EPISODE 1

LET’S DO OUR BEST TO BUY A YUKATA!

Tamaki Shijou’s family ran a convenience store called Nine-to-Eleven.

Unfortunately, their sales weren’t excellent, so Tamaki was the one to stand at the register during nights.

That sounded like a handful, but since there were barely any customers, she could do homework while she manned the counter. The place used to be open twenty-four hours, but so few people showed up in the middle of the night, they shortened the open hours from nine AM to eleven PM.

“Sigh… At this rate, we’ll be out of business by the time I graduate high school…”

Tamaki sighed, looking around the empty shop.

Honestly, this couldn’t be a good thing.

“I don’t mind having no work, but I don’t want my family to lose their livelihood… I don’t want to have to flee in the middle of the night… I shouldn’t have to experience that any more than twice in my lifetime… I mean, that was our fault. We didn’t realize that Dad had secretly donated ten million yen to a suspicious new cult. And Mom even started believing in it when she went to stop him. I remember wondering if I could eat cardboard, since I had so little money. Those were the days. It was a painful time, but it’s a lovely memory now that I look back on it. Sigh, I wonder what my dad before the dad before the dad before the last is doing right now.”

*Please forgive us for including serious content that’s unsuited for light novels.

Tamaki continued to mumble as she read her book.

Its title was You Can Change Today! If You Can’t, You Suck.

The shelves in Tamaki’s house were crammed full of self-help publications.

“Wow, what a wonderful thing it says here. When you smile, things around you change; you can start thinking positively. I see. That’s true. People need to think optimistically.”

“For example, even if this convenience store will be out of business soon, even if I have to flee from my debts again, even if I have no money to go to college, even if everyone in class forgets who I am, even if my family stops talking to one another, even if seventy percent of my life so far has been nothing but pain, even if ninety percent of all people end up going to hell and having a terrible time, even if all the hard work I could put in changes absolutely nothing about the world, I still have to think and live positively. Negative people have no business living, or even existing.”

*You might think her annoying, but she is serious. Please forgive her.

Then the door chimed as someone entered the store. For once.

“Who could it be? Is it that college student buying Pleasure Heaven again? We have so few patrons that I remember his face. He always does terrible things, like reading through the entirety of Jump without ever buying it, so I don’t know what to do with him… And he always bends the covers…”

But whoever had come in had a different air about them, flooding the store with an aura so noble that it couldn’t be hidden.

“Good evening~. How is business? Things going okay~? It’s me, Alfoncina.”

Tamaki’s customer was Alfoncina XIII.

She was the archbishop of the Holy Church of the Sacred Blood, the top of this nation’s clergy.

Naturally, that made her important.

“O-o-o-oh! If it isn’t Your Excellency! Why have you come out here to this empty sack of a store?!” Tamaki immediately bowed her head. Defer to your betters was the Shijou family motto.

“We go to the same high school, so you really don’t have to be that formal with me~. All of humanity are our brothers and sisters.” Alfoncina was currently eighteen and in her last year in high school. “Yes, I am a sister to all humanity. So that puts younger girls like you in my little sister role.”

“I doubt there is anyone that would be happy to be related to me…”

“On the contrary, it’s much better we’re not related!” Alfoncina declared for reasons unclear. “It’s good that you work hard, but the best thing to do is hardly work!”

“Hardly work? Now that you mention it, this store has hardly any profits…”

Tamaki was so negative that not even Alfoncina could cheer her up.

“I’m sorry. We got off topic. I came because I wanted to put up a poster.” Alfoncina produced a round tube, presumably containing the poster in question. “And it isn’t for an anime. That said, it’s not a pinup of me in a swimsuit, either.”

“Now that you mention it, you’re selling a photo collection in Japan to acquire foreign currency, aren’t you?”

This wasn’t a very intelligent conversation, but it was true. Alfoncina tended to act as if she were an idol in Japan, professing to be the Unbelievably Cute Archbishop.

“Then what is it? Please don’t tell me there’s a notice that says PROPERTY SEIZED inside… I’m afraid of this business going under… So much so that I’ve started to dream about it lately…”

“Not that at all. Have a look.”

Alfoncina unfurled the poster.

Written on it were the words:

“I see. The autumn festival.”

“Yes, this is a poster for the traditional Sacred Blooded Autumn Festival.”

“It’s the first one, though—so isn’t it strange to call it traditional?”

“God says that one is all, and all is many, so one contains many, which means there is no problem in calling the first instance of the celebration ‘traditional.’”

“I suppose if God says so, then it’s true.” Tamaki Shijou always deferred to authority.

“Most everyone knows about the festival already, but just in case, I’m putting these up in places where a lot of people will see them.”

“This store barely sees any customers.”

“Just put it up already! ” Alfoncina, finding it annoying to comfort Tamaki for every single negative thought she voiced, decided to get her way forcibly.

“Yes, I cannot go against Your Excellency’s word…”

“Naturally, higher attendance means more money, but it is a celebration. All we really want is for people to enjoy themselves. It’s our first autumn festival since the Empire was founded, after all.”

Alfoncina wore a pleasant expression as she spoke. The whole thing wasn’t very convincing, however, since she’d mentioned making money.

“Festivals are birthplaces for new things. Love, for example. You always hear about people confessing their affection during such events. You see? That extraordinary atmosphere frees people. Introverted girls usually find new courage and are reborn, too.”

“Introverted girls are reborn…”

“Exactly.”

Alfoncina looked at Tamaki with a slight smile. At the end of the day, this third-year high schooler kept a keen eye on her juniors.

“That’s why I know you can do it, Tamaki.”

“Do what? What do you mean?”

“You have such beautiful black hair. I’m sure you’d look great in a yukata~.”

