02: I’m Going on a Diet! …Or So I Thought, but I Got Even Fatter!

Creak, creak.

Creak-creak, creak-creak.

Creak-creak-creak-creak-creak-creak-creak-creak.

“Arwf…? (Nn…? What? What’s that sound?) ”

I’d finally fallen into a nice, comfy sleep, but now I’m wide awake again. I lift my heavy eyelids and search for the source of the sound.

I’m in the young lady’s room, and it’s not particularly different from usual. Yet still, the creaking continues.

And I didn’t have to think about it too hard.

The source is the bed creaking under my body, finally unable to endure my full weight any longer.

The creaking changes to a snapping, and in that moment I know I’ve just broken the bed legs.

“A-arwf…?! (Ah, crap…?!) ”

After a moment of weightlessness, my field of vision lowers a grade. With a loud thud, the bed completely breaks.

“Arwf?! (That scared me… Wait, what about Lady Mary?!) ”

Thanks to how she was hugging my fluffy body and the thick mattress, she doesn’t appear to have been injured.

Her soft breathing continues, marked by a quiet giggle, her face still buried in my fur. I can’t believe she slept through that.

She’s such a deep sleeper that it worries me. Still, it did save me. Well, not really: All four of the bed’s legs have snapped right in half, and the canopy rests slanted on top of me.

What now? Was it because I’m too fat?

Maybe it’s because I keep eating so much, then going right to sleep, but when I look at myself in the mirror again, I find my whole body is shockingly round.

Hey, wait, when the heck did I get this fat?

“Arwrw… (So jiggly. I’m a jelly dog…) ”

As I freak out, Len shows up.

“Squeak. (Well, well. I cannot even seem to get a good night’s sleep. And you’re not a dog. You’re a Fen Wolf.) ”

“Arwf! (Small difference! The only thing separating dogs from wolves is whether or not you can raise them as pets.) ”

In which case I’d rather be a dog with no pride. I wanna live my life completely carefree, woof.

But this isn’t the time to be arguing about any of that silliness.

“Arwf… (If I go wake up Miranda, they’ll find me out for sure… Can’t you do something with your magic? Like making a brand-new one or something?) ”

“Squeak… (Time-reversal magic is an advanced, forbidden magic lost to the ages. Wait—I’m not saying I can’t do it! But it would require a massive amount of time and mana to prepare the spell…) ”

“Arwf. (What, then you can’t do it? Great. You’re useless.) ”

“S-squeak?! (Wh-what was that?! In the first place, this is your fault for getting so fat!) ”

“A-arwf! (I-I am not fat! Lady Mary said I was nice and cute and chubby!)”

“Squeak. (Breaking the bed like that would not pass for ‘cute.’)”

“…Arwf… (…You’re right…) ”

No point in dragging it out. I have to find a way to solve this. I roll over and out of the half-destroyed bed; then, making sure not to step on any of its shards, I leave the room… Or so I thought.

“…Arwf? (…Huh?) ”

I can’t leave.

“Arwf? Arwf? (Huh? Huh? That’s strange.) ”

I try to start walking again, but I can’t get any farther than the doorway.

“Squeak? (What are you doing?) ”

“A-arwf…?! (N-no, I just, wait, this… Am I stuck?!) ”

You’re kidding, right? Are you serious?

My upper body is out the door, but my stomach is perfectly stuck.

But complaining won’t help. I have to get out of here somehow.

“Arwgh… (Urgh…) ”

Oh, when I planted myself, I got a little farther. If I slowly and gradually add a little force, I think I can get out.

“Squeak. (You shouldn’t try and force yourself out. The door frame is creaking.) ”

“A-arwf, arwf. (I-I can get out. I got through this afternoon somehow. Heave, ho, heave, ho!) ”

I suck in my belly as much as I possibly can and gradually tense my legs. And look—when I do, the resistance holding me back suddenly lessens!

“Arwf! (I did it! I’m out!) ”

I burst out of the room and arrive in the hallway. At the same time, a dissonant snap-crack rings out from behind me.

