Chapter 4: Wataru VS the Third Master! The High-Steaks Cook-off!!!

Time skip to six AM the next morning, which is still plenty early!! Wataru was thinking back on the events of the Ultimate Rock Band Tournament while doing push-ups in a room filled with workout equipment!!

“The Hellspawn Slaughterers... They were humans, but they worshiped the Demon Lord with all their hearts! It’s scary how charismatic the Demon Lord is!” Wataru switched to squats! He continued talking to himself even as he knocked out 10 squats a second! “Seeing that the Demon Lord has his minions in the Sky Kingdom, too, there’s not much time to lose! We have to take down the Demon Lord, fast...! All right, let’s go!!” Wataru jumped out of the room!

He immediately dragged Aria and Résistance out of bed, and the trio departed from the Sky Kingdom with utmost enthusiasm!

“Oh, right! The Demon Lord! I forgot all about him! Ha ha ha ha!” Aria heartily laughed after two hours of walking! Our Dear Readers must be in complete astonishment that our main heroine had completely forgotten about her kidnapped parents! Aria was getting more and more unpredictable with every chapter!

Three hours had passed since they left the Sky Kingdom, and the forest opened up to a vast wasteland!

“Woah... Now that’s a change in scenery...!” Wataru commented!

“Sure is...” Aria agreed! “I’ve never come this far!”

Résistance turned to them with a serious expression! “Listen up, you two. We still have a long journey ahead to the Demon Lord’s castle, not to mention that there are two more Masters. We have to keep our guard up.”

“Yeah!!!” Wataru agreed, his face contorted like a Nio!

“Résistance, can’t you at least tell us what powers the other two Masters have?” Aria asked! “You were one of them, so you have to know that much.”

Résistance shook her head! “Like I’ve said before, I’m not completely on your side. Just neutral. My moral code prohibits me from helping you like that. Besides...”

“Besides... what?” Aria prodded!

“I don’t know the other two’s powers.”

Wataru and Aria couldn’t conceal their shock!

“R-Résistance... Did the other Masters bully you!?” Aria asked, tears in her eyes!

Wataru shook with anger! “You poor, poor thing...! They never let you play in their Four Master games, did they!? That’s why you don’t know their powers!!”

“No, I wasn’t! No! No!” Résistance vehemently denied it, blushing slightly.

“It’s all right, Résistance. You don’t have to hide it from us! We all have painful memories!”

“Aria, stop! Stop being so serious about it! I wasn’t bullied or anything; the other two have never revealed their true forms.”

Wataru frowned! “‘Never revealed their true forms’...!?!?!? What does that mean!?!?!?”

“The remaining two Masters can both change their appearances with magic. They always kept their true forms a secret, and concealed their powers from the other Masters. Whenever there was a Four Master meeting or karaoke party, they showed up as different monsters each time.”

“Karaoke party...?” Aria repeated, intrigued! Unfortunately for her, that has nothing to do with the main story! We certainly don’t have enough pages to allow ourselves to be sidetracked by such musical frivolity!

“Okay! It just means they kept their secrets hidden, right!?!?” Wataru summarized!

“That’s the gist of it. So, I don’t know their powers, or even what species they are.”

“Keeping your cards close to your chest is one of the basics of fighting!!!”

Wataru was right! The most important aspect in combat was not measurable strength, but information! The difference between knowing and not knowing what martial arts one’s opponent is using and what they’re capable of can completely turn one’s chances of winning a fight around! Therefore, concealing the true extent of one’s power is a cardinal rule—one that the remaining two Masters strictly abided by!

Aria rubbed her empty stomach! “Is anyone else hungry...?” she muttered! In truth, the trio had not stopped to eat anything during their three-hour journey out of the Sky Kingdom!

“I sure am!!!” bellowed Wataru! “But, Aria, there’s no way we’re going to find a place to eat out here in this wasteland—”

“Look, a restaurant!” Aria interrupted, pointing at a large restaurant.

“H-How!?!?”

Incredibly, there was a charming wooden establishment right there that none of them had noticed until now! It was the sort of place that would typically get an average of four and a half stars on review sites!

Résistance stared at the building. “That’s suspiciously convenient... Oh, well. I’m starving, too. Let’s take a break.”

“Then it’s settled!!!”

The trio put on some real speed and hustled over to the restaurant!

They walked into the restaurant through the wooden front door. The interior was conservatively and tastefully decorated, but there were no other patrons to be found!

“Excuse me!” Aria called out!

A man somewhere in his fifties came out through the door to the back of the restaurant, rushing like a whirlwind at a speed of 20 km/h! He appeared to be the chef.

