But this? This was plain overkill.

Chris oversaw the placement of the bouquets, directing the vendors who were delivering them. “Put that one there. And that one in the case would look nice here, I think.”

The flowers came in a wide variety, and in such quantities that they could have opened their own shop.

Greg brushed a finger under the base of his nose. “When you think about a present for a girl, flowers are the first thing that comes to mind. We tried decidin’ what kind of flower would suit you best, and that’s how we wound up with dozens of all kinds.”

None of this brought a smile to Marie’s face. Her expression remained utterly devoid of emotion.

Carla covered her face with her hands. “Why would you all make off with our savings?!”

The boys regarded her with confusion.

Julius frowned. “We only borrowed a little. Besides, I’m sure it will be replenished soon enough, no?”

Leon had admittedly just given Marie another hefty sum to cover their expenses. Furthermore, while one might assume Julius and his friends were eccentric when it came to money, that wasn’t quite true. Julius was royalty, and the others were former heirs to prestigious houses. Their sense of monetary value had been on a different level from the very beginning. While Marie thought their finances were a fortune, Julius and his friends thought the sum little more than pocket change. This difference could not be solved easily or with any immediacy.

“I told you, didn’t I?” Jilk grumbled. “These bouquets are cheap. I believe she would be more pleased if we’d gone with the vase I selected.”

Julius shook his head. “You say that, but I still think it was gaudy.”

As the vendors finished delivering the last of the bouquets, the five boys began to contemplate, wondering what they had done that was so wrong.

Marie’s lips slowly curled into a smile.

“That’s the same smile the earl wore before,” Kyle mumbled. By earl, he was referring to Leon.

Marie continued smiling as she made her way down the stairs and toward the boys.

Brad’s shoulders relaxed. “See? She is happy with our gift!”

Chris nodded, pleased. “It was worth going as a group to select them.”

“I only wish we could’ve bought as many flowers as she deserves,” lamented Greg. “Ah, well, next time we get our hands on some cash, we can buy her more then. Anyway, Marie, I’m starvin’. Let’s get some food.” He gave her a thumbs up.

“I’m sorry, everyone. It seems I was mistaken,” said Marie.

She was actually apologizing! Or at least, it seemed that way at first…

“I really am such an idiot. Of course me getting a little angry isn’t going to convince you to change your ways. If that was all it took, I wouldn’t have suffered like this for so long.”

Marie’s smile disappeared. She clenched a fist.

“I was naive. If I’m going to teach you boys anything, it’s going to have to be like this!”

Marie took a large step forward. Greg gaped as her fist flew through the air, into his face, sending him reeling through the air. He slammed into the front door, violently blasting it open as he tumbled outside. He was too stunned to drag himself back to his feet.

It seemed an impossible feat of strength given Marie’s petite size, but unlike in her previous world, in this one, she had magic. Marie used her power to enhance her muscles, giving her fist enough force to send any adult flying.

After watching his friend get his lights punched out, a panicked Jilk quickly stepped in to intervene. “Miss Marie, what in the world are—gwah!”

She smacked him square in the face too. “All of you, line up!” she bellowed. “You’re each going to taste a knuckle sandwich!”

Chris attempted to subdue her. “Marie’s confused! Help me restrain—buh!”

Marie slammed her fist right into his stomach, and he hurtled through the front door to join Greg outside. Then she set her sights on Julius and Brad. She was huffing and puffing—too wound up for either boy to chance stopping her.

Brad decided to try his hand at diplomacy instead. “I see the bouquets really were too cheap for your tastes. It’s all right. I understand. Instead, today, you may have me as your gift—eeeek!”

The moment he turned to her and smiled, his teeth sparkling white, she planted her fist in his cheek. Brad went spinning through the air, joining the others outside.

As Marie made her slow advance, Julius gaped at her. “Julius, you’re the only one left.”

“Pl-please wait, Marie! What has you so upset? Explain so we can understand where you’re coming from!”

A creepy smile unfolded across Marie’s face as she cracked her knuckles. “It’s precisely because you don’t seem to understand what you’ve done wrong…that I’m throwing all of you out!”

“Y-you’re throwing us—bwaaah!”