“Gasp…” Tamaki recoiled slightly. She had actually been making plans to do just that. Pulling a whole new Tamaki out of nowhere was a bit too much, but she could at least wear a yukata.

“I saw cute ones in the window of a shop nearby~. One of those could be nice~. Especially that bright one with the flowers on it. I think it’d suit you perfectly.”

“Gasp, gasp…”

How does she know…? Tamaki wondered. She had been thinking about how she wanted that exact yukata. It had been displayed prominently in the store, sure, but Tamaki also thought its style suited her best.

That magnificent yukata had made Tamaki think that wearing it, even for just one day, would be enough to transform her.

“Why does your face say, I can’t believe you know that? Seems like I hit the mark. I am the archbishop. Understanding the minds of others is part of the job.”

“You’re incredible, Your Excellency…”

“Yes, praise me! I can’t wait to see how beautiful you’ll look, Tamaki. But that yukata is a little expensive. Can you afford it? I think it was around fifty thousand sacred yen.”

Indeed—that was not an easily affordable price for high schoolers. Fifty thousand sacred yen was about fifty thousand yen.

“It’s all right. I’ve been saving up bit by bit; I have about forty thousand sacred yen. It’s almost my birthday, so if I receive the last ten thousand in advance…”

Alfoncina took out her cell phone and tapped the screen.

“Ah, your birthday’s right on the day of the festival, isn’t it, Tamaki?”

“Yes, that’s correct. Wait, why do you know my birthday? My personal information is worthless.”

“I keep all the particulars of my followers in my safekeeping. And since this is a state religion, I have the data on all citizens.”

“What a dangerous society this is…”

There were a few potential issues with how everyone’s personal information was being managed.

“It’s fine. I’m the archbishop; if I say it, then it’s fine.”

“Yes, you’re right, there’s no problem.” Tamaki instantly caved.

Regardless, her goal was getting that yukata. She couldn’t let her mind stray.

Once again, the door chime rang. Tamaki looked toward the entrance, wondering who had arrived this time. “Oh, we don’t usually get customers. Welco—”

The person was moving so fast that Tamaki couldn’t get a good glimpse at who it might be. After some effort, she saw someone in the back with a big, white bag.

First, they headed to the shelves with instant noodles and ready-made food. Then they went to the drink corner across the aisle from the register. Next, the person moved to the bread section, almost empty because it was late at night. Following that, it was the fresh vegetable corner. From there, they proceeded to the boxed lunch corner, also nearly barren because of the time. Finally, the individual snatched some plum gummies from the shelf right in front of the register and then departed from the shop.

The door chimed again. This time, announcing that a person had left.

“What a whirlwind of a customer that was~.”

“Wait, they didn’t pay…”

The shelves were empty. Almost all of the store’s food had vanished in the blink of an eye.

It seemed Tamaki had been robbed.

“That was shoplifting! I just lost so much merchandise! Waaaah! I should have been more cautious! Does this mean it doesn’t matter if I stand at the register or not? I have never heard of anyone putting things in a bag and then vanishing!”

“Oh, they left a note in the fresh foods corner.” Alfoncina had spotted a piece of scratch paper on the floor.

Not a lot of fried food. Carrots not very fresh.

“They literally left a review! This robber gave us two stars and a rude comment!”

After hearing Tamaki’s outcry, her family came in. The sight of the empty shelves told them all they needed to know.

“Alas…,” said Father.

“Alack…,” said Mother.

“Indeed…,” said Grandmother.

Everyone reflected on the unfortunate state of things.

Then Tamaki’s father spoke up.

“Sorry, Tamaki, the damage is pretty bad, so we won’t be able to get anything for you for your birthday…”

“I—I understand…” Tamaki nodded, her eyes welling with tears.

She wouldn’t be able to buy that yukata now… Well, a high schooler could still pick up some part-time work and earn ten thousand sacred yen before the festival…

“Actually, we might have to borrow a bit from your savings to survive… Ten thousand or so.”

There came the fatal blow.

“I—I understand… I always have the worst luck when I try for center stage. This is fine. And we all lived happily ever after…”

Tamaki cried.

“This is too much. I want to help her,” Alfoncina murmured as she watched the dreadful scene. The archbishop still led a life of service, after all. “But it’s not like I can simply buy the yukata for her. Tamaki herself has to feel like she earned it, so maybe if I throw together some kind of quest…”

Clap.

Alfoncina suddenly brought her hands together.

“Yes. That’ll work!”

The archbishop went home with the satisfaction of finding a good idea lighting up her face.

The grief-stricken Shijou family were left to themselves.

“This is so spicy! What the hey! I can feel it prickling my nose! You planned this, didn’t you, Ryouta?!”

Shiren’s voice roused the young man from slumber. If she was reacting this way, his scheme had worked.

“I rubbed wasabi on my neck for when you came to bite me.”

Shiren would get up early in the morning while Ryouta was still asleep to bite into his neck.

She tried to justify it (“I must say that you lack in servile spirit if you do not arise earlier than your master, so this is your punishment”), but the real point was that she was getting up sooner than expected because Ryouta never let her bite him.

He used to wake up super early as a countermeasure, but that didn’t work. It had only caused Shiren to awaken even earlier.

That time, she’d also reasoned, “Waking up later than your master counts as sleeping in. Therefore, I must punish you.”

Clearly, she was only getting up to bite Ryouta.

That was why he’d had to think up another plan. The wasabi was the strategy he’d settled on.

“You impudent… Heh, but very crafty. In better times, you would have been a general ranked up there with the likes of Kongming or Yamamoto Kansuke…”

“What? I just put wasabi on myself. Are you sure it’s worth all the praise?”

“Well, I suppose you’re serving me, so I should receive the accolades.”

“You only wanted to compliment yourself!”

