04: Safe Return! …Or So I Thought, but Trouble Followed Us!

It’s been three days since we got back.

My lady’s excitement hasn’t waned in the slightest, and she talks about Drillizabeth all the time. Even in bed! She’s already started writing her letters.

As her pet, it makes me feel a little lonely, but seeing her beaming face makes it all worth it.

And it’s not like Lady Mary has stopped loving me. She still pets me and spoils me every day.

“Arwf. (And when night comes, and my lady is asleep, I can have my own fun like this.)”

Heh-heh-heh. There’s nothing better than sneaking a midnight snack.

In the dead of night when everyone in the mansion is sleeping, I tiptoe into the kitchen.

“Arwf! (Ooh, I found you, my beautiful leg of ham. I’m sure you’ll be delicious thinly sliced, but I can’t wait to sink my teeth into you right this second!)”

My razor-sharp teeth can easily slice through the evenly smoked ham. I actually love the feeling of chewing meat.

Hidden deep within the larder that chef James is in charge of, I locate my prize and secure it with my mouth.

The entire pig leg was smoked into ham, making it look like a club. It takes almost a whole year for the ham to cure, which is why this isn’t a piece James made. I know this because I eat every single piece of meat that comes into the mansion.

Hee-hee-hee. The old man got furious at me once, and I went through quite the ordeal. That giant boar was terrifying.

That’s why I’m pretty sure this ham is an ingredient that’s brought to the mansion periodically.

The old man didn’t have a hand in making it, but it’s still delicious.

Of course, his selection of ingredients is top-notch, too.

“Woof, woof. (Hee-hee-hee, the feast will be complete once she sneaks some booze from Papa’s wine cellar.)”

Tonight, I dine on ham and wine.

“Squeak… (Oh, my darling, you’re always doing this…)”

The mouse sitting atop my head sighs in exasperation.

“Arwf? (What? You got something to say?)”

Len’s always sleeping, but for once, she’s awake tonight.

“Squee. (I have much to say. I am simply too appalled for words. To think my husband would sneak around in the dead of night to steal food.)”

Who are you calling your husband?

“Bark. (You won’t get any if you keep complaining like that.)”

“Squeak! (I care not for stolen goods! If you were a brave hero, you would rightfully take what is yours instead of resorting to petty thievery.)”

Thievery seems like a harsh way to put it.

I think we’re experiencing a bit of a cultural disconnect.

“Woof! Woof! (Hey, idiot! If I did that, I’d be chased out of the mansion! And do you think I’d have a chance against old man James?! He’d fillet me like a fish in no time!)”

I vividly remember the old man carving up the giant boar. The way he skillfully handled the knife, peeling off the armor-like fur and slicing up the meat expertly, was so…

…terrifying. I’m way more frightened of the old man than I am of Zenobia.

Which is why I sneak around.

“Squeak? (How pathetic… And you call yourself a proud Fen Wolf?)”

“Woof. (I sure don’t. I’m a dog.)”

I am a natural-born pet, gifted with extreme laziness.

“Mrow. (You’re late, Routa. I’ve already completed my mission.)”

I look in the direction of the voice and see a cat perched on the kitchen’s windowsill, the moon in full view behind her.

A wine bottle and some glasses are orbiting her.

“Arwf! (Oh! Nice one, Nahura!)”

You’re way more useful than the squeaky freeloader.

The fact that Nahura already has the booze means I was right to enlist her aid.

“Squeak! (You’re at fault, too, you bad cat! Don’t you dare seduce my husband!)”

“M-mrow! (I-it’s not what it looks like, Lady Len! Routa was the one who said we should have a party!)”

Nahura’s a cat, but she hates mice. Just one squeak from Len, and she jumps out of the window in fear.

“Squeak! (Hold it! You need to be punished!)”

“Meeeew! (Nooo! Don’t bite my eaaaars!!)”

The two of them run around and around the tree in the middle of the garden.

“Woof, woof… (Hey! I’m going to eat all the ham without yoooouuuu…!)”

I watch the mouse chase the cat in the moonlit garden as I sink my teeth into the fatty ham.

Nom, nom.

Mm, it’s hard and bitter.

I’m not sure if it’s the curing process or what, but this ham is surprisingly tough.

Even if I bite through the skin, there’s a thick layer of fat waiting for me.

“Mrow. (Routa, biting into it like that is so uncivilized…meow.)”

Why does she keep correcting herself like that? She was talking normally before.

She’s meowing normally, so saying “meow” at the end of the sentence doesn’t mean anything.

“Mewl. (Ham should be eaten in thin slices that have been shaved off. If you want to eat something delicious, you need to know the best way to eat it.)”

She kind of sounds like a gourmet.

“Mew. (Just leave it to me.)”

She holds up her front paw and waves it. A knife in the kitchen flies over and slices through the ham as though it’s paper.

“Arwf! (Wow! Incredible! That’s amazing!)”

“Meow. (Hee-hee-hee. Levitating items is my specialty.)”

She looks embarrassed as she cleans the back of her ears while the knife glides effortlessly. It slices through the skin, covered in a layer of yellow crust, proof that the ham was cured, and exposes the white layer of fat. The fat is really good, but it’s finally time for the part we’ve been waiting for: the red meat.