Her fist connected with Julius’s jaw, and in seconds, he was out the door. Having launched them all outside, Marie took her position at the entrance, legs spread firmly beneath her.

“This is a perfect opportunity,” she said. “I’m going to test you all.”

Brad cupped his cheek, frowning. “I have no idea what sort of test you could possibly be talking about, but this unprovoked violence is—”

Marie wasn’t about to humor any complaints.

“There is one thing every last one of you lacks: resourcefulness! For the remainder of summer break, you five will need to make money yourselves.”

Jilk furrowed his brows. “Um, Miss Marie? ‘Make money’ seems far too vague. Exactly what should we be doing? Is there some sort of job we can do here?”

“That’s for you to go out and discover for yourselves. And just so you know, making money as adventurers isn’t going to cut it. You boys need to learn more about the world outside of adventuring.”

All five looked utterly bewildered. Marie snorted. These morons could certainly have made money as adventurers, but they would almost immediately blow it all and then some. This was their chance to learn how respectable society functioned, hence why she forbade them from adventuring to earn coin.

“You may work whatever job you wish, but you need to make money on your own. Learn a little bit more about the world. Oh, and by the way, I prefer a man who knows how to be resourceful and dependable. Do you understand what that means? I wonder which one of you will be able to earn the most. I’m looking forward to the results.”

At the mention of a preferred type of man, the boys glanced at one another. Their eyes were the serious eyes of those who regarded their fellows as rivals.

Marie flashed an ominous grin. “You have one month. Return before summer break ends. Oh, and one more thing… You may give up and crawl back to the manor whenever you like. But if you truly love me, you can at least do this much, can’t you?”

 

***

 

After the five idiots left, Kyle and Carla set about repairing the front door.

“I wonder if His Highness and the others will be okay?” Carla whispered.

Marie wasn’t completely heartless. She gave them each enough money that they could make do for a week. The bigger question was whether they could really make a living by themselves.

Carla was skeptical. The boys were all former heirs, which meant they were pampered rich kids. Naturally, they had never worked a day in their lives, and she questioned whether they could even live on their own at all.

Kyle sighed. “If they get hungry enough, they’ll come crawling back. But still, this seems a little uncalled for. She purposefully ensured they would compete against each other. Couldn’t she have at least let them cooperate?”

“But as a woman, it’s more satisfying to have a bunch of boys fight over you.” Carla’s cheeks flushed.

Kyle tilted his head. “If you say so. Well, assuming the harshness of the real world sinks in quickly and they make it safely back, I won’t have any complaints.” Since he had finished fixing the door, he started putting his tools away.

Marie strolled up. Her expression reflected the absolute bliss of a woman who no longer had to babysit five troublemakers. “I see you two are finished with the repairs. In that case, get ready! Today, the three of us are going out to eat!”

Carla gaped. “But Lady Marie, what about our finances?”

“No sweat! Those five won’t be coming back for a while, so we have some room in our budget. Besides, you two are always breaking your backs helping out around here. It would be wrong of me not to reward you occasionally. Make sure to eat your fill today!”

Kyle’s face lit up. “R-really? You mean it? In that case, I’ll order meat!”

Marie set her hands on her hips, chest swelling. “Go ahead! Eat your weight in meat if that’s what you want!”

Carla raised her hand. “Excuse me, Lady Marie…”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Does…does that mean we get to have dessert too?!”

Marie grinned from ear to ear at them, even as a tear trickled down her cheek. Being free of the boys had left her in higher spirits than ever. “Eat as much as you want. We already cleaned the place up, so all that’s waiting for us when we get back is a nice bath and a warm bed. Until then, let’s enjoy some food!”

Thus, the three of them went out to eat. It was such a simple thing, and yet it brought them a uniquely special joy that they had never felt before.

 

***

 

Meanwhile, the five boys who’d lost their home made their way to a park. Children played around them as they huddled together in a group, expressions grim.

The first to speak was Jilk. “Miss Marie made it clear: Her heart will go to whichever man is deemed most resourceful.”

In short, by the end of this, their group would have a clear winner.

Chris pushed up his glasses as he glared at the other boys. “Which I’m sure means the victor will be whoever earns the most money.”

None of them had ever worked a normal job before, but if it meant becoming Marie’s favorite, now was as good a time as any to start trying. Ordinarily, they enjoyed a close relationship, but this was a competition. Each of them wanted to win.

