Chapter 22: Fried Seafood

Chapter 22:
Fried Seafood

Evening came as Gard, a dwarven glassmith, trekked up the mountain with his friend Guilhem. He turned to the other dwarf.

“Hey. Can I ask you a question?”

“What?” Guilhem replied, his beloved beard rustling in the wind while his eyes sparkled.

Gard took a deep breath and asked what had been on his mind for a while now.

“Why in God’s name are we climbin’ a mountain?” This was the only question that really mattered.

“Why? Didn’t I tell you before we got here? Today’s the Day of Satur, which means I’m gonna go grab a bite,” Guilhem replied, unsure of why his friend was even asking such a foolish question.

Gard was annoyed. “Guilhem, have you forgotten? You invited me to go partake in some delicious spirits and fish.”

Guilhem was a dwarf who loved both booze and his work, like many of his race. Additionally, he also made his own spirits. In fact, among the dwarves with a passion for making spirits, few had the talents he did. It certainly helped that Guilhem had invented some new types of alcohol, making him a household name among his people. If this same dwarf spoke highly of someone else’s alcohol, it had to be delicious.

“You got that right. The restaurant we’re headed to has fish and spirits so damn delicious that it’s out of this world, friend. Hell, the fish I had there was the first time I ever understood just how good fresh fish could be. Color me surprised!” Guilhem pumped his chest out proudly.

This caused Gard to explode.

“You still ain’t answerin’ my question, dammit! I’m askin’ you why we’re climbin’ a mountain to go eat fish, you numbskull!”

Quite some time had passed since they began their trek up the mountain. At no point had Gard spotted a single fish, never mind water. Where could this fish Guilhem spoke of possibly even come from?

“That’s an easy one! There’s a restaurant up ahead. We’ll be there soon.”

Like hell there is!

Gard held in his rage. If there were an idiot out there willing to open shop on a mountain like this, he’d love to bust their head open and take a look inside. The same went for the idiot in front of him.

Just as Gard reached back for the beloved battle axe he’d wielded for over ten years…

“We’re here!” Guilhem pointed his short, fat index finger at their objective.

As soon as Gard looked at where his friend was pointing, his hand gripped the handle of his battle axe.

“Hey, Guilhem. All I’m seein’ over there is a busted old shack.”

Indeed, it was a small shack that had been carved out of the mountainside. While a human might be impressed, to the trained eyes of a dwarf, it was nothing more than a ramshackle shed.

“Yup! I made it myself! You know I ain’t so good at big construction work, so cut me some slack, eh?” Guilhem smiled and explained to Gard, unaware of the feelings building inside his friend.

“Guilhem, I always thought we were friends…”

Other races often said dwarves were incredibly hardheaded when it came to their work. They were also short-tempered in regard to getting into fights. This was in fact quite true, and they hated being made the fool more than perhaps anything else in the world.

If he’s going to be like this, I have no choice but to show this idiot the error of his ways.

Gard slowly began pulling out his trusty battle axe. But then he noticed something odd.

“What’s with that door?”

Inside the old shack that didn’t even have a proper lintel, Gard saw something that caused him to pause. It was a beautiful, well-kept black door with a brass handle. Its construction was exquisite, and Gard realized it must have been made by a talented craftsman. It stood out like a sore thumb in a place like this.

“Didn’t I tell you? That’s the door to the restaurant with the delicious booze and food.” Guilhem peered at his friend’s surprised face. “The entrance to the Restaurant to Another World.”

The shocked expression on Gard’s face as he heard his friend’s words was exactly like the one Guilhem had after accidentally stumbling upon the door.

***

A bell rang as the pair of dwarves stepped through.

“Welcome!”

“I’m here!”

As soon as Guilhem turned the slightly too-high handle of the door and stepped through, he was greeted like always by the middle-aged master of the restaurant.

“…This is another world?” Gard asked.

Since this was Gard’s first time visiting, he couldn’t help but glance around. Despite it already being evening, the inside of the restaurant was well lit, and there were already multiple customers seated. Most of them were races you’d never see in a dwarf town, but there were also monster folk and demon-like beings that you’d be hard-pressed to find in human villages. None of them seemed the least bit belligerent, focusing instead on enjoying their delicious-looking food and sipping their booze.

