28.

When he said he had work, I didn't think it would be this serious.

"Good, good."

"Let's try a different angle. I want to see it like this; the proportions, the framing, just likethis."

I stared at everything unfolding before me. After class, Anwar told me to meet him at astudio. Our plan was for me to wait for him until his work was done, then we'd go see amovie. When I arrived at the studio, the first floor was empty except for a security guard whodirected me upstairs. I thought it would be something similar to the photoshoot the other day.I never imagined it would be this chaotic.

Anwar's tall figure stood still in front of a backdrop. Next to him, a slender model posedeffortlessly. Large lights were set up all around. The place was crowded; a woman holding alarge reflector, a photographer, and others staring intently at MacBook screens betweenshots.

"Hello. Can I help you?" A woman approached me confidently, her sharp eyes contrastingwith her full, softly smiling lips.

"Uh, Anwar asked me to come," I pointed to Anwar. It was crowded and he was completelyfocused on the camera and the model's face; he hadn't even noticed I'd arrived.

"Ah, Anwar's friend? He mentioned someone would be coming," she glanced at Anwar,nodded slightly, then signaled for me to follow. "Have a seat here."

"Yes."

After that, the other person led me to a corner of the room near a table with bags andmakeup supplies. Two crew members were sitting there, playing on their phones.

"Are you hungry? You can have a sandwich."

"No, thank you," I declined, glancing at several sandwiches packed in clear plasticcontainers.

What to do... I'm ten times more nervous than last time.

I sat quietly, watching Anwar work. He moved naturally and effortlessly. Seeing him like thiswas beyond my imagination. He wasn't just standing still and turning his head left and rightlike during the fitting. Now I saw him posing in various ways. Anwar followed thephotographer's instructions quickly and flawlessly; everything looked amazing.

His brown eyes met mine by chance when he used one hand to gently close the model'seyes, his well-defined lips lingering near her elegant neck. I saw a small smile fleetinglygrace his lips before it vanished, replaced by his usual impassive expression as he adjustedthe pose.

"Good! Perfect! Anya, lift your chin slightly... Good!"

"What do you think? The retro theme?" the same woman from before remarked, her sharpeyes fixed on Anwar and the model, Anya. "I never get tired of this theme, no matter howmany times it comes back around. Do you like fashion?"

"I do, but sometimes it feels a bit distant to me," I felt like I'd forgotten how to speak.Something about her made me tense. She had an intimidating aura. Her blonde hair wasstyled in a tight bun, her beautiful, well-defined face framed by sharp features; eyes, nose,lips... I couldn't pinpoint what exactly about her facial features made her appear so stern, orperhaps it was her clothing-a plain black short-sleeved t-shirt tucked into oversizedwide-leg pants with a simple black leather belt. Small tattoos peeked out from under hersleeves and neckline.

"That's not unusual. Some people aren't that interested in fashion to follow where it's going.But fashion trends always cycle through the same things. Retro, floral prints, contrastingcolors, then there are leopard prints, polka dots, minimalist styles, and then something grandemerges-ruffles, puffy sleeves, voluminous skirts... those things cycle endlessly.:

"Dabria, which one is better?" Another woman entered, her hands full of clothing. "Look, thisone... this one... or this one?" she said, arranging the outfits for display.

The woman beside me narrowed her eyes slightly before quickly deciding, "That one. Thebrown suit with emerald green pants. Try that chain necklace with it, and Loewe's goldbuckle belt. Do we have it? I saw it this morning."

"Right? I think that's good. What about the next look?"

"The pink and red plaid suit, a red belt, and a blue bag. Perfect! Done." Dabria turned andsmiled at Anwar, who had approached. "How's it going? We have two more sets left. It'salmost time to wrap up. Take a break and then change."

"Thank you. Were you guys having a fun conversation?" Anwar asked me with a smallsmile. "Dabria may seem stern, but she's very skillful and fun to talk to."

I nodded slightly as Dabria burst out laughing when Anwar abruptly turned to ask, "Youweren't watching him, were you?"