“…Squeak. (…Well, you’re out now, certainly. But at what cost?) ”

Len points, and I look to see a perfectly destroyed door frame. It’s torn away along with the wall, and so busted up I can’t possibly make an excuse for it.

“Arwf!! (Wahhh?! Now I’ve done it!!) ”

Dust flies, and parts of the wall patter down to the floor. It’s a terrible sight—it looks like a giant burst through here.

“Arwf, arwf! (C-curse this Fenrir body! It’s too powerful!) ”

No regular dog would ever break through a wall!

“Lady Mary! I heard a loud noise! Is everything okay?!”

Th-that voice—Miranda?! Oh, crap! I hear her footsteps dashing up the stairs.

“Nn…nn? Routa, did you do something…?”

Now even the young lady is awake. She’s sitting up in bed, sleepily rubbing her eyes. Wh-what do I do?! What do I do?!

And so, in this critical situation to end all critical situations, I…

…run the hell away.

“Routa! Where are you, Routa?!”

“Nobody’s mad at you! You can come out!”

Lady Mary, Toa, and others from the mansion are searching it up and down, calling my name.

“Arwf. (I’m sorry, Lady Mary, everyone…) ”

I watch them all from my vantage point in the brush a short distance away.

“Arwf… (There’s no way I can face you all in this state…) ”

I swallow my tears and begin walking deeper into the forest. The destruction of the bed and walls, to begin with, was all because I got too fat. I won’t go back to them until I’ve regained my original trim shape.

Yes, I’ve made up my mind. Made it up so hard nothing will break my resolve. Not because I’m scared this will be one of those things where they say they’re not angry, but explode in rage once I go back. Certainly not!

“Squeak. (Well, you’re out of the mansion. What will you do now?) ”

“Arwf! (I have to do something about this body, duh!) ”

I’ve grown too accustomed to the old man’s delicious meals. Food found out in the wild won’t be to my tastes. And if there’s nothing to eat, I’ll obviously have to get thinner.

What an impeccable plan! I’m so great I think I’m falling in love with myself.

“Squeak. (Hmm. I doubt this will go well, but I suppose you may as well try.) ”

“Woof! (Yeah, I’ll get it done! And then you’ll see the strength of my determination!) ”

“Arwf… (I can’t do it…) ”

“Squeak?! (That was quick!!) ”

Len scolds me from atop my head.

“Squeak?! (You are aware that it hasn’t even been three hours, yes?! Do you even know the meaning of the word fasting?) ”

Idiot. Yes, it’s been three whole hours since I went into the forest. Which means it’s already late morning. I haven’t had breakfast, and I won’t have lunch. At this rate I’ll die of starvation.

“Arrrwf… (Waaahhh… I’m so hungry… I’m starving…) ”

I’ve been walking all over without a destination, so I don’t know where I’m even walking to right now. Am I going to burn out the last of my strength in this forest unbeknownst to everyone else?

“Squeak, squeak… (You’ve only just left the mansion, and yet your despair is palpable… In a way, that’s amazing…) ”

“Arwf! (Thanks!) ”

“Squeak! (It wasn’t a compliment!) ”

Then give me a compliment. It’s every pet’s dream to get praised for doing nothing.

“Mrrrow. (Routa, please share your lunch with me.) ”

Nahura appears out of thin air as usual. She has an “anchor” or whatever set up on me. Thanks to that stupid spatial magic of hers, she’s basically glued to me.

“Woof! (Too bad for you. I’m in the middle of being fabulously hungry myself!) ” In fact, if you’ve got lunch, I’d be the one asking for it.

I do Nahura the favor of explaining the story thus far.

“Mew. (I see. I’m amazed you survived not having breakfast. Truly a feat only you could manage.) ”

“Arwf? (Right? I’m great, right?) ”

“Squeak. (Please understand that she is making fun of you in a roundabout manner.) ”

I don’t notice these things because I’m so hungry my brain isn’t functioning.

As I’m wandering around the forest on a still-empty stomach, I suddenly catch a whiff of something.

“Arwf? (Hm? I think I smell something sweet over in that direction.) ”

I turn my nose up and sniff at the scent. I’ve never smelled something like this before, but my appetite says it’s something delicious.