Nahura painstakingly does it again, slicing the fat incredibly thinly. The red meat is slowly revealed.

“Mewl. (The outside is smoked and cured, so it’s fairly dry.)”

“Woof, woof? (You know your stuff. You’ve only just started coming to the mansion. How do you know so much?)”

“Mrow, mew. (I’ve been here plenty of times before you started living here. Mistress is Lady Mary’s physician, so we’ve been here lots of times. I’ve seen Mistress and the members of this house eat this often. Hee-hee-hee. This is actually the first time I’ll have this. I’m looking forward to it.)”

As she keeps slicing through the ham, the meat slowly turns pink, revealing the moist part of the ham.

“Mewl. (We’ll eat that a little later. For now, let’s enjoy the cured part of the ham.)”

“Arwf! (Sweet! I’m digging in!)”

“Mew! (No! Bad Routa!)”

“Arww? (Awww. I can’t eat it yet?)”

“Meow. (Wait just a minute.)”

I frown and try to seem dejected with my nonexistent eyebrows.

“Mewl. (We’re going to use these on the dry ham.)”

She waves her paw again, and two bottles from the kitchen fly over. Like a couple doing the waltz, the two bottles danced around each other as their caps came off.

Clear yellow liquids dribble out.

“Arwf? (Honey? And that’s olive oil?)”

“Mewl… (Brilliant deduction, my dear Routa. And finally…)”

This time, a hole opens above Nahura’s head.

I recognize that ability. It’s space magic.

Right as I think that, a fat jar falls out of the hole.

“Mewl. (These are raspberries that were handpicked just this morning. They’re immature, which means they’ll be very sour.)”

Sour!

She puts the bright-red raspberries on top of the ham as if she were decorating a cake.

“Mewl! (There you go! It should be good! I think! Maybe!)”

Oh yeah, you haven’t had this before, either.

And then she casually has me taste it first to see if it’s good. Very sneaky.

“Woof, woof! (Whatever. I don’t care what it’ll taste like—I just want to eat it. Which I’m going to do right now!)”

I take a number of thinly sliced pieces into my mouth and throw them in the air. Then I catch them with my mouth again and chew.

“Arwf! (Sweet! Sour! Salty! Soooooooo gooooooood!!)”

The dried ham has a strong saltiness, but the olive oil evens it out, giving it a very smooth taste. At the same time, the thick honey brings a very rich sweetness, but when combined with the sourness of the raspberries, the palate is blessed by a very mellow fruit flavor.

The popping sensation from the raspberries further adds to the eating experience. I’m looking forward to trying them with the drink.

The flavor is easily ten times richer and more intricate than prosciutto e melone from my old world.

“Arwf, arwf! (It’s insanely good! Nahura! This is seriously amazing!)”

“Meow. (Oh good, then I’ll have some, too. Oh, drink some of this.)”

The cork pops out of the bottle, and the wine is poured into cocktail glasses that will be easy for us to drink from.

The froth on the carbonated wine is refreshing on the tongue and exhilarating as it travels down the throat.

“Woof, woof. (Oh, nice selection. You’ve got good taste. Unlike a certain freeloader.)”

“…Squeak? (Excuse me, did you just call me a tasteless freeloader?)”

Len, not long for the waking world, grumbles from the top of my head.

“Woof! (Huh? What’s that? I can’t hear you! It’s too delicious! This ham is too good!)”

“Meow, mrow. (Most delicious! I can’t believe Mistress would hog something so delicious. I’ll never forgive her. How dare she.)”

Nahura seethes with rage even as her mouth is full of raspberry ham.

“Woof, woof. (Come on now, come on now. There’s plenty of ham left!)”

“Squee… (Hmmmm…)”

Len side-eyes the jovial Nahura and me. It doesn’t look like she’s going to be honest with herself, though. She’s clearly interested. Okay, then. Let’s nudge her a little.

“Woof, woof. (Oh, little Len, it’s such a shame you can’t eat this delicious ham. Your pride won’t let you forgive anyone who eats stolen food, right?)”

“Squeak! (E-exactly! The strong and the proud should not have to steal the things they desire! Wh-which is why…I—I don’t want any! None at all!)”

“Woof, woof! (Oh? Really? You don’t want any? Then I guess we’ll just have to gobble it all up. Nahura!)”

“Meow! (Okaaaay!)”

We leave Len alone and devour the raspberry ham without her.

“Arwf! (It’s so good! Delicious!)”

“Mew! (Mmm, truly exquisite!)”

The cured ham disappears slice after slice.

Len simply watches us in frustration.

“S-squee… (…Damn it. I—I don’t need any of it…)”

She begins to cry.

This thousand-year-old spinster who always acts so high-and-mighty is actually a kid deep down.

Back when I first snuck into her nest for the wyrmnil, and she tried to act so welcoming, she was probably just masking her loneliness.

Oh geez, we should probably stop bullying her.

“Woof, woof. (Okay, I’m sorry. We’ll stop teasing you. Please stop crying, Len.)”

“Squeak! (I-I-I’m not crying!)”

Len snaps back even as a raspberry wrapped in a piece of ham is offered to her.

“Mew. (Here you go, Len.)”

This piece of meat has been cut to look like a flower.