"I don't, unless he's a crew member acting foolishly," Dabria crossed her arms, leaning herhips against the table. Her sharp eyes fixed on me steadily. "He reminds me of my youngerbrother, just less aggressive, less rigid. Understand? I really like what I see. It would bemuch better if there weren't these troublesome people holding me back from taking avacation home."

"I still haven't been to Utah. Remember what you promised? If I come along," another crewmember looked up from their phone, gently massaging their earlobe before stretching lazily."About the drinks."

"I invited Anwar, too. You'd love camping there. And the offer is equal for everyone; drinksand food, I'll take care of it all. Unless you guys mind sitting around with a bunch of grownmen who constantly talk about motorcycles, guns, American football, and fishing."

"Seriously? Last time you invited, you only went with Katya and showed off pictures on yourstory." Anwar said, not entirely seriously, leaning closer until our shoulders brushed. Hespoke softly, so only we could hear, "Do you like camping?"

"I've never done it, so I don't know if I like it or not..."

"Then would you like to try?" His beautiful eyes looked down at me. There was something inhis tone that made me instantly agree in my heart. "We can find time to go before you goback to Thailand. It's only a short flight."

"A short flight, but the tickets aren't cheap." I frowned. "But if there's an opportunity, I'd like totry. Camping... it would be fun. If I do it with you, I'm sure it would be fun."

Anwar smiled slightly, lowering his eyes. "Would you like me to book the tickets? It's not thatexpensive if you want to go."

"What are you two whispering about over there?" A new arrival's voice drew everyone'sattention.

He was tall, with a model-like look, similar to Anwar. His blond hair was styled perfectly,complementing his blue-grey eyes, prominent nose, high cheekbones, strong jawline, andfriendly smile. He stopped next to Dabria, nodding to Anwar.

"Simon, you're here earlier than expected. Did things wrap up quickly over there?" thefemale crew member asked, quickly getting clothes from the rack to give to the newcomer.

"Yes, Jason was very easy to work with today. He wasn't difficult, unlike usual. That's why Iwas let go early." His blue eyes flickered slightly before glancing at me and pausing. "Who'sthis? A new stylist?"

"He came with Anwar."

"Oh, really? I'm Simon Moro." He offered his hand. "I've never seen Anwar bring a friend to aphotoshoot before."

"Blue."

"Blue, like the color?" A slight squeeze occurred before he released my hand.

"Yes."

"Anwar, you can change now. We're almost finished setting the lights."

"Okay," Anwar replied, looking at me. There was something in his gaze I couldn't decipher.In the end, he didn't say anything, just stood still while the stylists helped him remove his oldoutfit and put on a new one. Simon started changing his clothes as well.

Only Anwar had to rush back to the set with the model Anya. Dabria excused herself tosupervise the camera crew. Only Simon remained, settling into a vacant chair, legs crossed,while the makeup artist worked on him. He started a conversation with me.

"How do you know him? I've known him for two or three years. Besides his friends in thefashion industry, I've never seen him with anyone else, honestly." Kit's face immediatelypopped into my head upon hearing that.

"I rented a house while studying the language, and coincidentally, I lived in the same houseas him."

Simon raised an eyebrow slightly. "A housemate, then? Studying the language here in...?

"Just for the summer. I'll be going back soon." I looked at Simon. He looked great. Althoughhe was also a model, he was a completely different type than Anwar. He seemed playful,flirtatious... he fit that description much more than Anwar.

"So, how's it going? Do you like New York?"

"I like it. It was tough adjusting at first, but now I don't want to go back." Simon smiledslightly at that.

"I don't want to go back to France either, after being here for a while."

"You're French?"

"I thought it was obvious! Haha. Everyone guesses I'm from France without me even sayinganything." Simon playfully wiped his face, his charming smile widening. I relaxed and smiledback.

The person in front of me seemed very easy to talk to. It didn't take long for him tounconsciously put me at ease, just by chatting casually. We talked about work, photoshoots,the party the latest clothing brand held after the runway show. Before I knew it, we were theonly two still talking. The rest of the crew, including the makeup artist, had gathered inanother corner of the room. Almost immediately, someone appeared with two full Starbuckscups.