“Arrrwf… (Hmm… I can’t resist this…) ”

“S-squeak?! (H-hey, what happened to your fasting?!) ”

Fasting? Yeah, I’m doing it. The thing is, it’s such a good smell I was thinking I’d partake just by getting a closer whiff. That’s all.

I continue to be drawn in by the aroma, my floppy, bouncing gut a-swinging.

“Arwf. (The smell’s getting better and better.) ”

Actually, isn’t this the smell of someone cooking? I can see a thin billow of smoke in front of me, too—proof that someone’s using fire to cook. I can almost see a few figures doing the work beyond the trees now, too.

This is an undeveloped forest where people never normally venture. Those who live here are either animal or monster. And the ones who recently moved here.

I’ve seen these girls before, with their silvery hair hanging over their ears, stirring that pot over a flame.

“Arwf! (Hey, it’s Aruru and Iruru!) ”

Standing there are the elf girls we saved in the Royal Capital. From oldest to youngest, they’re Aruru, Iruru, Ururu, Eruru, and Oruru—five sisters whose names make me want to complain about the elves’ cheap naming traditions. These two are the eldest and the second eldest.

“Woof, woof? (If you’re all here, does that mean this is where the village was? The one you wanted to restore?) ”

“Lord Routa?! How long have you been there…?! Also, I deeply apologize for not being able to properly greet you back then…!”

When she says back then , maybe she means when we passed each other before in the forest. We were in a hurry at the time, too, after all. I told them I’d come to play sometime, but then I forgot.

“Woof, woof. (No, it’s okay. Sorry for imposing so suddenly. Is this everyone’s new village?) ”

I stop Aruru and Iruru’s bowing and look over the village. Several houses have been built around large trees. They’re kind of like treehouses, or secret bases, huh? And it isn’t just the elf sisters—others I don’t know are here, too. They’re hard at work, hammers in hand.

“Yes. We’ve been slowly calling the other villagers who got separated from us here, so it’s going quite well. And everything is thanks to you, the King of the Fen Wolves, Lord Routa!” says Iruru, softly smiling and bowing her head to me.

“Arwf. (I mean, I didn’t do anything.) ”

Papa’s the one sending the money so they can revive the village, and the land also belongs to him. The only thing I really ended up doing was saving these girls when they were caught by the slave trader. And even then, Hecate and the rest were helping me, too, so they’re whom you should be thanking.

“Still, if not for your control over the forest, we would never have been able to live here together.”

“Iruru and I probably would have been forced into prostitution, and our fleeing friends would have eventually died in the wild.”

Hmm. You can thank me for all that if you want. It won’t change the fact that I’m just a humble pet dog.

But their eyes are sparkling as they look at me; they don’t seem to be ready to listen to that. It’s getting to be a pain, so let’s leave it at this.

“Ah, we can’t be standing around! Everyone, gather round! Make preparations to receive Lord Routa!”

In response to Aruru’s call, everyone in the village assembles, wondering what the commotion is all about.

“Oh, it’s our king!”

“Welcome back, Lord Routa!”

“It has been a long time, Lord Routa.”

The three former-bandit sisters are in the bunch, too. The one wearing the neutral expression is Ururu. The tiny one with glasses is Eruru. The tallest of them and the one who seems to be the most put-together is the youngest, Oruru.

Ururu definitely looks like a middle child, but while Eruru is tiny, Oruru has developed far too much in certain places. It’s hard to believe she’s the youngest.

“Elves vary greatly from individual to individual when it comes to growth… Our appearances don’t change much once we reach maturity.”

Oruru’s right. The elves gathered here all look young, but I have no idea who’s older than whom.

Every one of them is beautiful, though—just what I’d expect from elves. It’s not hard to see why they would be preferred among slave traders. Slaves who stay young forever and have inherent value in their rarity would naturally drive up prices.

They won’t be in that sort of danger now that they’re in this forest protected by Fen Wolves. Hopefully they’ll be able to live in peace.

I made absolutely sure Garo and the others were aware, too. The Fen Wolves should have changed their patrol routes to include this village.

Still, everyone really looks young. I wonder if elves can tell the difference?

