6

Privately, Hayato Hayama feels regret.

A fight with a deadline is always a serious battle—kill or be killed.

This is the reason people will desperately struggle to survive it, shorting themselves on sleep and pulling multiple all-nighters in a row, somehow and someway making it to the end and barely avoiding death by the skin of their teeth.

It gets you in various places—specifically speaking, the neck, shoulders, back, and stomach—all the parts of a human, body and mind. My cells are at work, so I don’t have to be, right…?

Going all the way till morning, I somehow managed to put together a rough draft of the proposal and website design, then lugged myself to school and arrived right before class started. I spent most of the morning classes sleeping.

If I was throwing myself into work, if I was facedown on my desk, I wouldn’t have to think about anything or see anything.

I wanted to occupy myself with this exhaustion a little more; the fatigue was a perfect opportunity to keep my head down. Once school was over, I’d be able to put a slightly better face on.

I spent the end-of-day homeroom like that, too, weaving in between sleep and wakefulness with my cheek leaning on my hand. While I was letting both body and mind slumber, school came to an end.

I thumped my bag, coat, and scarf down on my desk. Then I stretched my stiff shoulders and back until they cracked, and I scraped back my chair as I rose to my feet. Wiping the bleariness of my sleepless night from my eyes, I turned toward the spot I always did, the window side by the rear of the class.

Yuigahama noticed me. Wrapping up her chat with Miura and Ebina, she trotted over. “Going now?”

“Yeah,” I replied hoarsely.

“Whoa.” Yuigahama made a little noise. “Hikki, you look awful…”

“Actually…?”

Yuigahama pulled a hand mirror from her uniform pocket to show me my face. I could imagine a face like mine on a zombie moaning, Uuugh, too bright… I’m melting… I know I had rotten-fish eyes to begin with, but the lack of sleep had really bumped up the level of decay. There was also a red mark on my cheek from my hand.

“I’m gonna go wash my face…,” I said.

“Okay. Then I’ll be in the hallway.”

Leaving the classroom, I Zombie Land Chiba’d my way along to the washroom.

As I splashed cold water on my face, my head finally cleared. To finish up, I pretended to be an OL in her second year, smacking my cheeks and yelling, “You can do it!” for motivation.

When I came back to the classroom, Yuigahama was waiting there in front of the door, as promised.

“Sorry to make you wait,” I said, and she shook her head to say she hadn’t been waiting that long. Then she held out all my things—my bag and coat and stuff—that she’d been holding behind her.

“…Thanks,” I said as I accepted them. Yuigahama seemed glad about something, smiling before shaking her head again.

We chatted a bit on and off, on the way to the UG Club room, but my head really was still hazy with sleep. I hoped smothering my yawn would help get rid of it.

Yuigahama drooped. “Oh, so, like, sorry about yesterday… That’s why you didn’t get enough sleep, huh…?”

“No, it’s fine… Actually, your coming up with ideas helped me out.”

Yuigahama had repeatedly apologized for falling asleep in the net café, then gave me a bunch of ideas and design plans for the prom on the walk back. I doubt it had been an attempt to make up for it, though. Thanks to her help, I’d managed to whip up something resembling a proposal document and design rough over the course of the night, so it was a wash, barely making the BEP, about net zero. In short, we were square.

She didn’t have to feel bad about it. I mean, it was on me for openly yawning and making her worried. I concentrated on my eyebrows to form a nice, crisp expression. “…Besides, I’m not sleepy anymore, so it’s no problem,” I said.

Yuigahama stared at me for a second, then burst into laughter. “What the heck, you look so funny!”

“I do…?” Now that kinda hurt, but oh well. We’d gotten over the awkwardness, so I went into the UG Club room.

As I cut my way through the same old jumble of the room, I heard voices.

“First, we transition the site with PHP, then do the database management. No, that’s not gonna happen. I don’t even know.”

“And then we spruce it up with Javascript and configure the site design with CSS… When’s the submission deadline for this?”

I could see Hatano and Sagami talking about something—I assumed the website design—but their expressions were full of despair. It seemed after their efforts to do independent research, they’d emerged overwhelmed by reality.

On the other hand, Zaimokuza was patrolling social media with a truly wicked smile on his face.

Wanting to greet them with some proper thanks and appreciation, I summoned my courage and called out a quiet “’Sup.” The guys responded with a chipper “Herm, greetings,” “Hey,” and “Hnn,” respectively… Well, this is what you get with greetings between guys!

Then Yuigahama cheerfully raised a hand in greeting as well. “Yahallo!”

The air in the clubroom froze.

“What does that mean…?”

“Whoa, she really is too much…”

…Well, that’s what you get, huh?! Still, if they kept getting rattled, we wouldn’t get anywhere.

“Don’t worry about it. We’ve got something more important to talk about.” I plopped down in a chair and cleared my throat. The guys managed to pull themselves into listening mode, sitting up straighter. Once they were ready, I began gravely, “Henceforth, greetings during all committee meetings will be standardized as yahallo. No ifs, ands, or buts.”

“He’s actually an idiot…”

“Something really is wrong with him…”

Hatano was legitimately exasperated, while Sagami was legitimately pitying.

“C-cut it out… You’re embarrassing me now, Hikki, so let’s stop…” Head hanging with her cheeks bright red, Yuigahama tugged at my sleeve in an attempt to stop me.

At that adorable little gesture, Sagami pushed his glasses up, while Hatano removed his glasses and pressed a finger between his eyes. I assume that means he was impressed.

“…No, yahallo is good.”

“Yahallo’s…good…”

“Aye. Well then, once again…” Zaimokuza initiated it, and the yahallo chant began.

“Yahallo!”

“Stop,” Yuigahama snapped, glaring tearfully.

The whole table fell silent, and once everyone was calmed down, I began the discussion. I had to, or Miss Gahama would be angry forever!

“Well, down to business.” Pulling out the freshly baked website design rough from my bag, I handed it out to everyone and tapped at my copy. “For the website, we have a single image with text information over it, and then we embed social media. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy—we’re going for a minimalistic chic. I found some pages for reference, so do your best to just rip off the whole thing to structure the design. I’ll get the photos later, so for now just stick in some placeholders, and we’ll replace it after.”

Hatano was going back and forth between the written documents and the sketch of the layout, amazed. “…Then what was all our effort for? You could just do a blog for this…,” he whined.