Nahura must have used her magic to make it.

“Mrow. (Sorry for being so mean, Lady Len. We went too far.)”

“Squeak! (H-hmph! It’s not like I was crying or anything! I’m not even angry! Nor can it be said that I desire to have a piece, either!)”

From the top of my head, Len makes a show of turning her head the other way, but she keeps glancing back to the ham.

She’s being way too obvious.

“Mewl? (You don’t need to tell us that. But I would like you to try some. Will you humor this humble cat’s request?)”

She raises both paws in a praying motion.

Wow, she really knows how to work the cute angle.

Maybe I should start calling her Master and study under her tutelage.

“Squee? (Hmm? R-really? I suppose I’ll have to try some if you ask me like that. I’m willing to give it a taste, so hand it over already!)”

“Mewl. (Of course, here you go.)”

The raspberry ham flower floats over to Len.

If I turn my head and snatch it right now, she’ll probably never stop crying. It’s pretty easy to imagine, but then I start feeling bad for her, so I drop the idea.

“Squee! (Th-this really is delicious! No, it is beyond delicious! Your skills know no equal, Nahura!)”

Len takes bite after bite of ham in between her blubbering.

Nahura watches her with prideful affection…

…from a good distance away.

“Woof? (I guess you’re still scared of mice, huh?)”

Having made up, the three of us enjoy the feast together until right before dawn.

“Mew! Mew! (Routa! Wake up! Please wake up!)”

Someone’s biting my tummy.

Mmm, too sleepy. Five more minutes.

“Squeak, squeak… (What a disgraceful way to sleep. Showing his belly, completely defenseless, snoring loudly… I don’t know if it’s a show of confidence, or if I should lament that there is nary a drop of wild beast in him anywhere…)”

“Mew! (Routa. It’s morning. The cook’s going to wake up and be here any minute!)”

“Squee. (Just leave him be. It’s his fault for not waking up sooner. I’m going back to sleep. Please roll over, beloved.)”

Mmm, huh? I just need to roll over? Okaaaay.

I roll over in my sleep and feel something squirm into my mane.

“Squee. (Don’t say we didn’t try to wake you.)”

“Mrow! (Well, I’m not staying around to get told off!)”

Told off? Why?

I sense Nahura moving away, and I can feel Len’s sleeping breath on my back.

It’s all pretty odd, so I try to open my eyes. But it’s no good. The morning light is simply too bright.

I’m pretty sure we were drinking together all night last night…but my memory’s still pretty fuzzy.

Oh, right. We talked about how we needed to tidy up, or we’d get in trouble. And then…

“Arwf! (That’s right! We need to destroy the evidence!)”

I suddenly snap awake to see—

“Hello, Routa. It sure looks like you had fun last night.”

—the old man standing before me, his burly arms crossed.

“A-arwf… (U-uh-oh…)”

With the morning sun behind him, the old man’s face is shrouded in shadow. The sight of it fills me with dread.

“You really are incorrigible. Every single day, you sneak in here to steal food, and this time wasn’t like the others…”

E-eek! H-he’s going to kill me.

Will this be my final day?

“I should be mad at you, but…”

He unfolds his arms and ruffles my head.

“I heard you did a great deed in the Royal Capital. You helped the young lady when she got lost, and it was thanks to you she made a friend, right?”

Huh? He’s not mad at me?

In fact, he seems to be overjoyed.

“I was really worried about her because she didn’t have any friends her age. You’re a good boy, Routa. Well done.”

Heh-heh-heh. It was nothing!

“I’m buying more ingredients than ever before. That means your habit of eating everything in sight shouldn’t be an issue anymore. But please stop sneaking in here in the middle of the night.”

“Woof! Woof! (O-old man! How merciful you are! Truly a man among men! Pet me, pet me!)”

I burrow my muzzle into his clothes, and he chuckles, scratching me with both hands.

“…Besides, that ham you stole was a little past its time, so I wasn’t planning on serving it to the master. I think I might’ve found a great way to dispose of stuff like that.”

Hmm? What was that?

“Come on, now. You’d best pull yourself together and go see the young lady. She’ll be sad if she wakes up and you’re not there.”

Oh, right!

Being there when my lady wakes up is one of my small pleasures in life. I’ll never let anyone take that away from me.

Today, as any other, I want to admire her adorable sleeping face.

“Woof, woof! (I’m coming, my lady!)”

Lady Mary’s sleeping face buried in the bed is still lovely.

Her hair flows across the pillow like golden dust as she sleeps as still as a painting.

I want to crawl under the duvet and sleep with her, but it won’t be long before the maid arrives with the morning tea.

“Arwf! (My lady! It’s morning!)”

I poke her velvet skin with my nose, and she frowns before opening her eyes.

“Mmnya… Good morning, Routa…”

Now awake, Lady Mary rubs her eyes and lets out a little yawn.

“Woof! (Good morning, my lady!)”

“Gnh…”

I give her an energetic reply, and she hugs me tight around the neck.

“Arwf… (Ahhh, pure bliss…)”

Lady Mary smells amazing today, too. I want to rub my face in her hair and revel in her scent.

Actually, I’ll do just that.

Sniff, sniff. Sniff, sniff.