I burst out laughing at Simon's story. He nodded, confirming his words with a smile, taking asip of his warm drink.

"I'm serious, he did that backstage! I was so lucky that the fashion show cameraman wasn'tthere at the time."

"He's so bold! Haha."

A smile lingered on his lips. Simon blinked softly. The following sentence was light, but itstopped me instantly.

"You have beautiful eyes, and a beautiful smile, you know."

"..." I raised my eyebrow, sensing the seriousness hidden in the sentence, even though hewas still smiling broadly.

He was just complimenting me, right?

I glanced at Anwar, who was still standing by the set. His strong arms loosely encircled themodel's waist. His face was towards me, staring intently at the camera until I heard theshutter. Then he looked away.

His expression remained impassive, emotionless, just like during the previous set... but whydid I sense something? Irritability? Apprehension? Or worry?

His beautiful eyes met mine for a brief moment before he broke the contact and changed hispose. He seemed almost completely normal, except for his slightly furrowed brow and eyesthat seemed sharper, in my opinion.

I wasn't imagining things. I'd stared at his face often enough to notice when something wasoff.

And right now, I was certain: Anwar was in a very bad mood.

The photoshoot continued. Anwar was only booked until noon, so they were working almostnon-stop. Simon's slot was actually in the afternoon, but because he finished his morning jobearly, he came to prepare, not knowing what else to do while waiting.

Simon was a fun person to talk to. He had a natural sense of humor that made people laugheasily without even trying. It was an enviable talent in the eyes of someone socially awkwardlike me. Even though I feel uncomfortable talking to strangers, he made me feel comfortableenough to laugh heartily in less than an hour.

"I thought male models were all arrogant, especially the famous ones. I never imagined theycould be this approachable," I said honestly, looking at Simon, who feigned wide eyes.

"What are you saying? Male models are just ordinary men who happen to be taller andbetter-proportioned than most. Or maybe I wouldn't be famous if that weren't true. Should Isay that?"

"No, not at all," I quickly denied, realizing I'd fallen into his trap the moment he grinned andchanged his expression. "Teasing someone who's not good at conversation is really mean,you know."

This time, he chuckled. "I can't help it. You're easy to tease, and I can't resist."

I smiled faintly, shaking my head slightly as I raised my coffee cup and finished it. Anwarcontinued posing, occasionally walking over to check the photos on the MacBook with thecrew. His handsome face was impassive again, but I could still sense a slight irritability fromhim. Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe he was irritated by work, or tired from standing andposing for so long. Maybe there was nothing at all.

"Hey, can I say something?" Simon's voice drew my attention back. When I made aquestioning face, Simon stuck out his tongue and licked his lips.

He seemed nervous, but confident at the same time.

"I enjoy talking to you. You might think you're boring, but believe someone who's sociallyawkward like breathing - you're not what you think you are. You're not boring at all."

"Really...?" I frowned, suddenly feeling awkward under his serious expression. Ultimately, itwas a nice thing to hear, so I offered him a small smile in thanks. Simon froze for a moment,his blue-grey eyes fixed on me unblinking. "Would you mind if I said you're very beautiful?""Uh... thank you," The unexpected compliment made me flustered immediately.

Having a handsome, well-built, famous male model like Simon compliment me directly likethat... I didn't know how to respond or what expression to make.

Compliments about my personality or character didn't make me feel as awkward ascompliments about my looks.

"Would it be strange if I asked about a possible lover right now?" Simon propped his elbowson the table, resting his cheek on his hand in a relaxed manner. "I don't want to seem creepyor weird to you, but I'm also curious if you have a one."

"What?" I didn't even know if my ears were playing tricks on me, or if he really asked methat.

"Do you have a lover?"

"Oh, no... I don't have one." For a split second, I unconsciously glanced at someone elsestanding in the center of the room. A slight, heavy feeling gnawed at my chest. I pusheddown all those feelings and looked back at Simon, who was now sporting a pleased smile."Then how about we go out sometime? Coffee, pizza, or drinks at a bar, if you'd prefer."Simon glanced at his phone before looking up at me with a coquettish look. "As we bothknow, I'm a famous model who doesn't have much free time. But if I can hang out withsomeone as beautiful as you, I wouldn't give that time to anyone, not even the House ofChristian Dior."