“Uh, that made our job easier, so leave it. You’ll get us more work.” Sagami grabbed his arm, keeping him from complaining any further.

You get it, Sagami the younger. You have the makings of a great corporate slave. Actually, you guys are nuts for doing all that research in one day.

Perhaps because he had nothing to do with the website design, Zaimokuza was the one person here who seemed the most carefree. He flipped through the layout sketch concepts, then folded his arms with a ferm. “And how is the project proposal going?”

“This is it, basically… I made it specifically for Kaihin, so I don’t think you’ll understand it.” I held out the documents, which Zaimokuza perused.

Then his expression turned puzzled, and he handed the papers to the side. Hatano took them, and his face twisted up just from looking at the cover. “…What the hell is this?” He dropped the papers on the table.

Sagami flipped through the proposal, too, and the more he read, the more disturbed he became. “This is like some shitty ad for a new condo tower crossed with a new release in the business section… Why does this have diagrams of a Johari window and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs…?”

I told you so… I eyed the proposal cover bitterly. The titles were in an extra-cool font: Blockchain-style diversity inclusion prom night proposal: sunset beach overlooking the waterfront, a serendipitous experience in the ultimate translucent space. No, I don’t know what any of it means, and I’m the one who wrote it.

It was a little embarrassing to expose this to the light of day, if I do say so myself. I cleared my throat with a keff, keff. “…Well, that part’s just for show. Honestly, so long as they go for it, it doesn’t really matter.”

“Falling for a trick like this, what kind of sucker is he…?”

No, no, Hatano. Tamanawa isn’t a crude fish. Don’t classify him with suckers and blowfish. He’s actually the biggest fish in his pond. When it comes to being pretentious, he is in fact a Supreme Being–the Overlord, if you will. This is what’s going to make him jump on it.

Hatano gave up fairly quickly on trying to read it, but Sagami the younger tenaciously kept studying the proposal documents.

Once he was finally done, he nodded. “The actual content seems fine, though.”

“Yeah!” Yuigahama said. I could tell she was glad.

At just about the same time, the corners of Sagami’s lips twisted. “Yeah, bet my sister would love it… Pfeh,” he spat, and Yuigahama was choked silent.

“Mm-hmm, from what I can see, ’tis a proposal so repulsive, I can feel my gorge rising at the sight of it…,” Zaimokuza added with utter loathing.

“The only saving grace is the fact that it’s never going to happen,” Hatano scoffed in contempt.

RIP to Yuigahama, but if I can get this reaction, that means the content isn’t so bad…

In addition to the idea that had come up during our planning meeting—making it a joint event with nearby elementary, middle, and high schools—Yuigahama had incorporated a copious number of flash ideas in this plan. It came out so well that even I would shudder in horror.

In the end, we hadn’t been able to think of anything more extravagant than Yukinoshita’s original plan, so we decided to adjust the setting instead. I’d hypothetically constructed a beach-house-style live venue sort of thing. We’d be circling the campfire on the beach at sunset, a reference to the summer beach events around Shonan. Having the prom there would make for a pretty deranged—er, spirited event. I’d even taken the weather into consideration, mentioning that we might talk with the Hotel Mikazuki to use it as an alternative venue, in case of rain.

Damn, my aptitude for bullshit is scary. If my talents were to continue growing, I might get headhunted by major ad agencies. Truly terrifying.

Meanwhile, Yuigahama seemed displeased at having been categorized as one of the elder Sagami’s ilk, as she jerked her face up from where she’d been scowling at the proposal papers.

“I’m sure Kaihin would be okay with this, but what about Hayato?”

“For him…it’d probably be faster to tell him verbally,” I said with some bitterness.

“Hmm?” Yuigahama tilted her head curiously. But it wasn’t anything worth being curious about.

It would be best to assume cheap tricks wouldn’t work on him. If I went to him with the proposal, he’d probably figure out it was a fake event. It would be easier to make progress with him by being up-front that it was a dummy.

“That’s the idea, so I’ll hand it off to you,” I said, and with that, the meeting was adjourned. I got an unenthusiastic reply in return, and we all went to our own tasks.

As Hatano and Sagami the younger were fighting out their opinions on the site design (“Not like that!” “No, change this!”), Yuigahama nodded at them thoughtfully. “Hmm, that’s not cute.”

After some hesitation, Sagami the younger asked, “…Ummm, if you could be a bit more specific?”

“Well, you know, just like more, like, sparkly…,” Yuigahama said unhelpfully, and Sagami and Hatano racked their brains to divine what she meant.

As I enjoyed their suffering, out of the corner of my eye, Zaimokuza started rustling around and pulling out some stuff. “Hachiman, I brought the camera you asked for,” he said, laying a chunky digital single-lens reflex camera on top of the desk. Then he started thunking down a pile of instruction books.

“Ohhh, thanks,” I said. “I’ll be borrowing those for a while… And tell me how to use it, just in case.”

“Aye, leave it to me. I know not much, either, but I will humbly proffer you my guidance.”

“Uh, isn’t it yours…?” Why can’t he use his own stuff…?

So Zaimokuza taught me the basics, elucidating with arrogance, volume, and a healthy dose of ignorance, and then after he was done, I read over the instruction books.

Now at loose ends, Zaimokuza cleared his throat. “Kepum, kepum.” When I gave him a look that said, What? You’re being annoying, he grinned at me for some reason. And then he blushed and looked away. “I thought up…a name…”

“’Kay…” This is about the light novel he’s not gonna write, isn’t it…? I thought, ready to ignore him, when he pulled out some folded-over paper from his inside coat pocket. He wants me to look, huh…?

Left with no choice, I abandoned the instruction books for the moment and opened that paper. Written there in particularly great handwriting was Soubu High School Neo-Prom-ject.

Whoa… The hell is this…? I was cringing away with every cell in my body when I suddenly remembered. “Ohhh. The name.” Zaimokuza had taken seriously my request for “name suggestions ♡” earlier.

Zaimokuza cleared his throat, gouf, gouf, and made his coat flutter. “Indeed! This Neo part is like—”

“No, I get it; it’s fine.”

“Oh…” Zaimokuza clearly wilted. He’d probably wanted to tell me neo was from Greek and not from The Matrix, but I really couldn’t care less. The important thing was that it was suitably easy to understand and reasonably stupid.

