Chapter Five: Mana

Chapter Five: Mana

As I leave my house in a hurry, Miyano is leaning on a telephone pole across the street.

"Where are you going?" he asks me.

I don't answer. I straighten my back and walk quickly past him.

"Are you mad at me? If I did something wrong, I'm sorry," he calls after me, but I ignore him and keep walking.

I turn one corner, then another. He's shut his loud mouth, but he's still following me. If he's going to follow me like a guardian angel, I'm going to get even more annoyed because I'm now heading for Mana's house.

I stop and turn around to face him.

"Could you stop following me?"

"Sorry," he says, voice sad, looking down and slightly biting his lip.

"I didn't mean to upset you"

I laugh through my nose. No way I'll play his game and follow that with, "Then what did you mean to do?"

"Just leave me alone! You are such a pain!" I yell, but I see his face and close my mouth. His face isn't just pale. It's that bluish-white color that your face takes on when it's not getting enough blood. Just when I begin to think that maybe he's sick, he speaks with a voice just barely strong enough to register.

"Okay, I'll leave."

He slowly raises his head.

"But could you go to the place with the city bulletin board we saw yesterday, before you go wherever you're going right now?

When I ask why, Miyano doesn't give me an answer.

"If you promise you'll go there, I'll go away."

Why do I have to follow your orders? I think, but the look he's giving me is piercing, and I can't get away from it.

I try to leave by turning around.

As I pass by Miyano, he looks relieved and almost sad, like he's given up on something.

Walking fast, I remember something from a while ago.

On that day in May, the sun was bright, as if summer was already starting, and it was around 80 degrees outside. I was feeling down because it was obvious summer was coming soon. I'd left the classroom hurriedly for an appointment with my allergist, when I realized I left my pencil case in my desk, so I went back to the classroom to get it.

"Natsuko has a really tough time, doesn't she?"

I stopped in the hallway when I heard the familiar voices of my classmates.

"I know, right? She can't do P.E, and she can hardly go outside!"

I took a peek into the classroom through the small window on the door to see who was speaking. It was a group of three girls I always eat lunch with, and Mana.

I knew they weren't saying it out of spite, so I wasn't angry or anything, but I thought, "Oh, so that's what they talk about when I'm not around." It was also reassuring that Mana wasn't contributing to the conversation.

But it felt like listening in on someone spreading rumors about me, and it didn't feel good.

What to do? Should I walk in and pretend I didn't hear anything?

I hid behind the door, thinking in circles.

That was when Mana walked into the hallway, saying goodbye to the others. We bumped into each other with surprised shouts. Even though I knew I didn't have to, I ran away from her.

"Wait!" she yelled, running after me. Between me, the girl who has to sit out more than half of all our P.E. classes, and Mana, member of the track and field team, she was obviously the superior athlete. She soon caught up to me and grabbed my sleeve.

"You don't have to worry," Mana said, trying to catch her breath. She smiled at me.

"They didn't mean it that way."

Unlike her, I was breathing hard, and I don't know why, but for some reason I got really, really angry. I was fine when I heard everyone talking about me, but the moment I heard those words from her mouth, my blood boiled over.

I slapped her hand away.

"Don't you dare feel sorry for me!"

By the time I noticed the change in her facial expression, it was too late.

"And when did I ever feel sorry for you?"

I knew that Mana had a short fuse. So why didn't I think about it before I said that?

"You always did!"

She glared at me, face angry, then her mouth lifted up into a smile.

"Yup, that's right," she said, laughing and nodding. "I've always been perfectly healthy, so I guess I'll never know what it's like to be like you, Natsuko."

Mana turned her back on me, and walked away in big strides. I also turned my back to her.

I haven't spoken to her since.

I get to the street where I can see the town bulletin board, and stop dead in my tracks.

Mana is sifting through the shrubbery with a serious expression I've never seen on her before.

"What are you doing?" I ask from a distance, raising my voice just a little.

I have a feeling that if I don't do it now, I'll never get to speak to her for the rest of my life. My voice wavers, almost dying out at the end of my question.

Mana notices me, looking up and widening her eyes. Then, she looks away.

The few seconds of silence between us feel like forever before it's broken by Mana moving her body to face me, looking away, and mumbling,

"I dropped something, but I can't find it."

She looks down at the shrubbery. "I think I dropped it around here."

I slowly walk to her side. She looks at me from where she's crouching. I take out the bear keychain out of my tote bag, holding it out for her to see.

"I found it around here this morning," I say.

Mana gasps, taking the bear keychain carefully from my hands. Then, she checks the serial number on his boot.

"It's my bear!" she blinks repeatedly and says it again. "This is my bear! I can't believe it!" She grabs my hands tightly.

"Thank you, Itsuko! I was looking all over for it since yesterday!"

She keeps thanking me, again and again, blood rushing to her cheeks. I wasn't expecting a reaction like this.

"You were looking for it all this time?"

She cradles the bear in her hands and nods.

"I couldn't apologize to you without it." she says.

I find myself close to tears again, starting to hate myself.

I start to apologize, but Mana stops me.

"No, it's okay. I was really angry because it felt like you thought I was like everyone else, and I didn't want you to think of me that way... I'm sorry," she says, face falling. She rubs her eyes quickly and apologizes again. "I'm really sorry."

I shake my head.

"I'm sorry, too. "

You were the only one who didn't call me Natsuko.

I don't even have time to think ‘Oh no, here they come' before tears start trickling down my cheeks.

"Don't cry," Mana says hoarsely, flicking my forehead. We see each other's faces and feel a little embarrassed, so we sniff and smile at each other.