Chapter 8: The Idiot Brigade Returns

Chapter 8:
The Idiot Brigade Returns

 

HOUSE BARIELLE was in an uproar. Loic and Bellange were livid upon discovering that the guards posted outside Noelle’s room had been tranquilized. It meant an intruder had been allowed to enter.

After draining his glass of alcohol, Bellange slammed it against the table. “If they had managed to get away with kidnapping the Priestess, all of our plans would have been ruined. Who could have done this?!”

House Rault was the most likely suspect as far as Bellange was concerned. He didn’t even consider that Holfort might have been behind it.

Loic was likewise panicked. “Noelle won’t breathe a word. I tried giving her a harsh scolding, but she stubbornly insists that she has no idea who could be responsible.”

“Don’t be too rough with the Priestess. Anyway, the guards I had on duty had crests of their own, but they did little to help them resist whoever had broken in. That’s troubling.”

Loic steepled his fingers in front of his mouth as he ran through the possibilities.

It couldn’t be House Rault. If they had made it all the way here, I see no reason why they would have left Noelle alive. Perhaps it was Leon? But he didn’t take her with him… Could that have been because of the collar? Loic’s shoulders relaxed. “Maybe that collar I put on her came in handy, and that’s why the intruder couldn’t make off with her.”

Bellange’s expression soured. Loic had put that collar on Noelle without consulting anyone else. Bellange had admonished his son for it, but given their present situation, Loic’s actions seemed justified. “Putting a collar on the Priestess is completely unheard of.”

“The bond Noelle and I share is unique,” said Loic.

Bellange shook his head. “You’ll never be able to remove it, and you’d better not let anyone see it at the wedding.”

“I already specially ordered her dress; it will ensure the collar is hidden from view. There’s no need to worry. Oh, relatedly, what about the matter of the Sacred Tree Sapling?”

Bellange averted his gaze. “According to the Holfortian diplomat, it’s the earl’s personal property. I tried to tempt them into a deal with magic stones, but they insisted they couldn’t hand it over—as if they were too terrified to force the earl’s hand. They told me I would have to negotiate with him personally if I want it.”

“Nothing else matters as long as we get our hands on that sapling. We’ll contact one of the Kingdom’s higher-ups and coerce them into cooperating. Money is no object, if that’s what they’re after,” said Loic.

There was no need to fight Leon head-on. Since the republic enjoyed incredible energy resources, they were a wealthy nation. They could use that to their advantage and buy technology from Holfort if it came to that. Securing the sapling was of paramount importance to the republic, so even if negotiations failed, Barielle wouldn’t be the only house to take up arms. Besides, surely some nobles from Holfort would be tempted by the promise of what the republic had to offer.

One doesn’t need to step onto the battlefield in order to kill a hero. After all, heroes have always had a habit of meeting untimely ends. I wonder what yours will be like, Leon?

 

***

 

Once Leon returned to Marie’s estate, he collapsed onto a sofa. Cordelia shot him a dirty look—one that seemed to indicate he was getting in the way of her cleaning. He simply ignored her. What was worse, he’d switched into his annoying sulky mode.

As his sibling in their past life, Marie could already sense the change. She pressed her hand to her cheek. Ugh, he’s such a pain in the butt.

Leon was depressed. He’d gone to rescue Noelle only for her to chase him away, and that had come as a huge shock. Despite how bold and impervious he always seemed, he was strangely sensitive when it came to stuff like this. That was precisely why Marie had chosen not to tell him anything until now. She’d known he would throw himself a pity party the moment he learned her feelings. Not that her silence had done much to prevent that; Noelle’s rejection must have hit him hard.

Cordelia’s icy gaze bored into him. “Lord Leon, please move aside. You are in my way. Besides, a sofa is not for lying down.”

Leon waved her off. “Eh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Consider today a holiday. Go ahead and take it easy.”

“While I appreciate your consideration, I already took a break several days ago. I am working today, so please hurry up and move.”

It was an insolent attitude for a servant to have, but Leon didn’t seem to mind. He slowly sat up and yawned. “Luxion, when’s my next meal?”

“There are two more hours until dinner.”

“Let’s go grab us something to eat. I have a hankering for grilled chicken.”

“Please have some patience and wait.”

Leon resembled a father loafing about in bed on his day off, with no motivation to do anything.