“Hmm? Hey, Routa, you smell like alcohol…”

“Arwf?! (Haff. Did I drink too much last night?!)”

Lady Mary moves away.

Aw, I was sniffing that!

“Let’s go to the lake this afternoon. I’m sure the smell will go away with a good swim.”

“Woof, woof! (Good idea!)”

It’s been forever since I’ve had the old man’s sandwiches! Herb-encrusted chicken or smoked salmon between slices of colorful vegetable bread. Both options sound fantastic.

“Let’s invite Dr. Hecate. Tee-hee, I’m looking forward to this afternoon now. I need to work hard and finish my studies early. Be a good boy and wait for me, okay?”

She’s such a good girl.

“Arwf! (I’ll make sure I rest lots and lots to make up for how hard you’re working! Just leave it to me!)”

A carriage drawn by two horses nimbly makes its way down the forest road.

It should be hotter now that it’s midday, but the carriage’s interior is surprisingly pleasant and cool. The strong summer sun is blocked by the tops of the trees covering the road. The air, thick with oxygen, carries the strong smell of the foliage.

“Excuse me, my lady. But don’t you think Routa has gotten larger?”

Miranda, sitting opposite Lady Mary, voices her suspicion while looking right at me.

“Arwf! (H-ha-ha-ha! Oh, you! It’s just your imagination.)”

I look off in a random direction and try to make myself small.

Crap, even Miranda’s catching on.

“Really? Well, he is a growing boy!”

Lady Mary hugs me tight.

Oh, my lady. Her pure heart allows her to see the best in anyone.

I hope she always stays this way.

She squeezes herself next to me, completely infatuated with my fluffy fur.

This carriage is huge, but it’s quite cramped for me. Even now, my lady doesn’t seem to mind the tight squeeze and would rather stay close to me.

“You really love Routa, don’t you, Mary? I’m so jealous.”

Hecate, sitting opposite me, tickles my nose with her fingers.

Stop. I’m going to sneeze.

Uh-oh, here it comes.

“GAFUU!!”

I shove my head out of the window and sneeze loudly.

Ew, snot.

“Honestly, what are you doing?”

I look over in the direction of the voice to see Zenobia driving the carriage.

She’s leaning forward with a fed-up expression, holding out a handkerchief to me.

“Here, don’t move. I’ll wipe it off.”

Having the snot wiped away makes me feel much better.

“Woof. (Thanks, Zenobia.)”

“D-don’t get the wrong idea. I can’t have you besmirching the Faulks family name with such a crude display.”

Zenobia looks away and goes back to driving the carriage.

Ah, what a perfect tsundere.

Don’t worry—I know how you really feel. I see you getting jealous whenever my lady pets me.

Come on, Zenobia. Ditch the sword and come get some cuddles.

“Arwf. (Mmm, the air feels so good. Looks like we’re going to have good weather today.)”

I can’t smell any monsters in the forest, either.

Looks like the monsters Nahura teleported here are keeping their promise. And Garo and the other wolves are doing their jobs, too.

I wonder if they’re off hunting bad monsters again today.

I haven’t seen them in a while. Maybe I’ll bring them a gift tonight.

The carriage stops under a large tree, and I sit and wait like a good boy.

“A swimsuit?”

I can hear Miranda on the other side of the carriage.

Hecate had summoned all the ladies as soon as we arrived at the lake.

“That’s right. It’s something you wear when you go swimming. I just happened to find these in the Royal Capital and ended up buying them.”

“E-even so, isn’t this practically underwear…?!”

I can tell Zenobia’s lost for words.

What kind of swimsuits did she give them? My imagination is going crazy.

“But you’re naked in the bath.”

“Yes, but this is outdoors…”

“We’re the only ones here. There’s nothing to worry about.”

She’s really pushing this.

“Mrow. (Mistress is lying about accidentally finding them. She went out with the express purpose of purchasing swimsuits for today. She even went to a designer store and picked those out at a crazy-ridiculous price.)”

I look up to see a crimson cat lying on a branch above me.

“Arwf. (Oh, hey, Nahura.)”

I didn’t think she was in the carriage. When did she get here?

“Mew. (I can appear anywhere you are, Routa.)”

Levitation and teleportation. Man, Nahura’s magic really is useful.

“Mew, mrow. (I wouldn’t say Mistress is vain, just that she isn’t honest with herself. She’s lived so long, I don’t think she really knows how to connect with people anymore. Like when a grandma wants to play with her grandchildren, but she can’t seem to make it work. She doesn’t have anything to talk to them about, so she bribes them instead.)”

“Woof… (You know, if you say stuff like that…)”

“Urk! (…Arwl?! N-no, Mistress! It just slipped out…! Oh no! Please no! Don’t put tentacles in my tummy…!)”

I’m assuming Hecate’s talking to her telepathically just as Nahura faints in the tree above.

Wait, did she say “tentacles”? Nahura’s body sure is terrifying. She looks like a cat, but she’s actually a homunculus. I wonder what kind of magic was used to make her.

Would something jump out if someone cut her belly open? I can’t imagine anything but horrors.

“I’m ready!”

I hear my lady’s musical voice in the middle of Hecate and Zenobia’s discussion.

She leaps out from the shadow of the carriage.

