EPILOGUE

“Oh, you’re alive.”

When Ryouta came to, he was in a hospital bed.

He had been put on the cable car, then loaded onto an ambulance that was waiting for him at the bottom of the mountain. Sasara hadn’t had the time to call one, so it must have been waiting there this whole time.

Alfoncina had apparently called for it. It was unclear why she knew exactly where to send it, but she had said, “I know my minions.” Thanks to her, Ryouta didn’t have to wait a single second to get to the hospital.

The need to thank Alfoncina had vaguely bounced around Ryouta’s head until he soon blacked out.

I wondered if I would ever open my eyes again.

He suddenly realized that someone was gripping his hand as his consciousness returned.

Sasara was asleep, leaning over Ryouta in the bed, her hand in his.

“I think it’s your strength that saved me,” he said. With gratitude, he reached out to gently touch her head.

“I am awake, you know.” Sasara suddenly sat up. “But I did not think you would try to pat my head,” she said with a cool voice.

“Sorry, I forgot myself for a sec…”

This would be super embarrassing if anyone had seen them.

“But it’s all right. Everyone feels lost at some point. I cannot fault you for it.”

“Thanks… Man. I’m surprised I survived…”

“Well, ever since I passed out from a nosebleed once before, they’ve improved the distribution of blood for transfusions. We were able to get you one easily.”

“That’s how you’ve saved me?!”

“Relationships are a strange thing, you see.” Sasara smiled as she drew back the curtains on the window. Bright light poured into the hospital room. “I spoke to my parents about canceling the engagements, everything.”

“Did they…approve?”

“They did. They wanted me to be happy.”

Ryouta thought about how strong she was, and he could see the newfound sense of freedom in her.

“Ah, and they had no problem transfusing blood and stopping the bleeding, so I have summoned all various related parties.”

“What does that mean?”

The door opened, and a familiar set of pigtails caught Ryouta’s eye.

“Oh, Shiren, it’s not too ba—”

She jabbed her fingers into his eyes.

“Owwwwww! Why would you do that to an injured—?”

“I don’t want to hear it! You are always, always, always causing trouble for your master! Get a grip! Get a grip on yourself, Ryouta!”

She started raining punches on him. Including where he’d been stabbed.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Stop! You’re going to reopen everything! I’m gonna die!”

“I thought I told you to come home in the morning! Why did you get so injured that I’m the one who had to go see you?!” Shiren hugged him.

“Oh…”

Shiren had indeed told Ryouta to come back just as he was leaving. He hadn’t given much thought as to what feelings lay behind those words.

“I… I get lonely easily. Whenever you go out somewhere, I start worrying you’ll never come back. If you don’t, I won’t be able to read my favorite manga!”

“Sorry. I should’ve been more careful…”

“Good. Because you need to think hard on what you’ve done. I think we might need an apology press conference for this.”

“But this is how I personally wanted to take responsibility for things. You told me to do that, Shiren. I was kind of following your message—can you try to see it that way?”

“Oh…”

Getting hospitalized wasn’t part of the plan, but his actions made sense to him.

“You’re so stupid, Ryouta. I think you might be even more stupid than me.” Shiren slowly wrapped her arms around him.

“Where’s the seat of the Kanagawa prefectural government?” Ryouta asked.

“Mexico.”

“Yeah, I think you’re still the champ on that front.”

“Well, I see how hard you’ve worked. I suppose I can acknowledge that. But the fact still remains that you didn’t follow what I said to the letter.” Shiren pouted.

“Yeah, you’re right… We’re seeing each other again at the hospital.”

“This warrants a seveeere punishment.”

“Please don’t suck my blood… I would actually die.”

“—Your sentence is…I am going to serve you.”

“What?”

“It’s going to take several days before they let you go, right? So I will serve you until they do! And I will make you understand just how great your master is! When I’m finished with you, you won’t be able to think of anyone else! Be ready!” Shiren declared proudly, puffing out her chest. She hadn’t remotely considered the implications of the role reversal.

“Uh, okay… Please be gentle…”

The door opened again.

“Ryouta dearest! You’re all right! I flew here at Mach speed when I heard you were injured!”

“Ryo! Are you okay?! Your big sister was so worried, she almost died… Ehem, ehem…”

“I am glad to see you again in the world of the living~. Come by to give your thanks at the cathedral when you can~.”

The arcade trio rushed in.

“Here you go, Ryouta, I brought you a gift.” Alfoncina handed over a large box wrapped in a bag.

“Thank you! What is it, though?”

“It’s the DVD box set of YouRou IKou!”

“Thanks, but the hospital TVs don’t play DVDs! They’re the kind you have to swipe a card to watch…”

“I brought you a gift, too!” Kiyomizu piped up.

“Thanks. Hmm, you don’t have anything, though… Wait, why are you wearing a big ribbon on your head? You’re starting to look like my sister.”

“My gift to you is my body—”

“Nope.” Ryouta knew where that was going, so he turned her down before she could finish.