On that point, this name was actually not bad. The pun in particular might have even been safe to call quite stupid. “We’ll go with this. Thanks.”

“Huh?” Zaimokuza was stunned, perhaps because I’d said that so readily.

Ignoring him, I handed the paper around to Hatano and Sagami. “We’ve got a group name now, so put this on.”

“Whaaat…?”

“For real…?” They laughed dryly.

Yuigahama leaned in for a peek, but she seemed satisfied. “I like it!”

“Hmmg! O-oh… Is it that great…?” Finally understanding the situation, Zaimokuza cleared his throat with a gefum, gefum to hide his shyness and joy.

I think it’s actually a good title that’s sure to go places. Please look forward to Yoshiteru Zaimokuza’s next creative work!

The sun gradually sank in the sky, its reddening rays streaming into the UG Club room.

It was around the time when the other clubs would start wrapping up. Already, the ring from metal bats could no longer be heard, and it had been a long time since the valiant cries of the rugby club had waned. Standing from my seat, I looked from the window into the courtyard to see that the soccer club guys were starting to disperse.

“All right, guess that’s about it. Finish up whatever you need to on your own,” I said, turning away from the window again.

Everyone rotated their necks and shoulders with tired sighs. Yuigahama was rolling her shoulders, too, as she turned back toward me. “Are you going to see Hayato?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

She pulled out her phone and brought it gently to her lips. “How about I call?”

“Yeah…” I considered a moment, then rethought it. “Ah, no, it’s fine. Got a better shot of actually catching him if I go myself.”

Phones, e-mail, and messaging apps are truly flawed methods of communication. If Hayama were to ignore these contact tools, we would be out of luck. I didn’t notice, or I was asleep, or My battery died, or I lost my cell phone, or Now that I think about it, I don’t use LINE, or I just remembered, I don’t even have a cell phone—it’s rare but often happens. Source: me.

Besides, though I’m sure Hayama wouldn’t ignore a call from Yuigahama, I didn’t want the hassle of trying again another day. Given that we had no time to spare, I wanted to get this done within the day.

Yuigahama nodded, thinking along a similar line. “Oh…but I’ll send him a message on LINE, just in case. I’ll let you know if he replies.”

“Okay. Thanks,” I said, quickly getting my things together, and then I left the room.

After I exited through the front entrance, I headed for the sports field.

The courtyard was sandwiched between the main school building and the special-use building, and with both blocking the light, the evening came faster here than elsewhere. Under the pillared overhang of the main school building, the eastern side was in the shadow of the special-use building, and so the darkness was even thicker.

In the dim light, I caught the motion of a shadow.

Focusing my eyes to look, I saw someone at the vending machines under the overhang of the school building. As I came forward, I gradually got a clearer view of their back—probably a girl.

She’d bought some kind of drink. There was a clunking sound, and then she squatted down. When she stood up with the thing she’d purchased in hand, her long, glossy black hair swayed. The pallid, inorganic light from the vending machines lit the ephemeral smile on her narrow white face.

There was no mistaking Yukino Yukinoshita.

She squeezed the can tight and adjusted the coat draped over her shoulders before making her way into the courtyard. Then she sat down on the bench in the middle of the courtyard and vacantly gazed up at the sky.

The desolate, wintry cluster of trees overhead, illuminated by the streetlight, seemed to be watching the bench below it, with orange light raining down through the gaps between their barren branches.

It was just like a painting, and I was tempted to stare at it forever.

But I had to go through here to get to the field and the bicycle parking lot. So while I was aware it would shatter this perfect world, I stepped forward.

She must have heard the sound of my feet then, as she turned toward me. “Oh, Hikigaya.” She was wearing a calm smile, and I gave her a chin nod back.

“…Hey.”

She had apparently been trying to warm her hands with the can, but then she seemed to suddenly realize something, and she hid it behind her. But there was no way I’d ever miss that characteristic design.

“Unusual drink choice,” I commented.

“…It’s good for replenishing sugar,” she said with an ironic smile, and then with pink cheeks, she tugged her jacket closer together in front, hiding the can inside.

So she’s finally realized the charms of the Max can, huh? Excellent.

When I shot a look to the field, I could see the soccer club starting to clean things up. I’d probably have to wait for a while if I wanted to catch Hayama.

When I asked Yukinoshita with a glance, Mind if I sit? she nodded, lifting herself up a moment to shift to the side. Leaving a gap of about one person’s worth between us, I sat down. “On break?”

“Yes, to get some air,” she answered, glancing toward the school building. The student council room was there, still with the lights on. Unlike the Service Club room, which was kind of deserted and empty, the student council room had the heater and everything Isshiki had hauled in there, so perhaps it was more heating efficient.

“I get that. When the heat’s on too high, it makes you zone out,” I replied. There was a lot of stuff in the UG Club room, too, to hold the warmth, and I found myself agreeing.

Then Yukinoshita put a hand over her mouth, tittering. “My, so then is the heat always on around you? The utility costs there are concerning.”

“Relax. I get so many cold glares, it all balances out.”

“That’s a very eco-friendly lifestyle.” Yukinoshita shrugged.

A smile quirked at the corners of my lips. “Yeah. Alternating between hot and cold gets me sorted out, like with a sauna.”

“Is that the correct usage of that term…?”

“Oh, I dunno. But with saunas, everyone says sorted out. And actually, when you throw on some extra rouryu and then go from the gurushin pool to an open-air bath, the only way you can express that is sorted out,” I lectured with a cool, sharp expression.

Yukinoshita’s shoulders slumped. “There’s nothing sorted about that chaotic mess of words… I didn’t understand anything of what you just said.”

While I hadn’t quite been able to get Yukinoshita to understand, I could stay in a super sento my whole life, you know! Sometimes I’ll follow my dad along when he goes, and he pays for me. Some places even have manga there, too, and you can enjoy your weekend more fully than going to some manga café. It’s great. Saunas are a pretty old-man hobby, but anime about old-man hobbies are popular these days, so I’ve got a good feeling the next hot thing will be a manga and anime about girls enjoying saunas. Since it’s, y’know, the next hot… Never mind.

While we were having this trivial exchange, I stole a quiet glance at Yukinoshita’s face.

The determination she’d shown me just a few days earlier when we’d parted ways in the student council room had become a peaceful smile. This expression had become familiar to me, too.

This distance between us made me think of old times, and with a little smirk of my own, I asked, “How are things going?”