“Yes, yes. Welcome,” he said with a friendly smile. “Right this way, please! May I take your order?”

As the party sat at a table, the chef brought over a set of menus.

“What will you have, Wataru?” Aria asked.

“I can’t read!!!!!!!!!!!”

Once again, allow me to explain that Wataru could not read the language of this world! Then how can he understand their language when it’s spoken? I hear you ask!! We don’t have time to go into that, Dear Readers!!! You may read this book from cover to cover a hundred times over (please do) and this mystery will never be solved!!!!

“I’m good with anything,” Résistance offered.

“I’ll take whatever!” Wataru joined in.

“Three sandwiches, please,” Aria decided for them! How kind of her!

“Coming right up.” The chef returned into the kitchen.

A few minutes passed! The trio were playing with Aria’s Payblades, which she had brought with her from the Sky Kingdom, when the chef brought out the sandwiches on a large platter!

“Three sandwiches.”

“Whoa, those look good!” Wataru said admiringly, starting to put away his Payblade!

Aria reached out to stop him! “Hold on, Wataru! Our match isn’t over! My Hyper Dragoon Shining Cerberus R can still spin!”

Résistance scoffed! “Hmph! You’re no match for my Burning Drive M (Final Battle of Darkness Edition)!”

Aria and Résistance each showed off their Payblades with the simple enthusiasm of schoolchildren comparing some rocks they found.

Wataru ignored them and raised his hands to put them together in the Japanese expression of thanks before eating. “Thank you for this meal!!!!!”

Boooooooooooooommmmm!!!!!

There was a thunderous noise as Wataru’s steel-hard hands generated a shockwave that blasted into the ears of everyone in the restaurant!

“It got really quiet in here all of a sudden,” Aria said, before noticing the spray of blood coming from her ears! “...Oh, my eardrums blew out.” She immediately understood what had happened and healed her eardrums with magic! “Come on, Wataru! Don’t do stuff like that without warning us first!”

“Oh, my bad!!”

Wataru’s overwhelming gratitude for his daily bread had erupted in a sonic boom when he put his hands together!!! Now, he took one of the sandwiches and took a big manly bite!

Chrghghoooompppp!!!!!

“How do you like it, Wataru?” Aria asked as she stuffed her Payblade into her pocket!

What did Wataru have to say about it!?!? Let us find out, Dear Readers!!

“...Yeah! This sandwich is totally delic-bragharalghglagghrghakgjhgaklragh!!!!!!!!!!”

H-How could this be!? Wataru suddenly began foaming at the mouth and fell to the floor! I can hear the collective GASP of our Dear Readers!!! Aria and Résistance were startled, too!

“A-Are you all right, Wataru!? Hey!” Résistance shook the fallen Wataru, but he didn’t respond!

The chef burst into laughter! “Mwahahahaha! You fell right into my trap!”

Résistance jumped out of her seat! “Y-You don’t really work here, do you!?” She put a hand on the sword at her hip!

“Correct! My real identity is... Cyclops John, third of the Four Masters!” His face distorted like a rapidly deflating balloon!

“M-Magic...!” Aria shouted in the shock of her realization!

That’s right. He had been disguising his appearance and age by magic!

“I am no human! I am a cyclops, a species of one-eyed monsters!” Cyclops John revealed his true face! As his name suggested, it was a monstrous form with one large eye! It was terrifying how the lone eyeball moved around! Cyclops John had blue skin and a barrel chest covered in a white apron and chef’s hat!

“Cyclops John... I’ve heard his name, but I never expected him to be a cyclops... What a masterful disguise...!” Beads of cold sweat dripped down the face of Résistance, the ex-Master! For the sake of our protagonists, she really should have made the connection before this point!

“Heh heh heh... I’ve heard about you, Résistance. That Wataru kid kicked your ass, so you betrayed the Demon Lord.”

“Hmph! I haven’t betrayed anyone! I’m strictly neutral!”

Cyclops John scoffed! “We’ll see about that! But the deed is already done. I expected you to come this way, and placed my brilliant Restaurant Trap. I poisoned the sandwich Wataru just ate with enough to kill a grown man in seconds.”

“Did you really!?!?!?” Wataru asked!

“Indeed, I did,” Cyclops John gloated.

“By the way, Cyclops John. Do you call yourself ‘Cyclops John,’ or is that what everyone else calls you?”

“‘Cyclo’ is my first name and ‘Psjohn’ is my last name. I’m Cyclo Psjohn.”

“That’s amazing!! Nice to meet you!!!” Wataru held out his hand to shake.