“What do you think, Routa? Does it suit me?”

She spins around, showing off her aqua bikini, then leans over. She tucks her long, flowing blond hair behind her ears and smiles a little in embarrassment—it’s wonderful.

“Woof! Woof! (It really, really suits you! You’re so cute!)”

If I wasn’t a dog, I’d get down on one knee and propose to her here and now.

My lady is so cute. She’s the cutest in the whole wide world.

“Squeak?! (D-does my darling…?! No, they’re different species. He would never…)”

I’m guessing Len’s finally woken up, since I can hear her complaining on my back.

I’ll just ignore her. I want to savor this sight even for just a moment longer.

“There’s no way to fasten it, Ms. Miranda. I can’t believe we let the young lady wear something like this…”

“Y-you’re right. We must steel ourselves.”

I hear the rustling of fabric for a few minutes before the other two ladies step out from behind the carriage.

Miranda looks embarrassed as she holds her arms beneath her chest, and Zenobia stands menacingly.

They’re both wearing bikinis as revealing as Lady Mary’s.

Miranda’s white swimsuit is a band around the chest, almost resembling a pareo’s fabric. The bottom part is a sarong with large colorful flowers painted across it. It really serves to show off the beauty of the flower normally hidden away by propriety.

Zenobia’s swimsuit is an even brighter red than her golden-copper hair. There’s a frilly decoration on the chest that seems to have offset her aggressive personality, causing her to show a more girlie side than usual.

What a sight for sore eyes. They’re both so gorgeous. What is this, paradise?

Hecate, how could you let me see such beauties?

“O-oh my. What’s wrong, Routa? You’re staring.”

“D-don’t stare… Dummy.”

Their embarrassed faces are to die for.

Even if my tongue lolls out, I’m just a dog! There’s nothing suspicious about that!

“It takes a surprisingly long time to put these on, doesn’t it?”

Hecate, the star of the show, appears at last.

Her long silver hair flows behind her as she struts over. It isn’t long before I become fixated on one generous detail.

Her cups runneth over.

One more time for emphasis.

Her cups runneth over!

I thought about this when we were in the bath, but Hecate has a really impressive body. Her small frame and pale skin look incredibly soft. Her black string bikini presses into her supple flesh in all sorts of wonderful ways, creating a sensational atmosphere.

It’s incredibly sexy.

That swimsuit is bound to come off if she actually tries swimming in it. I have a feeling it’s meant to be used for something else.

“Meow… (That outfit looks absolutely lecherous…)”

Nahura, who’s barely hanging on to life at this point, says something unnecessary again.

Hecate flashes her a look, and Nahura stiffens as if she were struck by electricity before falling off the branch.

“I’ll punish you later, Nahura. What about you, Routa? Do you have something to say?”

Why don’t you act your age?

Yeah right, if I said that, I’d be pulverized.

Not that I’d ever think that in the first place.

“A-arwf. (You truly are a feast for the eyes. My sincerest thanks.)”

I’m so glad I’m a dog.

Really glad.

I’ll never forget this view for the rest of my life.

It will be a treasured memory locked away in my brain for all eternity.

“Squea…! (B-beloved, you really are…!)”

Len’s voice trembles in shock.

“Squeak! (I was thinking No, it cannot be…! But are you attracted to these…these humans…?!)”

Yeah, I am—what about it?

“Squeak?! Squeak?! (Why?! You don’t react to my glorious blue scales but find these scaleless females attractive?!)”

“Arwf. (I don’t think scales are sexy. I have high standards. Come back when you’ve grown some boobs.)”

Besides, you’re a mouse right now.

Either way, I’m not interested.

“Squeak! (Uuuuugh!! You are unbelievable! So incredibly frustrating!)”

“Arwf?! (Ow! Hey! Don’t bite me! That hurts! That really hurts!)”

“Squee! Squee! (I won’t forgive you! I won’t allow this! Not while you have meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!)”

“Arwwww! (Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!)”

Len bites me so hard, I start to bleed, while Nahura remains knocked out under the tree.

The sunlight reflecting off the lake is blinding, but the shallow water is still cold.

“Woof? (Hey, Len. How long are you gonna sulk for?)”

“Squee. (…I’m not sulking.)”

Len the blue mouse puffs out her cheeks as she nibbles on a sandwich crumb.

She’s really in a mood.

“Arwf… (Don’t be like that; let’s make up…)”

I leave her on top of my head as I dog-paddle in the lake.

She bit me a lot, but I try to cheer her up like she’s a trained horse.

“Squeak, squeak. (You shouldn’t look at other women. I can understand other Fen Wolves, but human females…? You’re perverted even for perverts. I can’t help but think you’re seriously ill.)”

Yeah, well, I’m not a furry.

Just because I’m a dog now doesn’t mean you can rope me into that lifestyle.

If anything, you’re a dragon, but you’ve fallen for a Fen Wolf. I want an hour-long cross-examination to see if you’re the bigger pervert.

“Squeak. (Well anyway, I have come up with a secret plan to fix this. Look forward to that, my darling.)”

Len snorts as she laughs, her confidence renewed.

“Bark? (Hmm? What’s that?)”

“Squeak! (You’ll know when it happens!)”

