Volume 9, Chapter 58 – Lin

Night fell.

Moonlight draped a deep blue veil over the late autumn earth. All things fell into tranquility. With winter approaching, even nocturnal creatures that would usually be restless were now obediently hidden underground or in tree hollows.

Leaning by the window, feeling the night’s serenity, Lin stared blankly at the silver-drenched nightscape.

Unlike the hibernating creatures, Lin’s heart was far from calm; it was tormented. A searing pain, like walking barefoot on red-hot iron, interrogated her ceaselessly.

It all stemmed from the Gospel she saw that morning.

Thinking of this, Lin’s heart clenched again. The hand resting on the windowsill unconsciously tightened, causing the sturdy wood to emit an unpleasant creaking sound.

The Gospel’s next instruction is to execute Red and Purple on the city walls.

Utterly absurd.

Even Lin couldn’t help but feel indignant upon seeing such guidance. Following the Gospel’s guidance and how one viewed that guidance were two different things. The Gospel could order her to kill, but she would contemplate the reason behind its actions and the meaning of her own deeds while doing so.

In the past, everyone could guess the reasoning behind each of the Gospel’s steps. For example, sending the Hero to the Fairy homeland for trials was to prepare for obtaining the Dryad’s Nectar from the Dyrad in Taris later, enhancing the trio’s strength to facilitate the liberation of their new companion, the God-Forged Angel Laxyphinia. Or, executing the bishop who caused the disaster in Gota City was to appease the residents’ anger and dispel the Hels Kingdom’s hostility towards the Divine Religion. After that came the liberation of the world dragon’s head and the assassination plan against Alice; the former was to create a favorable environment for the latter, which in turn would throw the Kingdom into chaos, creating an opportunity for the Empire to invade the Ymir territory.

As for the reason for creating conditions favorable to the Empire, it was to unite humanity before the calamity arrived. In every instruction, the Gospel held an absolutely correct position. Even if unpleasant events accompanied the process—the fall of the Kingdom and the Ymir Church—compared to the extinction of entire civilizations, it was merely like a lizard shedding its tail.

However, recently, the Gospel’s commands had become inscrutable. Even she, the Hero who must obey its guidance, began to question its choices.

Faced with the Imperial attack, not only did it forbid the Divine Religion from retreating from the Duchy of Chloe, but it even sent Red and Purple on a suicide mission. Setting aside personal feelings, Red and Purple, as the Hero’s attendants, were supposed to fight alongside the Hero against the future calamity. From any perspective, there was no explanation for why the Gospel would send them to their deaths. Their assassination couldn’t change anything.

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Taking a huge step back, suppose the Gospel sending Red and Purple to assassinate the Emperor was for the sake of the distant future, and Lin simply lacked the full picture, making it inscrutable. Then the next two instructions could only be described as utterly absurd.

First, ordering Lin to abandon the defense of the Ducal Capital and head into Imperial territory to destroy their baggage train. Then, now, ordering the barely-survived Red and Purple to be sent to their deaths again—and in front of the Duchy’s soldiers and the Imperial soldiers, executed by their own side. Such a tragic act, detrimental to morale… no matter how Lin tried to think from the Gospel’s perspective, how she tried to justify it, she couldn’t find any benefit.

A few minutes ago, she even thought perhaps the Gospel was broken, or had made a slight error, needing someone to help adjust it. After all, even the wisest person makes misjudgments. Although the Gospel wasn’t an emotional being, who could guarantee its guidance was infallible?

Then, Lin herself negated her own thoughts.

She realized the problem wasn’t with the Gospel, but with herself.

Someone who believes in the Gospel executes its commands unconditionally. She used to be like that. But now, when the Gospel’s guidance conflicted with her personal feelings, she chose to side with her friends. Because she couldn’t accept the outcome of losing her friends, she evasively blamed the Gospel, thinking it was the one at fault.