“Arwf. (What about Hecate? How does she look to all of you? I can’t even get close to telling what age she is.) ”

“Lady Luluarus? Oh, she’s been a famed, powerful magician ever since my grandmother’s grandmother was just a baby. She’s incredibly old even by elven standards, I suspect. I don’t think even the longer-lived elves are known to survive that long.”

Wait, she’s that advanced in age? Should I be calling her Grandma Hecate next time I see her? No, wait. Whenever I start talking like that, she shows up from out of nowhere, so I’m going to stop right there. I’m way too afraid of her rage. She could impale me with the icy daggers of her glare alone.

“Now then, if you’ll excuse me for a moment. All right, everyone, help out! Treat Lord Routa as our esteemed guest and show him our humble gratitude!”

“““Yes, ma’am!”””

Aruru claps her hands, and the elf girls all respond cheerfully.

“Lord Routa, please come this way. I’m going to boil some water, so you can relax while I cook.”

Iruru squats a little, trying to lead me farther in.

“A-arwf? (Huh? Oh, actually, I’m in the middle of a diet. I’ve gotta get rid of all this squishy fat, you see.) ”

“Now, now, don’t be modest. Please, Lord Routa, allow us to show you our gratitude in whatever small ways we can.”

Hmm. Could anyone refuse a plea given with such teary eyes? I think not.

“And elven cooking uses a lot of berries and fruit, so it’s very nutritious, too.”

“Arwf, arwf! (Oh, well, then I can have as much as I want! I’m gonna eat tons!) ”

“Squeak. (She said it’s healthy, not that you’d grow thinner… And once again, the women in your vicinity have multiplied…) ”

“Mrow! (Ah-ha-ha! Routa is popular with ladies no matter what race they are, huh?) ”

The elves are inviting me in, so it would be rude of me to not partake of their hospitality.

I’m relaxing, sprawled out in a big bathtub made from a dead, hollowed-out tree stump.

“Arrrwf… (Ahhh… This bath feels sooo good!) ”

Herbs and fruits float in the bathwater, their chemical compositions making me feel really nice and warm.

“Okay, Lord Routa, please have this.”

Aruru offers a fruit skewered on a fork to me. It has a savory aroma. Did she sauté it with butter?

“Munch, munch. (This is great. Cooked fruit is better than I thought it’d be.) ”

I used to be the kind of guy who couldn’t tolerate pineapple on sweet-and-sour pork, but this? This could definitely work. Its inherent sweetness is even stronger, maybe because of the saltiness of the butter, and the way the juices flow out when I eat it is amazing. Every time I bite down, it makes a wet crunching sound.

“My lord, my lord! Have this, too!”

“This soup is very tasty as well.”

“My lord, here is a mushroom skewer.”

“Oh, stop it, everyone. Lord Routa will be bothered if you all try to feed him at once… But would you care for some of this juice, Lord Routa?”

From berry pies to vegetable soups, the elf girls personally feed me dish after dish, all of them delicious in a different way from the old man’s cooking.

“Arwf, arwf! (I’ll eat them, I’ll eat them all!) ”

Dishes are proffered to me from every direction, and I devour all of them as they come.

The bath feels great, the food tastes great, and the elves are cute. Is this heaven?

“…Squeak. (…You’ve completely forgotten your goal, haven’t you?) ” groans Len as she munches on some nuts.

Goal? What was my goal again?

“Mew! (Ah-ha-ha! I don’t think this is going to work,) ” laughs Nahura as she sips on some soup.

Not going to work? What’s not going to work? Come to think of it, why did I come to the forest like this, anyway?

“Lord Routa, is something amiss? You’ve stopped eating. Is the food not to your liking?”

“Arwf, arwf. (No, not at all. It’s totally good. I could eat this stuff all day.) ”

“Ah, very good. Keep it coming, everyone.”

“““Yes, ma’am!”””

Huh? Wasn’t I thinking about something just now? What was it? I’ve forgotten. Must not have been important anyway.

And so I gorge myself on the elven regional dishes, which fly at me one after another.