His words and his gaze...

I'd heard that French men are sweet-talkers, but I never thought I'd experience it firsthand.And Simon, in my opinion, wasn't just any ordinary French man.

But was I right to think so?

"You mean... go out on a date?"

"Just like that," Simon said confidently, while I froze. The situation was far beyond anything Icould ever have imagined.

And what should I, someone like me, do with a top model from France standing right in frontof me?

"Finished. Let's go." Anwar walked straight over as soon as he finished his work. The tallfigure, who had been dressed in fashionable attire earlier, was now simply in a white t-shirtunder dark trousers and a black leather belt. Seeing this, I quickly stood up.

"Simon."

"Anwar, how are you? I thought you'd be further removed from modeling. I didn't see you atthe casting call, but here you are on shooting day!" Simon greeted him amicably. Anwarresponded with a small smile.

"I've turned down several jobs. But if I can wrap up this project before the next castingseason, things will return to normal."

"Excellent. Backstage would be awfully boring without you."

"Save that compliment for Jordan. He might smile until his cheeks crack if he heard that.""Oh, right. How could I forget about that guy?" While they were chatting, I just stood theresilently, not knowing why I felt this way. They seemed to be somewhat close, but at the sametime, not very close at all. Anwar was now chatting casually as usual, and I concluded thatI'd been imagining things earlier. All that irritability I'd noticed might just have been fatiguefrom hours under the bright lights.

"See you later," Anwar nodded slightly to Simon before saying goodbye to the crewmembers standing nearby. Just as Anwar was about to leave, Simon called out to me,causing Anwar to stop.

"Blue."

"Hmm."

"I'm waiting for your answer, okay?" Simon smiled charmingly, while I froze, stiff as a board,because Anwar was standing nearby and I knew he'd hear everything.

"You can text me anytime."

"Yeah, okay," I replied briefly. That was enough to make Simon look pleased.

Anwar just watched silently. He said nothing more, only nodding to Simon as a final farewellbefore striding out of the room.

We didn't speak at all on the way out, until we reached his pearl-white Tesla. The lowhip-hop music, the air conditioning, and the silence between us-I registered every detail,feeling a slight tension in the confined space.

"Tired?" I initiated the conversation.

A slow exhale. Anwar turned to meet my gaze and simply nodded. "Tired." (nagcclos talaga ean)

"Then should we just go home? Let you get some rest."

"Don't you want to see the movie anymore?"

"No, I do, but I don't want to bother you."

Anwar raised an eyebrow. He blinked slowly a couple of times in the silence before lettingout a long sigh. "I made you wait so long, I'm not letting you wait for nothing."

"But...don't you want to rest...?" I asked in return. If he was tired, I didn't want to keep himbusy doing this and that, like I'd seen so many others do to Anwar-Kit coming to his house,or Ashley trying to get him to stay the night after a party.

I didn't want Anwar to feel pressured like that.

"I'm resting right now," Anwar offered a small smile. The sentence was simple, but his softtone and expression made me feel good. It was as if the butterflies in my stomach weren'tsatisfied; they fluttered towards my lips. I gently stroked Anwar's handsome face with theback of my hand and then he took my hand.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Why...?"

"Need to recharge," he replied succinctly.

His beautiful eyes sparkled as our fingers interlaced. I sat there like melting wax, lettingAnwar press kisses to the back of my hand. His request came unexpectedly. When Inodded, his handsome face leaned in, his lips tracing my collarbone, then my cheek, andfinally my lips.

Light kisses, gentle sucking of my lips-Anwar playfully teased me, licking my lower lipbefore deepening the kiss, pausing, then gently caressing our lips together. His playfulteasing was driving me crazy, making me want more.

"Mmm," I moaned, raising my hand to lock around his warm neck and deepening the kissmyself.

A soft chuckle. Finally, Anwar fully kissed me. His warm tongue intertwined with mine,teasing and sucking, eliciting a sigh. My body felt light, as if I no longer felt my arms or legs,only his lips pressed against mine and the strong hand that cupped my face.