“Likewise!” Cyclo Psjohn reached out to shake hands, then did a double take. “ ...What!? How are you still alive!?”

Wataru had recovered without anyone noticing!

“Heh, I’ve got Supersonic Digestion! Your little poison didn’t even give me a stomachache!!”

Allow me to explain! Supersonic Digestion is a totally legitimate martial arts move!

(*Supersonic Digestion — A move invented by a certain karate fighter in the early Edo era. The standards for food quality were much lower back then, and fatal food poisoning was not a rare occurrence. This move strengthens the user’s stomach acid to the point of digesting any food (and toxic materials) in an instant. Learning this move requires an incredibly durable stomach lining. It isn’t for everyone [7].)

Wataru held up his fists! “All right, Psjohn! You’re gonna get what you deserve!”

Psjohn cried out in protest! “W-Wait, Wataru! I really am a chef, I can’t fight!”

“What!? Then how are you one of the Four Masters!?”

“I used to be the head chef of the Demon Lord’s castle! Since the Demon Lord suffers from diabetes, I worked hard to provide him with a diabetes-friendly diet! One day, he appointed me one of the Four Masters!”

“You just got the job through your connections!” Résistance shouted!

“So if we’re going to do battle, it should be a chefs’ battle! Fight me in a cook-off instead!” Psjohn declared!

“That’s fine by me!!” Wataru agreed instantly!

“How is that fine!?” Aria was astounded!!!

Remember, Dear Readers, as a hot-blooded hardcore Japanese teen, Wataru could never turn his back on a challenge!

“But how do we do a cook-off???”

“We have the perfect judge right here,” Psjohn said, pointing at Résistance!

“Huh? Me!?”

“She is an ex-Master, but she’s declared herself neutral now! I’m sure her judgment of our cook-off will be fair and square!”

“That makes sense!” It made complete sense to Wataru!

“Good, then let us begin!” Psjohn declared!

“Why me...?” Résistance sighed, exhausted.

Having decided through completely sound reasoning to settle their battle with a cook-off, Wataru, Psjohn, Aria, and Résistance moved to the restaurant’s kitchen! Wataru had expected to see an archaic kitchen, but he was greeted by a stainless steel sink and large stovetop! Wataru could probably work his way around these appliances!

“No fancy rules,” Psjohn explained. “Make any dish you want, using the food in the kitchen.”

“All right!!!” Wataru accepted!

“You can do it, Wataru!” Aria didn’t forget to cheer him on!

“Let the cook-off begin!”

Wataru gave a quick glance at the foods laid out on a table, and turned to Aria!

“Aria! I have no knowledge about the food of this world! Tell me what these ingredients are!!”

“Okay!”

“Well, first off... What’s this blue ball, about the size of a baby’s head???”

“Dragon egg!”

“This gross blob of meat!?”

“Roasted Orc arm!”

“What about this brown and lanky fruit!?”

“Wind Lemon, the main produce of this region!”

“...They all sound disgusting!!!” Wataru shouted in dismay!

It was terrifying how foreign every single one of these foods seemed to Wataru! He couldn’t even imagine how each of them would taste! Wataru wondered if this was what culture shock felt like!! But then, Wataru found something he recognized!

“Is-Is that... white rice!?”

Indeed! In the corner of the table stacked full with bizarre foods, Wataru found a bowl of freshly cooked white rice!

“Oh, that bowl of rice? Not a lot of people eat it in the Sky Kingdom, but I hear that it’s the main source of food in some continents.”

“Really!!”

A ray of light in the darkness! What an absolute stroke of luck! With that bowl of white rice that shone bright like diamonds, Wataru had a chance!

“So, Wataru. What are you going to make?”

“Mm. I’m going to make chahan with this bowl of rice!!”

Aria wasn’t familiar with that word! “Chahan...? What kind of food is that?”

“You’ll see!”

With reckless abandon, Wataru cracked the blue egg into an empty bowl! To his relief, the yolk was yellow, just like a chicken’s egg! While Wataru still didn’t know what a dragon egg would taste like, Résistance would be the one eating the dish, so he didn’t really care!

“Grrrrrrgaghghaghralragh!!!!!”

Wataru put all of his might into stirring the egg using a pair of chopsticks at supersonic speed, far exceeding the performance of any electric mixer. Once the egg was sufficiently scrambled, he oiled a frying pan and put it on the stove before tossing the rice in it! The scent of savory fried rice filled the kitchen!

“All right! Now we’re talking!” Wataru deftly maneuvered the pan to evenly stir-fry the rice before pouring in the scrambled dragon egg! So far, so good! But now, a huge obstacle revealed itself before Chef Wataru!!! “Oh!!!!!!!!!! Crap!!!!!!!!!!” Wataru nearly shouted the roof off!!!!!