As a result…

“Arrrwf?! (Am… Am I even fatter than before?!) ”

“Squeak. (Of course, you are. You’ve been wolfing down everything these elves tell you to.) ”

Having gotten significantly heavier in a very short time, I drag my rotund body out of the bath.

“Arwf… (U-urgh… I can’t believe I let myself get even bigger…) ”

“Squeak… (That’s why I told you… Your lack of self-restraint is remarkable…) ”

“Arwf. (Thanks.) ”

“Squeak. (Once again, that wasn’t a compliment.) ”

When I shake myself dry, the elves look at me with anxious faces.

“L-Lord Routa? Have we made some sort of mistake…?!”

“Woof, woof. (No, no. Thanks for the hospitality, everyone. But I have an important goal to accomplish, so I’ve gotta go now.) ”

I turn my back to the elves. I can’t remain here any longer.

“B-but, Lord Routa…!”

“Please, stay in this village forever…!”

“Please don’t go, Lord Routa…!”

I’m sorry, everyone. We’ll meet again someday.

“““Lord Routa!!”””

I turn my back to the elves trying to stop me, fight back the tears, and set off.

“…Squeak. (…Look, this is not as tragic a farewell as you’re making it out to be.) ”

“Arwf… (Phew… That was a close one. If I’d stayed there much longer, I would have gone past the point of no return.) ”

“Mrow! (Well, I think it’s probably too late for that!) ”

“Squeak. (It took you far too long, but you’ve done well to finally realize it yourself.) ”

Sweet! I got a compliment.

That’s right. This time, I’m really determined. If I go past the point of no return, it will be at the young lady’s side. I’m going to get my slim body back and return to my eat-and-sleep lifestyle with her.

“Squeak… (Perhaps I should retract my last statement…) ”

“Arwf, arwf. (What am I going to do, though? I doubt I’ll be able to fight my appetite.) ”

“Squeak. (Indeed. I knew that from the beginning.) ”

Wait… What?! How could she know a fact in advance that I didn’t even realize?! I have to say, she has a terrifying power of insight.

“Squeak. (It’s because I don’t go along with your antics.) ”

Please go along with my antics. It’s lonely otherwise!

“Mrow, mrow?! (Oh, then I have an idea! Why not exercise to lose weight? If you move more than you eat, won’t you get thinner?) ”

“Arwf! (That’s it! Nahura, are you some kind of genius?!) ”

“Mew. (Eh-heh-heh, you think so? I think anyone would have come up with the same idea normally.) ”

“Squeak. (He is a natural-born good-for-nothing, so I suppose it can’t be helped.) ”

I think they’re saying some pretty mean things about me. But now I have a path to pursue.

“Arwf! (Great, in that case, time to exercise! I’ll start with the basics. Let’s run!) ”

I get Len and Nahura onto my back and launch into a full-speed sprint.

Burn, my Cosmo! Or rather, my fat! I’ll burn off every last bit of excess fat I’ve accumulated in my body!

Jumping over tree roots, parting the underbrush, leaping over streams. As expected of my Fenrir body. Even after it’s changed into a marshmallow, its movements haven’t grown dull.

As I start to think about going all the way to the forest’s edge, I hear a familiar voice.

“Grwl, grwl! (You there! Don’t break formation! A moment’s carelessness can spell death! Assume any slipup means the entire unit will die!) ”

This sharply reverberating voice belongs to the princess of the Fen Wolves, Garo.

When I run in the direction of her voice, many other Fen Wolves aside from her are gathered there.

Garo barks an order, and they swiftly change formation in response, going back and forth through the forest. They must be doing some kind of training.

“Woof, woof! (Yo, Garo! Whatcha doin’ out here?) ”

“G-grwl! (M-my king! I’m terribly sorry for not coming out to meet you!) ”

“Arwf… (Actually, it’s scarier when you immediately appear as soon as I call you, so…) ”

She’s always so close by that I sometimes feel like she’s stalking me. The instant I call her, she seems to appear behind me. It’s enough to spook anyone a little. So please, stop doing that.

But she seems to have been in the forest all day today, doing something.