I see… So this is what it means to be in another world.

Seeing was believing. Gard found himself completely believing his friend’s words after seeing all the different races in one place. It was clear this wasn’t any ordinary restaurant.

“So, what’s in the fried seafood today?” Guilhem asked the usual question, all the while keeping tabs on Gard off to the side.

“Cod, squid rings, and scallops!”

“I see, I see. Then I’ll have two servings of that. One for me, and one for this guy here. I’d also like two mugs of beer and a bottle of whiskey with rocks. That’ll do for now!”

“Aye, you got it,” the master nodded.

“And make that as quick as you can. We’re dang tired from climbing up the mountain. Hey, Gard. Over here.”

After making his order, Guilhem directed his friend to an empty table.

“Phew, we can finally take a break.”

While it was frustrating that their feet couldn’t touch the ground because they were too short, the chairs were nonetheless quite comfortable. The two dwarves leapt onto their respective seats.

“By the way, Guilhem, what was that ‘beer’ and ‘whiskey’ stuff you ordered? Are those the delicious spirits you told me about?”

“Aye, that they are.”

Gard was far out of his comfort zone, which meant he had to leave everything to his friend. He was filled with questions, and Guilhem was more than happy to oblige.

“You see, there are all sorts of spirits we ain’t never heard of here. And guess what? They’re all damn delicious. You know I wouldn’t lie about that.”

“Say what? Are you serious?!” Gard raised his voice, stunned by the sudden revelation.

As far as Gard knew, Guilhem made the best spirits in the world, bar none. His friend was the one dwarf in the world who knew what the best booze was.

A few months ago, Guilhem had begun selling a rare liquor called fire spirits he’d created after days upon days of testing. Once the aging process had finished and the liquor went on sale, dwarves in town fought each other over trying to buy up as much of it as they could. The demand far exceeded the supply, making it hard to get. Additionally, fire spirits were too strong for races other than the dwarves, so it hadn’t been very popular—but this new stuff had a completely different flavor to it, which led the human merchants who were familiar with the dwarves to buy some for themselves. Of course, these same merchants were unable to buy enough to resell once they returned home. The dwarven heavy drinkers would never allow it.

So far, there was only enough of the new fire spirits for the dwarves. That was steadily changing, however. It was believed that production would soon be able to keep up with demand, and the other races would be able to indulge in this brand new liquor. It certainly helped that Guilhem did not keep his recipe to himself. He was more than willing to teach anyone and everyone how to make the new fire spirits, which meant that brewers all over town were working on it.

Guilhem was the one who had perfected the brewing of the new liquor, so if he said this booze was amazing, he was telling the truth.

“Really? I can’t wait to try some.” Gard shook his tiny legs underneath the table in excitement. Guilhem couldn’t help but smile at his reaction, responding in kind.

It only took a few moments of waiting.

“S-sorry to keep you waiting! Here are your beers!”

A young waitress dressed in otherworldly clothes with a bizarre hair accessory brought the two dwarves their drinks. Despite being something of a regular, Guilhem had never seen her before. In her left hand were two large glass mugs. She carefully placed them down on the table before the duo.

“Ah! Many thanks! We’ve been waitin’ for this!” said Guilhem.

“Oho! So, this is booze from another world? It’s beautiful!”

The men raised their voices in excitement at the alcohol in front of them. Unlike the humans, the dwarves paid no mind to the young girl who was far too tall and thin for their liking. They instead focused on the layer of white, mist-like foam at the top of the mugs.

“The rest will be out soon! Please take your time and enjoy!” The young lady seemed nervous. Perhaps she was new? After letting the men know about the rest of their order, she quickly shuffled off to grab the empty dishes of another group of customers.

“Well then!”

“Let’s drink!”

The two dwarves lightly clinked their mugs together. As the sounds of the glass clashing filled the air, the men guzzled the golden beer. Their noisy gulps as they downed the foamy liquid echoed throughout the area surrounding them. It didn’t take long before the beer had settled in their stomachs and their mugs were empty.