Greg folded his arms. “She said we can’t make any money adventuring, but don’t think that means I’m out of the running. Hate to break it to you boys, but I’m gonna be the winner.”

All of them were fired up, and none believed he would lose to the others. Neither would any of them complain about being thrown out of the manor. The most important thing to do was to determine who Marie loved most. The instant she threw them out the door, they became rivals.

Brad flicked his bangs away from his eyes. “We were always going to have to do this one day. You all have my sympathy, however, as Marie will clearly pick me.”

The question was always on their minds—who among them would finally claim Marie’s heart. With this opportunity, they could finally duke it out for that most precious prize.

Julius glanced at the other boys before placing a hand on his chest. “I will fight and beat all of you fair and square. And then, I will be the one to sit at Marie’s side!”

After one final trading of glares, the boys spun around. Each marched off in a separate direction.

“Victory will be mine,” said Jilk.

Brad wasn’t about to let him have the last word. “Marie will pick me.”

Greg snorted. “Yap about it all you like. I’ll be the winner!”

“This competition was fate. No more, no less,” said Chris.

The final one to speak was Julius. “I look forward to seeing you all again after this.”

And so, the five idiots split up. The children playing nearby paused to gawk as the boys left.

 

***

 

As suave as his exit from his friends had been, Julius was now in a pinch.

First of all, he was staying at a cheap inn. As he looked for a place to stay, someone had introduced him to it.

“Still, this place is monstrous. It’s like a horse stable.”

It was an inconsiderate thing to say, certainly, but it was his honest appraisal. As a former crown prince, Julius considered inexpensive accommodations unhygienic and thus didn’t want to stay in such a place if he could help it.

More importantly, however…

“I-I don’t have any money…”

As he sat on his bed, he emptied his coin purse. The remainder amounted to little more than pocket change.

“Dammit! I spent too much the first day trying to pump myself up.” It was only the third day, and he was already broke. His funds had dried up fast.

As Julius sat there with his legs crossed beneath him, he folded his arms and contemplated.

“This is a real dilemma. No one will hire me, despite my more than adequate status.”

Julius hadn’t simply been playing around this whole time. He really had tried to look for places that were hiring, and he’d even gone to interviews. Despite his best efforts, no one would take him in.

“What in the world could I be doing wrong?”

If he didn’t find some work by the following evening, he would be out of luck finding lodging even at a cheap inn like this one. This was a real setback.

“But if I’m struggling like this, then surely the others must be as well. I can’t be the only one to run back to the manor with my tail between my legs.”

His friends were surely having a difficult time as well. All Julius could do was put his hopes on what the morrow might bring.

 

***

 

The next day, Julius made his way to a restaurant that was hiring. As he stood before the troubled proprietor, he boldly introduced himself.

“I hail from Holfort Kingdom. My name is Julius Rapha Holfort. While I am no longer the heir, I was once crown prince.”

He spoke honestly, hiding not even the embarrassing details. This, he thought, would show sincerity. Being disinherited was a stain on one’s honor, but he could not bear to lie for the sake of employment.

“I am currently studying abroad here in Alzer and trying to learn more about the world. I sincerely hope you will welcome me into your employ!”

The man shook his head. “No way.”

“B-but why not?! If you require proof that I am who I say, I don’t mind if you seek confirmation from the Holfort Embassy. In fact, if it will put you at ease, I will happily accompany you. I am well acquainted with the diplomats there.”

The proprietor’s face screwed. “Uh, well, as you can see, this is just a normal restaurant.”

“I am aware of that,” said Julius. “And you are also hiring, are you not? That is precisely why I came!”

The man averted his eyes. He was so guarded with Julius that they might as well have had a stone wall between them. “I-I’m trying to tell you, there’s no way we could hire a former prince!”

“Oh, no, I am still a prince. I am simply no longer in the line of succession.”

“All the more reason why we can’t bring you on!” cried the proprietor.

W-well, doesn’t seem like I’ll have any luck here. Julius’s shoulders slumped as he shuffled out of the restaurant.

 

***

 

As night fell, Julius found himself on a bench, staring up at the sky. “Where did I go wrong?”