“What’s wrong, Wataru?” Aria was absolutely disgusted by the fact that Wataru screamed about excrement in the middle of a cookoff!

“Damn!!!!!!!!! There’s not enough heat!!!!!!!!!!”

Indeed! There was not enough heat! Allow me to explain to those among our Dear Readers who are not avid cooks. Chahan, or stir-fried rice, relies on rapidly cooking the ingredients on high heat! However, the amenities of this restaurant were far inferior to those in a professional Japanese kitchen. The stovetop just wasn’t hot enough!!! At this rate, the rice would become sticky and the chahan would lack that iconic “flakiness.” Even Musashi Miyamoto, the famous dual-wielding historical swordsman has been quoted as saying “If your chahan don’t flake, you made a mistake!” ...I think!

Wataru was in mortal danger! “Rrrrrraggghhhhh! I have no other choice!”

Wataru couldn’t use magic, either! He had no way of using some sort of fire spell to heat his rice! However...! One didn’t have to be a magic user to produce extra heat!!! The man standing in this kitchen right then was capable of producing heat much more powerful than any fire spell!!!!!

“Rbb!!!!!” Wataru shouted, and grabbed the edge of the pan with his left hand!

“W-Wataru!?” Aria was shaken!! What human would grab a burning-hot pan with their bare hand!?!? Never try this at home, kids!!

“If there isn’t enough heat... I’ll have to make more!!!!!”

Behold! Wataru’s left hand appeared to be motionless upon first glance, but if one were to imagine that one’s mind’s eye zoomed in closely on his hand—closer... closer than that... that’s a little too close! Back up! There! That’s close enough!—one could discern through careful observation that it was actually vibrating incredibly rapidly! This move was none other than Hot-Blooded Vibration*, a skill from the Russian fighting style, Systema!!!

(*Hot-Blooded Vibration — A Systema move in which the user vibrates their hand at supersonic speeds to assault their opponent with incredible friction. Legends tell that the fighting masters of arctic Russia warmed their bodies with this move to survive the winters. It goes without saying that this is the first move any student of Systema learns in Russia. [8])

“All right!!! Here’s my chahan!!!”

Just as Wataru plated his chahan, Psjohn called out from across the kitchen! “You finished cooking, Wataru!? My dish has just been plated, too! Let’s see which of us will end up on the chopping block!”

Wataru and Psjohn each brought their dish to the table where Résistance was waiting! The fateful tasting was about to commence!!!

“Mine first.” Psjohn placed his plate before Résistance! The steam of the dish and the enticing scent of melted butter filled the air!

“Ooh, this looks good...” Résistance couldn’t help but lick her chops!!

“An A5 top-cut cerberus steak, seasoned only with butter and a sprinkle of rock salt so as to not overwhelm the luxurious taste of the meat. This perfectly curated culinary experience is my masterpiece, with every detail from the heat to seasoning carried out with exacting detail!” Psjohn proudly rattled on!

Résistance took her fork and knife, and carefully cut a piece off of the steak! Meat juice poured out of the cut! Anyone who saw it couldn’t help but wish to swim in a pool full of that meat juice!!

“Here goes...” Résistance slowly raised the bite-size cut of steak to her mouth! As soon as her lips closed around the steak, Résistance fell speechless!! Then...!!!

Rrrrrrrrrriiiiippppppp!!!!!

How could this be!? Résistance’s clothes were torn to shreds by the sheer deliciousness of this one bite of steak!!!

“Hey! Résistance’s clothes are all torn up!! We can see her midriff now!!!” shouted Wataru!

“Don’t worry, Wataru! Even though her clothes were torn, the important parts are covered!”

Indeed! Résistance’s breasts were covered by her armor. Even though the clothes she wore under it had shredded themselves, nothing had been uncovered that may affect the rating of this book! This is a family-friendly light novel!

“Th-This steak... is amazing! The meat juice strikes my mouth like lightning at every chew! Thanks to the simple seasoning, the layered flavor of the meat directly hits my taste buds!” Résistance was thoroughly impressed!

Psjohn let out a victorious chuckle!!! “Ckckck... I have a chef’s and nutritionist’s license here, in the Wind Continent... No one stands a chance against me when it comes to cooking delicious yet healthy dishes! You were doomed to lose this cookoff from the start, Wataru!”

Still, Wataru did not give up! “The cookoff isn’t over, yet! Résistance! Try my chahan!” He placed the steaming plate of chahan before Résistance!