“Oh, that’s an option!” Rei cried. “Ryo, my gift to you is my—”

“No thank you.” He also shot his sister down with lightning speed.

And the door opened again.

“Excuse us…,” Tamaki said, “I really feel terrible that a mass of bacteria like me is being let into the hospital… Please forgive me, I’ve disinfected myself as much as I could…”

“Heya!” Kokoko chirped. “Sis Tamaki and I’ve come to visit.”

“Hey, I had no idea you’d be coming along, too, Kokoko. Thanks!”

“Here’s a present,” said Kokoko. “Eat it.” It was a double rice ball set that occasionally came with a pack of pickled vegetables. But there was only one inside. “I ate the konbu one.”

“Don’t give me your leftovers!”

“Oh, and here’s an open bag of The-Ramen-Shop-Everyone-Lines-Up-For–flavored chips.”

“At least bring me one that’s still sealed! It’s basically crumbs in here! Agh… All this complaining raised my blood pressure; now I feel sick…”

Ryouta’s snark almost did him in.

“Um, I thought I should bring a gift for you as well, so I brought this… I think it suits your interests, but…if you don’t want it, then you can throw it on the ground… Maybe I should have thrown it away before I give it to you. I probably should.”

“At least let me see it first.” No gift deserved to be tossed before it was even given.

“I thought for a while about it, but I thought this might be the best…”

Shijou’s probably brought the safest gift out of all of these. She works at a convenience store, so it’s probably some fruit…

It was the Kairakuten porn magazine.

“Please be sure to use it at night…”

“Just go ahead and toss it, actually.”

Sasara stood in the back, chuckling as she watched the interactions. “Well, I’m very glad I didn’t get my hopes up.”

There was no way for her to slip into the conversation here.

“Now, I suppose I’ll report to Lady Ouka about drawing my line.”

There was a knock on the door of the Imperial Office.

“Yes, come in.”

Ouka paused in reading her documents and looked up.

“Pardon me, Lady Ouka.” Sasara slowly entered. Her expression was brighter somehow.

“Well, well. Is there something you’ve resolved?”

“How can you tell…? I’ve not said a word…”

“You underestimate me. The emperor knows how the people of her country feel. There is more to my job than raising taxes, you know.”

There was no imperial dignity or intensity on Ouka’s face—she was talking to Sasara like one of her friends at school.

“I thought a lot about my own life since our talk, and I had my parents annul talks of my engagement. I will continue to be a part of your personal guard, Lady Ouka.”

“I see. Then there’s no problem at all. I hope you keep doing well at your job.”

Ouka smiled gently. She never wore that expression while working—only when she was relaxing in a moment for herself.

“Yes. And I’ve brought a present for you today,” said Sasara.

“A present?”

“Here it is!” Sasara placed something in Ouka’s hand, something just a bit bigger than her palm.

It was a stuffed doll modeled after Sasara.

“…What…is this?”

“A stuffed doll of me. I always had dolls of you, see. I thought it unfair that you never had one of me.”

Sasara took three more Ouka dolls into her hand. And since they were all attached to her belt, they wouldn’t fall off.

“Sorry, I don’t really see the logic,” Ouka said, but she ran her finger over the doll; it wasn’t so bad. Maybe she didn’t mind getting handmade trinkets from her vassals after all.

“Think of it as myself. If you keep me on your person at all times, I will be sure to drive away all evil. I’ve included a bit of my hair on the inside, and some of my bodily fluids—”

Ouka hurled it in the trash.

“Gasp! You are so quick to bully me. What a sadist you are! So hardcore! Hnnnng… Please bully me for real…”

“I’m not being a sadist; I just threw it away. The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s apathy.”

“The Sasara doll will not die. It will come back to life over and over.”

“It’s undead?! That’s straight out of a horror movie! But I just threw it away, so at least it won’t—”

“Oh, it hurts… Save me…”

There came a voice from the trash can.

“Eeeek! A voice! I heard it! It spoke! It spoke to us!!”

“Ah, it says one of three different messages when you hit it.”

“That scared me! Look, I’m sweating!”

“The other two lines are I-it hurts…I am going to die… and Guh.”

“That last one is a dying sound! Get out of here!”

“I will be on my way now.”

“Of course, well done.”

“Oh. And if I do fall in love with someone and find I cannot continue my job as your personal guard, then I will be sure to report to you on my own accord,” Sasara said, a slight incendiary tone to her voice.

“Good, I like that attitude. Do you have any candidates anyway?”

“That much I cannot say,” she said, somewhat aggressively.

“Are you sure that’s the right attitude for a guar—”

“This is a personal matter. I doubt there is any need for me to tell you anyway.”

Their eyes met, and sparks of electricity ran between them.

“I think I should be more afraid of you than anyone else, Sasara.”

“Unlikely. You are the one I love most right now, Lady Ouka.”

“I pray that you have no change of heart.”

“I will be off.” Sasara bowed politely and left the room.

Ouka sighed deeply. “I think I just gained myself a new enemy…”