“Arwf! (Whatever. I’m just happy you’re feeling better. Let’s head back to shore!)”

“Squeak. (Oh no! Oh no! I’m rather enjoying our boat ride.)”

“Bark. (Boat ride? I am the boat.)”

I’m getting a little tired from swimming around. I think I ate too many sandwiches, and I’m starting to cramp up.

I look over to the shore to see my lady and the others taking a post-lunch break.

Everyone is napping on the reclining chairs Hecate brought.

A large parasol is open above them, making it look like they’re at a resort.

My lady has Nahura on her tummy, gently running her fingers through her fur. She tickles her under the chin and strokes her tail from base to tip. Nahura is putty in her hands, likely because she doesn’t usually get this kind of treatment from Hecate.

Just look at that face. She’s practically melting.

Damn, I’m jealous. I want Lady Mary to pet me, too!

Damn that Nahura. She just looked over at me with her “I win” face.

“Woof! (Grrr, I should be the one getting petted! Damn you, Nahura! Teach me your ways!)”

A cute pose! I need to come up with a pose so cute it’ll fry my lady’s brain!

“Squee… (You’re staring at that female again… Don’t tell me you’re into children, too… If you have interest even in the children of other species, you truly are the pervert of perverts.)”

Speak for yourself. You’ve been going after a child of another species this whole time.

“Woof. (You don’t get it. I don’t think of my lady that way.)”

I am not sexually attracted to Lady Mary at all. What I feel for her is pure.

If I have to put it in words, I guess she’s more like a guardian?

She gives me a life free of hardship, and she pampers me as much as I want.

She’s like a mother to me!

“Squeak… (…You really are creepy…)”

Len is really good at bringing out unpleasant feelings.

Hey, Len. Aren’t you being a little harsh for someone who’s supposed to be in love with me?

Calling someone creepy would normally hurt their feelings.

Our break time at the lake comes to an end, and we get back in the carriage and return to the mansion.

“Hmm? Who are those people?”

I hear Zenobia murmur from the driver’s seat.

I stick my head out of the window and look in the direction we’re heading.

I can see the mansion gate ahead of us. It looks like a heated conversation is unfolding between a group of men in travelers’ clothes and one of the mansion’s servants.

“That’s what I’m saying! This forest is Faulks property! You cannot enter without the master’s permission!”

The only one standing up against these men is one of the maids.

She’s short, but she doesn’t seem intimidated, even though she’s outnumbered. She’s small, but she’s standing tall, her hands on her hips and her chest puffed out, though something about her appearance still lacks impact.

Perhaps it’s because of her black pigtails, but she looks incredibly young.

“Arwf! (Wait, that’s Toa!)

The one who falls down when she sees me? The two-time champion of making me want to lick her crying face? That Toa?

“And we’re saying we’re here to get that permission!”

“But the master is in the middle of work! You need to make an appointment and come back another day!”

The little maid firmly replies to the angry men.

“It’s a half-day trip to the nearest village! You want us to go back there?! Look! This is permission from the guild! This is an official investigation!”

“Even if you have permission from the guild, they have no jurisdiction over this household! If you mean to follow proper procedures, you must turn back, now!”

Wow—go, Toa. She doesn’t seem the least bit threatened.

But those men have swords on their hips, and the redness of their red faces suggests they’re down to their last straw. It would be best to not aggravate them.

“Look, borders are pointless! Let us through! He’ll understand once he hears us out!”

“W-wait—!”

They knock the little maid down as they shove their way past.

“Arwf! (Uh-oh, that’s not good!)”

I quickly open the door, leap out of the carriage, and am near the adventurers in an instant, catching Toa just before she hits the ground.

“Arwf? (Heh-heh-heh, my fluffy body sure is useful, huh?)”

Even Drills can confirm my cushy body’s usefulness for catching people.

“Woof, woof! (Hey, now! What are you doing to our maid?! The only one who’s allowed to scare her is me!)”

The adventurers jump back in surprise when I bark.

“Wha—?! What is that thing?!”

“A monster?! Where did it come from?!”

“Did you see that speed?! It was a total blur!”

Oh, crap! I dashed over, but that made me stand out way too much.

They’re convinced I’m a monster… Wh-wh-wh-what do I do?!

“You guys! What’s going on over there…?”

A less-than-impressive woman’s voice causes the men to spin around.

Standing there is fiery-haired Zenobia.

“What gives you the right to raise your hand to one of the Faulks family maids…?!”

Whoa, Zenobia’s furious.

Her golden-copper hair is standing on end like a lion’s mane.

She’s scary when she’s serious.

“Wh-what?! We were sent by the guild to investigate the forest! We have official permission!”

“The guild…?”

Her eyes narrow, causing the strong men to take a step back.

The men, once awash with murderous intent, are now speechless, a cold sweat dripping from each of their brows.

“C-Captain, who is this woman…?!”

“I—I think she’s… No, it can’t be…!”

“Zenobia! There’s no mistaking it… This is Zenobia Lionheart!”

“Zenobia? You mean that Zenobia…?!”

Former SS Rank. Slayer of One Thousand Men. Fortress Destroyer. Labyrinth Annihilator. The Blood-Soaked Knight with the Heart of a Lion.

