10.

Anwar's pov:

"Anwar, are there any vacant rooms in the building?"

"Yes, there are. Why do you ask?"

"My close friend's son is coming. Do you remember Aunt Pim, the one who went to France with us when you were little?" I raised an eyebrow. Hearing that, vague childhood memories resurfaced, hazy from the passage of so much time.

I only remember going to Paris and meeting my mother's close friend who had planned the trip with us.

"Her son...?" I repeated. "Is it that child? Or someone else?"

Because Aunt Pim only had one son, whom she brought along. He was a boy a couple of years younger than me. I don't remember what he looked like or what we talked about.

I only remember...a bland feeling and his timid demeanor; he clung to his mother's shirt the whole time.

"Oh, it's probably him. He said her son is coming to study the language during the
university's summer break. If he's around that age, it must be him. His name is Blue, isn't it? Do you remember?"

I don't remember the name. I only remember a vague sense of his presence.

"Yes, you want him to stay here?" I put down my knife and fork after finishing my meal. It was supposed to be a family dinner, but Dad was stuck in an important meeting, leaving just Mom and me. It wasn't unusual; sometimes Mom left me with Dad, sometimes don't.

"She's worried about her son. She says he's been on exchange programs, but he's never lived in a big city before. Anwar, would it be okay if her son stayed with you? When is Jordan coming back?"

I nodded. It felt odd. If he's university age, he should be able to look after himself.
Or maybe he's still as timid as before.

"I don't know. He's not enrolled for the whole semester. And Blue...how many months will he be staying?" Jordan is my best friend. News of his heartbreak and his subsequent escape to South Africa to recover reached my mother early on. Honestly, he could stay somewhere
else. My mother works in real estate; finding him a room in one of our properties or elsewhere shouldn't be difficult.

But asking him to stay with me...does that mean I'm supposed to look after him?

"From May to August."

I paused, thinking. Having him stay with me isn't a problem, but if he's...odd, my other
friends might complain.

"Why not? You're not getting as many modeling jobs lately, and your studies are nearby. It's just general oversight." Seeing my silence, Mom added. It was clear how much she wanted me to agree.

Well, Aunt Pim is a close friend from our time in Thailand. Wanting to take care of her son isn't unusual.

I just hope he's not weird.

"Okay, I'll talk to Jordan and clear out a room for him."

"Great! Then take some pictures of the building and the room and post them online to find a housemate. Send them to me too." Seeing my questioning expression, my mother laughed and continued, "Pim is worried about her son, but she doesn't want Blue to feel like he's being watched."

..

..

Music drifted from Jordan's room.

I stopped on the stairs. Instead of going to the kitchen for a snack as I'd planned, my body.automatically turned and headed upstairs to the third floor.

I hadn't even paid attention to the kid's arrival. When taking the pictures, I just agreed and asked Jasper to handle it. I didn't even give my personal number as the homeowner. My mother mentioned his arrival date and flight details during a phone call once.

But I didn't pay attention and forgot the details over time.

I stopped in front of the white door, trying to recall fragments of memories of him, and one event surfaced.

A small, fair-skinned child left alone with me in the room. My mother and Aunt Pim had gone to a bar together for wine, and his nanny had stepped outside to take a phone call.

"What?" I said flatly, turning my gaze from the large television screen to the boy standing stiffly by the door.

"..."

"What is it? Hungry? Sleepy?" I tried to throw out questions to figure out what was wrong with him. Why was he standing tensely there instead of sleeping or sitting here?

He didn't answer, looking at me with a strange expression before walking along the wall to the bed.

"Sleepy, huh?" I tried Thai. Immediately, the smaller boy sharply turned to look at me.

"You can speak Thai, why didn't you say so earlier?"

That's all I remember. I can't recall my reply, but I vaguely remember the child grumbling something before burying himself under the thick blanket and falling asleep.

We didn't talk much, didn't play together, weren't close.

The child seemed scared of me the whole time. Only after he learned I spoke Thai did he start to chat with me occasionally, mostly because Aunt Pim kept urging him.

I wonder what he looks like now...

I want to see him, but I wouldn't knock on his door just for that reason.

As I was about to go back downstairs, I suddenly remembered a message Jordan had sent when I told him I'd be letting someone else stay in his room temporarily:
'Could you get the silver locket from my desk drawer? It's a gift Vanessa gave me for my birthday.'