“But I’ll make you my minion officially one day! Sometime soon, you’ll see!”

“Why do you sound like a villain who gets defeated every week?”

Ryouta was a Japanese boy who had mistakenly wandered into the Sacred Blood Empire. Right now, he was living as Shiren’s (provisional) minion.

With a single bite, the Sacred Blooded could make humans their minions, vassals who obeyed every order. Shiren had caught Ryouta, and normally he would have been completely subjugated to her will, but he was still safe.

It was likely either because Shiren was relatively young for a high schooler, so she couldn’t quite make her own minions yet, or because she was partially Japanese.

However, even though Ryouta wasn’t Shiren’s official servant, the Sacred Blooded would still target him if he walked around town as a human, so he wore a collar to act as Shiren’s (provisional) minion.

“A-anyway, make breakfast! Make it good enough to get rid of this spiciness in my mouth!”

“Hey, I hear they have a wasabi rice bowl dish up in Tohoku. You want to try it?”

“!!! I’ll punish you!”

Sensing danger, Ryouta stood up on the bed. Shiren’s right finger pushed forcefully into his chest.

“You were going to poke my eyes again, weren’t you? But when I’m on my feet, you’re too short to reach me.”

“H-how did you know?!”

“Experience after getting jabbed eight times a day. Anyone would figure that out eventually.”

Pain had been an excellent tutor for Ryouta.

Shiren never hit him outright. Instead, she employed mundane techniques that strangely dealt a lot of damage.

“You’re wrong if you thought you could punish me that easily.”

“What?! How can you be so rebellious?! You’re supposed to be my minion! Your job is to serve me!” Shiren yelled, enraged. “R-Ryouta’s turning into a delinquent~!”

On the way to school, Shiren pulled hard on Ryouta’s chain.

There was no doubt she was still upset about the wasabi incident.

When Ryouta looked at her back as she pulled him along, he almost thought he saw her pigtails standing on end from anger.

The pair had left for class relatively early. It was a long way to school from home, after all.

Shiren and Ryouta lived in a new house that looked like one built forty years ago situated in the castle’s gardens. Ryouta figured that the building’s ancient appearance was a result of Ouka’s natural spite.

The long trek to school felt unnecessarily prolonged because Shiren was angry.

“Sheesh, Ryouta, where has your sense of service gone?!”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure I still do plenty for you. I make food and clean and stuff.”

“I knew it. You’re becoming a delinquent… You were more submissive in the past… You’re like an innocent college freshman who skips most of his classes in the second semester and goes to parties…”

“Don’t compare a high schooler to a college student. And where did you learn that?!”

“Kin Hayashimori’s You’re Rouko, I’m Kouko!, Volume Two.”

“You got it from a manga?!”

You’re Rouko, I’m Kouko! was a four-panel, serialized comic in the newspaper. There were currently five volumes on sale.

“Today’s was great. ‘To emphasize nature is itself unnatural.’ Rouko was so hurt when Sonko said that. What a clever twist.”

“I know, right? And Sonko is still getting darker and darker with every installment. She’s pretty established as the character who whispers terrible things to people. She’s gone from the loud one to the one who interjects whenever Rouko says anything.”

“And when she yelled that Kanpiko’s sentence is death for disobeying the law—the whole scene was just brilliant. I expect nothing less from the top manga artist in the Sacred Blood Empire. It makes me proud to be Sacred Blooded.”

“The characters really make that series.”

“If I must make a complaint, then it’s how little Kouko does these days. I suppose her only defining trait before was that she was serious. I guess Hayashimori doesn’t know what to do with her.”

“I bet he’ll give her a day in the sun, especially since she’s so unpopular in-universe.”

Ryouta and Shiren got along when it came to manga.

“You are sharp, Ryouta. I suppose you are my minion, after all.”

“Yeah.”

“Your only fault is that you’re getting cocky and going delinquent.”

“Are you still on about that…?”

“I think I should rename you Delinquen-ta.”

“Please don’t!”

“Then serve me as you should!” Shiren tugged on the chain attached to Ryouta’s collar. “You understand, Ryouta? Be a considerate person! You won’t grow unless you do! You’re too selfish right now! Learn to live for more than just yourself!”

“I-I’m not gonna…”

Ryouta’s voice faltered because some portion of him felt slightly guilty. Perhaps there had been a time or two where he’d gotten carried away. Regrets often come over the little things, to a surprising extent, so he had to be careful. Ryouta was a minority in this country, after all.

“Live for others, not yourself. That is how I lead my extraordinary life. That is why you must do the same, Ryouta.”

“Fine, I get it…”

“—Citation: Rouko.”

“All of your references are manga!”

In truth, Ryouta hadn’t gone too far astray. He’d just gotten used to how Shiren treated him.

As this was Ryouta’s first time living with another high school student, he’d been worried about what might happen, but the situation had proved to be surprisingly manageable. There’d been a little incident with the bath, but that was because of trespassing intruders. Ryouta wasn’t at fault for that.

He’d resisted Shiren’s attempts to bite him, of course. But if he hadn’t, he would’ve been sapped of all energy.

When Ryouta went to school, it was a guarantee that his classmates Ouka, Sasara, and Kiyomizu would bother him in some way. And sometimes their upperclassman, Alfoncina, would join the fray, too. And if that wasn’t enough, when they finally got home, Ryouta’s older sister, Rei Asagiri, was there working as Shiren’s home tutor. These interactions drained him.

Ryouta had a tough time living in Japan because his curse made him attractive to human women, but this wasn’t much different.

The aphrodisiac effect that drew girls to Ryouta had no effect here, but since he was one of the very few actual humans in the Empire, his Sacred Blooded classmates looked at him greedily anyway.

That was why he needed whatever breaks he could get. Usually, his only respites were his one-on-one time with Shiren. At least, that’s how it should’ve been.