“Whew!” the dwarves said in tandem.

“Ooooh, that was damn delicious! This beer stuff is incredible!”

“Didn’t I tell you so?! It’s not particularly strong, but it feels great goin’ down the gullet. Plus, it’s nice and cold! Every time I have a beer, I can’t help but think that ice-cold is the way to go!” Guilhem responded to his wide-eyed, satisfied friend. He remembered well how surprised he had been the first time he drank beer. It was inherently different from other, stronger types of alcohol. It had a similar, wheaty bitterness, but just cooling it made it taste that much different.

It was clear that an ice-cold beer was the perfect drink to cool down a tired body that had spent the whole day trekking up a mountain. Guilhem made it a point to order one first every time he came to the Restaurant to Another World.

“What say you, Guilhem? Another beer?” Gard asked.

“You got that right! Hey, little lady! Sorry, but could we get another two beers over here?” The dwarves wasted no time asking the waitress for refills while she took care of the dishes.

“Ah, y-yes! Right away!”

“You know what?” said Gard. “These glass mugs are something else, too.”

While the men waited on their drinks, Gard took a moment to inspect the empty mugs in front of him. They were not ornate in any way, but the glass handles on them had no visible air pockets to be found. The mugs were so transparent that one could see through all the way to the other side.

“It’s so clear that you can really enjoy the beautiful color of the beer. Hm, I’m gonna have to try making one of these,” he said.

As a glassmith, he was earnestly fascinated by the object in front of him. As hardheaded as Gard could be, he was equally patient and capable of putting together marvelously detailed works when it came to glassmithing. The glass mugs he made were typically intricate works of arts. But looking at this simple glass mug in front of him, he realized something.

“The alcohol is a decoration in and of itself. Anything else just gets in the way,” said Gard.

“Oh? I figured you’d say something like that.”

His friend had clearly arrived at the same conclusion he had. Guilhem smiled at Gard. And so, the two of them waited for their refills to arrive.

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” the waitress said. “Here are your beers and orders of fried seafood!”

“Oho!” the men shouted in unison after seeing what the waitress brought to them.

“Hm, let me have a look… So, this is the delicious fish meal you recommended, eh?”

Gard took a close look at the food in front of him. Piled on top of the white dish were three different types of fried foods, golden brown and quietly sizzling atop some bright green vegetables. One was large and leaf-shaped, three were shaped like hoops, and the last three were small, round balls.

“Hm. This does look delicious, but is it really fish?” he whispered to himself after taking a closer look. His expression was one of both expectation and doubt. Gard couldn’t believe that a restaurant with booze this delicious could possibly serve nasty food. And yet he also couldn’t wrap his head around this supposed fish being any good. Gard’s common sense was getting in the way of his own expectations.

The dwarf village that Gard lived in was surrounded by mines. Due to its proximity to mountains, it was great for folks who wanted to begin working as blacksmiths. High-quality coal and iron were readily available. The only problem was that it was far from the ocean. Quite frankly, unless you became an adventurer and traveled with humans, halflings, or those cursed elves and half-elves, you’d likely never see the ocean with your own two eyes.

This meant that while fish were imported into town, they were often caught in local rivers and ponds, and then heavily salted to preserve them as long as possible. They were functional as something to nibble on when drinking but not much else. While it was certainly possible to catch fish that were born in the rainwater that gathered at the foot of the mountains, they often tasted like dirt and had far too many bones, perhaps due to the location in which they were born.

As far as Gard was concerned, where he grew up, he had two options when it came to fish: either overly salted or dirty and bony. Either way, he’d labelled fish gross. Sure, dwarves had strong jaws and stomachs, but just because they could eat fish didn’t mean they enjoyed it. Gard had not once in his life ever found them to be any good.

“Now, now. Give it a shot,” urged Guilhem. “The leaf-shaped one is fish, those are scallops, and those are some strange sea creature called squid.”