Marie summoned her courage to speak, even though she knew it would only exasperate her to talk to him in this state. “Hey, Leon, are you sure about leaving Noelle?”

Leon didn’t even bother to spare her a glance. “She said she wanted to stay with the Barielles. There’s nothing I can do for her now.”

“B-but—”

“That was her decision, right? We can’t stick our noses in any more than we already have.”

Ugh, I knew it. He really is a pain when he’s sulking.

Leon had been like this since long ago. But whenever he got like this, he just made the people around him worry more and more.

As Leon yawned again, Yumeria approached, cradling the sapling, which was still snug in its case. “Lord Leon, you, um…have a guest.”

Lelia followed in behind her, dressed in a luxurious outfit.

 

***

 

Lelia had only one demand.

“You want us to give you the Sacred Tree Sapling? Do you have any idea what the current situation is?!”

Lelia dropped her gaze. “Yes, I do, but we need that sapling. Loic has mended his ways, and as long as my sister chooses him, the game’s trajectory will be back on track. The sooner we get the sapling to them, the sooner we can solve our remaining issues. So please, hand it over.”

Leon wore a bored look on his face while she pleaded with him.

Marie paid him no mind. “And what’s this solution you’re hinting at?”

Lelia’s face hardened. “We’re going to take down House Rault.”

Leon flinched, but that was the extent of his reaction.

Come on, Big Brother! Get it together! We need you to be your normal self again!

Luxion seemed to pick up on her thoughts. “Now that it’s come to this, Master will spend his time whining while doing absolutely nothing about it for a while. I have seen this pattern before—back when he and Olivia had their disagreement.”

It seemed he’d already pulled this crap before.

“You may have reincarnated, but you haven’t matured at all,” Marie grumbled.

Leon scowled. “Take a look in a mirror. Maybe then you’ll realize which pot’s calling the kettle black.”

“You’re going to turn this around on me? I’m way more mature than you!”

“A mature person would never aim for a reverse-harem ending!”

Leon had a point there. Marie shrank back, unable to offer any defense for herself.

Exasperated by their little display, Lelia cleared her throat. “Ahem, if we can place the sapling where it belongs, then we can finally shine a light on the corruption of House Rault. House Barielle will become the center of power, and they’ll lend us their strength.”

If House Rault were to fall here, that would mean no last boss to defeat. It was a good deal, in that light. Although, even if the last boss did make an appearance, Noelle and Loic were together now, so they could no doubt put an end to it.

But that means the two of them will be permanently linked, right? Marie frowned. “Are you really sure Loic has changed his ways?”

“I spoke with him at the party where Louise and Hugues announced their engagement. He was much calmer and seemed like his old self. He even admitted to his past mistakes.”

Did that mean there was a possibility that things might work out? Somehow, Marie was skeptical. After all, she’d seen Loic when he came to retrieve Noelle. If his attitude then was any indication, he hadn’t changed at all. Rather, it seemed like Lelia was simply eager to believe he was a different man, regardless of the facts.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Marie’s past life experience told her something was off about Loic. He gave her the same vibe as other violent men she’d known, who put on a good facade with their friends while beating their girlfriends behind closed doors.

Leon sighed. “I’m not so sure about that. Noelle was locked in a room, and he’d put a collar around her neck.”

Marie shot Lelia a look. “Did you know about this?!”

Lelia gaped. “N-no! I haven’t heard anything! I’m sure she must have tried to run away. Knowing her, she probably resisted him.”

Marie was growing increasingly convinced that her intuition was on the money.

“Anyway!” Lelia continued, “Let’s hurry up and take down House Rault. Once that’s done with, we’ll have our happy ending. That’s the whole reason you guys came to Alzer, right?”

True, the absolute best option was a happy ending. However… Will Noelle be happy with things the way they are?

For herself, Marie found no joy in these developments. “But what about my brother having the Guardian’s Crest? Can Loic still be chosen by the tree when it’s already selected someone else?”

Lelia hesitated. “W-well, isn’t there some way you can get rid of it?” She turned to Luxion.

“If Master orders me to do so, I will search for a way to have it removed. However, I will only do so if Master commands me.”

Lelia shot a look at Leon, but he merely yawned. At a loss, she whispered to Marie, “What’s with him? He looks like he doesn’t want to do anything.”

“When he starts sulking, it’s the most annoying thing in the world. If you thought he was bad normally, he gets three times worse. He tried to go rescue Noelle, but she turned him away, so he’s down in the dumps now.”