Those are some ostentatious names, but they dribble out of the men’s mouths in quick succession.

Wait, is Zenobia really that well-known as an adventurer? What happened to the useless knight who’s so quick to cry…?

“I don’t remember such paltry titles, but if you mean to bring harm to any member of this household, then you can become rust on my blade…!”

“Come on now, that’s enough.”

Just as Zenobia is about to unsheathe her sword, a voice stops her.

Everyone turns to the tranquil masculine voice.

“M-Master!”

The master of the house, Lord Gandolf Von Faulks, or as I like to call him, Papa, appears with servants in tow.

“I’ll listen to what you have to say. Zenobia, Toa, I’m sorry you were troubled by this incident.”

“O-oh, not at all!”

“Master, please excuse my behavior!”

He smiles at the two of them. He’s so dignified. This is completely different from the times he’s broken down crying when Hecate stole wine from his wine cellar.

“Oh my, they arrived a lot sooner than Emerada said they would… Still, this is perfect timing.”

Hecate murmurs to herself, a finger pressed to her lips.

“Woof? (What do you mean, ‘perfect timing’?)”

“Oh, the perfect time for a drink, of course!”

For you, that’s all the time.

Papa, looks like the greedy witch is after your wine cellar again.

My wordless warning fails to reach Papa as he leads the four adventurers into the mansion.

Since the adventurers’ business has nothing to do with us, we return to our afternoon plans.

Little did I know that the adventurers’ business had everything to do with me.

“Arwf, arwf! (Yum! So tasty!)”

Today’s snack is marinated beef shank broiled in wine. The beef was stir-fried with olive oil and onions, then cooked in a pan with the wine just barely covering it. The juices from the marinating period were added back in as it cooked for another two hours.

This is one of the great things about the old man’s cooking. He was able to make the tough shank soft and incredibly flavorful.

He added thick-cut boiled vegetables to a pan and left them in the cooler overnight. This made the meat even softer with the umami from the broth permeating right through to the core.

The next day, it was reheated and served.

Despite the number of steps that went into crafting this masterpiece, it’s given to the dog as a snack. This is why I’ll never give up the pampered pooch life.

“Omff, gromff. (The tender meat and succulent vegetables are so good!)”

I’m by the back door of the kitchen like always, enjoying the meal piled high on my plate.

“Squeak… (My darling, you just had a sandwich for lunch, and now you’re eating again? And a huge amount, at that…)”

“Woof! (I’m a growing boy! It’s fine! Besides, you’re eating it, too!)”

“Squeak. (’Tis but a taste. Just a taste. You need not be so stingy, beloved.)”

“Mrow! (Wow! You’re right! You don’t even have to chew! It just melts in your mouth! Delicious!)”

“Woof, woof! (Hey, I told you to stop swiping my meals!)”

Hey, owner! Feed your cat properly! She only ever appears when I’m eating!

My portions keep getting smaller and smaller!

“Mrow. (Oh, don’t worry about me. I always eat properly before I come here.)”

“Woof! (Then stop eating my food!)”

The three of us argue as we scramble for the meal prepared by the old man.

““““…………………””””

Four people are looking at us.

It’s the adventurers, who have finished their meeting with Papa.

They’re sitting frozen on the edge of the back garden, staring at us and trying not to drool.

“C-Captain… He’s eating better food than we are…”

“It smells so good… I would even be willing to eat these claylike provisions if they smelled half as good…!”

“Maybe they’ll give us some; I’d even be happy with scraps… By the way, what in the world is that? They said it was a dog, but there’s no way that’s true, right?”

“Just shut up and finish your food. You can eat once this investigation is over. Let’s get the tent set up and go to sleep. We leave before dawn.”

The men sigh deeply as they chew on what looks like dry bread.

“Captain, shouldn’t we have accepted the marquis’s kind offer? He said he would have dinner and rooms prepared for us…”

“Don’t be ridiculous. We’re here for an emergency investigation for the guild, and he gave us permission even though we forced our way in. We shouldn’t abuse his generosity any more than we already have. Borrowing his garden to camp in is more than enough.”

The one they call Captain chokes down some water from a flask.

“Besides, I hadn’t planned to get on Zenobia’s bad side. We’ll need to report that to the guild leader when we get back.”

“That’s the first time I’ve seen that. Who would have thought we’d run into Zenobia Lionheart all the way out here?”

“They say it’s a pastime for the upper class to feed and lodge artisans and adventurers, but I never expected the storied hero to force herself on some nobles.”

“Well, even if she is the first adventurer to climb to the SS Rank based on fighting ability alone, that doesn’t make her any less strange. Come to think of it, pretty much every adventurer S Rank and above is a weirdo. No one can comprehend what goes on in their heads.”

“So the rumors are true? Is it true that she can’t do anything but fight, has a profoundly terrible sense of direction, and always manages to cause great misfortune for nonparty members even if they’ve only popped into the woods for a piss?”

“Those are just exaggerations. Nothing more than outlandish rumors spread by those who are jealous of her success. If any of that were actually true, she wouldn’t even be able to function in her day-to-day life.”

Ha-ha-ha! The adventurers chortle.

I’m so sorry, fellas… All of that is 100 percent true.