Guilhem had awoken to the pleasures of booze and fish over ten years ago. Back when he first set out on his own, an older dwarf he drank with made the recommendation. Guilhem reached over for the small red and blue containers on the table and brought them close to himself, eyeing the white sauce next to him as well. He was trying to decide which one of the three to use, all the while urging his friend to begin eating.

“If you say so,” said Gard.

If nothing else, the spirits of this other world were delicious. Based on that fact alone, Gard decided to give the fried seafood a fair chance. He drove his fork through the fish and lifted it up. Through his large nose, he could smell the fried food’s tempting aroma. Gard opened his mouth wide and bit into it with a loud crunch.

Whaaaaat?!

It was a flavor unlike anything Gard had ever experienced in his life. The first thing that struck him was the coating used on the fried seafood. It was clearly made with both high-quality oil and wheat. The flavors struck his stomach like a delicious arrow.

Y-you’re telling me this is fish?!

What came next could not be put into words. After biting through the layer of breaded coating, Gard was struck by yet another flavor he had yet to experience. He couldn’t believe this was fish. The lightly prepared seafood was fried to a crisp, the heat of the oil helping to spread the savory flavor of the fish throughout Gard’s mouth. As he chewed into it, it gently fell apart across his tongue. It had a light but pronounced flavor. Gard could tell that the fish had been ever-so-slightly seasoned with salt and pepper, but unlike the fish caught in their rivers, it lacked any rawness or taste of dirt. It also seemed as though the bones had been taken out! This tremendous fish flavor, combined with the taste of the light breading…

I can’t believe this!

After encountering such a culinary delight, Gard’s instincts took over. His open left hand immediately grabbed the handle of his mug, and he took a huge gulp of his beer. In his mouth, the flavor of the hot fish came face to face with the ice-cold beer. They danced together in tandem, creating what could only be described as a perfect alliance of flavor. This was exactly what Gard expected and had hoped for.

I must have more!

Gard devoured the fried fish almost immediately and then turned to the remaining items on his dish. First, he took two pieces of the strange circular “squid,” drove his fork through them, and guided them to his mouth.

Madness! he thought. This is delicious, too!

Unlike the fried fish he ate earlier, the fried squid had a familiar, cozy “toughness” to it. Thanks to the dwarf’s hardened teeth, he cut right through the squid. While the flavor was altogether different, it too was as delicious as the fried fish. Gard couldn’t stop shoveling squid into his mouth, his hand stopping for nothing. It didn’t take long before the squid was all gone.

What about the last… Whoooaaaa?!

And so, Gard turned his attention to the last item on his dish, the fried scallops. These, too, were absolutely marvelous. The flavor that emerged from beneath the thin layer of breading was much more intense than the previous two items. The moment he bit into one, it dissolved into what felt like a series of strings, leaving behind a unique aftertaste. This mouthfeel and the comparatively small size of each piece left Gard wanting for more. It was but a moment before the scallops were gone.

“That was delicious! Both the booze and fish!” Gard’s impressions came late, only after he had devoured his meal and emptied his mug. “Damn you, Guilhem. Have you been hiding this from me the whole—huh?”

Gard was prepared to shower his friend in bitter words of jealousy when he noticed something. Guilhem was eating the same fried food that he had, but he was using three different sauces.

“Ah, that’s the trick,” he sighed “Nothing goes with fried seafood quite like tartar sauce! The other sauces are great and all, but at the end of the day, nothing else goes with white fish meat quite like this!”

In addition to the fish’s naturally light taste and the flavor of the aromatic breaded layer, Guilhem was enjoying a third taste: a gentle sourness. This made for the best possible combination as far as Guilhem was concerned, crunching away at his fried food.

“H-hey, Guilhem. What is that stuff?” Gard asked, shaking ever so slightly.

Guilhem didn’t seem to notice his friend’s loss of composure as he went on to explain one of the restaurant’s other charms.