Yukinoshita stared at me, a little surprised. But that immediately turned into a teasing smile. “…It’s unusual for you to be concerned about someone else.”

“That’s not true. Did you think I wouldn’t perform enemy surveillance?” I replied with a deliberate show of carelessness.

Yukinoshita was momentarily taken aback, but then she smiled again, and she shrugged. “…Well, that’s true enough. Things are going fairly well.” Her gaze rose, and she seemed to be confirming each item as she said it. “We have a thorough understanding of the tasks at hand, and we’ve coordinated matters with related parties. I suppose all that’s left is to work out the execution on the day of the event.” Judging from her tone, it didn’t sound like she was pushing herself too hard.

“Wish I could say the same… Well, don’t force yourself too much. You should wring every last drop out of Isshiki. That one has promising potential as a corporate slave,” I said, half joking.

“Oh, I intend to. You don’t have to tell me.” A shrewd smile came to Yukinoshita’s lips.

Geez… I can’t quite tell if she’s kidding…

“What about you?” she asked, expression softening.

“Eh, pretty good,” I answered, muffled under my scarf. “We don’t have to do overtime anyway. I’ve got a little outside thing that I don’t know when will end, but after that, I’ll go straight home and handle the rest there.”

“So only your attendance management is going well…” Yukinoshita put a hand to her temple as if she had a headache and sighed. Then she lowered her gaze to stare at the ground. “There’s no need to push yourself so hard,” she added so quietly, it seemed it would disappear along with her white puff of breath.

I replied with a barely perceptible nod, pausing a moment as I tried to grasp for what I should say. “…I’ve always been pushing myself. This is normal for me.”

“I see…” Yukinoshita nodded, digesting this, and didn’t say anything more after that. Instead, she dug her hands into her coat and then held out something to me gently. “If you like…” It was the Max can she’d just bought. When I touched it, it was still warm. Maybe because it had stayed in her inner pocket, unopened.

“Oh, thanks. Uh, but why?”

“You still have more work after this, don’t you? I just came out for a break. I’ll go have a drink inside,” Yukinoshita said, then began rising to her feet.

I held her back with a light gesture, standing up myself instead. “Hold on a second… Oh, what do you want?” I jingled some coins I’d pulled from my pocket.

But Yukinoshita shook her head. “I’m fine. Take that, for your efforts.”

“Uh, there’s no reason I should be the only one getting something. If you’re giving me something for my work, it’s just good manners to return the favor. Are you okay with the same thing? I planned to buy a Max can, too, after all.”

After I said all that, Yukinoshita gave me a grumpy glare. But then she sighed and softened when she realized I wouldn’t take no for an answer. “You always have to make up a reason…” She smiled as if to say, You’re hopeless, then sat back down again, cocking her head subtly. “…Well then, the same.”

“Roger,” I replied, trotted off to buy one, then came straight back fast enough to raise my heart rate a little. I handed over my warm prize. “It’s hot,” I said.

Tugging the sleeve of her cardigan out a bit, Yukinoshita timidly accepted it. “Thank you…”

I answered with a little shake of my head, sat back down on the bench, and opened the Max can she’d given me. The faint steam rising from it melted at the edges under the orange light, vanishing in the wind. The sweetness of that first sip spread through my mouth, warming me up from the inside.

As I was slowly nursing my drink, Yukinoshita held her can in both hands, like she was warming herself.

Time passed between us wordlessly. Occasionally, one of us would try to talk, but nothing came out but air. The sense of the distance between us, close enough to see her quiet breaths and minute gestures, was nostalgic to me, even in the dark.

In the end, we had nothing resembling a conversation, until a sound broke our silence—a vibration from my pocket. I must have gotten a call.

“Oh, sorry,” I said, and Yukinoshita shook her head to tell me not to worry about it. Nodding back, I pulled out my phone to see the call was from Yuigahama. I was about to accept it when the vibration stopped.

What was that? I wondered when I heard footsteps like the dragging heels of loafers.

Yukinoshita turned around before I did. “Good evening, Yuigahama,” she called.

“Yeah… Yahallo, Yukinon.” Yuigahama spoke softly, too, waving a hand in a tiny motion in front of her chest as she slowly came over to the bench. Her coat, scarf, and backpack were lit under the streetlights, showing she was ready to go home.

“…What is it?” I asked. “Did Hayama say anything?”

“Yeah. He said he’ll make the time if you’re okay talking over dinner… So I called you,” Yuigahama answered, waving the phone in her hand. If she’d gotten a hold of him, then there was no need for me to wait any longer. Talking over a meal meant we’d probably be meeting at the station. Drinking down what was left of my coffee, I stood.

“Work?” Yukinoshita asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded in return.

Yukinoshita checked the time, too, and she put her Max can away in her pocket and stood. “I’m going back to work as well.”

“Wait.” As Yukinoshita was passing by, Yuigahama took her hand. Yukinoshita froze with some surprise, giving Yuigahama a confused look.

Yuigahama’s free hand fiddled bashfully with her bun. “I—I kinda feel like it’s been a while. It’s weird, though I know it’s only been a few days,” she said with a shy smile.

“Yes… I’ve been so busy with work, I haven’t quite been able to get the time to relax,” Yukinoshita replied with a similar expression.

Yuigahama’s eyes lowered. “No, I don’t think that’s it.” Raising them again, she hesitated before examining Yukinoshita. “…Have you been avoiding me?”

Yukinoshita seemed taken aback, and her tone became a little emphatic. “No, that’s not what it is. It’s just that I’ve been preparing for the prom, and then there was that notice about the cancellation, and there’s been so much to get done…” The further she got in her argument, the more she wilted, until her words faded into moist air. Biting the edge of her lip, she hung her head.

“Gotcha. Sorry…,” Yuigahama apologized weakly.

And they both fell silent.

I wondered if I should say something. After I failed to think of anything appropriate, I just opened my mouth. “…Hey.”

Yuigahama’s head jerked up, and so did Yukinoshita’s.

Yuigahama squeezed both Yukinoshita’s hands. “Listen, I’m helping Hikki.” The words were so unexpected, I was momentarily unsure how to respond.

“…Nobody…said?” I muttered under my breath. Since Yuigahama had been acting like she and Yukinoshita were in contact on LINE or whatever, I’d assumed they’d already talked about it. I should have told Yukinoshita first. I hated that I’d made Yuigahama say it, with things so awkward here.