I think I’ve been messing with her too much…

Shiren always had such exaggerated reactions that made Ryouta want to toy with her—like using the wasabi.

Those moments were only okay because they were so close. While the two weren’t romantically involved, they were good enough friends that their relationship survived even when things went wrong.

Shiren was continually insisting “Our relationship is that of master and minion!” after all…

And so, Ryouta and the grumpy Shiren arrived at school.

“Sigh… It sure is a long way from our house to Public High School No. 1, Established to Nurture the Kombu That Will Create Our Sour Kombu Future. It’s so hot, it makes it even worse…”

“You almost got it, but the name is still wrong! It’s Public High School No. 1, Established to Nurture the Talent That Will Create Our Noble Future. Why did you give it a name that sounds like sour seaweed is going to build our lives?”

Ryouta steeled himself before he and Shiren entered the building.

Ouka might come at him and force him to fulfill an impossible request again, or Sasara might try to cut him down again, or Kiyomizu might suddenly try to hug him again, or Alfoncina and Rei might be in the classroom for some reason again. As Ryouta’s mind filled with possible scenarios, he entered school with Shiren.

The moment the two came in, Ryouta felt a strong aura of defeat.

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“Whoa… What is this…? There’s a message in my head bringing my mood down…”

What was happening inside…?

From the looks of it, it didn’t seem like there was anything unusual going on. However, a powerful energy was emanating from the corner of the classroom.

Ryouta could tell who was producing this aura right away.

Tamaki was sitting with a blank look on her face. Though she appeared to be relatively normal, there was a ghastly air about her.

Both Ouka and Kiyomizu were cautiously eyeing her from several paces away.

“Can you believe this…? This isn’t just gloomy… That’s the face of someone who has returned from seeing a world she shouldn’t have…,” said Kiyomizu.

“A skilled warrior evaluates the enemy’s skill relative to her own, then moves in accordance. I can say nothing else, except approaching Shijou as she is now would be reckless. Ryouta Fuyukura, if you don’t want to die, then keep your distance from her,” cautioned Sasara.

“Ryouta, you should stay back… She has the power to steal away what little luck you might have… I don’t know why, but gravity feels different around her…,” added Ouka.

“Wait, but ignoring her is a terrible thing to do… Something definitely happened to her.”

When Ryouta tried to approach Tamaki, Shiren pulled on his chain.

She also seemed considerably frightened. Her face was pale.

“Stop, you might die… I can tell. Tamaki is dangerous right now… She has immense power, like all the despair in the world has been condensed into her… There is nothing you can do at the moment…”

“Don’t talk like she’s some final boss or something. We obviously can’t just leave her alone.”

“I know what you’re trying to say, but…”

“Live for others, right?”

Boom.

Ryouta had spoken those words without any intention of profound meaning, but they were a critical hit on Shiren’s heart.

The chain slipped from her hand.

Ryouta briefly wondered if he’d said something terrible without realizing it, but cheering up Tamaki took priority.

Cautiously, Ryouta approached her. He wondered if her glossy black hair would suddenly turn into snakes or some other Medusa-like trait. There was such a dark atmosphere around Tamaki that such a ridiculous thing seemed possible.

“Hey, Shijou…urgh…”

No sooner had Ryouta sidled up to Tamaki than he was suddenly forced into a crouch.

Something had pressed him to the ground, a force he could only equate to gravity.

“So this is the aura of defeat… It’s more oppressive than I thought…”

Ryouta refused to give up now. He managed to lift his head and look at Tamaki.

“H-hey…Shijou.”

“I. Am. Okay.”

Oh, no. Anyone talking that way was definitely not okay.

“Hey, do you think you could tell me what happened…?”

“This world is divided into yin and yang.”

“What?”

Tamaki had said something Ryouta would expect to hear in a Chinese-style fantasy world, not here.

“And yin and yang mix with each other as they appear before people. They call this yin-yang dualism. Yet, for some reason, only yin ever shows itself before me. And *yin brings misfortune. Yin brings misfortune. Yin brings misfortune. Yin brings misfortune. (*repeat this section twice).”

“Uhhh, do you think you could be more specific…?”

“Last night at around ten o’clock, a burglar came into my family’s convenience store. And they stole all the food.”

“Gah! That’s just plain awful!”

“And they left a note complaining about our products…”

“Wow, shameless!”

“And, well…” Tamaki looked up at Ryouta with wide, plaintive eyes before looking away. “I wanted to buy a yukata for the autumn festival, but any spending money I might have saved is all gone now…”

If Tamaki mentioned her birthday, she risked having Ryouta think she was hoping for a present, so she used an ambiguous expression instead.

“I guess this means they haven’t found the culprit yet, huh…”

“No. They came in with such force, took all the food from every corner of the store with such force, then left with such force. I think size-wise, they were a little on the small side… An elementary schooler? A kitten? A creature? I’m sorry, my eyes just weren’t quick enough. I couldn’t tell.”

“If they just barged in to rob you, then they couldn’t have been a cat. But someone was able to carry this out all alone? I mean, they took all the food in the shop, right?”

“Yes. I believe they put everything in a large white bag…”

Evidently, some enigmatic character had emerged.

“Don’t you have security cameras?”

“Only dummy ones. Our financial situation isn’t that great, so we can’t afford the real ones. But then again, I suppose I feel safe, considering we don’t have any profits worth taking if we were mugged…”

Every answer Ryouta got from Tamaki was painting a vivid picture.

“By the way, did you tell the police?”

“The police office closes up at six in the evening, so we couldn’t get through to them.”

“Huh, well I guess there’s nothing you can—wait, they shut their doors in the evenings in this country?! That would just make nighttime free real estate for crime!”

