21.

I didn't think I'd actually do it. At least at that point, I thought it was more of a playful threat. I never expected things to go this far.

As the morning light streamed through the thick curtains into the room, R&B music drifted into my awareness. I opened my eyes, having been face down on the bed for a while. My hands slowly loosened their grip on the rumpled sheets. I could hear my own heavy breathing. I felt the lingering pressure on my hips before he moved away.

I lay on my side, my chest still rising and falling with my breath. Anwar smiled slightly at the corner of his mouth as he tossed the condom in the trash and grabbed a large bottle of water, handing it to me. I drank it before he climbed back onto the bed, lying behind me.

He pressed a hard kiss to my bare shoulder, nibbling gently as his hand moved slowly
across my lower abdomen, creating a slight tingling sensation.

"Anwar," I murmured, aware of the hoarseness in my voice.

"Yes?"

"I'm tired," I said preemptively, hoping that if I just closed my eyes and stayed still for a
minute, I could fall asleep from exhaustion. Anwar immediately laughed.

"No more. I promise." His deep voice was firm in its assurance, but his hands still wandered across my stomach and down towards my thighs.

I sighed in relief.

The intense sensations still lingered in my toes and spine. I could still feel the ghost of his touch, even though I barely had the energy to lift my hand.

The sex was intense.

I'd never had sex before, but I can honestly say that my first time with Anwar was what you'd call wild. And because he works out, he had so much stamina – unlike me, who was practically collapsing after the second round.

I let him move me into different positions without a word of protest. It felt like all my energy had been completely drained, even though I wasn't the one doing all the work.
"Did you like it?" Anwar asked when our eyes met. "What we did?"

"Yes."

"Next time, you'll have to take the lead."

I pursed my lips before he quickly flipped me over so I was straddling him. I could see his muscles, his whole body clearly, even the fine hairs on his skin. His healthy, attractive complexion made me want to trace my fingers over him. I lightly touched him, languidly running my fingers across his skin until he caught my hand and intertwined our fingers.

"I don't know how."

Straddling him like this, my legs, already weak, trembled so much that Anwar had to massage them with both hands.

"That's why we have to try," he said with a smile. One hand circled around, pressing firmly against my buttocks. "So, do you agree?"

"Yes," I replied, placing my hands on his strong abdomen and allowing him to massage me.

Then Anwar sat up, his warm lips pressing against mine, his tongue slowly exploring and teasing mine, sucking and licking until I could hear the sounds of our saliva.

"Mmm..." His handsome face lowered, showering kisses all over me. Several times, Anwar's touch felt so intense that I thought I'd be left with marks, but when I looked, I only saw faint red traces from his kisses – nothing else.

I wrapped my arms around his warm neck as Anwar measured my waist and pulled me closer.

"Ah... uhh..." My breath hitched. Anwar began licking my nipple, making it wet with saliva again. My body trembled slightly; my arms grew weak, so I had to grip his dark hair to support myself. "Didn't you say you weren't going to do this anymore?"

"I just wanted to kiss," he murmured, his mouth still on my nipple.

His tongue traced circles around my nipple. He did it slowly, making me feel both excited and relaxed at the same time. Before I knew it, my back was pressed against the bed, followed by his tall form moving to straddle me. His perfectly shaped lips still lingered in the same spot.

If it was just kissing, it was probably okay.

I liked Anwar's kisses too, both the ones on my mouth and the ones he gave to other parts of my body.

Anwar gently bit my nipple before sighing and leaning back, placing both hands on the bed.

His beautiful eyes fixed on me intently.

"Are you worn out?"

"Yes," I nodded, but because of Anwar's kisses, I yearned for another one instead of
sleeping.

"Sleep here?"

"Can I?" I asked. Anwar looked like he'd heard something extraordinary.

"Why couldn't you?" He raised an eyebrow, gently stroking my cheek with the back of his hand.

I shifted, my heart, which had just returned to a normal rhythm, began to pound again,
intensified by his light, teasing touch.

"Before bed... can I have a kiss?" This time, I was the one making the request, leaning in
and kissing him as I desired, pressing my lips to his dark eyebrows and handsome
cheekbones.

Anwar froze when I did that.

I moved my kisses, exploring his jawline, his chin. My hand rested on his warm face; I used my thumb to brush away a tiny speck of dust. Seeing Anwar remain still as a wax figure, I grew bolder, finding it enjoyable to playfully tease his body, especially since he’d promised not to go any further.