Then Yukinoshita glanced over at me, shaking her head as if to say, Don’t worry about it. Turning to Yuigahama again, she squeezed her hands back and said gently, “It’s all right. I do understand.”

“…No, you don’t.” Yuigahama’s face crumpled a bit. “I’m trying to do this the right way. Once this is over…I will do it properly… So you won’t get what you want, Yukinon.” Yuigahama explained fervently, gazing right into Yukinoshita’s eyes.

Yukinoshita nodded just once, making sure Yuigahama had no more to say. “…I see. I believe it would be best if your wish came true,” she said, and I could see no sorrow in her expression, only an earnest prayer.

But Yuigahama was not relieved. She took a few shallow breaths, then looked at Yukinoshita imploringly. “…Do you know what it is I want? Do you really get it?”

“Yes. Because I think it’s the same,” Yukinoshita said without hesitation. Her tender little smile showed clear affection, and there was no uncertainty in her honest gaze.

“Okay… All right, then.” Yuigahama let out a deep, deep sigh, then gently released Yukinoshita as she took a step back.

Yukinoshita watched with a fragile smile as Yuigahama’s hands weakly fell. “Then I’ll be going,” she said, squeezing her now empty fingers.

I answered that with a look at both of them, but Yuigahama’s eyes were still on the ground.

Yukinoshita let out a breath, like she didn’t know what else to do, before eventually turning away. The sound of her loafers hitting the brick paving rang through the courtyard, growing distant one step after another.

Watching her go, I let out a weak sigh—but that did nothing to change the heavy feelings coiling in the pit of my stomach.

“Let’s get going,” I said to Yuigahama, who was still standing there. I didn’t think those were the right words, but pathetically enough, I had nothing else to say.

“Uh-huh,” Yuigahama said in a near whisper, but she didn’t start walking.

Yukinoshita reached the shadow of the school building, her footsteps especially loud as the ephemeral sight of her back melted away.

Before she was out of earshot, Yuigahama’s face jerked up, and she rushed over.

Yukinoshita noticed those footsteps and started turning around.

That moment, Yuigahama leaped at her and hugged her tight. Squeaking in surprise and confusion, Yukinoshita staggered back, and her coat slid off a little.

Yuigahama fixed the coat and buried her face in Yukinoshita’s narrow shoulders. “Once the prom’s over, we’ll go out to eat together. And I’ll sleep over at your place again. And we’ll go to Destiny Land and Destiny Sea during spring vacation, and then you’ll come stay over with me again, and then in April…,” she rambled, voice trembling, sniffing only once. Then she raised her chin to take a breath and grinned. “What should we do in April? There’s so much stuff I wanna do together. Food and shopping, or a hot stone spa or something, would be nice, but there’s just so much stuff! It’ll take years—decades, even.”

Yukinoshita’s eyes blurred under the pale orange light of the streetlamp. Her tightly squeezed fists opened, and she cautiously reached out to give Yuigahama’s shoulder a light touch. Then, she pressed her forehead against it instead, hiding her face. “That…really is a lot. Can we do all that?”

“Yeah! Because I’ll be with you until we do it all… So it’ll be okay.”

In her tight embrace, Yukinoshita let out a confused breath. But Yuigahama didn’t mind, squeezing her even tighter. “You get that?” Yuigahama playfully curled around Yukinoshita to touch her cheek to the back of her neck.

Yukinoshita squirmed in apparent embarrassment. “Yes, I understand. I do…”

“Do you really, actually get it?”

“I do, so…let me go…” But even as Yukinoshita said that, she wasn’t really trying to peel Yuigahama off, and every time she moved a bit away, Yuigahama came close again. Watching the two of them, I let out a short sigh.

We’re really awful at saying it. You keep thinking you said it, thinking you knew it, thinking you understood, and even after so many repetitions, it felt like we still hadn’t grown.

We both knew there was actually a simpler way to get it across.

But that didn’t seem right.

I studied them, hoping for the best, so that at least I wouldn’t go wrong.

After Yukinoshita returned to the student council room, Yuigahama and I headed for the station.

As the sun set and the temperature cooled, we wove through residential areas to avoid the blowing wind. The creaking sound of my bicycle as I pushed it along disappeared into the cold, wintry wind.

On the way, Yuigahama chatted about plenty of things with me, but she never touched on her exchange with Yukinoshita. It seemed to me like she was deliberately avoiding it. Out of respect for her consideration, I didn’t mention it, either.

So naturally, the subject headed in a different direction.

“The soccer club practices pretty late, huh?” Yuigahama said.

“Yeah, well, today’s later than usual.”

Our sports field really isn’t very big, but the soccer, baseball, rugby, and track clubs all use it, making compromises with each other so they could practice there. So depending on how the clubs negotiated it, their activities and practice hours were all over the place.

When I explained this to her, Yuigahama made a disinterested ohhh sort of sound. “Huhhh, you know a lot about it.”

“Uh, just a normal amount…”

Yuigahama’s remark was pretty inconsequential, but she seemed to think I was deeply interested in the soccer club, so I cleared my throat with a gefum, gefum and changed the subject. “Uh, anyway, I was thinking we’d take pictures tomorrow.”

Her attention distracted, Yuigahama nodded. “Ohhh, pictures, huh?”

“I’m thinking about taking them at the beach. Could you model for me?”

“Huh?! Me?! Oh, that’d be kind of embarrassing, though…” She petted at her bun with her fuzzy mittens.

“It can just be from behind. Here, look at these ones I found. I’m thinking it’d be good to take some shots of two or three people like this, together.” While pushing my bike, I pulled out my phone and showed her the photos I wanted to use as reference.

Stepping close, Yuigahama examined them. “Ohhh, okay, from behind, that miiight work… I’ll bring it up with Yumiko and Hina.”

Then she continued walking close at my side, without moving away again. I awkwardly pulled the front of my coat together and tugged my scarf up to my mouth as I walked faster.

Eventually, we passed through the crowds around the station and arrived at the Saize. I parked my bicycle and went into the restaurant, searching around for the one who’d already arrived.

Of course, nothing would have changed about Saize since we were here a few days ago. The only major difference was Hayato Hayama with that charming smile of his, waving cheerily at us.