Zenobia’s sense of direction is horrible. And she’s so sure of herself that she’ll continue in the wrong direction forever if no one intervenes. She probably never even realizes she’s lost.

“Arwf. (I’m stuffed.)”

“Mew. (Me too. Ahhh, that was so good.)”

“Squee. (Honestly, you eat much too much, belov— Urp.)”

Once we’ve finished our meal, Nahura, Len, and I collapse into a pile of laziness.

It doesn’t matter if we look like lazy good-for-nothings. No one’s going to tell us off. Just another perk of being a pet.

Until someone’s shadow falls on me.

It’s Toa, black pigtails in tow.

She has a large wash basket in her arms and looks down at me with a serious expression.

Did she come out here to get the laundry?

“…………”

She remains quiet, pursing her lips as she peers at me.

“Arwf? (What’s wrong?)”

She doesn’t seem angry. She seems like she wants something.

Lying on my side, I’m gazing up at her when suddenly, it hits me.

Oh, I got it. You’re scared of those adventurers.

She probably wasn’t scared of the adventurers at the gate because she was more concerned about appearing professional.

She looks like a child, so she’s probably often treated like one.

Of course she’d be scared after being surrounded and then getting pushed over by those burly men.

She’s worried they’ll get in her way when she’s all alone out here with the laundry.

“Arwf. (Okay, Toa. I get what you’re trying to say. Just leave it to me.)”

I get up and conceal Toa from the adventurers. This way, she won’t be able to see the adventurers, and all they’ll be able to see are her feet.

I feel like this is the first time my body’s size is actually useful for something.

“Th-thanks…”

She practically whispers it.

“Arwf. (No problem.)”

But I’m going to run for it if they do decide to mess with us. You better not expect me to fight or anything. I’m scared of them, too. They’re all muscly.

“I’ll be quick.”

“Arwf. (Don’t worry about it. Take your time. This lazy hound has nothing better to do.)”

I walk with her, acting as a shield, over to the washing line near the adventurers.

“H-hey, you!”

Wait. They’re suddenly picking a fight?!

“Get away from her!”

“Arwf?! (Who? Me?!)”

I thought Papa told them about me!

“Don’t pretend you didn’t see us, you monster! Get away from the girl!”

“Wh-what do you want this time?! Do you have a problem with our dog?!”

Hiding behind me, Toa raises her voice.

I’m sure she’s terrified, but she moves to my side to protect me and puffs out her chest.

I can see her legs shaking, but she carries herself with authority.

“Don’t say something so foolish. How is this giant beast a dog…?”

“I’ve never seen such a huge, terrifying dog before!”

“Miss, please step away from it and come here. He’s clearly a monster…!”

The adventurers are wary of me and aren’t stepping any closer.

Toa, struck by their words, glares back at them with tears in her eyes.

“Routa… Routa isn’t a monster!”

Toa protests, clinging on to my fur with a trembling hand so she doesn’t fall over.

It’s okay, Toa. You’re not alone.

Their weapons are aimed at me, so even my legs are trembling like a baby deer’s.

“Routa is the young lady’s, this household’s, precious dog!”

T-Toa…! You’re such a good girl…! Such a good, good girl…!

You’re terrified, but you still spoke on my behalf!

“Woof! Woof! (Yeah! I’m their pet! Which means I’m Faulks property, got it?! It’ll be bad if you lay a hand on me, got it?! You’ll pay, got it?! Your monthly income doesn’t even come close to how much you’ll pay, right?!)”

I bark with all my might, even as I lie belly-up in total submission.

“Squee……? (Should you really be issuing such a threat, beloved…?)”

It’s fine.

Besides, they don’t understand what I’m saying.

I’m just channeling my doggy appeal by looking submissive and barking.

“C-Captain. If it really is this mansion’s dog, then we can’t touch it…”

“Tch. Fine, then. Put your weapons away. This monster… This dog isn’t threatening anyone.”

The adventurers put their weapons away as their captain commands.

“I just don’t understand nobles… That dog must be pretty strong.”

“I guess there’s no problem if it’s tame.”

“I’ve never heard of a monster being tamed by humans, though.”

Uwah, they still suspect me.

I hope they don’t report me along with Zenobia…

In the end, there is one hiccup, but I complete my role as Toa’s shield, and she finishes collecting the laundry.

“Oh, Routa. You don’t need to wait for me. This is my job, after all.”

“Arwf. (It’s fine; don’t worry about it.)”

I take the surprisingly heavy basket in my mouth and head for the back door.

“Wait a minute, miss.”

A voice calls out from behind, causing Toa to jump and hide behind me.

“Wh-what is it?”

“Well. We’re sorry for what happened at the gate. We’ll be out of your hair by tomorrow. I know we scared you, but please don’t be afraid of us.”

The captain bows his head in apology.

Hmm. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy.

I guess it’s not impossible for a large man to lower his head to a servant in this world. And I suppose he did make an honest attempt to save her before.

He might look scary, but he’s a good guy.

“Arwf. (Maybe the two of us aren’t so different.)”

“Squee… (I’m not even going to comment…)”

Maybe I should go to the forest tonight and talk to Garo and the others before tomorrow.

Which reminds me… The whole reason the adventurers are here in the first place is to investigate something in the forest.