I lifted his large, warm, strong hand to my lips, running my tongue along the visible veins before kissing his palm. I noticed his dark eyebrows furrow slightly.

"Oof!" I exclaimed in surprise as he pushed me down onto the bed, my back hitting the soft mattress. His large frame quickly covered mine; his hand remained near my face.

"I won't feel guilty about breaking my promise. I didn't plan on sleeping again until morning anyway."

I widened my eyes, watching his handsome face draw closer before he pressed a light kiss to my lips.

"If you don't want to do it again, stop teasing me, okay?"

"Okay," I quickly replied, enduring Anwar's intense gaze for a moment longer, like a teacher subduing a student. Anwar nodded, pulling me into a hug and lying down, not forgetting to pull the covers over us.

I closed my eyes. All the accumulated tiredness weighed heavily on my head. I turned, wrapping one arm around him. I felt a little embarrassed as our legs intertwined and pressed together. I felt his gentle strokes on my back, as if he was intentionally trying to soothe me.

It was a wonderful night... both my first time and what we were doing now, after.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I did it. We did it.

After dozing for a couple of hours, I woke up late morning with those phrases circling in my head: I did it. My first time with Anwar.

Throughout the night and until we finished, I didn't think about anything else. I was
completely absorbed in the sensations, the feelings surging throughout my body. When I woke up and processed everything, it was a feeling I can't even describe.

I unconsciously smiled when I woke up and saw him still asleep beside me, his strong arm across my waist. It was heavy, but it didn't feel uncomfortable or make me want to push him away. Instead, I snuggled into his warm embrace, staying there for several minutes before deciding to leave the room. I tried to compose myself, went upstairs to get my phone charger, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and then came back down to make some simple toast for breakfast.

Palm trees square dancing under the moonlight.

The sunset is nothing compared to you.
And the purple in the sky isn't as beautiful as your eyes.

I hummed along to the music playing from my phone. I'd heard so many say that the first time is usually painful or a failure because it doesn't fit. Maybe it's a minor issue, but for me, it wasn't painful enough to make me want to squirm away or stop everything abruptly. Even though Anwar's size worried me about that possibility, and even though we did it multiple times until we were almost exhausted, I woke up only feeling tired and a little sore in my legs, like after a strenuous workout that leaves your legs aching when you get out of bed the next day.

He was more gentle than I ever imagined.
I took a deep breath. Hearing the toaster pop, I turned to grab the bread and finish making it.

In the end, Anwar's method from that day became my most frequent way to toast bread – it's simple and delicious.

I heard faint footsteps on the stairs, and I guessed it was Jasper or Audrey. Hazel hadn't slept here in days, after getting back together with Ruby. Jasper said she'd been staying at her girlfriend's place every night.

When I turned to greet them, my words caught in my throat. Standing before me was a tall, slender man in a well-fitting navy blue suit, his grey-green eyes fixed on me before breaking into a smile.

"Is Anwar here?" His sharp eyes glanced down at my shirt.

It was the same shirt I'd worn out of the bathroom last night – Anwar's. The drawstring pants, pulled all the way tight, still hung loosely on my hips – also Anwar's.

I don't know if it was his gaze, or the memory of what he implied happened last night, that replaced the good mood I'd had since waking up…with irritation.

...

..

Anwar's pov:

"Anwar," a voice called, close by. A hand rose from my shoulder, gently stroking my hair.

"Hmm," I replied, struggling to open my heavy eyelids. I met Kit's gaze; he was sitting beside the bed. He smiled as I woke, leaning in to softly kiss my cheek.

"I drove here," he said, holding up my car keys before placing them on the bedside table. As I slowly sat up, I tried to process everything, concluding that Blue had probably gone back to his bedroom.

"Thank you."

Kit didn't respond until I grabbed the pants from the floor, put them on, and met his gaze.

Only then did I see the expression on his face.

"Yes?"

"You're naked."

"So?" I raised an eyebrow, stretching lazily before going to wash my face in the bathroom.

Luckily, I had no classes or work today. I stared at myself in the mirror, noticing the source of a small irritation on my back.

When did that scratch get there?

"Did you sleep with him?" he asked bluntly, his beautiful face flushed as he gestured towards Blue's blue shirt and folded trousers on the table.

"Why do you ask?" I countered, picking up my razor.

"Because I want to know."

"Why do you want to know?" This time, I met his gaze in the large mirror. His hesitation reminded me of our conversation from last night.

..

..

"Where's Blue?"

"I told him to go. You promised you'd sleep with me today."