Hayama went to the trouble of getting up and moving around the table, opening up one side of the four-seat booth for me and Yuigahama before lowering his raised hand in a gesture that said, Have a seat, miss.

Irritatingly enough, that cheeky little move did cut a nice picture… But what irked me most of all was the guy beside Hayama, eating pasta with a happy-go-lucky expression…

“Why’re you here, Tobecchi?” Yuigahama said before I could, as soon as she sat down.

Tobe herked. “Dude… Should I not be here…? Hayato said we were all going out to eat, so…” Tobe turned to Yuigahama and seemed a bit freaked out.

Yuigahama waved a casual hand at him and smiled. “Oh, no. I was just a little surprised you were here, ’cause you weren’t invited.”

“…Ah, yeah. Good point…” Yuigahama wasn’t trying to be mean, but a blunt comment like that, delivered with a smile, hurts more than you’d think. Tobe’s lips stiffened, and he put his fork down awkwardly. Then he glanced at me and Hayama. I knew what he was asking: Huh? This bad? I’ll go? Should I go? Dude… It was extremely obnoxious.

“…Well, it doesn’t make a difference whether you’re here or not,” I said, looking over to Hayama.

In the corner of my eye, Tobe was grumbling, “Dude…do you gotta say it like… Geez…”

Hayama grinned awkwardly at him before turning back to us.

“Sorry for taking up your time,” Yuigahama said, putting her hands together in a little gesture in front of her.

“I can’t just say no if you’re asking, Yui,” Hayama answered with a smile.

So then if I’d been the one to ask, would you have refused…? I eyed Hayama doubtfully as he got the conversation started.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

“You know about the prom, right?” I said, guessing he would have heard about it from Isshiki or Yuigahama.

“Yeah, more or less,” Hayama replied briefly.

“Well, now some of the parents are saying it’s unwholesome or whatever and are forcing the student council to ‘exercise self-restraint’ and cancel it themselves… So we’ve come up with a plan for a new prom that’s even bigger and wilder,” I said.

Tobe stopped slurping his pasta. “…Huh? Why?”

“To make sure the prom happens,” I said to Hayama, completely ignoring Tobe now.

Hayama folded his arms, putting a hand to his chin as he considered quietly. After a while, he seemed to figure it out, as he muttered, “…So basically, you’re baiting them.”

The moment he said that, the corners of my lips twisted into an unpleasant, ironic smirk. “Quick on the uptake. That makes things easier.”

“Oh, I don’t understand it, honestly.” Hayama answered with a shrug, like this was too much trouble for him.

Beside him, Tobe’s gaze was ping-ponging between us as he desperately racked his brain, then finally just gave up. He leaned forward over the table, whispering “What’s going on?” to Yuigahama.

Then Yuigahama quietly started explaining with an “Ummm…”

Well, Tobe didn’t really have to get it. The one we were dealing with was Hayama. While they were busy whispering to each other, I got to the point. “So we want help from the captains’ association.”

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do, though. We don’t have much authority.” Hayama attempted to brusquely end the discussion.

Come on, listen, I gestured. “I know. I just want to make a little proposal. You guys have farewell parties, right? Haven’t you considered having one with all the clubs? We want to arrange the new prom as a part of that.”

“Farewell parties…” Following up the pasta, Tobe was reaching out for the pilaf when his hand stopped. Then he tilted his head like, Huhhh? and stared at Hayama.

Hayama smiled wryly. “That does sound familiar.”

When I asked with a look what he meant, Hayama reached for his coffee cup and took a sip. It was espresso, but his expression didn’t betray a hint of bitterness. “The student council has already asked about a joint farewell party,” he said calmly.

I was sure I was appearing more bitter, being the one who’d asked. But even seeing that, Hayama didn’t twitch as he continued, “The captains’ association intends to work with the student council. Actually, we’re purely under their authority, as an organization. So we aren’t able to help you.”

I couldn’t say anything to that. Ngh.

She really does move fast. She’s already gone through with the ideas we had…? Yukinoshita must also have considered using the captains’ association to reinforce her own plan.

I don’t know why, but there’s this embedded belief in society that sports clubs are wholesome. A lot of older people will write off minor crimes as just a bit of childish mischief. They’re strangely generous toward any hot-blooded young people working up a refreshing sweat. But are they actually wholesome? They’re not, and there’s some incident every year that some team has to apologize for by abstaining from activities or withdrawing from competitions. Lately, it seems like lots of stuff is coming to light with sexual harassment, abuse of power, violence, and drugs!

But I would hate to back down now. Even knowing it was pointless to fight this, I had to negotiate. You’ve gotta do it, or there’s no point. Praying that Hayama Magic would make the call for Chiba, I opened my mouth. “…So how about as an individual? Would you help us out as Hayato Hayama, the man, with titles off the table?”

“I want to help you as an individual even less.” Hayama’s nose wrinkled in sincere distaste. He made me think of a boxer who’d been struck in the liver.

Okay, then this is the spot to attack! “You can just let us borrow your name, though.”

“Yeah, and I doubt I’d get it back.” He got a clean return hit with a sharp counter, and my head slumped.

“Well, true…” Fair enough—if I borrowed Hayama’s name, I’d do whatever I pleased with it. I’d use it to the grave. I’d even forge his signature to take out a home loan without permission. I did it, Zaimokuza! Now we can buy an apartment!

When I nodded hmm, hmm, Hayama glowered at me. “At least try to argue… You’re the type to write your own name on a video game you borrowed and then sell it, aren’t you? Yeah, no way.”

“Don’t misjudge me. I don’t do stuff like that. I’ve never had a friend to lend me a game in the first place,” I retorted proudly.

Hayama heaved a deep sigh, while beside him, Tobe waxed nostalgic. “Oh, I remember that guy—he wrote it in permanent marker, then went to sell ’em at Geo… I wonder how Akkun’s doing.”

Yuigahama’s mouth was hanging open in surprise as she just stared at us without a word. Curious, Hayama smiled gently at her and asked, “Is something the matter?”

“Oh, that was just a little surprising.” Yuigahama looked between me and Hayama, then laughed with a hint of pleasure.

Hayama closed his mouth uncomfortably and pretended to adjust his seat, but really he was trying to shift away from me.