Not a single place would hire him, despite the fact that he spoke honestly about his identity. His stomach growled, but he hadn’t any coin to spend on food.

“I never imagined it would be this difficult to make money.”

I spent too much that first day… If he had kept even half of that, he would have had a bed to sleep on and plenty extra for a meal.

“I wonder how everyone else has fared?”

If Julius was struggling this much, then the other four were surely having their fair share of trouble as well. He worried for them.

“Perhaps I should have a look and see how they’re doing.”

Julius set out on the town, hoping to distract himself. He also needed to search for a decent place to camp out for the night. In fact, perhaps it was time to give up and head back to the mansion.

The others must be as miserable as I am. We can go to Marie together and apologize.

As Julius settled on that course of action, he soon came upon a lively pub. A sweet and spicy aroma filled the air, teasing his appetite. His stomach was already growling, so he decided to peek inside. Almost immediately, he hid himself from view.

Wh-what’s going on here?

Greg was inside, though he wasn’t working as a member of the staff but rather visiting as a customer. Since he was seated close to the entrance, Julius could eavesdrop on his conversation with the group he was with.

“Hey, newbie! Eat up! The chicken here is delicious.”

“Now you listen here, Greg. Egg is the key. Raw egg.”

“You moron! The key is protein!”

Greg, who was surrounded by bulky musclemen, seemed to be enjoying himself. Julius had no idea what kind of work he had found, but judging by the look of things, everything was going smoothly for him.

So you’re actually making yourself some money. Perhaps I should put in a bit more effort myself then.

If Greg was giving it his all, Julius felt compelled to do the same. He resumed his stroll about the town, where he happened upon Jilk, who was wearing a brand-new suit. He was also carrying a leather travel bag.

“That’s Jilk, isn’t it?” Julius mumbled to himself.

Jilk was talking with someone, and they were shaking hands and smiling at one another. When they parted, Jilk turned around and spotted Julius.

“Your Highness, is that you?”

“Y-yes… You seem to be in good spirits.”

Only a few days had passed, but Jilk was already dressed in new attire.

“Appearances are important. That aside, are things going smoothly for you? I’ll have you know that I don’t plan to give up without a fight.”

Julius felt ashamed for having entertained the idea of crawling back to Marie and begging for forgiveness, but he wasn’t about to reveal that truth to Jilk.

“Y-yes, of course it is. I swear I’ll come out on top,” he said.

“You aren’t our prince for nothing! But I won’t simply roll over for you.”

“Well, having said that, what is the purpose of that outfit?” Julius asked curiously.

Jilk shrugged. “Oh, this? I bought it on my first day. I plan to buy something of higher quality in the future, but for the moment, I am making do with this.”

“On the first day?” Julius echoed.

So Jilk had used his funds on clothing, then.

“Anyway, I am afraid I’m in a bit of a hurry, so I must excuse myself. I have my next business negotiation to attend to.” Jilk hurriedly sped off, leaving Julius gawking in his wake.

“Did he say business negotiation?”

He and Jilk were foster brothers and the closest of friends, having spent many years together. He’d never dreamed that in the time he was struggling to find his footing, Jilk was already successfully charting his own course.

Julius’s shoulders dropped. What have I even been doing?

The area around him was humming with activity, and as he tried to peel away, a crowd of customers poured out of one of the nearby buildings. Apparently, it was a theater playing host to performances. Despite its small size, a flood of people left through its doors. They must have been packed tight inside, but they were all smiling.

“What could make them look so happy?” Julius wondered out loud. No sooner had he spoken than he spotted the signboard. He sucked in a breath, eyes going wide with shock.

The huge poster read: The “Peerless” Magician, Li’l Brad’s Magic Show.

Those who had attended it chatted amongst themselves as they left.

“Lord Brad was incredible today too.”

“I think I’ll come back to see him tomorrow!”

“Me too!”

The women weren’t the only ones who had enjoyed themselves. Men made similar comments.

“Who knew Brad had such talent as an entertainer?”

It was difficult for Julius to believe that the Brad he knew was some popular performer. He wanted to think this was some kind of mistake, but then he realized that was his own jealousy speaking. He shook his head, trying to drive off such thoughts.

I am utterly pathetic.