But strangely, even knowing now that the problem lay with her, she couldn’t adjust herself. All she needed to do was hand the Gospel to Atwood. Upon seeing its contents, Atwood would naturally pass judgment on Red and Purple. Red and Purple, upon learning their fate, would also accept it unconditionally—just like when they went to assassinate the Emperor. They had long been prepared for this day. However, she couldn’t bring herself to take that step. She was unwilling to hand the Gospel to Atwood. To prevent Red and Purple from knowing its contents, she even refused to meet them.

As the Hero, bearing the wishes of the dead, destined to save the future… having come this far, yet now hesitating, unable to take a single step forward… in the eyes of others, it must seem quite ironic. Lin unconsciously gritted her teeth, her features twisting ferociously. But the fact was, even so, she was genuinely unwilling to let her friends die again. Even knowing that refusing the Gospel’s command would lead to more sacrifices, she simply refused to execute it. The meaning of existence that once seemed irreplaceable now felt like a flower in a mirror or the moon in water—visible but unattainable, something very distant.

Yisi’s words echoed in her mind. Lin murmured as if delirious.

“They have already fulfilled their duty to the Gospel. Their lives now belong to Yisi… Since they are no longer followers of the Divine Religion, there is naturally no reason for them to sacrifice for the Gospel. The Gospel has no authority to command them…”

That’s why she let Red and Purple go far away. If they were outside the Divine Religion’s sphere of influence, even if others in the church wanted to capture them, they wouldn’t have the power.

“But if that’s the case… should I still sit in the savior’s position…?”

Lin bit her lip gently. After deciding to let Red and Purple go, an indescribable emptiness and terror enveloped her heart like a giant hand reaching out from the darkness.

Admittedly, Lin wasn’t wrong. Red and Purple had fulfilled their duty to the Gospel. Within the Divine Religion, they were considered dead; they shouldn’t sacrifice themselves for it again. But from an outsider’s perspective, no matter how Lin let them go, it meant she had betrayed the Gospel. And someone who betrayed the Gospel no longer had the right to be the savior. Furthermore, the sacrifices of the Divine Religion predecessors, who gave their lives so Lin could control her power, were now all in vain. Lin had failed their expectations. Lin had abandoned the savior’s responsibility.

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Just thinking about the kindness those predecessors showed her made Lin’s heart ache as if pierced by a knife. She, the savior, had defied the Gospel’s command. This conflict with her beliefs left Lin bewildered.

“The meaning of action…”

Taking a deep breath, then slowly exhaling, Lin’s mind replayed Yisi’s words.

Why exactly do I act for the Gospel?

On the night after her failed raid on the Imperial camp, Yisi had asked her this question with rare seriousness.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about why she acted for the Gospel before. But every time she pondered, the answer was the same—it was her duty as the savior. Since she occupied the savior’s position, she should exercise the savior’s responsibilities. As the savior, she had to act to save more innocent people. As Lin, she had to act for the martyred predecessors of the Divine Religion.

But now, she could no longer say these words out loud. Everything Yisi had said during their arguments now echoed like demonic whispers in her mind, swirling incessantly, impossible to shake off.

Do I truly have the grand wish to save more people?

If it could be done without any cost, her answer would surely be ‘yes.’ But everything comes at a price. Then what reason made her willing to pay that price?

Bitterness surfaced on her slightly scaled face.

After digging down to the root like this, the answer was already obvious.

The fundamental reason for her actions was simply to face those predecessors who placed their hopes of salvation in her, to ensure their deaths weren’t in vain. They were like souls attached to her, constantly supervising, urging her on, telling her not to rest, not to stop, to act for their wishes, for the salvation of the future.

Under such motivation, the statement ‘not following the Gospel’s will only leads to more deaths’ became a self-comforting excuse. To avoid excessive psychological burden when killing, to prevent the entity named Lin from hesitating, it was cloaked in righteousness—I kill for the future of the continent. Such an excuse made even heinous acts seem just, even dazzling.