Well, if you only knew Hayato Hayama as a nice guy, maybe seeing him being so mean to me was a bit shocking. Oh, that Hayama does have something of a personality, though…

As I was thinking this, Tobe, who had to know Hayama better than me, suddenly swept up the hair at the back of his head with a hint of pride. “Well, Hayato can be kinda savage sometimes.” Tobe grinned at him as if to say, Right?

Hayama cleared his throat and avoided the question. “Why is this even happening? I haven’t heard anything from Yukinoshita about this bait event.”

“Course you haven’t. We’re doing it on our own.”

Hayama cocked his head a couple of degrees, asking with his eyes, What’s that supposed to mean?

But it was because I didn’t want to explain that I’d given him such a short answer. I said nothing more, continuing to lean my face on my hand as I fell silent.

Though I’m sure Hayama could sense I wasn’t going to talk, he asked again, “You’re not doing it together…? Did something happen?” He maintained eye contact, setting his elbows on the table as he laced his fingers. He was going to wait as long as it took.

I quietly sighed. “That’s our business. You don’t need to worry about it.”

Instantly, something black wavered, stirring deep in Hayama’s eyes. I couldn’t quite say anything, but I managed to shrug back at him.

That didn’t mollify him at all, and I could feel the air drying and becoming tense. The others at the table must also have sensed that, too, as Tobe squirmed around uncomfortably.

Yuigahama’s eyes were lowered sadly, but eventually she broke the silence. “I think Yukinon…wants to prove she can do it herself. Like, she thinks at this rate, she’ll become dependent, so…she won’t rely on me…or Hikki. That’s what she’s decided.”

Hayama inhaled sharply, a little rattled. Then he asked slowly, emphatically, “…Is that what she said?”

Yuigahama didn’t look up, just nodded back.

“I see…” Hayama heaved a sigh and closed his eyes. I didn’t know what that meant. But I could pick up on his distress in the way he bit his lip.

A suffocating stillness passed, while the chatter in the restaurant felt like it was becoming louder. Yuigahama and I both closed our mouths and focused on our hands.

“Uhhhh, so, like, have you guys eaten? You aren’t hungry? Wanna order something?” Tobe gave us a forced grin and opened the menu. Either he found the awkwardness unbearable, or he was trying to be considerate.

Yuigahama looked over at me like, What’ll you have? I gave her a little shake of my head in reply.

“No, I’m good. I’m gonna get going soon.” I didn’t feel like I could say it out loud, but I hoped he got my silent Thank you.

Tobe seemed a little confused, though. “O-okay…”

Now that the silence was broken, Hayama breathed a short sigh. “I’ll offer my full cooperation for the prom itself. But I can’t help you—not with the captains’ association or as an individual… But I won’t stop any members from helping out if they want to… That’s as much of a compromise as I’ll offer.” Hayama’s gaze was focused on the cup in front of him. The reflection of its swirling black surface was all that his eyes revealed, and I couldn’t see any light in their depths.

“…Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. That’s enough,” I said.

Yuigahama looked at me with some unease. “Is that okay, Hikki?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t mind if the captains’ association was working with Yukinoshita and the student council. Just getting that promise from Hayama himself was enough. My end goal was to make their prom happen. It was just that she’d played her card first in the matter of the captains’ association, and the effect was about the same.

For my part, I just had to prepare another card for myself.

“I’ll handle the bill. Sorry for making you come all the way out here.” Snatching up the receipt, I stood from my seat, and Yuigahama hurried after me.

When we left the booth, Hayama seemed to debate whether he should get up, but in the end, he rose to his feet with a resigned sigh. As the last one at the table, Tobe quickly bolted down the rest of his pilaf and washed it down with cola before following us out the door.

By the time I’d paid the tab and come outside, the scenery had fully turned to night.

The evening rush had begun, with more passing foot traffic in front of the station, and we stepped out into the flow basically together. Guess we go for the station first…, I thought, deciding to push my bicycle after Yuigahama and Tobe, who were walking ahead.

Then a voice called out to me from behind. “Do you have a minute?”

“Huh?” I turned back to see Hayama standing there idly. Yuigahama and Tobe must have wondered why we’d stopped, as they came back to check up on us.

Hayama gave Tobe a look and a slight nod. Tobe got whatever that message was supposed to be; he scrubbed and tugged at the hair at the back of his head as he replied, “Ah, then, I’ll walk Yui back.”

Yuigahama was confused. “Huh? Why?”

“Why?! H-huh?! Why not?!” Tobe replied.

“Uh, I mean, you live the other way, Tobecchi.” Yuigahama waved her hands. “I live close. I can just go home like normal.”

“You really get to the point! Come on, but it’s, like, pretty normal to take you back, then…”

“What? Uh, you don’t have to, seriously. I’ll be okay.”

“Dude… You’re saying it so seriously…” Tobe seemed surprised by her reaction, struck speechless.

Ignoring him, Yuigahama hopped a step over to me and waved lightly at me. “See you tomorrow, then, Hikki. And you too, Hayato.”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow,” I said with a nod.

Hayama gave her a little wave. “Night.”

As Yuigahama walked steadily off, Tobe followed after her, still confused. I watched the two of them go, until Hayama and I were alone in the throng.

Once the others were completely out of sight, I finally turned to him. “…So what is it?”

“Let’s walk a little,” Hayama said instead of answering my question. Without waiting for my response, he started moving. He didn’t say where he was going, but his back was telling me to follow.

I pushed my bicycle after him for a while.

We went along a back alley a block away from the main downtown street, coming out to a corner encircled by roadside trees. I wasn’t very familiar with this area, but from the swings and slides and such, I was guessing it was a park.

Going past the playground equipment, Hayama stopped when he reached the gazebo. “Wait here a moment.”

“Ah, hey,” I called out, trying to stop him, but Hayama rushed off. With nothing else to do, I parked my bicycle and sat down on the gazebo bench.

There was no sign of anyone else there, and the park was dead silent. Nothing stood around the big, wide park to shield it from the cold wind that swept through. I tugged the collar of my coat closer together, wrapped my scarf tighter, stuffed my hands in my pockets, and bounced my knees as I waited for Hayama.

As white puffs of breath left my mouth, there was a crunch of gravel behind me. Turning around, I saw Hayama coming back with a canned coffee in his hands.

“Heads up,” he said, just before he tossed it at me.