“Arwf, arwf? (What’s all this, then? Are you having some kind of event?) ”

What would a Fen Wolf event even be like? Hunting? A duel? Everything I think of is fraught with danger.

“Grwl. (Yes, my king. I am training the young Fen Wolves before they go into real battle!) ”

Training. Coupled with the soldierly impression Garo gives off, I can feel the military atmosphere from here.

“Arwf? (Like what they call boot camp, then?) ”

Exhaustion is plain on the faces of the young Fen Wolves lined up in front of Garo and me, but they have fierce looks on their faces.

“Grwl, grwl! (Our military drills are so perfect that we will have no problems should war with human tribes break out at any moment!) ”

“Woof, woof. (Err, like I said, though, don’t fight them, all right? I thought I made it clear that everyone should get along.) ”

“Grwl… (Indeed, however…) ” Garo’s ears droop in disappointment.

It’s adorable, but I need to put my foot down on this. With this millennium-old grudge or whatever, the Fen Wolves’ hostility toward humans won’t die out so easily.

What am I to do? Still, the old man’s food has softened them up quite a bit. Fortunately, it seems like they’ll get on well with the elves currently building their village in the woods. They’re all loyal to my commands, so hopefully we can build a good relationship with them, but…

“Arwf, arwf… (Training, huh…) ”

Given their race, they were strong to begin with, and now they’re bettering themselves out here even more? I mean, they are strong. They’d be able to control the entire forest.

“Meeew. (Routa, training with them might be a convenient way to lose weight, wouldn’t it?) ” Nahura snickers.

“Arwf! (That’s it!) ”

Everything’s clicked into place. Man, Nahura, you’re good. Wide awake today, I see.

“M-mew? (Wait, are you serious? I was only joking… Doesn’t this training the wolves are doing look kind of tough…?) ”

I concur. But circumstances being what they are, I don’t have any options left.

“Arwf, arwf. (I need to lose weight as fast as possible and go back to the young lady. It doesn’t matter if it’s a little tough—if there’s any way to slim down quickly, I’ll take that over the alternative.) ”

I doubt Lady Mary could handle many days of me not being around. She was bawling her eyes out when I left the mansion to look for her medicine, too.

Actually, I’m the one who won’t be able to endure it for much longer. I don’t have enough Mary in my life right now. I’ll have to get a refill by having her pet me.

“G-grwl…? (My king, are you by chance discussing joining this training yourself…?) ” asks Garo as though she’s frightened by the prospect.

“Woof! (Yeah, if that’s okay, Garo! No need for modesty. Do your worst!) ”

“G-grwl, grwl! (I-I could never! A great and wise king such as yourself has no need of lowly training routines! The very thought of you covered in mud along with the new recruits—) ”

“Woof, woof. (About that. I’m a newborn Fen Wolf myself, y’know. I’m basically a new recruit. Just like them. Come on, Garo. You’re the only one I can ask for this.) ”

“G-grwl?! (I’m the only one?!) ”

Garo jumps, as though surprised, and then closes her eyes for a short time.

“…Grwl. (…Understood, my king. If you would deign to place that much trust in me, I must endeavor to repay it.) ”

She quickly assumes a sitting posture.

“Grwl! (I, Garo, shall dedicate my existence to training our king into a first-rate soldier!) ”

W-wait. Did I say something I shouldn’t have? I didn’t flip some weird switch in her brain, did I?

Garo’s eyes sharpen, and suddenly I’m not feeling so good about this.

“A-arwf, arwf…? (U-um, Garo? Go easy on me, please. I know I said to do your worst, but maybe you could fit a little bit of gentleness in there—) ”

“Grgrwl!! (Shut up, recruit!!) ”

“A-arwf?! (E-eep?!) ”

“Grwl, grwl! (You will speak only when spoken to! Get moving, now, instead of opening that filthy sewer you call a mouth! Do you understand me, maggot?!) ”

She’s a drill sergeant?!

Her personality transformed, Garo barks at me, a whip getting me in line.

“Mew! (Do your best, Routa!) ”

“Squeak! (We shall be watching over you from here!) ”

At some point Nahura and Len left me and climbed up a tree. Damn it, how dare you two weasel out of this!