PROLOGUE

Hom.

Now, what could this noise be?

It didn’t sound like om, similar to the pronunciation of the French word homme, by the way.

It wasn’t pronounced houm like the English word home, either.

This meant it wasn’t French or English.

The answer was that it was Shiren biting into Ryouta. Hom, as it were.

“Yeeeeeoooooooowwwww!”

Three seconds later, Ryouta leaped from his bed.

The more she bit him, the more his cries evolved into sounds humans would have trouble imitating.

“Come on! Stop biting me! You’re leaving marks!” Ryouta snapped, but naturally, his assailant found no fault with what she was doing.

The one sinking her fangs into Ryouta Fuyukura’s neck was a lovely girl with blond pigtails who was considerably shorter than he was.

Her name was Shiren Fuyukura.

With no other context, she looked like Ryouta’s little sister, but their relationship wasn’t that simple.

“No, I’m going to bite you. I’m going to bite you a lot, in fact. You are a minion, and you are not to wake up any later than your master.”

Indeed—Ryouta was the minion of a Sacred Blooded girl named Shiren Fuyukura. To be precise, he was a minion by force. Due to their master-servant relationship, his last name was now officially Fuyukura. Well, it wasn’t technically “official,” since it wasn’t recognized by Japanese law, but it was as official as could be in the Sacred Blood Empire.

“It’s six thirty right now. When did you wake up?”

“Six fifteen and thirty-seven seconds.”

“Just sleep in till seven. We’ll still be on time for school!”

She was clearly getting up early to bite him.

“But you won’t let me bite you if I don’t get up earlier than you.”

That was a rule in the Fuyukura household, one Shiren had made up on her own without consulting him.

Adult Sacred Blooded people had the power to make humans follow their orders by biting them. But since Shiren was not yet mature, she didn’t seem to have that power, and so Ryouta was still a normal Japanese person.

In spite of this, she leaped at every opportunity she got to bite him, ready to seize the moment he would finally be her minion.

By the way, this wasn’t a punishment. For that, she had more effective methods, like poking him in the eyes. (Don’t try this at home, kids.)

“Okay, but I’m awake now, so no more biting.”

“No need to be so stiff. I’ll only have a little.”

“The answer is no.”

“C’mon! Lemme have a li’l nibble! ”

You could almost hear the crickets.

“You really left shame at the door for that one, huh…?”

It was awkward any way you sliced it.

Shiren’s face flushed bright crimson. Before long, it would match the color of her uniform. “Stop! It hurts even more when you’re so blunt about it!”

“Now that I’m awake, I’m not letting you have any. That’s the rule.”

“I thought you’d say that.” Shiren took three steps away from Ryouta.

“What, are you finally giving up?”

“No, quite the opposite. I’m going to make you my full-fledged minion once and for all! Hop, skip, and jump!”

With a brief running start, she leaped at him with utter determination. Her pigtails formed a brilliant arc in the air.

And since she came at him face-first, he couldn’t block with his arms. She was probably okay with biting him there anyway.

It was an unblockable secret technique!

“How’s this?! You can’t stop me this time!”

“That’s low!”

“Now serve me!”

And in retaliation, Ryouta…stepped to the side.

“Ah—”

With that, Shiren became lodged in the bed.

She wasn’t a sword, of course, but with her face stuck in the blanket and her body straight as an arrow, she was somehow pulling off a hands-free headstand.

“I’m impressed that you can keep your balance in that position.”

After his color commentary, Ryouta “plucked” Shiren from the bed, like pulling a sword from a stone.

She easily fell into his arms, bridal-style. He had finally gotten used to this routine, so carrying her this way no longer made him blush.

“It’s my loss today. I’m going to go back to sleep for a bit, so take me to my bed.”

“You need to live a more independent lifestyle. Also, don’t go back to sleep.”

“Who cares? I am your master, and you will obey me!”

“Yes, yes, understood, Master.”

With a defeated sigh, Ryouta delivered Shiren to her bed.

When he was done packing lunch, Ryouta started preparing breakfast.

Most of it was leftovers from dinner the night before, which was primarily traditional Japanese food. That’s because Shiren insisted on it. Cooking was one of Ryouta’s few hobbies, so getting everything ready really wasn’t all that bad.