Ryouta had almost missed that, but this was ridiculous.

“We called them in the morning, so they should be at the store about now.”

“That’s not the problem!”

“Then what is your issue, huh?!” Ouka snapped from the other side of the classroom. “It allows huge cuts to labor costs, so don’t let it bother you! I’ll raise taxes again!”

She would always object whenever Ryouta criticized how the country was run, and it was a bother to deal with.

“This empire has so little crime, mostly because of my virtues, so we don’t need the police at night. We are so overwhelmingly peaceful.”

“But she got robbed…”

“A single person stealing all the foodstuffs is clearly the type of mystery for a private investigator to solve. The police can do nothing. Nothing!”

Ouka waved her hand like she was shooing a cat away.

It was true that the culprit had used unconventional methods.

“I don’t need to know who did it. Don’t they say, ‘hate the sin, not the sinner?’ It isn’t the fault of the robber. It’s mine for being robbed. I’m to blame for running a convenience store that was raided. The sky is blue, the mailboxes are red, and I’m the guilty one.”

“You don’t have to condemn yourself so harshly!”

Tamaki was always negative, and today was no exception.

Now, what should Ryouta do to comfort her?

Any half-hearted attempts wouldn’t stand a chance against her pessimistic power.

As he was thinking of a way to cheer her up—

“Leave it to me, Tamaki!”

Shiren dashed toward the despondent girl—but was crushed by the aura of defeat, and she fell over.

“Gah! I can’t stand! I can’t get off the floor! What is this…?”

“You warned me yourself, didn’t you? Don’t get close to her. It’s dangerous.”

Shiren somehow managed to get up, although her back was still hunched from the pressure.

“Tamaki, I honestly assumed that you were just in one of your victim delusions again, but you were actually involved in a crime this time. As your friend, I can’t ignore that! Leave it to me, the beautiful detective Shiren!”

Shiren had her hand to her chest as she proclaimed this unbelievable thing.

“You’re the kind of friend who looks at someone who’s down and thinks it’s just a persecution complex? And calling yourself beautiful isn’t going to let you get away with that. Oh, and I don’t want to hear, But I am beautiful; I can’t help it, from you, Ouka.”

Ouka wore a shocked expression that said, He beat me to it!

Ryouta had become more capable of navigating the waters of the Sacred Blood Empire recently.

“Don’t mind the details. Based on everything we’ve heard, I already know exactly who committed this heinous act. The culprit is right here!” Shiren declared with great confidence.

“Here as in, where?”

“As in, within this class. Kiyomizu Jouryuuji did it.”

Without any reasonable proof at all, Shiren called out the name of the criminal.

“H-h-h-hold on a second! Why am I the culprit?! I would never do such a horrible thing! All I’ve ever stolen was Ryouta’s recorder!”

“Hey, I thought my recorder went missing last year. That was you?!”

He’d brought it in for his elective art class and had looked everywhere for it when it had suddenly disappeared.

“I mean, high schoolers almost never bring their recorders to school. When I heard that we just so happened to need them for our elective class, I couldn’t believe my ears. I knew Buddha was on my side, that this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance, so I created a plan so magnificent that no one could get in my way, and safely took your recorder for myself. True effort will always carve a path for you—the experience still lives within me!”

“I know you’re making it sound cool, but there’s nothing cool about it at all. That’s theft.”

Kiyomizu’s criminal record was being brought to light over the silliest thing.

“And perhaps I’ve stolen dearest Ryouta’s heart, too.”

“Silence, recorder thief.”

That hit where it hurt, and Kiyomizu furrowed her brows slightly.

“B-but I wouldn’t steal food… Do you even have any evidence, Shiren?!”

“Yep. A total of five pieces of proof—”

The culprit moved so fast that Tamaki’s eyes couldn’t follow them.

The culprit was small.

A classmate would probably know that Nine-to-Eleven was empty at night.

You would probably own some kind of weird fourth-dimension bag that fits infinite things.

You have a history of theft.

That fifth point was something Shiren had only just learned. When she put them all together like that, it sounded surprisingly plausible.

“Wait! Small and fast? It might also be Rei Asagiri!”

“No, it’s not~.” Rei appeared from the floor.

The above may look like a mistake, but she really did emerge from the ground.

“Gah! Rei, why did you come out of the floor?”

“It is my job to do ninja things during the day~… Sneak, sneak.”

“You know you’re announcing in broad daylight that you’re doing ninja stuff, right?”

“Details, details.”

Like Shiren, Ryouta didn’t think it was just a minor detail.

“The reason I am not the culprit is simple. You see, ehem, ehem, ehem, ehem, ehem, ehem, ehem.”

Rei coughed at a very convenient time. She’d had lousy health since she was a child.

“Can’t you do something about that cough? It makes it sound like this is some kind of fill-in-the-blank quiz.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll say it again. At the time, I ehem, ehem, ehem, ehem, ehem, ehem, ehem.”

“This is the second time I’ve wanted to punch you, Rei. I’m sorry.”

“Forgive me, Ryou… Ehem, ehem.” Rei seemed to regret it. The large ribbon on her head drooped.

“Since you’re making no progress, I’ll say it. Rei was tutoring me at home during the burglary, so she couldn’t have shoplifted anything.”

“Oh, now that you mention it, you’re right.”

Shiren’s grades were awful, so Rei helped her study at home after school.

The real reason for Rei’s assistance might’ve been that she wanted to monitor Shiren and Ryouta and keep their relationship from going in any new directions. Regardless, it was still a fact that Shiren was dim enough to need extra tutoring.

By the way, this is how Ryouta heard their conversation go the previous day:

Math

“Probability question: There are seven white balls and three red balls in a box.”

“Even if my chances are at one percent, I’ll bet everything I have on it!”