“Hold on! You didn’t tell me anything about that. Don’t go off and do things on your own!”

“You have no right to say that!” Marie snapped. “You haven’t told us anything! If we’d known what was going on, maybe things would have played out differently. And what about your sister having a collar around her neck? Can you confidently say Loic’s seen the error of his ways?”

“Well, I…I don’t know. I’ll go see for myself.”

The two glanced at Leon, who hadn’t said a word this entire time. It was impossible to tell what was going through his head. Going by his expression, he probably wasn’t thinking about anything at all.

Both girls sighed, their shoulders slumping.

What a useless excuse for a brother.

 

***

 

I stared out the window as Lelia climbed into one of the Pleven’s expensive vehicles and sped away. I wasn’t surprised she’d come to ask for the sapling, but I was taken aback when she said it was simply because it’d be convenient to have it at the Priestess’s wedding. It seemed the republic still cared about the thing.

More importantly…

“This pretty much means there was no point in us even coming, right? All we did by sticking our noses into things was screw it all up,” I said.

“Master, do you truly think Noelle meant what she said to you?”

“What, you think I have any idea what goes on in girls’ heads? Sure, we got pretty close, but I was totally caught off guard when she chased me off.”

I’d wanted to save her, but she had already made her decision. She didn’t need me, did she? At least, that was how it seemed.

“You truly are insufferable,” said Luxion.

“What did you just say?” I muttered.

“Nothing.” He averted his gaze as Marie marched into the room.

“Big Brother.”

 

***

 

Yumeria was chatting with the sapling as it sat secure in its case. “Yes, you’re right. You need to be somewhere with lots of sunlight. In that case, I’ll put you here by the window.”

It almost sounded like she was actually conversing with the plant. Kyle felt embarrassed for her as he watched.

“Mother, stop talking to that thing.”

“Kyle? But, um… It asked me to put it somewhere with more sunlight.”

He sighed. “Plants don’t talk. Anyway, have you finished cleaning already?”

“N-not yet…” Yumeria’s face fell.

“Mother, we are the employees here,” Kyle scolded her as if he were the parent. “Yes, the earl is lenient, so he probably won’t notice if we slack on the job, and he’s generous, so the pay is great. But only the worst kinds of people would take advantage of that. We need to work to earn our keep.”

Yumeria cradled the sapling in her arms. “Y-yes, but—”

“No buts! Now hurry up and get cleaning. We still have to prepare dinner.”

As Kyle marched off, Yumeria was left utterly dejected. She stared down at the sapling with a forced smile. “I made him angry again. I wonder if he hates me?”

She started in the direction of the area she was supposed to clean when angry voices boomed through the corridor. She recognized them instantly.

“Cut your crap already!” said Marie. “You know, I’ve been itching to say this to you for a while: Do something about that exhausting personality!”

Leon bellowed back, “Who are you calling exhausting?! Your personality is way more awful than mine! You’ve always, always been—”

“How dare you, you crappy excuse for an older brother!”

Yumeria’s eyes went round. She nearly fumbled and dropped the sapling. As her mind started racing, she gaped.

Wait, what?! What’s going on?! Lady Marie just called Lord Leon her older brother, didn’t she? But the two of them aren’t related at all… What’s all this about?!

Yumeria was so confused it felt like the room was spinning around her.

Wh-what should I do? Does this mean Lord Balcus cheated and he’s actually Lady Marie’s true father?

If the two truly were siblings, the only possibility was that one of their parents had committed adultery. Yumeria could think of no other explanation.

Lady Luce! I have to let her know about this!

Thus began a huge misunderstanding.

 

***

 

Marie had waltzed into my room uninvited and started making a nuisance of herself.

How dare she call me exhausting! Even when we lived in Japan, she was always the annoying one.

“You have always been the most insufferable woman!” I snapped.

“And I’m telling you, I’m not half as insufferable as you are! Besides, what’s with you, moping around because Noelle turned you down? Do you really think she meant what she said? Why didn’t you drag her back with you?!”

“I had no choice! She made her decision.”

I was an outsider in the republic. I had no business getting any more involved.

“You big idiot!”

“What’s with you and all this name calling?!”

“I’m only calling you an idiot because that’s what you are! And dense as a brick too!”

“What?! Where do you get off calling me dense?!” I protested. What the hell is her problem? And why is she laying into me so hard?