I didn't quite understand that idea. Vanessa was an ex-girlfriend who caused Jordan to
escape for some peace of mind. If he intended to leave it here, why didn't he just throw it away?

It seemed rude, but I didn't know when I'd be back because of work - a project with a
famous photographer.

If I left it there, would he throw it away?

"Don't forget! Go get it for me."

I sighed. I should have remembered the day I was coming and retrieved it earlier.

My feet carried me back to the door, where I knocked.

He really blasts his music... wondering who he's trying to impress.

I knocked harder, but there was no response. I waited for another minute, then gently turned the doorknob, finding it unlocked.

I wasn't in the mood to wait patiently; I had to get back to the studio.

Oh well. I'll quickly grab it and leave. Better than risking it getting thrown away...the last thingbI need now is a punch from Jordan.

I hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open.

No one was in the room, but the sound of water from the bathroom revealed his
whereabouts. The music was deafening, almost overpowering everything else. This guy must love blasting music - just like Jordan, though that guy was infuriating; sometimes he'd leave the door open, letting the music spill down to the second floor.

Standing here uninvited, I started feeling guilty. I felt like some kind of creep sneaking into someone else's room.

I went to the desk. The problematic necklace was in the first drawer. It seemed the new occupant didn't have much luggage.

I slipped the necklace into my pocket. As my eyes scanned the desk, a crimson passport
caught my attention.

..... Curiosity got the better of me, and I picked it up.

My brows furrowed. The person in the photo looked much younger than a university student.

"Uh..." A voice from behind made me turn around.

What the...?

He's grown up well.

Slender eyes, well-defined brows, a straight nose, soft lips, and black bangs framing a bright complexion.

Everything seemed small, both his features and his frame, though he wasn't particularly short.

I discreetly observed him. I'm not good at guessing people's appearances. If I tried to
imagine what he'd look like as a child, I wouldn't have a clue. But the image before me was far better than what I'd imagined when discussing this with my mother.
Though I don't remember, as a child, he gave me the feeling of being like... a block of tofu.

But now, he feels like...

White bread? Maybe?

He didn't look like the person in the passport. He looked older. The photo must have been from high school. His cheeks weren't as full, and his jawline was sharper.

But the overall feeling was still similar.

"Sorry, I thought my friend had come back. He likes to blast music like this too," I mumbled as an excuse. Seeing the person in front of me smile slightly felt strange.

He didn't seem as scared as before, and he didn't seem to recognize me.

Not surprising. If I passed him on the street, I wouldn't recognize him either.

"Are you Thai?" I pretended not to know him. After all, his mother didn't want him to know he was under the care of her friend's son.

"Yes."

"Should I speak Thai?"

My childhood memories showed that he strongly disliked English and avoided using it with me throughout our trip to Paris.

I didn't know if he felt better about it now, but maybe this would help, at least a little.
"Can you?" He seemed excited, but also tense.

It was exactly as I'd imagined, but for some reason, it wasn't as annoying as I thought.
Good.

With someone who looks like him, with this kind of atmosphere, it might not be so bad to spend several months together.

..

..

"Are you okay?" I asked, looking at him swaying on the floor. A slight worry prompted me to get up and go outside with him.

Anyway, I was responsible for his care. If something happened to him, it would be a
problem.

"No, I'm dizzy... I want to sleep."

I smiled inwardly. No surprise. I'd been watching him the whole time. A woman named Gia kept refilling his beer, seemingly intent on getting him drunk. The funny thing was, he looked like he was about to cry, his eyes glazed over, yet he kept drinking as if unaware of his own
limits.

Blue swayed, his smooth face collapsing onto his knees.

"You're not okay. Should we go home?" I offered. There was no reason to continue
tormenting myself here.

"...What about Kit?" The question surprised me. "He came with you, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did." So what? Why ask about someone else when he's about to fall face-first onto the floor?

"Why didn't you go home with him?"

"He doesn't live with me like you do," I emphasized, crouching beside him. I wanted to reach out and stop him from swaying. "You're not okay. Let's go home."
I did have plans with Kit, but it wasn't that important. We're studying together anyway.

If we don't do it today, we can do it another day.

The person who would be most heartbroken if they couldn't go home right now should be him, shouldn't it?