"Did saying 'maybe' sound like a promise?" A confused jumble of feelings mixed with
irritation that I tried to suppress. How could he suggest he go alone? He's never even been to this area.

"How would I know? He's not a child. Why does it need to be such a big deal?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking why? Why did you do that, Kit?"

"Because I wanted you to stay."

"I probably would have stayed if you hadn't done that," I spat, a sneer twisting my lips. I stared at him intently.

"I'm going home," I said.

"Anwar," Kit raised his hands defensively. He bit his lip, his gaze pleading. "You know why."

"And don't you know what I meant when I asked?" I wiped my face, then turned back to face him.

Kit faltered. Of course he knew. My question wasn't for an answer, it was a reprimand. He's one of the people I'm closest to; why wouldn't he know what kind of effect overstepping boundaries would have?

Because he thinks he can get closer than others, that he's special.

"Have I ever had a problem when you slept with someone else? With Alex? With Jonas?"

"That was years ago."

"And is it any different now? Is a year really that much different?"

"..."

"We had an agreement, Kit," I said. "We wouldn't interfere with each other's lives. What kept things going longer than just being classmates was that you never interfered."

"It's always been the same. Because our relationship has always stayed just that—nothing more."

"We're not together."

"We should stop here," I said flatly. From the look under his eyes, the way he's acting, it's clear he's the one who's changed, the one who shouldn't continue this relationship.

"No, I don't want to stop."

"..."

"I'm sorry I did that. I... I was drunk. I didn't mean for it to happen like that."

I lowered my gaze, seeing his feet move closer. I was wrestling with a huge decision in my head.

Kit's a good person. The sex is amazing, and this was the first time he acted this way.

But a fair relationship is only fair if nobody feels anything deep. If the other person shows signs of deeper feelings...

Is it still fair?

"I'll do anything, but please, don't stop now. You can sleep with whoever you want, I don't care," Kit's voice was strained, but he was trying to keep it calm. "Let me apologize to him. Should I?"

"Kit, the last thing I want is to hurt you, you know that," I sighed, letting him hug me without pulling away. "Shouldn't we just stop this?"

"I'm not hurt, and I won't be," Kit insisted firmly. "I'll sincerely apologize if you want."

"No, no need," I touched his back, stroking gently. "Just don't do that again."

Forget it.

Kit's always been reasonable. That's probably why I liked him more than many others, in terms of personality. Kit is straightforward, even if his image is complex and intense. He's always honest about his thoughts.

Perhaps this was the first lie I've ever gotten from him.

We knew each other well enough that he understood what I was implying. My vague
conversation was just another way of saying, "We'll never be anything more than this."

So what am I supposed to do when he insists so strongly that he won't be hurt?

"Go on. Let me drive you home," I offered, gently pushing him away. I tried to ignore his pained expression, pretending not to see it, and walked out of the bedroom.

It felt bad... that I didn't feel anything about his near-tears face.

"It's okay, I'll go see my friends," he brushed it off, forcing a smile as we stood by the road.

"Sorry again for causing trouble. I know perfectly well he's someone else's."

"Don't think about it anymore."

After the other person nodded and smiled wider, I turned back to hail a passing taxi. My mind was blank until Kit stepped in for another tight hug.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," I replied, patting his back lightly before opening the car door for him.

As I was about to go back up to the building, I made eye contact with someone just opening a door. Blue froze slightly upon seeing me; his narrow eyes glanced sideways. When he saw no one else but me, he met my gaze again, then walked away without saying a word.

Definitely unusual.

I understood the situation instantly, without him needing to explain a thing.

"Blue," I called softly, confident he'd heard but wouldn't respond. He continued walking down the hallway to the supermarket, grabbing a large box of crackers and some snacks.

"Why are you following me?" he turned to look back after I'd followed him for about ten minutes.

Ten minutes of not looking at each other.

He's got a lot of nerve.

"Are you angry?" I asked directly, without beating around the bush. Seeing him hesitate, I took the opportunity to step closer. "Are you angry?"

"No. Why would we be angry with you?" He averted his gaze; his eyebrows were still
furrowed. He's still lying.

"I don't know. About Kit being here?" I threw out a random guess.

"No."

"If you're not angry, why are you being so stiff?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not being stiff," Blue insisted, his voice even firmer than before. I didn't respond, just continued to look at him. Blue must have heard himself; he tried to adjust his tone in the next sentence.

"I'm not angry."

"But..."

"I..." Blue searched for an answer. Pressed by my silence, he finally mumbled, "I'm just hungry."

He's a terrible liar.