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But ultimately, it was just an excuse, not her true inner thoughts. Therefore, once faced with external force, it crumbled like a sandcastle, collapsing easily. And the so-called external force was when the ‘price’ became the people around her.

When the Gospel commanded Red and Purple to go to the Empire and assassinate Adonis, she merely felt something being gouged out from her heart, not realizing the deeper emotions. Therefore, she didn’t try to stop them back then. But now, the reunion with Red and Purple and the Gospel’s renewed command made her realize just what a despicable and selfish being she was.

She simply had no wish to save the continent. Everything she did was merely to provide a satisfactory answer to those predecessors who placed their hopes in her, who became undead because of her. So when the ones to be sacrificed became people related to her, her heart wished those close to her wouldn’t die. She hadn’t inherited the predecessors’ grand aspirations. In reality, she was just a selfish, insignificant thing, constantly talking about saving the future but actually just being pushed along by others.

The person named Lin was no savior at all. Or rather, she never possessed the qualifications to become one.

“…Hah.”

Lin looked up at the night sky.

Perhaps she shouldn’t remain in the savior’s position anymore.

Someone forced into this position merely by the deaths of others, inherently cowardly and incompetent, did not deserve such a grand title.

“But those killed by my own hand under the Gospel’s guidance, who became stepping stones to the future… will their sacrifices become meaningless?”

Unacceptable.

If their deaths were meaningless, then her actions back then were no different from a murderer’s. No, even if their deaths were meaningful, she was still a sinner whose hands were stained with blood. The so-called savior was just a clown cloaked in the name of justice. This truth made Lin mock herself.

Abruptly, a thought flashed through her mind.

If the savior could achieve peace by sacrificing herself, how wonderful that would be.

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“No… a true savior should be like this. The savior should be the only one sacrificed. What happened, what is happening, and what will happen… everything is too absurd.”

Whether it was providing a satisfactory answer to those who placed their hopes in her, atoning for the sins of those she killed, or the responsibility of being the savior—if she disappeared from this world, then everything would be resolved. This war began because of her existence; it should also end with her death. If she disappeared, then she would have both fulfilled the mission a savior should complete and not failed those who placed their hopes in her.

The moment this thought settled, Lin suddenly felt a warmth at her waist.

It was the sign of magic flowing through her body. She kept the Gospel tucked at her waist. In other words, the Gospel had issued an instruction. Lin had previously prayed to it for a method to deal with the Empire. Therefore, when the Gospel deemed it necessary to proceed to the next step, it would provide the answer in real-time.

Very familiarly, Lin took the Gospel from her waist. But this time, she completely omitted the prayers she used to offer when consulting it, instead opening it directly.

Having defied its guidance, having resolved to refuse sacrificing Red and Purple… perhaps I can no longer see the words on it clearly now. Yet even so, Lin looked at the page with a sliver of hope. Unlike the previous two times, the display this time was exceptionally clear. The words on it could be understood by anyone literate.

Lin froze for a moment, then a smile uncontrollably appeared on her face. All the various emotions that had been churning in her chest—sorrow, guilt, confusion, apology—were swept away in an instant. Like a fugitive captured after years on the run finally feeling the stone in their heart drop, Lin felt an unprecedented lightness. She exhaled sharply and snapped the Gospel shut with a ‘pa’.

This way, the savior will have fulfilled her due obligations, and at the same time, not defied the Gospel’s guidance. The entity named Lin had followed the Gospel from beginning to end. She was cowardly and selfish, but she hadn’t forgotten her duty.

Tucking the Gospel back at her waist, Lin raised her head again, gazing at the bright moon in the sky above. She began to feel that no day’s moon had ever been as captivating as today’s. Under the moonlight, a soul-stirring smile hung on her slightly scaled face.

“Well then, should I go do what needs to be done?”

Not as the savior, but as Lin.

“Can’t leave any regrets.”

Her voice faded into the moonlit corridor.