His lips pressed against my neck, lightly biting my skin, sending a shiver through me.

"Getting close to him, huh, Simon?" Anwar murmured, his touch on my neck never ceasing.

"Not really," I caught my breath, clutching Anwar's shirt in my hand as his touch heated mybody.

"But you exchanged numbers," I closed my eyes. He'd heard our conversation, no doubtabout it.

"He invited me out...on a date," I admitted, finally opening my eyes, wanting to see Anwar'sexpression. He simply paused, then pressed his face against my shoulder.

"Oh?"

"Mmm," I mumbled. Anwar's warm body pressed close; I could feel his warm breath on myskin. "Should I go?"

Anwar was silent for several seconds before lifting his head and looking deeply into my eyes.Instead of answering my question, he asked, "Do you want to go?"

This time, I fell silent. I didn't know if I wanted to go or not. Simon was fun to talk to; Ienjoyed our conversations, and a trip with him would undoubtedly be fun. But it was a date.For some reason, I wanted Anwar's opinion, and I wanted to see his reaction to Simon'sinvitation, even though we weren't together.

Did I want to go?

What I really wanted to know was if Anwar wanted me to go.

"What do you think?" Having no answer to my own question, I countered.

Anwar pursed his lips. He seemed to be searching for something in my eyes. His gaze wasserious, searching, and mixed with an emotion I couldn't quite define.

Anwar's eyes conveyed a multitude of emotions, yet remained inscrutable; it was impossibleto know exactly what he was thinking.

"I think it's your choice. If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't go. It's yourdecision. I wouldn't dare interfere."

"..."

Despite his calm tone and seemingly normal expression, I felt like a schoolboy being scoldedby a teacher. I wanted to reach out and beg him to change the subject. I didn't want todiscuss this with him anymore.

"The answer is in the question I asked you. Do you want to go?"

"I'll think about it," I said, avoiding a direct answer. It wasn't that I truly needed to think itover. I enjoyed talking to Simon, but that didn't mean I wanted to go on a date with him inthat context. If he'd simply said, "Let's grab a beer and pizza, like new friends..." I probablywould have said yes instantly.

Anwar's eyes darkened at my response, but he quickly blinked and returned to his usualexpression. However, throughout the rest of our outing, Anwar was unusually quiet andsubdued, as if preoccupied by something.

I just wanted to know what Anwar thought about this. He might be annoyed that I wassocializing with his model friend. Right now, I was willing to consider any explanation exceptthat Anwar was jealous. He wasn't jealous at all, not even a little, despite the many times inthe past he'd acted like he was.

When we got home, the sounds of a video game drifted down from upstairs. Anwar lookedsurprised, because he'd just told me Jasper might not be back for a few days. It must havebeen Ruby and Hazel, then. Anwar led the way upstairs, but we both stopped short when wesaw someone else - a man I'd never seen before.

The tall figure was sprawled across the large sofa, a game controller in his hands - thesource of the noise. He had dark brown skin, dark eyebrows and hair that complemented hisfeatures: double eyelids, a high nose bridge, and well-defined, slightly full lips. He wore ablack t-shirt under a dark bomber jacket and dark trousers. He was incredibly attractive andhandsome.

While I was still trying to figure out who this person was and how he'd gotten into theapartment to play video games, Anwar spoke first.

"Jordan."

The stranger turned sharply. He smirked, rapidly tapping the controller three or four moretimes before finally pausing the game. Standing, he seemed a bit taller than Anwar.

Jordan... his name sounded familiar, but I couldn't place where I'd heard it.

"My dear friend..." Jordan's smile widened as he bent down, then lunged at Anwar, wrappingan arm around his waist. Anwar quickly bent his knees to keep his balance. They looked liketwo wrestlers trying to throw each other in a WWE match.

"You didn't say you were coming back," Anwar said, pushing Jordan away forcefully.

"Do you know I dropped my phone off a cliff? Even if I missed you guys terribly, there's noway I'm going into the ocean to retrieve it," Jordan glanced at me, his dark eyebrows slightlyraised.