Japanese

“Define and write out the four kanji that together mean ‘untrodden’~ ehem, ehem.”

“Me. Shiren Fuyukura. I’m untrodden. Step on me.”

“Who are you talking to? Are you a masochist?!”

English

“Translate this sentence into English: ‘If Ryou and I were to get married, what kind of family do you think we’d have? Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!’”

“Could you at least try to hide your obsession with your brother? It’s foul.”

“Whaaat? I am not ob-obsessed with him! Ryou’s my little brother, so it’s not like I love him or want to be marooned on a deserted, tropical island alone with him or want to stroke his head every day or want to give him good night and good morning kisses or say that I love him the most in the world!”

Biology

“Please use ‘mitochondria’ in a sentence.” (Rei was starting to lose hope here.)

“The new dish on the menu is My Dough con Doria.”

“Yes, very well done! We’re done for the day! See you tomorrow!”

Was there any point in these tutoring sessions? Probably not.

It was uncomfortable when Rei let her desires spill over sometimes, but Ryouta ignored that.

But there was no doubt that Rei couldn’t have committed the crime at the convenience store.

(Ryouta) “Then I guess Kiyomizu did it. Give back everything you stole, Kiyomizu.”

(Shiren) “Kiyomizu, you’re out of luck. Beautiful detective Shiren is on the scene.”

(Ouka) “Give back everything to Shijou. You’re headed to jail, otherwise.”

(Sasara) “I cannot believe you would even want to steal that peasant food.”

(Rei) “You embarrass me as a fellow ex-Oshiro resident. Ehem.”

(Tamaki) “Um, we can’t reach the police, so please, the money…”

(Onlooker A) “How tall d’ya think she is?”

(Onlooker B) “There’s way too many flat-chested characters.”

All eyes fell on Kiyomizu.

“How awful! Everyone blamed me straight away! You’re all wrong!”

Kiyomizu was in an overwhelmingly disadvantageous position, undoubtedly because of everything she usually did.

“Somebody, please believe me. Oh, dearest Ryouta, you’d understand that I’m—”

“Give me my recorder back.”

“It’s in Japan. And even if you ask, Ryouta dearest, I have to say no.”

“Well, you shouldn’t!”

Kiyomizu was a plain old criminal, and she prostrated herself on the spot.

“It honestly was not me! Please, please trust me!”

“Then prove it. Show us what’s inside your desk. If you have a ton of bread from Tamaki’s shop in there, that’ll prove you’re guilty.”

Kiyomizu pulled out a stack of photos she’d secretly taken of Ryouta.

“See, no stolen goods or anything.”

“Yeah, just stolen privacy…”

“Wow, dearest Ryouta, you’re so clever.”

“I seriously wish you’d stop with this stuff…,” Ryouta said, partially in defeat.

“Hmm. Since we have a temple girl here, we should work under Amida’s blessed name and do an Amida-style lattice lottery.”

Shiren’s proposed method of deduction was incredibly unscientific.

“Wait, you really think a random system like that would work?”

It would be awful if he got drawn as the culprit because of that.

“It’s all right. The power of the deities and Buddhas will show us the truth.”

“Hmph, Buddha will prove that I am innocent!”

“I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

CULPRITKIYOMIZU

“I knew it. Kiyomizu did it.”

“This isn’t a lattice lottery! There’s only one line!”

“Fool,” said Ouka. “You’re the only one who could ever have the power to put all the food from a store into a single bag. Hurry up and turn yourself in to the Sacred Blood Empire prison so you may get to work transferring water from one bucket to another.”

“Huh, so you do have a jail. Not that it matters.”

Ryouta honestly suspected that Ouka had not built one to cut costs.

“We do have such an establishment. I need to reform criminals that don’t properly worship me.”

“That sounds like a human rights issue waiting to happen.”

“Ninety-nine out of a hundred cases pay their fine, so we don’t use it much.”

“You solve that with money, too?!”

At that moment, Ouka’s cell phone started ringing.

“There it is! The Sacred Blood Empire national anthem! The rip-off of that sentai song!”

It was a blatant copy of the theme song from the sentai show, Fish Pier Squad Seafoosiers.

“It’s not a rip-off of anything. I was just inspired by it.”

Ouka could commit copyright infringement all she wanted because the Sacred Blood Empire had no diplomatic ties with Japan.

“Hello, this is Emperor Ouka. Oh, you were investigating the incident at the convenience store this morning, I see. Hmm, oh, so you found some animal hair. Okay, bye.”

After a brief conversation, Ouka ended her call.

“That was the police. They said they found a bit of mysterious animal hair at the crime scene. Animals aren’t allowed in the shop, so we think that creature-thing might’ve done it.”

“Oh, so it’s not Kiyomizu.” Shiren’s shoulders drooped in disappointment.

Apparently, her guess had been a wild one after all.

“Why do you sound so disappointed?! I was almost pinned for a felony I didn’t commit! Are you going to compensate me for this?!”

“Kiyomizu, my recorder.”

Kiyomizu flung herself to the ground again.

“I was wrong, Tamaki. Aww, you can just wear the yukata next year.” Shiren patted Tamaki on the back.

“You’re right… I can just wear it next year… The convenience store might be out of business by then, and we might have to end up moving… But maybe it’ll be okay… I need to think positively… Thank you so much for comforting a nuisance like me, Shiren… Sigh, I don’t even need a festival…”

It didn’t seem like Tamaki could ever think optimistically.

Afterward, Tamaki was met with unlucky incidents one after the other.

First period, English.

Answer sheets for the last quiz were handed back, and Tamaki realized all her answers were one off.

Second period, science.

All the flasks Tamaki used either shattered or exploded for some reason.

Third period, PE.

Everyone was playing volleyball, and someone on Tamaki’s team accidentally hit the ball wrong, right into her head, and she was carried off to the nurse’s office.