I glanced over at Luxion, but he showed no signs of stepping in to back me up.

What could I have possibly done wrong?!

Having finally lost her temper, Marie dropped her gaze as she mumbled. “You’re the one Noelle fell in love with.”

“What?” I stared. You’re kidding, right? Why would Noelle fall for me?

My mind spun with doubt, but Marie ignored my struggle. “She’s in love with you. She was always so happy when she was with you, but you never even noticed.”

“W-well… If you knew, you should’ve said something.”

“As if I could say anything!” Marie shrieked. “You think I could really tell her that she needs to give up because you’re already promised to two other girls? She was so full of joy when she was with you. And then as soon as your fiancées came to visit, you acted like a lovesick puppy.”

I pressed a hand to my cheek, contemplating.

Luxion floated toward me. “It appeared you genuinely had no idea, so I kept it to myself. I suspected you would push yourself unnecessarily if I informed you.”

“So you’re saying Noelle chose to stay there because she was trying to be considerate toward me?”

“Cleare seems to think so,” he said.

Well, shit. I should have brought her back with me, then.

“As of now, House Barielle is even more wary of possible intruders and has increased security. It wouldn’t be impossible to extract her, but the enemy will face a number of casualties in the process.”

My shoulders sank.

“Big Brother… I want Noelle to be happy. She’s a really good person, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Why were all the protagonists such good people? If Noelle were more human—more detestable—I wouldn’t feel so torn up about the situation.

“Loic suspects we were responsible for the intrusion,” said Luxion. “He has placed lookouts around this mansion, and he even has people down at the harbor keeping a close watch on the Einhorn.”

“I screwed up royally. I should have brought her back, even if I had to drag her.”

“That would have created issues as well. They have already announced far and wide that the Priestess has been found. If you took her from them, the republic would use any means necessary to retrieve her. Simply put, it would be an international scandal—one of those things you seem to detest so much.”

So Loic was already wary of me. Great, so he’s annoyingly competent.

Worse yet, an international scandal was beyond my ability to navigate.

“I already caused a stir not too long ago. If I do something this time, I bet Holfort will be on my case.”

“It would be a simple thing to instantly eradicate the republic. Shall I move ahead with that plan?”

“You know, you have a bad habit of suggesting country-wide annihilation every time a problem crops up.”

Luxion’s go-to solution was inevitably way too extreme. Moreover, even if we managed to secret Noelle away, suspicion would immediately fall on us. We were in a horrible situation, and I didn’t know squat about politics. Even assuming we managed to take refuge in Holfort, what would the kingdom do if the republic demanded Noelle be handed over?

Maybe we could escape to another country? No, the bigger problem is whether Noelle would even go along with all of this.

And how was I even supposed to face Noelle a second time?

“Things are way more complicated now than they’ve ever been.” I cradled my head in my hands.

“Well, that aside, the boys seem to have returned,” said Luxion. “Although one of them is absent.”

“Huh?” I jerked my chin up.

Marie was already peering out the window. “What the heck am I even looking at?!” she shrieked. “No, no, no! Those boys have some explaining to do!”

Reluctantly, I took a peek as well, but I could never have anticipated what awaited me.

 

***

 

As soon as Marie threw open the front door, a voice called out to us.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Miss Marie.” Jilk was wearing a high-class suit, and several hirelings behind him were carrying wooden boxes. For whatever unfathomable reason, he was hugging a cracked jar to his chest.

“You see, we finally realized what it was you wanted to convey to us.” Brad walked up in a white suit with a silk hat and cape. He was also wearing a monocle and carried a cane, which he pointed toward her. A cheap, artificial flower popped out of the end.

They both looked horribly gaudy in their suits, but if I thought that was bad, I was in for a big surprise.

Greg was clad in a speedo with a bunch of bodybuilders standing behind him, all striking the same pose as him. “Marie, I trained myself into an even better man for you. And as I did, the true meaning of your words finally hit me! Watch, and I’ll show you how much I care about you. Front double biceps!”

It did look as though he’d maybe beefed up a bit more? And he must have slathered oil all over his body, because his skin was glistening.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I turned my gaze. Now this is just beyond human comprehension.

Chris was wearing a headband, a loincloth, and a happi coat as he sat upon a palanquin, which was being carried by a number of men. “I polished myself as well, and it helped me realize what you really meant. The five of us were mistaken!”