The smaller person looked up, seeming to agree, but then suddenly pursed his lips and stubbornly refused, his eyes clouded. "No, it's okay."

"Then what will you do? Go back and keep drinking until you black out?" Images of Blue as a child floated into my memory. The more time I spent with him, the clearer the memories became. I don't know if they were actually like that, maybe my brain was filling in the gaps itself.

But this stubborn, defiant attitude, I'm sure I've seen it before.

"Anwar, can I ask you something?"

"Are you a player?"

Huh...

The unexpected question surprised me again. I didn't know what my image was in his eyes, but considering the several occasions we'd bumped into each other and I was with other people, it's probably leaning that way.

"Why do you think that?"

At that moment, I felt strange. Something inside me felt bothered by Blue looking at me like that, even though I usually don't pay much attention to other people's gazes.

"Well, you date a lot of people, so you're a flirt, aren't you?"

Naive... I concluded silently as soon as I finished listening to his sentence.

But it made me feel strangely amused.

"...Meaning?" I paused, then rephrased. I wanted to find some amusement by continuing to question him a bit more. "What does 'flirt' mean?" Blue intrigued me, as if he had triggered something inside me, making me curious about his thoughts. I was satisfied just watching his alcohol-flushed face and its changing
expressions, unrestrained.

Like an easy read of a book, and yet I wanted to keep reading.

"I don't know, like, dating a lot of people... letting one person spend the night, letting another person lean on your shoulder, hold hands, kissing another person on the cheek... things like that," his voice mumbled, listing familiar behaviors.

"Were you watching?"

It was really fun.

I haven't only experienced love a couple of times, and I've had people show interest in me before.

It's clear that the person in front of me is at least somewhat interested in me.

Hm, probably enough to have been watching me the whole time and remembering all the details that precisely.

What should I do?

"I'm neither a player nor a flirt. Here, we call it casual. Do you know that?" I spoke as if explaining to a child. Then I burst out laughing because he slightly shook his head, his face pouting as if dissatisfied with the answer.

He either isn't trying to hide his expressions or he's too drunk to notice.

What should I do...?

The person standing before me seemed soft but also bland, like a slice of bread. He was
clearly showing interest, and he had a cute face; even many of his actions were cute.

He wasn't the type I'd usually hang out with, but something about him kept me thinking about him repeatedly.

And his current demeanor is undeniably endearing.

I dismissed my inappropriate thoughts. He's my mother's friend's son after all; I didn't want to get involved beyond what's necessary.

As for Blue, he's probably just curious and excited, like a teenager seeing something new.

I stood up after finally getting the person in front of me to agree to go home with me, then went back inside to gather my belongings.

"You said we were going to spend the night together."

Kit was pouting.

"I'm tired today. Another day, okay?"

"Then sleep in my room instead. Just sleep." I couldn't help but smile at the suggestion. Kit is the last person on earth who could just sleep. He has a high sex drive, and tonight, he seems particularly eager.

Just sleep... impossible.

"You can really just sleep? How about this: you go home and rest, and I'll make it up to you another day." I offered, wanting to end the conversation quickly, seeing his unhappy expression and the way he shook his head.

Any longer, and Blue might just fall asleep on the floor waiting.

Plus, I didn't want Blue to see me like this, even though my image is probably already terrible in his eyes.

I moved closer to his slender frame and pressed a kiss to his shoulder through his thin T-shirt.

"Behave... and save the wild side for the bedroom, alright?" I murmured, raising my hand to touch his hip, then tracing the curve down to his buttocks. The action immediately made Kit turn to face me.

A teasing smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.

"You'll regret that."

"Let's have me regret it tonight for not coming home with me," I teased softly. "I want to see just how much I'll regret it."

Kit understood perfectly, and if he agreed...

Tonight, I'd probably get photos and videos that would keep me up all night.

I kept trying to appease him until finally Kit agreed to postpone our rendezvous.

"Can you walk okay?" I turned my attention to Blue, who was stiffly standing against the wall.

He had his head down and wasn't looking at me.

Good.

"Yes."

"Careful." I caught his arm just before he stumbled. His arm was small in my hand, soft but with a hint of muscle.

"I can walk," the other person insisted, his stubborn expression effectively demanding attention.

Why is that?