He reminded himself that it was important to recognize a friend’s best efforts and resolved to find a place to sleep for the night. It was then that he stumbled into Chris.

“Hm? Your Highness?”

“Chris?”

Chris was in the same outfit he’d been wearing when Marie threw them out, but his hands were full, indicating he’d stopped somewhere to buy things before heading home.

“Heading somewhere with all of that?” Julius asked.

“Yes. The store where I work has me doing chores. But just you wait, I’ll be making even more money soon enough.”

It was then that Julius realized: Could it…could it be that I’m the only one who hasn’t found employment yet…?

Chris flashed a smile at Julius as he spoke, but none of his words made it to Julius’s ears. Not until he finally asked, “By the way, where are you working, Your Highness? There’s a bath house close to here that’s—”

Julius took off running—no, retreating.

“I really am the only one who hasn’t found a job!” he cried.

Chris dropped his jaw and called out after the prince. “Your Highness! What’s the matter?!”

“Gyaaaaaaaaaah!”

Julius had been so convinced that the others were floundering like him that he’d resolved himself to find them and go groveling back to Marie, but now he felt utterly pathetic.

He ran and ran and kept running, as if trying to flee from his own shame.

 

***

 

Julius came to the edge of a river, taking a seat under the bridge. He spaced out as he watched the water’s flow.

“Everyone else is actually putting their best foot forward, and I’m the only one without a job.”

The other four must have found their employment quickly. By the looks of things, Jilk and Brad had already made plenty of money. He had no idea how Greg and Chris were faring in comparison, but they were certainly doing better than Julius, who didn’t even have a penny to his name. Of the five of them, he was the deadweight. Julius was left dumbfounded by the realization.

“If I go crawling back by myself, any affection Marie ever had for me will vanish.”

Melancholy swept over Julius. As he stewed, footsteps echoed, indicating someone was approaching. When he looked up, he spotted a man in his fifties.

“Hey there, you don’t look so well.”

“Y-yes, I suppose not.” Julius barely finished speaking before his stomach growled, giving him further cause for embarrassment. He dropped his gaze.

The man chuckled. “Hungry? Well, good timin’. Why don’t you grab a bite from my place?” He was tugging along a food cart. It had a sign with the Alzerian word for “skewers” written on it. Drool nearly dribbled down Julius’s chin.

“A-apologies, but I’m afraid I don’t have much coin with me,” said Julius.

“How much you got?”

After Julius showed the man, the man patted him on the back. “That’ll get ya three skewers. I’ll even throw in some extras, so come on.” Apparently, he’d only just pulled out his cart for the evening, so he didn’t have any other customers yet.

As the man started grilling some skewers, Julius watched, his eyes sparkling.

“You like ’em that much?” asked the man.

“I do!”

After Julius bit into one, he silently scarfed it and the others he’d bought right down. They were more delicious than anything he’d ever tasted before, perhaps because he was so famished.

“That tasted amazing,” he muttered.

“You’ve got the look on you of someone in a pickle,” said the man. “What happened to ya?”

Julius pursed his lips at first, unsure of what to say, but since the man had been kind enough to share extra food with him, he shared his story honestly. This time, however, he decided not to elaborate more than was necessary. “I was thrown out of my home and told to make it on my own for the next month.”

“Judging by yer looks, I’d guess you’re a pampered rich boy. Well, I’m sure it’d do ya some good to learn the ways of the world.”

“Yes, but no one will hire me. Everyone else I know has already found work. I’m the only one who was left behind.”

As Julius sank into misery once more, the man stroked his chin.

“You just need work for a month, yeah?”

 

***

 

The next day…

“Welcome!” Julius called out as cheerfully as he could, an apron hooked around his waist.

When the regulars stopped by, they immediately began teasing the owner—or Chief, as they called him.

“Looks like your new hire’s got a lot of energy.”

“You hanging up your apron for good, Chief?”

“Well, he is getting up there in years.”

While the customers shot cruel remarks his way, the owner focused on grilling the food as he barked back, “Buncha morons! I’ll be here cooking ’til I kick the bucket. This kid was in a fix, so I’m looking after him for the next month. Hey, Julius, give me a hand here.”

“Yes, Chief!”

Julius was working at the stall as the owner’s assistant.