Fourth period, Japanese.

Tamaki was sleeping in the nurse’s office during this lesson. She dreamed the convenience store was closing.

“It’s always just one disaster after another with Tamaki, isn’t it…?” Shiren sighed as she shoveled rice into her mouth.

It was lunchtime now. Ryouta and Shiren were eating in the classroom.

They usually went to the roof, but it had been raining ever since the start of first period, probably because of Tamaki’s curse.

Ouka and Sasara were taking their lunch in the emperor’s dining hall, which had been built on their orders, while Kiyomizu had left on a journey to search for the real culprit. Tamaki sat in the corner of the classroom, her aura of defeat ripening after her return from the nurse’s office.

“It looks like the robbery doesn’t matter as much to her as the fact that she can’t buy the yukata anymore.”

“Yeah, the festival only comes once a year, after all. I’ve also thought long and hard about which yukata to get.”

“When?”

“When…you weren’t paying attention, Ryouta.” Shiren’s face flushed in embarrassment.

The Fuyukura household pockets weren’t that deep, but that didn’t mean they didn’t have savings.

Shiren had used what was set aside to buy a cute yukata.

“We don’t have much in the way of savings…but I don’t regret it.”

“Yeah. Yukata look better with flatter chests anyway.”

“You didn’t have to say that!” Shiren pushed her finger into Ryouta’s eye.

“Grah! We’re right next to each other, but I had my guard down! I-it hurts… And it’s way worse than usual…”

“I put my finger in wasabi.” Shiren had executed a flawless revenge plan.

“Th-that’s too much… Urrrrgh…”

*Don’t try this at home, kids.

Three minutes later, Ryouta finally came back to life.

“I guess it’s okay. Anyway, you’re the head of the household. I’m sure you want to dress yourself up sometimes.”

“But I’m not doing it for you; I’m… I mean, yeah, I guess it is for myself…?” Shiren went red again, and she trembled somewhat.

“If it’s not for you, then does that mean you’re wearing it to show to someone else?”

“I—I might be… Wait, no, I never said that. Hmm, for some reason I suddenly want to eat vegetables. I want zenmai, ha-ha-ha. Sigh, did you know the shape of a mainspring in a clock looks like zenmai? How interesting, ha-ha-ha.”

“I’m not really sure what’s going on, but if you want to change the subject…”

Ryouta suspected Shiren would get angry if he pressed the issue any further, so he let the matter go.

“Mm. We should be thinking about Tamaki right now. I do want to do something for her, as her friend…”

Shiren looked at Tamaki.

She was eating her lunch in the classroom, but it didn’t seem like she’d emotionally recovered.

“What is happiness? Where could it be? I’m searching and searching, but I can’t find it. I thought I’d found it, but it was just emptiness. It was emptiness. ”

“Happiness,” sung by Tamaki Shijou. Lyrics and music by Tamaki Shijou.

“Look, she’s singing a song devoid of hopes or dreams… I’ve never seen her so down before.”

“Yeah. She’s stuck in her own alternate reality…”

“I left on a journey to find myself… I dropped my phone… I couldn’t contact who I was supposed to meet… I couldn’t see anybody. I couldn’t see anybody. I couldn’t see anybody. Oh, it’s okay. No one would ever see me anyway. No one would ever see me anyway. I tried to find myself, but I never would anyway. ”

“I Left on a Journey.” Lyrics and music by Tamaki Shijou.

“At this rate, her whole album will be depressing tunes… What should we do?”

“Hmm, she’s way beyond the point where words can help her…”

They knew that if Tamaki caused trouble for others, it would only make her feel worse.

“It looks like this time, the big shock was not being able to get that yukata. I know the feeling all too well.”

“Wait, why?”

Ryouta thought the only thing Shiren had a good grasp on was her own appetite.

“I-it’s because it’s a girl thing, okay? Don’t ask weird questions!”

Shiren, flustered, got angry again, probably because Ryouta wasn’t supposed to ask such a question.

“Hey, if all that matters is that she has a yukata to wear to the festival, then why not buy it for her?”

“I don’t have the money for that…” Shiren’s head drooped in an apologetic manner.

“Hold on. Was the yukata you bought that expensive? Tell me how much it cost…”

Shiren brought herself closer to Ryouta’s ear to whisper it to him.

“Actually… Pspspsps.”

“Wait… Are you sure you didn’t add an extra zero…? Are you sure you didn’t mean fifteen thousand sacred yen…?”

“But Big Sis said that since I’m royalty, I have to buy one that costs at least that much. Otherwise, I’ll be an embarrassment…”

The Fuyukura finances had taken an unbelievably massive blow.

“We definitely can’t afford to buy one for Tamaki, then… Truth be told, we’ll probably have to lower our standard of living…”

“And even if we had the money, she’d think she caused us so much trouble on the day we gave it to her, and we wouldn’t know what depressing thing she’d try next. That’s way too scary…”

“There is the possibility that she might reach the limits of her self-hatred… But still—” Ryouta smiled slightly and looked at Shiren. “You think about Shijou a lot, don’t you?”

Shiren had spent most of the day trying to help Tamaki.

Maybe she was starting to grow up a little after going through her own ordeal. Even if growing taller was probably off the table.

“Tamaki has always been so considerate to me. Of course I want to do something to help her,” Shiren declared, her expression serious.

Tamaki had been her friend, even before Ryouta had shown up.

Shiren wanted to pay back her debt in her own way.

“I’ll keep thinking on this. There must be a good way to get her to open up.”

“Yeah, I’ll consider it too.”

There were still a few days until the autumn festival, so Shiren and Ryouta might be able to manage something.

“And, Ryouta…about the festival.” Shiren looked up at him with wide eyes.