"If you fall and twist your ankle, I'll have to carry you. If you don't want that, walk carefully and stop being stubborn," I said, exaggerating a bit. If he did twist his ankle, I'd just help him back. Even though he's smaller, I still wasn't sure if I could actually carry him like I carry Kit or other petite women.

Surprisingly, I was starting to treat the person in front of me differently from how I treat my friends or acquaintances, without even realizing it.

Those words wouldn't have come out if it was Jasper or Jordan stumbling around drunk. I might have just left them there and let them crawl back to their lodgings themselves.

Let it go for now.

Just a drunk person. Don't read too much into it.

"Didn't you say you weren't a flirt?" The accusatory question came just when I was trying to silence my own thoughts.

I wanted to turn around, shake him, and tell him to stop being so tempting.

"I'm not hitting on you," I retorted, vaguely dismissing the subject to end the conversation. "If you're still curious when you're sober, I'll explain then."

If he's interested enough in me to ask again when he's sober... but he probably won't. He doesn't seem like that type.

He's probably just acting up because he's drunk.

"I don't want to know that much," he said, turning away to look forward. His handsome face was expressionless, but the corners of his mouth were slightly downturned.

Damn, he's really tempting.

Blue, at first glance, seems innocent, pure, bland... so pure that I want to do something... to him.

He makes me wonder, time and again, what he's really like if I could peel away all that
apparent innocence. What is this person capable of?

Because sometimes, despite that outer shell, Blue makes me feel like there's something more there.

What should I do?

Should I ignore my mother and her friend and just do what I want?

Give him another chance to escape, but if he comes back flirting again, I won't let him go just because I'm being considerate of others.

"Don't let me hear you ask about that again," I murmured softly, knowing he was listening intently.

"Otherwise, I'll assume you want to be played."

..

..

Even if he seems bland like that, he still has a girlfriend.

"Can you take a picture of me? My girlfriend wants to see," A slight irritation flickered in my heart.

Maybe it was because I'd been enjoying spending time with him, including secretly treating him in ways he wasn't aware of, and I'd started to like his smile.

The thought of having to stop all that made me feel annoyed, before I tried to reassure
myself that it was fine.

Whether he smiles because of me or someone else, it's enough that he keeps smiling like that.

I don't plan on getting involved with anyone else right now. Everything I've been doing is just the kind of care my mother expects, with a little extra special something I added.

This is good enough.

Once my mood improved, I started thinking about distancing myself.

I don't want to get involved with someone who already has a girlfriend. It's not that I've never done it before, but it's complicated, especially with someone like Blue, who isn't as straightforward and forceful as the others I've been with. If something happens, it would be hard to clear things up.

My initial intention to playfully flirt was abruptly abandoned. I've created more distance than usual, but at the same time, I'm careful not to let Blue notice. We're still together anyway, and stopping the special treatment just means going back to being ordinary friends.

Therefore, I'll still take him to buy clothes as promised.

I can't help it.

"You're late."

"Why are you here?" I blurted out, surprised to find Kit here today.

Besides, I've never given out my card to anyone other than the people here and Audrey.

"Did you forget? We have a date today."

I tried to recall the date he was referring to, only to realize I'd completely forgotten. I hadn't set a reminder, and I'd been so engrossed in work that I lost track of the days.

I had planned to take Blue out to buy clothes, then come home to get a good night's sleep before waking up to shoot a photoshoot for a project by some second-year students who had asked me for help earlier.

Everything went awry.

"You look exhausted."

"Maria's class." Maria is the strictest professor, and she assigns an insane amount of work.

I'm one of her high-expectation students, so all my energy goes into maintaining that
standard in her eyes. Kit knows Maria too, since he attends the same university as me.

Kit raised an eyebrow, moved closer, and put his arm around my neck.

I glanced at Blue out of the corner of my eye. The worry of being seen flashed through me, before I dismissed it, remembering my decision to distance myself.

"Come on, I'll give you a massage. How about that...?" Kit narrowed his eyes. His charming smile kept my attention focused on him instead of someone else.

I pushed Blue out of my thoughts and followed Kit's hand, back into my bedroom.

I was so exhausted I just wanted to fall asleep instead of doing anything else, but I'd already promised.

"I miss you so much," Kit whispered hoarsely in my ear as I gently pushed him down onto the soft bed.