Again, I found him different from others. I didn't find his behavior annoying; it just made me more curious about what he was actually upset about.

Was it Kit visiting me in my room? Or something else?

And if it was Kit, why would he be so irritated? Was it because he wasn't used to it, was he possessive, or was it something else entirely?

"Is that pout because you're hungry, or because you're jealous?" I poked a finger between his eyebrows.

"I'm not jealous. I'm hungry," he said, averting his gaze again. "My stomach hurts."

"Does it hurt a lot? Why don't you sit and rest in the room? I'll go buy these things for you," I took all the groceries from his hands. "Should we go eat out?"

Blue raised a hand to touch his stomach, furrowing his brow even more.

"Or do you want to go back to the room? I can make something for you there." That was my only offer, a clear statement that no matter what he chose, we were going to talk.

"Let's go back to the room," he replied softly.

"What do you want to eat?"

"An omelet," I nodded. It wasn't a difficult dish to make; in fact, I didn't even need to buy anything extra. We just grabbed a carton of milk and a loaf of bread. Blue was silent the whole way back, only offering a small protest when I paid for everything.

When we got back to the room, Blue sat up on the bar stool. He interrupted me as I was about to start cooking.

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"Then the stomach ache?"

"That's gone too."

I nodded. I'd suspected as much; I wasn't surprised. I looked at him, resting my forearms on the bar.

"Your stomach ache is gone, but why does your demeanor still look like this?"

"I'm not..."

"Blue, don't lie to me," I said seriously. "What are you thinking? What are you feeling? If it's about us, I want you to tell me honestly."

With someone else, how would I handle this? I'd probably pretend nothing was wrong, to avoid making them talk. Or maybe I'd ask what was wrong, and if they didn't open up, I'd just ignore it. That's all.

Why am I suddenly doing this? I wondered myself. Maybe it's because I know what Blue is like. I don't want him to overthink things he shouldn't, and bottle up his negative feelings until he explodes, like before.

"Kit drove me home last night. I was drunk, so I left my car at the gallery and took a cab back." Blue listened quietly, without saying a word.

"Let me ask again. Back by the pond, was it because you were hungry, or because you were possessive?"

Blue pursed his lips. He looked me in the eyes before looking away and replying, "Because I was hungry."

I nodded, not expecting any particular answer to begin with. And Blue's response didn't bother me, even though it seemed like a lie overall.

"Are you still angry?"

"Why would I be angry with you?" He countered, his tone and expression suggesting he genuinely wanted an answer.

"Anything at all. I just want to know if you're angry right now."

Blue looked down at his hands. Finally, he softly replied, "A little bit. But I don't even know what I'm annoyed about."

But I do, I countered silently.

"So, if I apologize, will you stop being angry?"

Blue paused, thinking. He didn't answer, but remaining still where he was, even after I stepped closer and stood between his legs, was an answer in itself.

How does he do it?

How does he turn something annoying into this feeling?

Is it because of his cute face?

"I'm sorry," I softened my voice and placed a hand on his thigh under his pale jeans. Seeing him bite his lower lip, I slid both hands down and placed them on his chair, leaning closer.

I'm partly to blame too. Normally, I wouldn't let two people I'm sleeping with meet, but I didn't expect Kit to just drive over without calling first.

"I won't let anyone else come here again," I said, voicing the intention I'd had since last
night. "Are you not angry anymore?"

Blue looked up, his gaze meeting mine deeply.

"You can bring whoever you want. You own the house."

"Do you want me to bring someone?" I asked, pressing my forehead against his smooth one. "If I can bring someone, then why were you angry today?"

"I'm just not used to it."

"I won't bring anyone else," I reiterated firmly, my nose lightly brushing against his. Seeing him not move away, I mumbled, "Say something."

Blue hesitated for a moment. But instead of responding as I'd requested, he leaned in,
pressing his lips against mine. The soft, lingering touch on my lips, nibbling my lower lip, then my upper lip, before pulling back.

The earlier irritation had vanished, leaving only a faint blush on his clear cheeks.

"Last night... thank you," he took a deep breath, as if gathering his courage. "I felt really good."

I can't handle this. He stops being angry and changes moods so fast!

Is this something I deserve?

"Then let me make you feel good again today," I said with a smile. I'll make him
overwhelmed with happiness.

"Um... if no one comes to see you today..." he trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished, while I nearly burst out laughing.

There's no one, and there won't be anyone else coming here as long as Blue is here.

With a cutie like him at home, why would I bring anyone else?