Whatever it was she wanted to convey, she seemed to be struggling to say it after revealing how pricey her yukata was. Her face was that embarrassed shade of red.

“Yeah? What about it?”

“Uh, on that day, could we walk around toge—?”

Then: “Hello~.” Alfoncina came in. “I brought a goya and shrimp mayo salad today~.”

“Your choices are way too fancy for a high schooler…”

Alfoncina always made dishes that were more on the elaborate side. “Well, I didn’t stop by for food today anyway~. Isn’t that right, Tamaki?” Alfoncina called out to the gloomy girl.

“Sigh. We’re doing a ‘happy autumn!’ campaign at the store, but where is that happiness? Do you suppose the one selling the joy can never know it themselves? No, it’s because I’m narrow-minded and corrupt in my soul. I can’t make both others and myself cheerful at the same time. A person with no redeeming traits like myself can only find joy in being the stepping stone for the joy of others. Happy… Hapi… Happi… No, it’s a yukata I want to wear, hee-hee. Ha-ha-ha.”

“Tamakiii. Tamakiii. Tamaki?”

“I know that I must change myself. But change requires money. I don’t have that kind of cash. Why would I? In psychology, there is a term called automatic thought—believing that no matter what you do, it’s useless. But I suppose it is useless, since it’s a fact. It is the truth.”

“TAMAKI!”

“Oh, yes! Ahh! Your Excellency, what do you need?”

Tamaki finally realized that someone was calling for her. It was like she’d been lost in her own world. That often happened with her.

“Hey. You’re upset that you don’t have enough money to buy that yukata, right?”

“I-I’m not that upset… Yes, I am upset, I’m sorry… Sigh, maybe I should remember my place as a library committee member and stay cooped up between the shelves during the festival… I know that even if I went by myself, I would only end up getting sick from the crowd and have a fever for a week, or something like that…”

“Listen, I have a great opportunity for a high school student. You can earn ten thousand sacred yen in a day.”

“Sigh, if only I had a job that let me earn ten thousand sacred yen in a day… What?” Life flickered back into Tamaki’s eyes. “Wh-what is it? Tell me! I will do anything!”

“Of course. It’s a job at the First Cathedral on the day of the festival itself~. The hours are from early morning until the evening. It’s rough work, but if you’re successful, then I think you could walk around in the yukata by nightfall~.”

“I will do it, even if it’s tough, please let me… Oh.” Tamaki’s face clouded over again. “I lent ten thousand sacred yen to my family for living expenses, so that wouldn’t be enough… I need twenty thousand…”

The burglary had stretched the family budget, and Tamaki’s savings were down to thirty thousand sacred yen.

Both Shiren and Ryouta listened to the conversation between Tamaki and Alfoncina.

Shiren’s gaze dropped to her lap.

What should she do?

Angel Shiren and Devil Shiren appeared in her mind and both whispered to her.

Angel: This is where you help Tamaki with the job. The two of you would make twenty thousand together.

Devil: If you work until the afternoon, then you’d lose time to be alone with Ryouta. Tamaki would join you, and three’s a crowd.

Angel: It’s strange that you’re hesitating now, even though you kept saying you were doing this for Tamaki.

Devil: I agree that you don’t need to hesitate. Just take the option that will make you the happiest. Someone else might end up helping Tamaki anyway.

Angel: Make up your mind!

Devil: Make up your mind!

Oh, what should I do? I feel like I’ll regret whichever choice I make… Tamaki’s my friend, but…

“I’ll help!”

Someone stood up before Shiren had the chance.

Naturally, it was Ryouta.

“Shijou, I’ll help you with the work. That would make it twenty thousand, and then you would be able to afford the yukata, right? Alfoncina, if you need another helper, then count me in…”

“Yes. That’s no problem with me~. The work might be a little dangerous, so maybe it’s for the best that we have some male help.”

Alfoncina grinned meaningfully.

“O-oh, oh…Ryouta, I am so sorry! Helping me means you won’t have any time to enjoy the autumn festival! It’ll be a waste of your time, like counting every grain of sand on the coast!”

“No, it’s fine. It looked like my master was wondering what she could do to help you, but she has a yukata for herself already. And I think she wants to enjoy the celebration, so I can help you out in her stead. Then everyone’s happy.”

Boom.

Ryouta’s words shot Shiren straight in the heart.

“Oh, Ryouta, your servile spirit truly is commendable. I am so proud to be your master.”

“You’re a little less expressive than usual. Did something happen?”

“Oh, no. Nothing.”

Ryouta wasn’t in the wrong. In Shiren’s head, the angel was pummeling the devil.

Angel: What are you doing?! Now Ryouta and Tamaki are going to be alone together all day!

Devil: This isn’t all my fault! It’s yours for wanting to do something to help her! And why do you keep hitting me?! You’re an angel. You’re not supposed to use violence!

Angel: Shut up! Demons must be subdued! What’s done is done!

Devil: Oh! You should’ve said that you’d help out with Tamaki’s job too!

Angel: Oh, right. That way, I can make sure they won’t be alone together!

The angel and demon had reached a breakthrough together.

“I-I’ll help out wi—”

“Okay, then I believe we have everyone we need. Thanks, you two~.”

Alfoncina loudly announced that all positions had been filled.

It was over. Everything was over.

“Um, are you really okay with doing this for me…?” Tamaki looked at Ryouta with a timid and apologetic expression.

“Yeah. A minion must serve their master, which means I have to do the same for my master’s friends. I had to volunteer. For my master, and all.” Ryouta repeated the word master with a hint of pride. No doubt he thought this was an act of friendship.

“Th-thank you… Thank you so much! I’ll owe you for the rest of my life!”

Tamaki bowed to him over and over again.

Shiren sat alone beside them, burning up.