"Mmm..." I mumbled, trying to focus on pleasing the person in front of me.

I also tried to shake off the last expression I'd seen on Blue's face a moment ago, and the deep unease I felt.

Even though I thought I'd let it go.

..

..

The image of Blue walking back upstairs, his face awful, like he was about to cry the whole time, his nose and lips red, dumping all the snacks in his hand onto the counter like he was glitching...

"What happened?"

I hesitated, but seeing his expression, I felt I had to do something. At least as someone living with him, or as the son of my mother's friend.

"Want to sit together?"

Normally, I don't like listening to drama or anyone's life problems. Many people like to vent to me and ask for advice, but if I had a choice, I'd rather avoid any negativity.

"Want to talk?" I don't know why I offered. Maybe I just wanted to make him feel a little better?

It was surprising that Blue didn't say anything at all, even though he seemed like he really needed to vent. His expression only improved slightly after a while, and he kept drinking alcohol relentlessly, forgetting he was a lightweight.

Usually, I can easily draw out people's feelings and words. With someone this sad, after less than half an hour of sitting together, they'd have told me everything.

But he just sat there, drinking himself silly, without saying a word.

It made me even more worried. I subtly frowned.

I wanted to ask who did what, what exactly happened, but I'm not someone who likes to pry, especially if the person doesn't want to talk. So I let those questions die in my mind.

"Blue,"

I stopped him as we were about to separate. Many sentences popped into my head.

I didn't like it at all.

I didn't like that expression, I didn't like how he looked like he was about to cry.

"If you're not okay, whatever it is, come knock on our door."

I really shouldn't have gotten involved in that.

I sat still, trying to suppress my irritation. At first, I just wanted to cheer Blue up. I didn't want him to think it was wrong to connect with someone who had a partner.

..

..

"When someone cheats, what are they thinking?"

I never considered it would be about infidelity.

I've never cheated on anyone while I was in a relationship. Even if I started to feel bored, I wouldn't go out looking for someone else, wouldn't talk to anyone behind my partner's back, nor would I create problems to ruin the relationship. But that doesn't mean I've never interacted with someone who was already with someone else. Since I wasn't the one being
unfaithful, I didn't care much about it, as long as what was between me and the other person was purely sexual, and their partner wasn't getting involved with me.

But now that I was aware of this situation, I suddenly felt awful.

I glanced at Blue, who was resting his head against the window. Even though I couldn't see his full face, the sadness he displayed made it hard to breathe.

"I don't understand. Why do people do it? Does it feel good?" The question came out of nowhere and made me pause for a second, hoping it wouldn't be what I feared it might be.

"Huh...?"

"When you talk to many people, when you have sex with multiple people, does it feel good? Don't you feel guilty about it at all?"
He probably looked at me with disapproval, but I didn't think it would be this intense.

"Why are you asking?" A slight irritation mixed in with other feelings that were hard to describe, probably because I was just starting to think that Blue's boyfriend was a jerk.

Being asked a question that implied I was the same kind of person made me irritated.

I wondered if I would still feel this way if Blue had asked me that question under normal circumstances.

...Probably not.

"If you mean infidelity, I can't answer why your boyfriend did that. I've never cheated on anyone," I felt my ears ringing and my vision blurring.

"...you haven't?"

"As for talking to many people, having sex with many people..." I paused, glancing at Blue's reaction. "Are you really curious?"
At that moment, I was irritated by so many things: the fact that Blue viewed me so
negatively, contrary to my hopes that he'd see me in a better light after all the time we'd spent together; I was irritated by Blue's boyfriend, by the whole absurd cheating issue, irritated by his expression, his tears, by everything Blue was doing.

"If you want to know how it feels, why don't you try it yourself?" I wanted to believe that the question stemmed solely from irritation, without any other hidden meaning.

But it felt like a sarcastic jab, a probing question, throwing a stone to see how deep the water was.

Ultimately, what I wanted most from that statement was Blue's reaction.

"What do you mean?" That surprised reaction was one of the things I had anticipated.

But at the same time, seeing it so clearly, the reality that he was a completely different type of person from me, a different type of person than I'd ever been involved with, hit me hard.

This isn't going to work. He's too naive, too innocent.

It's better to leave things as they are.