Panicking, I yanked my hands from my pockets and caught it in the nick of time. “Whoa… Just hand it to me normally…,” I snapped with a short sigh of relief. The heat from the can seeped into my palms. “Geez, that’s hot,” I mumbled under my breath as I tossed it up and down, and once it was cool enough to drink, I popped open the tab and started sipping at it.

Hayama smiled in satisfaction as he watched me, then took a seat one bench over. He held his canned coffee between his hands but eventually did like me and drank it. Then with a little sigh, he muttered, “I remembered the past.”

“What’re you talking about?” I looked over, just out of the corner of my eyes.

Hayama leaned a bit forward, staring at the can in his hands. There was a shadow over his profile, under the light of the streetlamp. “…I mean what happened a long time ago. You know how she was alone when she was in elementary school? She said something similar then, too… That she could handle being alone, and she wouldn’t rely on me… That she didn’t need saving.”

“Huhhh… I’ve heard that somewhere before,” I shot back.

“Yeah, that’s why I remembered it.” Hayama raised his chin and answered with a smile. But his tone quickly turned somber. “…I couldn’t do anything that time, either.” His gaze dropped. “No, that’s not right. The end result was even more cruel. I offered my help halfheartedly, which only opened the wound. I said…I would find a way, despite the limitations.” He gave me a masochistic sort of look.

It was annoying, and I shrugged. “What is this supposed to be? Penance? I think that wall over there would be more interested than me.”

“This is about the same, isn’t it?” His voice was joking, although his eyebrows were tilted down in an apologetic expression beneath the streetlamp. But the trembling of the steel can in his hand belied those gentler emotions. Another cold wind blew past, but I don’t think that was why his hand was shaking.

He was still haunted by regret, or maybe anger.

I remembered the previous summer, when Hayama and Yukinoshita had spoken a little about their past. It wasn’t like I’d heard the story directly, so I’d had to fill in a lot of the gaps myself, but I think her situation had been just like Rumi Tsurumi’s.

It wasn’t difficult to imagine that her good looks, temperament, and wit had made her stand out, ever since she was very young. And it was easy to imagine how children so special, so unique, would be treated by the others.

And in that sort of situation, her childhood friend Hayato Hayama had chosen just about the worst option I could think of. Basically, he’d tried to mediate to make Yukinoshita friends with everyone, with other girls.

But that had just made things harder for her. Of course—that’s what it means for Hayato Hayama to make a move. To say nothing of when they were all little, with more feelings than they could handle. Self-restraint wasn’t an option there.

I had no way of knowing how clever he’d been back then, but now he understood how foolish he’d been, at least.

“I should have done everything I could to save her then. If I had…,” Hayama said.

If he had, then what?

The way he talked got on my nerves, and I narrowed my eyes. “What’s the point of these what-ifs?”

“Well, she doesn’t want to be like this, does she?” Hayama gave a self-deprecating smile, as if to turn aside my gaze. There wasn’t even an ounce of his usual charm there; dark passions swirled in the depths of his murky eyes. “You shouldn’t engage with this halfway. You need to take it seriously, face it with everything you have. I didn’t have the determination or motivation for that…but you’re different, aren’t you?”

His words suggesting an impossible future, his imploring eyes, his mouth describing a past unknown to me—all of it was so aggravating, I clenched my teeth until they creaked. “Those are your regrets. Don’t dump them on me.” My tone turned sharper as I glared at him.

Hayama’s eyes slid down. “True… Those are my regrets. I’ve been holding on to them ever since. I can’t erase or forget. I’m always looking back… I can’t move on.” His fingers clutched at his chest, and he grunted a little with pain. His handsome face was full of sorrow, and the force in his voice sounded painful, too.

What would those who knew the regular Hayato Hayama think if they saw him like this? Would they feel despair? Or sympathy? Or contempt?

What I felt was envy. Those regrets seemed like something to be jealous of.

If only I could manage to carve something into myself that vividly. If only I could carry something close to my chest my whole life, like a treasure. If only I could feel so deeply about one thing that I could never forget it.

I have no regrets like that.

That anguish was so astounding to me, I could hardly stand to witness it.

But then Hayama’s foot crunched on the sand, and he shifted his whole body toward me, preventing me from escaping his gaze. “Hikigaya…your way of doing things is wrong. I know that’s not what you should be doing.”

I couldn’t turn my eyes or my head away, so I closed my eyes.

It’s just you.

You’re the only one who’ll say that to me—the only one who’ll say something that is completely right, vague enough to be interpreted freely, and absolutely worthless.

I’m really glad you’re Hayato Hayama.

He can’t ignore someone being hurt, and he can’t forgive someone who hurts another. That’s why he still can’t forgive himself.

He tried to avoid harming anyone, which led to harming someone important to him—and yet he still can’t betray the image built up by him and everyone around him. He’s ultimately been driven to a dead end, and that’s why he was giving me this meaningless, righteous argument with obvious pain. Even now he was hurting himself.

He knew it was something he couldn’t do, understood it was something I can’t do, but he couldn’t not say it.

This is the thing about him that I really can’t stand.

I really do hate him.

That’s why I can say this, too.

I’m sure I wouldn’t say this in front of anyone else.

I’ll say it because it’s you. I can sympathize with you so much, but I can’t understand you at all. You have only one point in common with me and yet too many similarities, and that part of you that won’t forgive me for those differences. I’ll say it because it’s you, who never, ever goes wrong.

Clenching my teeth and fists tight, I let out a small, weak breath. “Shut up… I know.”

I knew this was the wrong way of going about things. But I didn’t have anything else. I don’t know any other way. In the end, this was the only way we could communicate.

There was just one thing I could do.

Just one.

“I understand all that. I’m doing this in full knowledge. That’s the only way to prove it.” Slowly opening my eyes, I could see my exhalation drift from my mouth and then disappear. It was just like my words, vanishing the moment they were out of my mouth.

“…Prove what?” Hayama leveled a hard look at me. If he was going to ask me that seriously, I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t really prepared any further explanation.

I briefly considered if I should make something up or just say whatever came to mind or bluff, but in the end, I decided not to keep it inside. “If she doesn’t need saving, but I still want to save her anyway…then that’s not codependency. If I can prove that, that’s enough,” I said with a completely real smile.

Hayama blinked, surprised by either my expression or what I’d said. Then his shoulders relaxed, and a little smile came to his lips. “Hikigaya… Do you know what that feeling is called?”

“I do. It’s a man’s pride.” I smirked as I pretended not to know what he meant.