“Mm. It smells like miso soup. Good morning, Ryouta. Thank you for breakfast again today.” Shiren came down from the second floor.

“You really do appear when you smell food.”

“Silence. I shall now gracefully read the newspaper.”

With a cup of piping hot tea in one hand, Shiren perused the paper (and she had poured the tea herself, of course).

The Fuyukura household had the First National Sacred Blood newspaper delivered. It was apparently the best-selling newspaper in the whole Empire.

From what Ryouta could see, she was skipping straight to the comics.

“Hmm. You’re Rouko, I’m Kouko! is attacking the crazies again today. Author Kin Hayashimori gets it. I like how its ideology is consistent with the newspaper, how he’s ready to outpace his readers.”

“Newspapers are mostly for people middle-aged and older… It doesn’t fit you at all.”

You’re Rouko, I’m Kouko! was a short, four-panel comic strip about main character Kouko (a second-year middle schooler and natural-born leader whose name is written with the same characters as Confucius) and her friend Rouko (another second-year middle schooler and silent type whose name is written with the same characters as Laozi) bickering and fighting over philosophy. It was authored by Kin Hayashimori.

“Either way, I wasn’t really sold on Rouko being a good girl’s name, but I’m used to it now. That’s the scary part.”

“If it’s interesting, I have no complaints.”

“But I’ve been a bit worried about the increased frequency of Sonko [second-year junior high schooler and the loud one, whose name is written with the same characters as Sun Tzu] moving the story along with those absurd weapons. Sure, you can overcome anything with the power of science! and that makes it easy to create stories, but I don’t like how it’s lessening the comic’s original appeal, which was Kouko’s and Rouko’s surreal questions and answers. It’s like a kids’ manga that was originally a romance but turned into an action story partway through. At any rate, the art style really solidified by the fourth volume, so that’s good. But now all the characters seem shorter than they were originally.”

“It’s just a newspaper comic strip! It’s not that deep!”

The full manga for You’re Rouko, I’m Kouko! was on sale, published by First National Sacred Blood Newspaper Publishing.

“Let’s see, any other news…? Oh, the price of blood has gone up again. This will make life harder for the common folk. Tobacco, too? Sure, whatever. The price of beef bowls is down. And another two percent raise on the consumption tax? Okay.”

“Okay?! That is not okay! I didn’t know they were raising taxes! We’re already so tight on money…”

Ryouta dragged his hands down his face at the table.

By the way, this wasn’t a Japanese tax; this was an Imperial tax.

Their address was 3-6 West Garden at the Imperial Palace, Sacred Blood Empire 1-58211.

This area, originally the city of Akinomiya in the country of Japan, had been taken over by a vampiric people called the Sacred Blooded about six months prior.

The border was normally closed, and no Japanese people should have been able to get through. But the clueless Ryouta had had no way of knowing about the Empire and ended up coming in by climbing the mountain from the neighboring city of Oshiro. It was a good example of how ignorance in an information society could be fatal.

Shiren Fuyukura found him and made him her minion, and the rest is history.

Well, technically, he was only in the awkward position of minion candidate.

“It says why they’re raising taxes right here. The emperor—I mean, Big Sis says, ‘I have been suffering discomfort because of the stinkbugs in my room, so my subjects must feel discomfort as well.’”

“Ouka’s gonna get herself assassinated…”

The Sacred Blooded Emperor, Ouka Sarano, was Shiren’s older sister and Ryouta’s first crush from elementary school. And her real name was extremely long: Ouka Elisabeta Alexandra Florentina Sylvia Rosanna Sarano. It was probably a pain to write on her tests.

“There’s a comment here, too: By the way, I heard that stinkbugs are tasty—supposedly, they taste like cilantro. Why don’t you try one? Just eat a stinkbug if you’re out of bread. I, on the other hand, hate cilantro, so I won’t be having any.”

“Is she asking for a violent uprising and a trip to the guillotine?!”

“But the country is doing its very best to reduce unnecessary spending. We closed the tax complaint telephone line yesterday, for example.”

“She has no intention of listening to anyone’s complaints!”

“These are trying times, but I believe that my people can overcome them.”

“The conclusion sounds nice, but it’s not convincing!”

Well, it did sound like Ouka.

“Don’t shout too loudly. Big Sis’ll hear you. It’s embarrassing enough to be heard outside. The walls in this house are pretty thin.”