“Praise be, praise be,” chanted the men below him.

The first thing to pop into my head was, Huh, I never realized they had palanquins in this world.

I didn’t really want to think about the people carrying it, let alone the idiot riding inside.

The boys kept saying they’d had some big epiphany about what Marie meant, but I was pretty sure they were all grievously mistaken, considering the blank look on her face. No, not just blank—she had gone ghostly pale.

As she stood frozen at the entrance to the house, Carla and Kyle began to fuss over her, concerned. Miss Cordelia kept up a poker face the entire time, while Miss Yumeria lit up with delight as she watched.

“Oh, is some kind of festival about to begin?” she asked innocently.

The four boys walked up to Marie, but she was as still and unresponsive as a statue, so I spoke up in her place. “What have you guys been up to?”

“After she chased us out, I began making money by running an antique business,” Jilk explained, still holding his weird jar. “And that’s when I realized exactly what kind of present would be perfect for Miss Marie.”

I glanced at her, but she merely shook her head. It seemed she hadn’t run them out because she wanted any kind of gifts. This moron didn’t understand her at all.

Brad wasn’t any better. “You told us to learn how to make money on our own. In other words, you wanted us to use that money to buy you things. Isn’t that right, Marie?”

Well, this is preferable to them squandering Marie’s savings, at least. I eyed them. “By the way, how much were you boys able to make?”

Greg struck a pose and flexed his muscles, making them twitch. He had always been something of a beefcake, but after this past month, he was even more so. “Dunno! We splurged every last bit so we could show Marie how much we care for her. Look at this, Marie, my side chest pose!”

Greg continued posing, flaunting his totally ripped bod. The men behind him mimicked along.

Marie’s face betrayed no emotion.

Chris climbed down from his palanquin and removed his glasses. He was probably trying to show off, but the whole festival getup just was not working for him. “I spent every last coin I had buying this palanquin and paying for the people necessary to carry it here. But I have no regrets if this demonstrates my feelings for you, Marie.”

Well, at least they’d all managed to make some money after she chased them out. I was curious to learn how they’d done it, but the more important thing was that these guys were dumber than a set of color-coordinated doorknobs.

Marie didn’t want gifts, she wanted the money. The idiot brigade hadn’t even tried to understand that, instead interpreting her words however they saw fit. They had done a good job of making money for once, but it had been a waste once they squandered it on this dumb show.

Brad removed his silk hat, and a bunny promptly popped its head out. He shoved it back in. “D-dummy! It’s not time for you yet!”

“Miss Marie, I ordered even more bouquets for you than last time. They should soon be arriving.” Jilk turned his gaze to the workers around him carrying wooden boxes. “I gathered all the works of art I could find—masterpieces, every last one.”

If the cracked jar in his arms was anything to go by, I wasn’t so sure the rest of the stuff wasn’t also junk. Had he really managed to make it as an antique dealer? He looked like a fraud to me.

I glanced at Marie.

“I didn’t say that. I never said to buy me any gifts,” she muttered.

The boys’ eyes twinkled as they stretched their hands toward her.

“Miss Marie, come, choose me!”

“No, take my hand instead!”

“Marie, take a good look! These muscles are all yours! I’m totally ripped!”

“I swear you will be able to relax with me by your side, Marie! Now please, take my hand!”

The four men in gaudy getups took a knee before Marie as they waited, each hoping she would choose him. Marie remained perfectly still, staring off into the distance. The expression on her face said she had never dreamed the four of them would come back like this. They had managed to misinterpret her words to a truly stunning degree.

Carla glanced around nervously. “I-I’m a little scared to find out what happened to Lord Julius.”

Kyle sighed. “Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned up worse than the rest of them.”

Oh, that’s right. Julius hasn’t come back yet. Knowing him, he’s likely done something even crazier.

Although frankly, I couldn’t even begin to imagine anything worse than what we had already witnessed.

As I began to dread Julius’s return, a strange man appeared. His clothes were a mess, and he wore what looked to be an apron. His white shirt was covered in stains, and he was huffing and puffing as if he’d run the whole way here. In his hand, he clutched a brown envelope.

“Julius!” gasped Marie, realizing who it was.

Seriously?!

I’d anticipated an even grander shock than the other boys had already given us, so it was hard to believe this plain-looking guy in front of us was Julius.

He smiled. “I’m home, Marie.”