“All right. I’ve never had this chahan before... But here goes.” Résistance picked up a spoon and took a bite of Wataru’s chahan!

What say Résistance!?!?!?

“...It’s okay.”

“...Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” Wataru was utterly dumbfounded!

Who could have expected the protagonist to lose like this! I can practically hear your audible gasps, Dear Readers!!!

“I mean, it’s good... But it doesn’t come close to Psjohn’s steak. He’s an officially licensed chef and nutritionist.” Résistance mercilessly delivered the cold-hard fact!

Alas, the cook-off had been decided by the difference of Psjohn having governmental license! Of course, any kind of official license was a certification of one’s technique or talent. This is extremely important, especially in Japan, where a certificate or license could drastically affect your chance of getting a job and/or your starting salary!! You can even apply for different departments depending on the licenses you have! I strongly encourage you Dear Readers to apply for all the national certificates you can get your hands on!!!

“Fwahahahahaha! It’s over, Wataru! I win!” Psjohn laughed, puffing his chest out with pride!

At this moment, a thought struck Wataru!

(...What do I care who won the cook-off!?!?!?)

Come to think of it, the cook-off was something that Psjohn had forced upon them! It didn’t matter at all, at the end of the day!! While it may seem despicable to go back on their deal and fight his way past Psjohn anyway, Psjohn had poisoned Wataru’s sandwich in the first place! They would merely be getting even for that low blow!!!

“...Take this!!!!!!!!!!” Wataru suddenly took a slice of lemon he had hidden in his pocket and squeezed it so the juice squirted right into Psjohn’s single eye!

Sprasfhraghlaprsh!!!!!

The concentrated juice of the otherworldly Wind Lemon stung Psjohn’s eye!!

“Grrrrraghgragh! My eye! My eye!” Psjohn instinctively covered his eye with his hands!

“You’re wide open!” Wataru just punched Psjohn in the stomach!

“Greh!” Psjohn fell to the ground, knocked out by the punch! His governmental licenses couldn’t help him now! Anyone would be knocked out from taking such a punch in the gut! Violence always wins! That’s a universal truth!!!

“Phew... It was a tough battle, but we won!!”

Aria immediately jumped in with the compliment! “You’re amazing, Wataru!”

“Hm. Incredible, Wataru. You really defeated the third Master, fair and square.” Résistance was impressed!

“Oh, yeah! I’m a hot-blooded fighter, after all! Ain’t nothing but a thing!”

Wataru struck a victorious pose with a brimming smile!! He had somehow succeeded at defeating the third of the Four Masters!! But he was yet to find out... the true terror of the fourth of the Four Masters...!!!

Meanwhile, in the Demon Lord’s castle... the blue slime messenger came jiggling in as the Demon Lord Deus was sitting comfortably at his throne, eating his chocolate parfait.

“M-My Demon Lord! Master Cyclo Psjohn, the third Master, has been defeated by Wataru!”

Deus frowned. “He’s even defeated Psjohn... Om nom... We only have one Master left, then... Gulp...” He stared out into the air.

“My Demon Lord! Aren’t we in danger!?” the slime cried out with concern, jiggling his gelatinous body as hard as he could.

Deus simply smiled confidently, a tiny blob of chocolate staining the corner of his mouth. “Hmph. Worry not, little slime. The final Master is an extremely powerful monster. Not even Wataru will have an easy time against that one.”

“I sure hope so...”

“I’ll give the order to take care of Résistance while we’re at it... chomp chomp...” Deus quietly announced, taking another bite out of his parfait.

Résistance, now that she had betrayed him, was no use to Deus.

The slime spoke up with another jiggle. “M-My Demon Lord... I don’t think that chocolate parfait is very good for you...”

As our Dear Readers very well know, a chocolate parfait boasts a murderous amount of calories and sugar. The slime had spoken up out of concern for the diabetic Demon Lord’s health, but Deus completely ignored the comment.

“In any case, that Wataru... I never expected a human to get this close to me... Hmhmhm... Interesting...” Deus chuckled, his shoulders quaking...

“M-My Demon Lord... I don’t think you should have any more sweets...”

“Perhaps... Perhaps... I may end up fighting Wataru myself... Ahahahm... How exciting...”

As the Demon Lord held his parfait, an evil flame roiled within his eyes...

To be continued in the next chapter: “Wataru VS the Fourth Master! Beware the Werewolf!!”

*Sources:

[7] The Iron Stomach ~ Make Your Digestive Tract Supersonic — Isekai Tensei Publishing

[8] The History of Systema: Revealed! — Isekai Tensei Publishing