“Right, we’re on the castle grounds. But we don’t get any of the perks of living here.”

Ryouta and Shiren’s house was a new installation to the castle garden that felt like it had been built over forty years ago. That sounds weird, but it’s true. The old-fashioned air of the place made it hard to believe it was new.

Shiren had been officially recognized as Ouka’s little sister and allowed to live on castle grounds, but she didn’t take the Imperial last name of Sarano. She was still Shiren Fuyukura. Ryouta had never asked for the reason, but it was likely that she was fond of the name after using it for so long.

But there was no harm in asking, was there?

“Hey, I was just wondering. Why don’t you use the last name Sarano? Ouka even gave you permission.”

“It’s too annoying to write.”

“Sorry. I was an idiot for expecting a serious reason.”

There was nothing wrong with wanting things easy, but he would have preferred if she were more aware of her position as the emperor’s younger sister.

“Sigh… I didn’t want to live in this run-down place. I was thinking more of a dreamlike castle… I want to lounge on a fluffy sofa or a fluffy bed, with a one-hundred-inch TV, and burn wads of money for lighting, and have my servants warm my shoes in their shirts, and drink sake from the skulls of military generals who I killed myself, and call myself the Demon Lord of the Sixth Heaven. You know.”

“Who are you, Nobunaga Oda?!”

Shiren moodily shoveled rice into her mouth.

As far as Ryouta was concerned, if she was fine with a simple bowl of rice, she would never acclimate to castle life.

“Then why don’t you ask? She’s your sister, right? You could at least—”

“I can’t.”

“That was fast. What’s your proof?”

“I think Big Sis hates me.”

Shiren spoke, cradling her head in her hands. Her pigtails swayed slightly. This was the reaction of one who believed she was out of options.

“What? No way. You just made that up, didn’t you? If she still hates you, then you really messed up. Can you think of any reason why she would?”

“I put a paper cup in the plastic bottle recycling box in the garden.”

“Then sort your trash better?”

Shiren could stand to live a greener lifestyle.

“I was on the bus, but I didn’t have any small change, so it took a long time when I got off. I only had a five-thousand-yen note.”

“Always have small change on you, or you’ll bother the other passengers.”

Once she started listing them out, they were just mundane annoyances.

“I didn’t eat any of the parsley in my lunch from the convenience store.”

“That’s not a crime. You really remember every detail, don’t you?!”

“Oh, and I borrowed a comic from her and kept it for two weeks, even though I said I’d give it back after one.”

“These are all minor offenses!”

“Nrgh, Big Sis always remembers the little things… She says she knows pi to the eleventh digit.”

“I…don’t know if you can brag about knowledge like that, but regardless! It really doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything to make her hate you. I think you’ve got the wrong idea.” He wouldn’t want Ouka as the emperor if she would get mad over tiny things like that. “Are you sure there isn’t actually something you—?”

Shiren glanced briefly at Ryouta, and there was something about that little motion that caught his attention. She seemed to want to tell him something but was afraid to.

“Wait, Shiren, don’t tell me—”

“You understand? My minion is so sharp.” Her gaze turned affectionate.

“……Are you gonna bite me again? Sorry, the blood bank is closed today! I’m pretty sure you don’t understand, since you’ve never been bitten, but it hurts, okay?!”

“No! You dolt!” Shiren said and jabbed him in the eyes.

“Gah! I can’t see! The world’s gone daaark!”

Ryouta rolled around on the ground, hysterical.

This action-packed scene was business as usual for their meals together.

“Ryouta, aren’t your grades in Japanese kind of bad? The teacher said you lack reading comprehension.”

“No, that’s not true… But wait, why are you so angry with me…?”

“It’s a minion’s duty to consider his master’s feelings!”

“Fine, I get it. I’ll buy as many of your favorite tomatoes as you like.”

But Shiren’s expression told him that nothing he could say would help. She looked crestfallen. “…After school, I’m going to poke you in the eyes all I want.”

“Then don’t look so miserable about it!”

And so the time to go to school was creeping ever so slowly toward them.

“Sigh, I don’t wanna go to school.” When he thought about the hours of endless anxiety, Ryouta could feel his energy draining away.

“I don’t want to go, either…”

Shiren also sighed with exhaustion.

To put it briefly, they had a lot of enemies at school.