"This is Blue, the person staying in the room while you were gone. Blue, this is Jordan Hill,my roommate."

I smiled and offered my hand, still completely bewildered. Jordan owned the room I wasstaying in? As far as I remembered, he wasn't supposed to be back until next semester.

"I'm back, but you can keep sleeping in that room. How much time is left anyway? I cansleep on the sofa in the meantime," Jordan said, strolling back to collapse onto the sofa. Iturned to meet Anwar's gaze.

What am I supposed to do...?

Anwar didn't say anything else. He took all his things to the bedroom before coming out toprepare cocktails at the counter.

"Should I really let him sleep on the sofa?" I walked closer to Anwar.

"Jordan sleeps on the sofa all the time, even when he has his own bedroom... What do youwant to do? Move out to give him back the room?"

"I don't know, but it feels like it's always been his room," Anwar nodded, resting his elbowson the counter and leaning closer. His well-shaped lips curved into a beautiful smile.

"Want to sleep in my room instead?"

"You mean... sleep in your room every night...?"

"Yeah, sleep in my room every night until you go back," his warm fingers gently brushed myhair. "So we can cuddle every day. Sounds good?"

"You're just sweet-talking me," I frowned. "You don't want to cuddle me every day."

"How do you know?: I pursed my lips.

If he really wanted to cuddle every day, he'd at least have a more substantive opinion aboutmy going on a date than just, 'If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't go.'

I'm being ridiculous, and I know it.

I'm trying to demand something the other person doesn't need to give, and I'm annoyed withmyself for being like this. I like Anwar, but that doesn't mean Anwar has to do everything Iwant, say everything I want to hear, to appease me.

Because I know all this, I'm trying to suppress my feelings. Meanwhile, Anwar doesn't seemto be thinking anything at all, and the more he's like that, the more I have to try to stop beingridiculous myself, right?

I don't want to be Kit, I don't want to be Helena or Ashley. I don't want to be anyone whofeels let down by Anwar and becomes someone he finds annoying.

"I'm going out. I'm going to buy a few things," I changed the subject, trying not to show anyunusual expression or tone of voice that he might pick up on.

"Should I take you?"

"It's okay. You should stay with Jordan. He just got back. I'll..." I let Anwar lightly caress mycheek. He was examining my expression. When I met his gaze directly and smiled slightly atthe corner of my mouth, Anwar nodded and pulled his hand away.

"Okay."

"Mm-hmm," I hummed in response, taking long strides out of the building with a heavyfeeling in my chest. It was just an excuse. I didn't want to buy anything. Maybe a half-hourwalk would help clear my head.

I strolled along until I reached Parsons, then walked further, winding my way past smallrestaurants, eventually reaching Washington Square Park. My thoughts swirled aroundmany things. I don't know how genuine that invitation was. It might have just been aflirtatious remark Anwar said casually. And Simon... maybe I should text him to decline andapologize. I already talked to Anwar; I'm the one who asked him to spend more time with meand not date other people in front of me. It would be pretty ironic if I were to do that after heagreed.

"Don't be silly. Our relationship is fine now."

I spent time walking and listening to music on my phone; halfway through an album, all thegloomy feelings disappeared. I stood up and hurried home.

It didn't take long if I walked the main street without meandering like I did on the way there. Itapped my card and pushed through the glass door. The smell of cigarettes hit my nose assoon as I reached the stairs, as did the sound of Anwar and Jordan talking.

"Relationships are complicated. Look at you, running all the way to South Africa just becausethings didn't go your way."

"So, what's the verdict? While I was gone, you didn't seriously like anyone?"

"Do we have to talk about this now?" Anwar asked calmly, as I paused to listen.

It was bad to eavesdrop, but Jordan's question made my heart skip a beat. It piqued mycuriosity as well.

"Yeah, we already talked about my pathetic love life. Why don't we talk about yours?"

I pursed my lips, my hand lingering on the brick wall as I waited silently for Anwar's answer.My expectations soared.

And if I had known the answer beforehand, I would have slowed down a bit so I wouldn'thave to hear it.

"I like a lot of people. There's no one in particular."