Meeting someone like me, even if it's just a sexual relationship... it'll probably end badly in the end.

Don't risk it.

"Jesus..." I almost banged my head against the steering wheel when I realized I'd made a mistake.

I felt terrible. Especially seeing his stammering, flustered reaction.

I felt even worse.

"Forget about it."

..

..

I completely distanced myself. I said yes to everyone who asked me out, went out with everyone who invited me. I knew exactly what I was feeling; it was like trying to move on from something I'd become intensely interested in.

But what's the point of being interested, when after weighing it all up, it's not worth it?

Blue wasn't even suitable for a casual relationship, considering his existing commitments and personality. It's a truth I should have accepted.

Maybe I was just enjoying the novelty of his reactions, that's all.

It almost worked. For the past few days, I hadn't felt guilty when Blue saw me go into a bedroom with someone else. I started not caring how he looked at me.

Actually, even if he looked at me with disdain, it would be okay.

After all, as just acquaintances sharing a living space, we don't need to maintain a certain image for each other.

"I want to apologize."

I'd thought that way until today, when Blue came to confront me.

"Apologize?"

"For speaking badly to you... about the infidelity. Asking you like that... I didn't intend to accuse you of being unfaithful to anyone or of being that kind of person. I'm really sorry. I was afraid you'd be angry."

That confession and apology made my heart jolt.

The apathy I'd felt from the beginning melted away instantly. Just hearing those words and seeing the worried expression on his pretty, small face.

Why would he be afraid I'd be angry, when I was the one who spoke harshly to him?
And he looked so worried, like he was about to cry.

So cute.

"Blue, I'm not angry."

"Really?"

"Really." The irritation I remembered from that night had faded long ago. The only thing holding me back all this time was guilt over asking that question, and my intention to pull away.

"O...Okay." Blue pursed his lips. His expression clearly showed he didn't believe a word I said, making me even more curious about what made him think that way.

Did he assume my distancing was because I was angry about that night?

"Why do you think I'm angry?"

"You seem cold," Blue replied softly, avoiding eye contact by looking down at his own feet.

Damn, cute again.

"Because I feel guilty too, for asking you like that." I raised my hand to touch my face, trying to compose myself and reflecting on the decision I'd made days ago.

Just acquaintances.

Let it just end with us being acquaintances...

"We're not ignoring each other anymore."
I can't handle this.

Screw it. I'll do what I want first.

I'll think about the future later.

"I won't ignore you anymore."

..

..

"How's Blue?" Jasper, who was lying down kicking his feet and playing a phone game,
casually remarked. Anyone could notice something was amiss.

Blue was quiet, yes, but he didn't radiate sadness or gloom like he had been for the past few days.

"He'll be better soon," I replied briefly. I'd already resolved to make it so, one way or another.

"Are you guys close? You seem close, but then again, you don't seem close," Jasper
frowned, muttering a curse at someone in his game after asking.

"Why are you asking?" I felt a surge of anxiety at such a simple question, like someone with a guilty conscience.

"Well, he's the son of Mrs. Gainer's close friend, isn't he?" I chuckled when I heard my own last name. The fact that he's my mother's friend's son is the last thing I want to think about right now.

It made me want to stop, even though I intended not to.

"We'll become close," I brushed off, focusing my gaze on global fashion trend data for the next two years.

"So, what's the verdict?"

"What?"

"Blue, what's he like? Seems okay, right? At first, when you told me he was coming, you seemed annoyed, like you didn't want him around. I thought it would be terrible." I paused.

Jasper was referring to when I'd first told him about this stranger coming to live with us.

Back then, I didn't even know what Blue was like.

To say I was annoyed wouldn't be quite right. It was more like I was lazy and didn't want to take on the responsibility of looking after someone.

"He's not bad. Who said he was bad? I didn't even know him back then."

"So what do you think now?"

What do I think now? I think he's adorable. Too adorable. So adorable that I want to make him stop being so adorable and become something else.

"Blue... he's not bad."

"But he seems so innocent. You and Jordan, in our first year, weren't this innocent at this age."

I looked away from my MacBook screen and stared at the large olive tree in the corner of the room. A thought crossed my mind, but no words escaped my lips.

Yes, innocent... but in a little while, he won't be this innocent anymore.

I won't let him stay this pure forever.