“Great question! This stuff is called tartar sauce. It’s basically the best topping you could ever use on fish. It’s made using tons of boiled eggs and has just a hint of sourness to it. When you combine it with perfectly fried fish like this, it’s so delicious you could hardly believe it was from this world. The sauce in this red bottle here is called ‘soy sauce.’ It’s a wee bit strong on the saltiness, but it makes up for that in terms of savoriness. It goes aces with fish dishes. Just puttin’ a little of it on standard cooked fish’ll make it taste that much better. This last blue bottle is another type of sauce, but it’s got a pretty complicated flavor. I’m talkin’ sour and spicy, even. This stuff goes with all sorts of fried foods. You could argue it’s the best all-around sauce. So yeah, you can put any one of these on the fried seafood and try ’em out. Because the master uses different fish each day he serves the dish, I always end up struggling to pick a sauce…”

“How could you not tell me all of this sooner?! Agh, you fool!” Gard couldn’t help but shout in rage. The dwarf could hardly believe the delicious meal he ate was still in its unfinished form. This meant the fried seafood could become even more delicious. He would never be able to forgive his friend for withholding that information, but there were bigger fish to fry.

“Excuse me, could I get some whiskey over here?”

“Hey, young lady! I wanna place another order. Three dishes of fried seafood, and make it quick!”

“Wh-what?!”

After the young waitress brought them two glass cups, each with a large, round ball of ice in them, along with a bottle of brown spirits, they quickly placed their final orders.

“Excellent! Young lady, let me get another three plates as well! The food here is amazing, but the serving size isn’t quite enough for us dwarves!” Guilhem did as always, requesting seconds on his meal.

“Let’s drink and eat to our heart’s content! Today is on me!”

“Haha! I knew you’d say that!”

The two dwarves partook in their whiskey and chatted among themselves while waiting for their next orders to come in.

“Whew! All the booze from the other world is damn delicious! Is this the land of the gods?”

“It might be! Ain’t nothin’ here that tastes like it’s from our world!”

It didn’t take long for the whiskey to disappear as the two men drank and drank and drank. They still found time to talk in between sips, somehow.

“Wait, don’t tell me there’s still more delicious fish and booze here.”

“Of course there is! Especially that seishu stuff made from rice on the Western Continent. It’s great! Oh, and the wine here tastes completely different. They also serve more than just fried fish, too. Hell, I’d come here every day if I could!”

“Here, here!” Gard agreed with his friend. He finally understood why Guilhem built the tiny shack around the door.

***

The next morning…

Gard woke up, quickly raising his body off the shack’s hard, stone floor.

The dwarf initially panicked, thinking all the amazing things he experienced the day before were a part of a long and elaborate dream. But he had proof it was all real. He was cradling a bottle of unopened whiskey in his hands as if it were his child.

Looks like that wasn’t a dream. Eh, not like that was enough booze for a dwarf like me to really get drunk.

The two men had continued to enjoy their alcohol and fish throughout the night. Gard eventually got to try all three of the different toppings, which led both dwarves to furiously debate over which one went the best with fried seafood, all while indulging in different types of otherworldly booze. The plates just kept stacking up on their table. This lasted until a large demon woman carrying a massive pot that even the dwarves couldn’t have easily lifted appeared in the restaurant. The man who appeared to be the master of the restaurant informed them that it was closing time, and they promptly left.

…I owe him big time.

Gard peeked over at his friend, who laid next to him. Delicious food and drink. His wallet was empty, but in exchange, he had gotten his hands on an amazing bottle of alcohol.

Having received this much, he had a whole lot he needed to give back.

First, I should fix this place up a bit.

Gard began putting together his plan.

***

And so, the beautiful stone cabin that popped up in the middle of the mountains like a sore thumb would eventually become a beloved resting spot for visitors to the dwarf town. Its dwarf caretakers made straw beds and left heavy, warm blankets inside so anyone could come in and catch a bit of shut-eye.

There was just one strange thing about the cabin. In the back of it was a metal door so thick that even a strike from a dwarven axe was not enough to break through. The only ones with the key to the door were the dwarves who built the cabin in the first place. According to them, there was nothing beyond the metal entrance; just a small, empty room.

Why, then, would they build a vault-like door to protect nothing? The only ones who knew the answer to that question were the dwarves who made it…