I took a deep breath. Disappointment washed over me like a tidal wave. I didn't know what Iexpected just now. Did I hope he'd say he liked me?

I swallowed hard before descending the stairs with slow, quiet steps.

A cool breeze from outside caressed my face as I tried to soothe my heavy heart. It seemedlike a fitting answer for Anwar; I shouldn't have doubted him in the first place.

Everything we did together was just like how Anwar treated everyone else.

The word "possessive," the declaration that he wanted to hug only me...it had nothing to dowith liking or disliking someone. I heard him say it myself.

Don't feel more than this...don't feel more than this...

Maybe it would be better if I didn't let myself sink into having expectations of Anwar. It wouldonly make both of us feel bad when things didn't go as hoped.

I fell silent, thinking. The decision came quickly before I picked up my phone and dialed.Nervousness was overshadowed by the need to escape the heaviness in my chest.

The other end answered.

"Hello there, beautiful. I didn't think you'd call."

"Simon, I... want to go out."






..









..











Anwar's pov:


"That's how it was. I drank so heavily I didn't even have the strength to vomit. I talked aboutlife, about some crazy things about love with them, and then, when I woke up, it was allgone. Like all the pain I felt just vanished. I think if Vanessa had appeared then, I couldhave easily pretended not to see her."

I nodded, listening to Jordan recount his fight with Vanessa that led him to flee all the way toSouth Africa. He seemed normal now, strong and not as unhinged as when I'd seen him offat the airport, which was good.

"Does Jasper know you're back?"

"I haven't contacted anyone. I only realized how important a phone is when I couldn'tremember anyone's number except my mom's. I don't want to talk about this. Tell me aboutyour love life instead."

"Love life?"

"Are you dating anyone?"

"I don't plan on doing that anytime soon. Relationships are complicated. Look at you, you ranall the way to South Africa just because things didn't go your way."

"So, to summarize, while I was gone, you weren't seriously into anyone?" Jordan gave asweet smile, the kind he used when he thought he knew something.

No matter how I denied it, if Jordan wanted to know, he'd be annoyingly persistent until hegot an answer.

"I like a lot of people. There's no one in particular," I replied calmly, maintaining eye contact.This time Jordan laughed loudly, raising an eyebrow and pointing a finger at me. "Liar! Youcan't fool me. I've been your friend for ten years. You know I once spent a year just surfingin Phuket and Bali. 'Come sleep in my room instead, so I can hug you every day.' You don'tsay that to other people easily, to everyone you claim to like!"

I smirked. It was exactly as I expected. Jordan wouldn't bring this up unless he'd accidentallyseen or heard something.

"You already know, why ask again?"

"Because I'm excited, and it's more fun to make you admit it yourself, directly. Can't you see?It looks like someone's starting to fall in love."

I threw a pillow at him hard out of annoyance. "You talk like you're such an expert on love.""Why? I fell in love for the first time before I even weaned off the bottle," Jordan smirked,catching the pillow and holding it to his chest. "And why is your heart looking for moretrouble? Why pick someone so far away?"

I fell silent, thinking. Actually, I hadn't thought that far ahead.

I like Blue, but I don't know if this liking will develop into something more. The fact that he'snot here and is going back to Thailand bothers me, to a certain extent.

It would be a shame to lose him when I'm starting to feel this strongly, to let it go withoutdoing anything.

But my worries about Bella and Jamie still affect me. I don't want to hurt Blue like I hurt them,and that's why I haven't been able to fully commit like before.

My two past mistakes have made me think twice before doing anything.

"Bangkok isn't that far away," I replied briefly.

No matter where it is, it's not far away. Just knowing whether I love them or not is enough.But how do I truly know? What distinguishes love from really liking someone, frominfatuation?

"Looks like I'll have a surfing buddy on my next trip."

"I haven't thought that far ahead," I shook my head, raising my glass of liquor to my lips,while Jordan smiled slyly, contrasting with the serious glint in his eyes.

"Are you still hung up on those two...? You know, love isn't that complicated. It's not ascience problem you need to solve. Just do what you want to do. Whether you're in love ornot is just the result."

"..."

"At this rate, you'll probably fall in love in your next life."